Musings...and 'reasonings'....
So...
What happens when you’ve been ‘dating’ for a while and things cool down?
What happens when you long for little romantic gestures and they aren’t forthcoming – do you risk sounding like a nag to ask for them? Or, do you shut the hell up and stew in your own juices? How are people SUPPOSE to act when they are in love (see below).
What happens when you notice that other items etc. get attention and you don’t? Do you get upset, angry, and jealous?
Or do you just sit back, let it wash over you and do less yourself/slack off?
Just wondering....
I muse about such things.
********
Once upon a time...
When I WAS ‘Colette’, I used to ask questions about relationships. Wondering what the shelf life of relationships are suppose to be...
Are we meant to be together forever? Are we meant for find a partner for one segment of our lives (child-bearing) and then after those years are done we move on to a better more ‘fitting’ partner (later in life)?
Is love supposed to follow a certain course (“The course of true love never did run smooth…”). Is this why we get frustrated, bored, give up, cheat on each other? Are we not listening or not communicating our needs well enough?
(Check out many of my posts about relationship – but here’s ONE in particular - as well as this ONE ) Both posts outline how I sometimes 'view' courtship and subsequently marriages or 'partnerships'.
What happens? Even if you DO state your needs and your loved one has the best of ‘intentions’ (there’s that fucking word again) but for some reason or another the follow through just does not happen – how is the person ‘expecting’ certain behaviours supposed to feel? Should they change their expectations? What about the person who is trying to do what needs to be done – how are they supposed to react to such requests? What happens when they feel under duress, the ‘obligation/duty/guilt’ thing, the pressure to perform – doesn’t that kind of blow love right out of the water?
Also is it a function of age or experiences? Do we act more foolish when we fall in love at younger ages and then with age we grow more cautious/distant – is that a function of getting burned? And do this always HAVE to change as a relationship grows into something more serious than dating? In other words are people (I am going to go on a limb here and say women – but I know of men who want romance too) – expecting too much if they are married and still want little romantic gestures or should marriage be the death of sweet nothings?
It’s like the scene in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’:
********
Gareth: I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Charles: Uh-huh.
Gareth: Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles: Which is?
Gareth: He'll ask her to marry him.
Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth: Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles: Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.
********
I mean is this what happens???
Oh sure some of us are lucky – I had made a post just a little while ago called ‘2 Hours…’ thought better of it and deleted it...I was actually referring to a 2-hour long conversation between my love and I – yes indeed some of us get lucky – and the conversation is titillating and engaging. Hopefully it continues to be so…hopefully
But if wishes were horses...
What happens when you’ve been ‘dating’ for a while and things cool down?
What happens when you long for little romantic gestures and they aren’t forthcoming – do you risk sounding like a nag to ask for them? Or, do you shut the hell up and stew in your own juices? How are people SUPPOSE to act when they are in love (see below).
What happens when you notice that other items etc. get attention and you don’t? Do you get upset, angry, and jealous?
Or do you just sit back, let it wash over you and do less yourself/slack off?
Just wondering....
I muse about such things.
********
Once upon a time...
When I WAS ‘Colette’, I used to ask questions about relationships. Wondering what the shelf life of relationships are suppose to be...
Are we meant to be together forever? Are we meant for find a partner for one segment of our lives (child-bearing) and then after those years are done we move on to a better more ‘fitting’ partner (later in life)?
Is love supposed to follow a certain course (“The course of true love never did run smooth…”). Is this why we get frustrated, bored, give up, cheat on each other? Are we not listening or not communicating our needs well enough?
(Check out many of my posts about relationship – but here’s ONE in particular - as well as this ONE ) Both posts outline how I sometimes 'view' courtship and subsequently marriages or 'partnerships'.
What happens? Even if you DO state your needs and your loved one has the best of ‘intentions’ (there’s that fucking word again) but for some reason or another the follow through just does not happen – how is the person ‘expecting’ certain behaviours supposed to feel? Should they change their expectations? What about the person who is trying to do what needs to be done – how are they supposed to react to such requests? What happens when they feel under duress, the ‘obligation/duty/guilt’ thing, the pressure to perform – doesn’t that kind of blow love right out of the water?
Also is it a function of age or experiences? Do we act more foolish when we fall in love at younger ages and then with age we grow more cautious/distant – is that a function of getting burned? And do this always HAVE to change as a relationship grows into something more serious than dating? In other words are people (I am going to go on a limb here and say women – but I know of men who want romance too) – expecting too much if they are married and still want little romantic gestures or should marriage be the death of sweet nothings?
It’s like the scene in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’:
********
Gareth: I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Charles: Uh-huh.
Gareth: Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles: Which is?
Gareth: He'll ask her to marry him.
Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth: Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles: Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.
********
I mean is this what happens???
Oh sure some of us are lucky – I had made a post just a little while ago called ‘2 Hours…’ thought better of it and deleted it...I was actually referring to a 2-hour long conversation between my love and I – yes indeed some of us get lucky – and the conversation is titillating and engaging. Hopefully it continues to be so…hopefully
But if wishes were horses...
posted by Colette at 5:29 PM
2 Comments:
I've been thinking about some of the same things in the past couple of months. Because of my sick and unbearable lack of self-esteem and paranoia, I start to suspect things are wrong, that things may be happening such as: cheating, planning to dump me, getting interested in porn rather than me, becoming sick of me. Also, I start feeling like a FAT, UGLY fucking sow, start hating myself for not being that ridiculous american white male ideal of "beauty" (white, taller, younger, skinnier, blonde/bleached blonde), start hating myself for being non-white, bipolar, tattooed, introverted, useless steaming heap that's not worth the rare bunch of flowers any more. That explains the crazy rantings of the brown buffalo in some of my blogs and the self-slashing & od'ing new years' incident I wrote about as well.
I have decided lately to try to enjoy the time I spend alone in my own little world during the day. Let him wonder.
I used to get irritated by some things, now I look at those as him (Bf) just damaging himself, and that's HIS problem.
Some people aren't all that romantic, or experienced in "long-term" relationships. I'm older than my bf and way more experienced, I'll say that. I love the guy, but he has to find his own way to my heart, no hints, no games, nothing. He needs to do some growing up on his own, and I'm not his mother.
I don't think people are meant to be together forever, especially with somebody that's bipolar! Yikes! I'm just trying to live one crazy day at a time. I do hope this is the last relationship I have, because I'm old and tired of going through all that crap at the beginning of relationships. This one has been different. I laid all my cards on the table and said this is me, take it or leave it. There would always be somebody else eventually if he didn't accept me as I am. I'm not hideous. Crazy, yes, but not unbearable all of the time. :)
"Do we act more foolish when we fall in love at younger ages and then with age we grow more cautious/distant – is that a function of getting burned?" For me, absofuckinglutely, but there is of course no guarantee you won't get burned again. You don't get burned so badly and feel much stronger if you've got your cards on the table, even if the other person doesn't have the balls to, or isn't old enough to really know themselves yet.
Oh sweetie
{{HUGS}}
The ONLY reason I can identify with this is because I was in love wiht someone who was bi-polar and manic depressive - it like living through your own private hell and my heart goes out to you.
Try to remember that no matter your situation you are worthy of love and resepct.
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