The List...

A long time ago, I put out a ‘laundry list’ of characteristics I was looking for in a partner. I put it ‘out there’ (well on here) because a friend had told me to ask the ‘universe’ God/dess, providence, the cosmos – whatever for a mate/partner and to be specific about what I wanted.

The universe took it’s time, apparently….

Last night I was talking with Erin – just about ‘stuff and things’ – because of my nature we discuss ‘relationship’ in general – I don’t know why perhaps I am trying to break some secret code, make sure he IS the right person for me (I am sure it’s true with him as well). We touched upon our ‘qualities’ and I was telling him how amazing he is (he is). He in turn told me that perhaps all along what I had been looking for in a partner was ‘myself’.

*blink* *blink*

Um….er….

Hmmmmm

I can’t wrap my mind around that.

So I thought I would write about what I DID want in a mate.

Notably, (and this is going to sound terrible) I was hoping for the absence of what I had in my last disastrous relationship. I just could not bear to be with someone who was selfish, negative, un-stable and on and on….

So barring all that this is what I wanted:

Kindness/Compassion
Intelligence
Spiritual
Creative
Tolerance
Comfortable with their own sexuality/not afraid to try new things sexually/into sex – and somewhat sexy/attractive/chemistry works between us
Honest
Ethical/must have a strong moral code
Trustworthy (see ethical)
Helpful (this one is huge actually)
Selfless
Must love literature, music, art, (yes must love animals too LOL)
Educated (to some extent – I mean not Harvard or anything but well read/rounded) – and willing to CONTINUE to learn/grow AND evolve (again this is huge with me)
Spontaneous
Stable (in their job, their life, their emotional make-up (this is not to say I would not deal with depression – but I could no longer deal with someone who was depressed and refused to help themselves).
Funny/Witty
A little sarcastic
Willingness to be active/get involved in community (and/or politics) – to not be apathetic – or, as Erin puts it their ‘give a damn’ could not be broken
Cultured/Somewhat worldly in the sense of not being ‘white-bread-American’
Somewhat active (NOT a couch potato – I was so fucking sick of TV)
Wants to explore/travel/have adventures
Somewhat liberal/libertarian in their political views (but not rabidly)
A little weird (that’s right I said weird – ordinary is so damned boring)

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It’s a long friggin’ list….it probably makes me sound very elitist – but I am not – all of these things matter to me in varying degrees and the person did not have to have ALL of the qualities listed above. I tried not to set the bar too ‘high’ but I didn’t feel like ‘settling’ anymore either – I’d rather be alone than trying to change someone or do a ‘make over’ when ultimately we can’t change the people we love to fit into some ‘perceived’ mold/notion of what we need – if they aren’t that way to begin with ‘sistah’ you are SOL.

One of the sweetest things Erin ever told me (one of the highest compliments he has ever paid me) was that not only did I make his ‘short list’, I made his ‘long list’ and he was being completely honest. This kind of shocked me (it still does) – because when I think of myself I don’t think that I am all that special or extraordinary – I feel I am average and that I strive to be a good person/compassionate – but that’s about it – I am not going to make the cover of ‘Time’ magazine (not that that matters all that much to someone like me).

So there you have it ‘the list’. I could probably tweak it a little but it’s pretty thorough and I think I’ve managed to include everything I think is important in a life-partner/spouse.