Sexual 'Awakening'
OK - just fair warning to those family members and very close friends - this post is part of a post about my blossoming sexuality I've been working on for over a year. This is not 'the post' in it's entirety. If you think you are going to be offended (well what the hell are you doing here in the first place? *snicker*) or, if you feel you simply don't need THIS much fucking info about me - now would be a good time to avert your eyes and read some other boring person's blog
This is a post about one of my former lovers, J - I was about 17 when I met him.
(As I drove home tonight from my Yoga class that I am now teaching in Broadview Heights, I passed part of my old 'stomping grounds' - bringing back a lot of memories for me. This part of NE Ohio is lush in the summer, gently rolling hills and secluded woods (that are unfortunately now being replaced by subdivisions, that ironically are always called 'something-woods', which is crazy cause they are destroying the reason why this area is so beautiful - but that's another post - I was transported back in time to my late teens when I dated a grease-monkey by the name of Gary and through him met the man who was to become my first 'adult' lover)
I had been living with my boyfriend Gary - an out and out loser...I was beginning to realise this by the time we moved into a house located in Brecksville, OH. Enter the incorrigible J - ...
I had never met anyone like J- (I still have never met anyone like J-).
He was, at the time very charismatic, good-looking, sexy, and dark with long black, beautiful hair, he looked very Greek. I knew we had a neighbor and the houses we lived in were rented to us by a man named Jose. Jose owned our house, J-'s house and also the building on the corner in which he actually seemed to hold religious services;(for some weird reason Jose EXPECTED his tenants to attend those services - none of us ever did). Also because the area we lived in was sort of rural, Jose used to let his animals wander and when I say wander that means every now and then you'd see his chickens wandering about. Jose also had a cow and, from time to time, the cow would decide it was OK to lie down in the middle of the road...which was all well and good until a car came down that road and there was no moving that cow (LOL). The local cops used to threaten Jose all the time... weird, weird stuff...
As I said, I knew we had a neighbor, but I had never met him...just his dogs. He had a beautiful Afghan Hound and a Golden retriever (named Rasputin and Dudley, respectively). Well one day, when I was home alone, J- knocked on my back door. I answered and he practically burst into my kitchen. He was going on about the water being dangerous. I was not sure what he meant until he turned on my faucet and the lit a match by the water and a flame shot up! I was astounded. J- explained that there was a methane gas leak and it was causing this to happen and we should band together and report Jose. J- was real big on causes - he was the epitome of a hippie. As time went on, J- and I began to hang out with each other. Gary was always out and about and off partying with the guys so when I was not working my night shift at the local Perkins Cake & Steak house, I was alone. Gary and I weren't getting on very well and our relationship was deteriorating; Gary was physically abusive too, but I could not/would not go home to my dad's. J- must have sensed this as an opportunity. He was slowly drawing me in, opening my mind to new things. He owned an Occult book store with a friend of his and there were always people at his house (he had several room-mates over time), there was always music being played, intellectual stimulation, and tons of sexual energy in his house. He was a vegetarian and he taught me about vegetarian cooking. He gave me books to read, he smoked pot with me, he became a bit of a Svengali to me...
One day, in the early part of the evening he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle. He owned a Triumph and it was a beautiful bike. We went for a ride. It was a beautiful night. I remember it being perfect for a bike ride, it was early summer and warm; there was a full moon in sight. The roads where we lived were curvy and hilly (well hilly for this part of Ohio). We came to a place just by a corn field and the road seemed to part the corn field the way Moses would have parted the Red Sea. J- stopped the bike. The he turned around on the bike and there under the moon, in the warm darkness, he said "I am going to steal one of your kisses". I let him. It was magical. Literally.
The next week he asked me if I was interested in checking out a part of the local Park/Reservation where they had 'digs' going on - yes - there at that time, in the Ohio Valley the wealth of Indian artifacts was rich and there were acheaological digs going on in various areas. This time we took his car and we took the dogs with us. We went to the Reservation and J- proceeded to take me to the 'sites'; the woods were incredible and it was a blast. Suddenly, the weather changed and we were caught in a downpour. Because the place was being excavated, there was a lot of mud. I ended up getting filthy. We left and we got back to our respective houses. I had somehow managed to lock myself out of my house. I was frantic because I had to get to work and I had to get cleaned up. I knew I could get to work if J- gave me a ride and I knew I could borrow a uniform once I got there but I had now idea how I was going to get cleaned up. J- offered his bath. The houses we lived in were very old and did not have showers. J- had a makeshift shower hooked up to the spigot of the bathtub. So he ran me a hot bath and gave me a big, rough, beach towel and showed me how to work the shower head so I could wash my hair - which was as long as his and in desperate need of a washing. I was soaking in his tub when Gary came home. Gary could not find me in the house so he decided to knock on J-'s door to see if I was there. Sure enough he found out I was not only there, I was 'naked' in J-'s bathtub. Gary jumped to the immediate conclusion that we had slept together (which was wrong), and he dragged me out of the tub BY MY HAIR, and dragged me half-naked (I had managed to grab the towel) to our house, threw me in the house and proceeded to beat the hell out of me. J- came over as soon as he heard me screaming and rescued me.
That was the point where I moved in with J-. Gary was of course furious but there were a lot of guys ready and willing to hurt Gary for what he had done to me so of course he could not say much.
J- became my lover. I remember long afternoons of sex. Sex lessons, life lessons, spiritual lessons. For days on end - everywhere - especially outdoors in the woods - we'd go together on the pretense of looking at land in order to buy it and build a huge 'commune' (I can remember one really memorable time in the woods, right after a rain-storm). If you have ever heard the song by the group Heart called 'Magic Man' you would understand this affair. Eventually though,I left (J- and I promised we would always be close no matter what and we did stay close until a couple of years ago - which is another blog story but it's a pretty sensitive story and I am not sure I am ready to tell it quite yet - suffice it to say J - crossed a line that NO ONE should ever be allowed to cross), I had another brief stint with Gary - got beaten up again a couple of times (pretty badly, I might add), decided I was tired of that and of being surrounded constantly by 'druggies' (I think the final straw was one morning coming out and finding a 16-yr-old girl with a needle in her arm and realising that LEGALLY *I* could go to jail for that), and I ended up moving back home with my dad....
It's funny looking back through these type of memories - I think about how I was with J- but not - he didn't own me,and I didn't own him - our 'affair' was probably better than most people's marriages because it was based on trust, caring, respect and mutual admiration. I don't regret what happened between us, I have him to thank for being 'good in bed' for teaching me to 'know my own body' so that making love with someone could become not just 'sex' but a way to connect spiritually as well.
I may never forgive him his indiscretion - but I will never forget him either.
This is a post about one of my former lovers, J - I was about 17 when I met him.
(As I drove home tonight from my Yoga class that I am now teaching in Broadview Heights, I passed part of my old 'stomping grounds' - bringing back a lot of memories for me. This part of NE Ohio is lush in the summer, gently rolling hills and secluded woods (that are unfortunately now being replaced by subdivisions, that ironically are always called 'something-woods', which is crazy cause they are destroying the reason why this area is so beautiful - but that's another post - I was transported back in time to my late teens when I dated a grease-monkey by the name of Gary and through him met the man who was to become my first 'adult' lover)
I had been living with my boyfriend Gary - an out and out loser...I was beginning to realise this by the time we moved into a house located in Brecksville, OH. Enter the incorrigible J - ...
I had never met anyone like J- (I still have never met anyone like J-).
He was, at the time very charismatic, good-looking, sexy, and dark with long black, beautiful hair, he looked very Greek. I knew we had a neighbor and the houses we lived in were rented to us by a man named Jose. Jose owned our house, J-'s house and also the building on the corner in which he actually seemed to hold religious services;(for some weird reason Jose EXPECTED his tenants to attend those services - none of us ever did). Also because the area we lived in was sort of rural, Jose used to let his animals wander and when I say wander that means every now and then you'd see his chickens wandering about. Jose also had a cow and, from time to time, the cow would decide it was OK to lie down in the middle of the road...which was all well and good until a car came down that road and there was no moving that cow (LOL). The local cops used to threaten Jose all the time... weird, weird stuff...
As I said, I knew we had a neighbor, but I had never met him...just his dogs. He had a beautiful Afghan Hound and a Golden retriever (named Rasputin and Dudley, respectively). Well one day, when I was home alone, J- knocked on my back door. I answered and he practically burst into my kitchen. He was going on about the water being dangerous. I was not sure what he meant until he turned on my faucet and the lit a match by the water and a flame shot up! I was astounded. J- explained that there was a methane gas leak and it was causing this to happen and we should band together and report Jose. J- was real big on causes - he was the epitome of a hippie. As time went on, J- and I began to hang out with each other. Gary was always out and about and off partying with the guys so when I was not working my night shift at the local Perkins Cake & Steak house, I was alone. Gary and I weren't getting on very well and our relationship was deteriorating; Gary was physically abusive too, but I could not/would not go home to my dad's. J- must have sensed this as an opportunity. He was slowly drawing me in, opening my mind to new things. He owned an Occult book store with a friend of his and there were always people at his house (he had several room-mates over time), there was always music being played, intellectual stimulation, and tons of sexual energy in his house. He was a vegetarian and he taught me about vegetarian cooking. He gave me books to read, he smoked pot with me, he became a bit of a Svengali to me...
One day, in the early part of the evening he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle. He owned a Triumph and it was a beautiful bike. We went for a ride. It was a beautiful night. I remember it being perfect for a bike ride, it was early summer and warm; there was a full moon in sight. The roads where we lived were curvy and hilly (well hilly for this part of Ohio). We came to a place just by a corn field and the road seemed to part the corn field the way Moses would have parted the Red Sea. J- stopped the bike. The he turned around on the bike and there under the moon, in the warm darkness, he said "I am going to steal one of your kisses". I let him. It was magical. Literally.
The next week he asked me if I was interested in checking out a part of the local Park/Reservation where they had 'digs' going on - yes - there at that time, in the Ohio Valley the wealth of Indian artifacts was rich and there were acheaological digs going on in various areas. This time we took his car and we took the dogs with us. We went to the Reservation and J- proceeded to take me to the 'sites'; the woods were incredible and it was a blast. Suddenly, the weather changed and we were caught in a downpour. Because the place was being excavated, there was a lot of mud. I ended up getting filthy. We left and we got back to our respective houses. I had somehow managed to lock myself out of my house. I was frantic because I had to get to work and I had to get cleaned up. I knew I could get to work if J- gave me a ride and I knew I could borrow a uniform once I got there but I had now idea how I was going to get cleaned up. J- offered his bath. The houses we lived in were very old and did not have showers. J- had a makeshift shower hooked up to the spigot of the bathtub. So he ran me a hot bath and gave me a big, rough, beach towel and showed me how to work the shower head so I could wash my hair - which was as long as his and in desperate need of a washing. I was soaking in his tub when Gary came home. Gary could not find me in the house so he decided to knock on J-'s door to see if I was there. Sure enough he found out I was not only there, I was 'naked' in J-'s bathtub. Gary jumped to the immediate conclusion that we had slept together (which was wrong), and he dragged me out of the tub BY MY HAIR, and dragged me half-naked (I had managed to grab the towel) to our house, threw me in the house and proceeded to beat the hell out of me. J- came over as soon as he heard me screaming and rescued me.
That was the point where I moved in with J-. Gary was of course furious but there were a lot of guys ready and willing to hurt Gary for what he had done to me so of course he could not say much.
J- became my lover. I remember long afternoons of sex. Sex lessons, life lessons, spiritual lessons. For days on end - everywhere - especially outdoors in the woods - we'd go together on the pretense of looking at land in order to buy it and build a huge 'commune' (I can remember one really memorable time in the woods, right after a rain-storm). If you have ever heard the song by the group Heart called 'Magic Man' you would understand this affair. Eventually though,I left (J- and I promised we would always be close no matter what and we did stay close until a couple of years ago - which is another blog story but it's a pretty sensitive story and I am not sure I am ready to tell it quite yet - suffice it to say J - crossed a line that NO ONE should ever be allowed to cross), I had another brief stint with Gary - got beaten up again a couple of times (pretty badly, I might add), decided I was tired of that and of being surrounded constantly by 'druggies' (I think the final straw was one morning coming out and finding a 16-yr-old girl with a needle in her arm and realising that LEGALLY *I* could go to jail for that), and I ended up moving back home with my dad....
It's funny looking back through these type of memories - I think about how I was with J- but not - he didn't own me,and I didn't own him - our 'affair' was probably better than most people's marriages because it was based on trust, caring, respect and mutual admiration. I don't regret what happened between us, I have him to thank for being 'good in bed' for teaching me to 'know my own body' so that making love with someone could become not just 'sex' but a way to connect spiritually as well.
I may never forgive him his indiscretion - but I will never forget him either.
posted by Colette at 8:13 PM
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