Randomness...

(NOTE: This post is long due to song lyrics)

…thoughts that go through my head….

More about my love: Yesterday at mass there was a couple in the pew in front of us – they had two boys sitting between them….yes considering the fact that they seemed to be a ‘married couple’ I could sense no connection between them – it was as if they were strangers in church together – I felt sad about this and again swore I would never let my relationship with Erin become this way if I have ANY say over it (and we all do in our relationships BTW)...

The joy mingled with hope at the prospect of being with Erin – his actions – the fact he asked me in front of God (well not that God/dess was not present the first time he asked) and close friends to marry him – on sacred ground (*sighs*) – the way we act towards each other – how different this is from any relationship I have ever had in my life (love-wise with a partner)

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Thinking about weddings…what to do – how/when to really begin planning – not wanting it to turn into a nightmare – again being grateful for Erin’s participation in my life – unlike my ex, I KNOW he will be helpful in planning our wedding together.

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With the ‘idea’ of weddings songs begin going through my head; Curiosity as to what songs to play. I have to laugh because as the couple in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ – we don’t have an ‘our song’ – so I have no idea what to do other than play what ‘normally’ gets played at such events. I know what songs *I* think of – ones that remind me of him – of our love – but I don’t know what songs go through his head (or IF such things go through his head - a little freaked out the he likes Air Supply). Lyrics reverberate through my brain:

“Wedding Song” Tracy Chapman

I've been having dreams and visions
in them you are always standing
right beside me
I reach out for your hand
to see your arms extending
outstretched towards me

For you I don the veil
by your light
others pale by comparison
I place my faith in love
my fate in this communication


I've been having dreams and visions
in them you are always standing
right beside me
I reach out for your hand
to see your arms extending
outstretched towards me

To you I give my pledge
I honor all that's good
in this life we're living
to think not only of myself
but of the greater union

Can I get a witness
there is salvation and rapture for the lonely
can I get a witness
bless this day sacred and holy
sacred and holy

I've been having dreams and visions
in them you are always standing
right beside me
i reach out for your hand
to see your arms extending
outstretched towards me

With you I am revealed
all my shame all my faults and virtues
behold body mind and spirit
heart and soul devoted all to you

can I get a witness
bless this day sacred and holy
sacred and holy

“Breathe” By: Faith Hill

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Beign with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face
And i've never been this swept away
All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When i'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

CHORUS:
Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
And suddenly i'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby, all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's suppose to be
I can feel you breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
Closer than i've ever felt before
And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

CHORUS:

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way...


“From This Moment On” By: Shania Twain

(I do swear that I'll always be there.
I'd give anything and everything and I will always care.
Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
for better or worse, I will love you with
every beat of my heart.)
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

“Leaving on a Jet Plane” – John Denver

All my bags are packed
I’m ready to go
I’m standin here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin
Its early morn
The taxis waitin
He’s blowin his horn
Already I’m so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
Every place I go, I’ll think of you
Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I wont have to leave alone
About the times, I wont have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

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I have to begin to get in better shape. I have to start working out more – it will help with my stress levels and allow me to ‘keep up with’ Erin and the kids.

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I have to finish and upload the final installment on ‘My Carnivale Story’

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It occurs to me that the reason why I have missed my mom so much of late is because of all the joy I am feeling (and that my daughter had a new baby) and I’d love for her to be here to share

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I have to find a stylist that I trust and start doing things to pamper myself so I have nice skin, hair etc for my wedding – well and beyond…not to be vain just to pay more attention to me...

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I desperately need to go see my Yoga teachers – it’s a shame it’s on a Wednesday night – I’d love for Erin to meet my gurus/teachers.

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I have another list of ’50 MORE things about me’ to finish...aren’t you guys waiting with bated breath?