About dating...
Every now and then I speak up on the old divorce group board that for some reason I stay on - mainly because for the most part it's a good group of people. A lot of the women struggle though to find their lives again after divorce and seemingly it's harder for them to successfully date again than it is for the men.
I remembered my own dismal experiences and wrote this:
"...it's hard. I won't say I was desperate when Erin came along...I had just flat given up any hope - in fact - and this is a hoot - I was thinking seriously of either running away to Paris and becoming a writer living in a seedy little apartment while taking up smoking and rekindling my long-standing relationship with wine....going overseas to teach Yoga at resorts, or joining a monastery - and frankly, the monastery idea was winning
The online thing sucked - people were nuts, desperate - I tried for like 2 years - in all that time I had maybe 2 successful dates all the rest were miserable. Guys were simply looking for the next Mrs. 'I will wash your underwear, cook your dinner, be a surrogate mom to your kids' etc. The ones that were viable were few and far between yet there was never any 'real chemistry' or our schedules didn't click, or after a few dates he wanted me to meet his mom. I think the worst part was that I was expected to 'put out' like there was some kind of '2,3 or 4 date rule' - I had a woman tell me 'well it's not like we are virgins anymore - they expect it' - really???? WTF? So yeah I gave up. And sometimes that is the best thing to do because that is when I truly began to focus on me. Once I stopped trying the universe presented me with one of the greatest gifts ever - the gift of loving and enjoying myself. I did that and everything - for me at least- fell into place.
There was a big dose of irony and karma in meeting Erin - my ex husband (the one who cheated on me with an 18 yr old) introduced us....it's laughable now - but talk about revenge being a dish best served cold....my ex went nuts. I didn't date Erin to piss him off - in fact I gave Erin my phone number and I gave my phone number to another guy who was at the same picnic....it was Erin that phoned me the next morning - woke my ass up LOL - broke every rule in the book (the wait a couple days before you call rule) - we talked for hours and hours that first week and then we met for our very first date - and to this day we both feel it was love at first site....both in retrospect because we were both being pretty careful not to get caught up - but I know by our second date, I was hooked - and so was he.
So over and over - all I keep saying is there is hope out there and if somebody my age, who has been through what I have been through can find love again - we all can - but in a way you have to let it find you...sounds silly and faerie tale-esq but it's a truth in my book."
Now...I am not going to say that life is just or was just a bowl of cherries for Erin and I - once we past the 'new romance' stage we had things to work on - we still do - and we probably always will. We are both highly intelligent, complex and sensitive individuals - we are human - we are a work in progress. He is still one of the best people that has ever happened to me - I still love him with all my heart and I know I always will. I still have love in my heart for all of my exes but I am that type of person...with Erin it is different than it has ever been for me. And no matter the differences or hardships I always want to keep doing better and trying - and truly, after all I have been through that is a lot to say for me.
I remembered my own dismal experiences and wrote this:
"...it's hard. I won't say I was desperate when Erin came along...I had just flat given up any hope - in fact - and this is a hoot - I was thinking seriously of either running away to Paris and becoming a writer living in a seedy little apartment while taking up smoking and rekindling my long-standing relationship with wine....going overseas to teach Yoga at resorts, or joining a monastery - and frankly, the monastery idea was winning
The online thing sucked - people were nuts, desperate - I tried for like 2 years - in all that time I had maybe 2 successful dates all the rest were miserable. Guys were simply looking for the next Mrs. 'I will wash your underwear, cook your dinner, be a surrogate mom to your kids' etc. The ones that were viable were few and far between yet there was never any 'real chemistry' or our schedules didn't click, or after a few dates he wanted me to meet his mom. I think the worst part was that I was expected to 'put out' like there was some kind of '2,3 or 4 date rule' - I had a woman tell me 'well it's not like we are virgins anymore - they expect it' - really???? WTF? So yeah I gave up. And sometimes that is the best thing to do because that is when I truly began to focus on me. Once I stopped trying the universe presented me with one of the greatest gifts ever - the gift of loving and enjoying myself. I did that and everything - for me at least- fell into place.
There was a big dose of irony and karma in meeting Erin - my ex husband (the one who cheated on me with an 18 yr old) introduced us....it's laughable now - but talk about revenge being a dish best served cold....my ex went nuts. I didn't date Erin to piss him off - in fact I gave Erin my phone number and I gave my phone number to another guy who was at the same picnic....it was Erin that phoned me the next morning - woke my ass up LOL - broke every rule in the book (the wait a couple days before you call rule) - we talked for hours and hours that first week and then we met for our very first date - and to this day we both feel it was love at first site....both in retrospect because we were both being pretty careful not to get caught up - but I know by our second date, I was hooked - and so was he.
So over and over - all I keep saying is there is hope out there and if somebody my age, who has been through what I have been through can find love again - we all can - but in a way you have to let it find you...sounds silly and faerie tale-esq but it's a truth in my book."
Now...I am not going to say that life is just or was just a bowl of cherries for Erin and I - once we past the 'new romance' stage we had things to work on - we still do - and we probably always will. We are both highly intelligent, complex and sensitive individuals - we are human - we are a work in progress. He is still one of the best people that has ever happened to me - I still love him with all my heart and I know I always will. I still have love in my heart for all of my exes but I am that type of person...with Erin it is different than it has ever been for me. And no matter the differences or hardships I always want to keep doing better and trying - and truly, after all I have been through that is a lot to say for me.
Labels: I love Erin, Relationship
posted by Colette at 8:58 PM
1 Comments:
It wasn't quite love at first site, you were with another man, but once I knew the situation, it was Love at first smile.
I'll never forget that smile you threw my way when you gave me your number. I'd have called 30 minutes later, but I thought that might make me look desperate or something.
Woke your ass up is right. It was already going on like 10am or something. I'd already been up and going for at least 3 hours, maybe even 4.
Some things never change though. I still wake your ass up every morning, especially on the weekends. Your smile still melts me every time you throw it my way. I still want to call you 30 minutes later.
Fortunately, now if I seem desperate to see or call you, it's considered romantic.
I love you.
E~
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