"It would seem to me I remember every single fucking thing I know..."

(Now listening to The Tragically Hip: ‘At the 100th Meridian’)

So the other day as I was cleaning a bit (I still need to REALLY clean and purge – it’s a new year after all, out with the old and thus this post)...

I came across an old journal and love letters from my recent ex. Not using my best judgment I read and was immediately depressed and upset. We used to keep a journal together (a diary) where we would write little notes, poetry all about our love and longing for each other…the writing was beautiful – the letters he had sent me were amazing. Problem was, he was also writing such things to other women – even when we were first courting. So, while the writing pulled at my heart strings with it’s love, longing and beauty, my insides were torn up over the betrayal.

I was asking myself WHY? Why do we keep this shit? Do we keep it so we can feel better about things? Do we keep it to be melancholy? Do we kept it because it reminds us of better times and our current love situation sucks or isn’t as romantic?

WHY?

I have some lovely writing from my current love – it is worth it’s weight in gold – yet there was something about these writings – perhaps cause we both participated at the same time? I don’t know and now I am wondering what to do – do I build a bonfire? Do I destroy the letters/journal. Some of the stuff we wrote was amazing – should I post it?

********

To my dear friend/confidant.

I am here for you (always) as you are and (always) have been for me. Lean on me. (LOL) You’re not heavy, you’re my brother...

I love you dear. See you later.

To the person that hurt you. If I could write to you in your language I would but I can’t perhaps I will try to find a way – but then you don’t even know I exist, part of me wishes just to hurt you back he’d tell you he’s been seeing/doing me (but that’s a lie) – it’s just that I want you to feel the pain that he’s feeling – of course for all I know you ARE in pain – and who am I to judge you – it’s just that he’s my friend and he’s dear to me and part of me wants to bitch slap you. So hopefully whatever game you feel you need to play you will either win soon or lose so miserably that you will think twice before you do this to any other man....I’d say good luck but I would not mean those words.