Love in the time of Covid

One of the activities I let go during the pandemic was writing here on my blog. In part, this was due to being in grad school, in part this was due to issues with the blog (I think it had gone defunct because there was an issue with us paying for it to be hosted elsewhere) - at any rate, I wrote on FB. Many of us, I am sure changed due to Covid. While on FB, I wrote installments of what I fondly named "The Covid Chronicles". I am toying with gathering up those posts and putting them here, just because I've grown to loathe FB. 

This blog has always been a space for me to reflect on life, love and living in society. One of the constants for Colette's Gave has been love. Being in love, falling out of love, finding love anew. Because of Covid, we collectively (well most of us), were trapped in our homes. Many marriages, it is reported, suffered; there was an uptick in divorces. In my home, with my love, we survived. We grew together. We weathered the storm of being in closed quarters. 

My love is an anomalie. He's an introvert, yet he's not. He loves to entertain, he loves to talk with interesting people. I say interesting, not because he will not speak with dullards, but because he really lights up and shines when he can engage in intellectual pursuits. So, I think some of the pandemic isolation was hard for him, just in different ways. I had a harder time, I think in terms of my own internal struggles. Before Covid, I would have considered myself an extrovert. The pandemic made me depressed. even though I was able to participate in an internship with my local VA, serving veterans, it was a scary and lonely time for me, and I struggled with the lack of connection. Today, I'd consider myself more of an introvert, however - science and all - I am not sure that's due to the pandemic, or because I am getting older. Again, the constant in all of this has been my love. There are many posts I made, speaking to this, (including one titles the saem as this post), to being blessed to have him in my liife and still it remains. Perhaps we would have found this rythm regardless; I remain dubious of that. It took a global cataclysm to remind me of all the reasons I married this man. 

I saw an article recently, probably from the New York Times that was meant to help couples and roommates who struggle with divying up houshold chores. In reading this, it occured to me (again) just how lucky I am in my choice of mate. He does tasks all the time, often without being asked. As far as a fair division of household duties, tis I who lags. I don't want to make excuses, not even for my health issues (that definitely grew worse with the pandemic for various reasons). Lets just say again, my spouse is an amazing partner, and he has given me many reasons to feel less skeptical about a love that lasts a lifetime.

Happy Birthday

...or.....

Happy Birfie-day...

Erin I love you. I wish you a very happy birthday.

Happy Valentine's Day

For my love, Erin - because every day he teaches me more about love.

I love Ooh La La

My husband is wonderful. He just bought us tickets to see the Moscow Ballet perform the Nutcracker.

Wow...just wow.

LOL - I guess he is going to get lucky tonight. (*blush*) - I love you sweetheart.

Meanwhile...in other news...

Just a kinder gentler post. I guess I needed to get a rant out this morning...

Unemployed. Yeah it sucks. I am trying not to let it get to me but it does. I am holding my own, but I am frightened.

My Love has been wonderful. He is a great husband. I hope I am not letting him down.

Lately, we have been close, we weather the storm. We conspire and we dream. We laugh and have fun together. This is good and for me at least, I feel that our life is going well. Sure we are struggling like everyone else. But we manage, we are OK. And more importantly, we are beginning to see some of our dreams taking shape and coming to fruition. We are working on a book together. We are writing together. We are raising kids and kitties together. There are issues, there are hurdles...but somehow we get over them. My life is filled with love.

Thank you God/dess for watching over us for bringing us together in the first place to share our life and our love.

To Whom it May Concern:

Have I told you (over and over) how much I love my husband?

I know I have…

Have I also stated how amazing he is – yes I’ve mentioned that too.

Right now, I know he is struggling. I know he is feeling undervalued and like he’s wasted a lot of time.

I am not sure there is anything I can do or say to let him know that he is valued and that his time is precious.

To those people that are contributing to how he is feeling. Short of ripping your heart out – I want to tell you that you are fools.

Not because my Love can do anything (and I do mean anything) he sets his mind to.

Not because he is brilliant, logical, witty, thoughtful, PROACTIVE, a maverick, a 'thinker-outside-the box'.

But because when you prevent a person from realizing their full potential, when you don’t even give them a chance, you rob them of hope and you rob yourself of the opportunity to promote growth and to potentially create something wonderful in the process. Shame on you.

My dearest – you know I am here for you. I will be your biggest cheerleader and I too will be here to help you slay your wolves and demons. I love you dearly and my faith in you and your abilities remains strong.

A Toast To Love

As I approach my second year wedding anniversary, I am overcome by emotions. Sometimes it is hard to believe I have been married to Erin for two short years – and even taking into consideration we have been together for going on four years – I just feel like we have been together much longer.

I am still madly in love with my husband. I still have to pinch myself that I get to be with him.

All marriages have ups and downs and of course ours has had it’s own share of problems. There are still adjustments being made and things to learn about each other, there is the ‘blending’ of a new family...yet, there is no one I’d rather spend my time with than my husband. There is a true sense of sharing between us, a sense that even when there are problems we want to work them out.

Take for instance our past weekend. We took a long weekend together and we had a very nice time. We golfed (twice), we visited the Lake Chautauqua region (which was just wonderful), and we went shopping. We talked, we laughed, we shared wonderful meals together, we kissed, and we made love. We also discussed some of the issues we’ve been facing and worked together to try to come up with solutions.

So this weekend, I plan to celebrate with my husband and to be with some close friends. Part of the weekend will be tinged with sadness as we attend the memorial service of one of my husband’s colleague – but afterwards there will be an intimate dinner and the joy of being a couple. That is what life is about sorrow and joy in equal measure and sharing all of it with your loved one.
I love you, Erin – happy anniversary to us.

To My Dearest Love

Tomorrow is your birthday...and,unfortunately, I am not there with you to celebrate.

I love you with all my heart and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I miss you more than you can even imagine and I can not wait to get home to you and hug you, kiss you, and wish you a proper happy birthday in person.

XOXOXOXOXO

With all my love
C~

Adventures in living - an update

“Dressed in Ralph Lauren, wearing the latest perfume from Balenciaga, she walked into the speak easy on the arm of her dashing young man….”

On the Friday after my b-day, my husband and I decided to go to the Velvet Tango Room – one of the best places in the country to go have a martini.

We had heard the owner give a talk recently and we were both very taken by his story and his charming personality. So for this special occasion (it was not so very special) – I called for reservations for the ‘back room’. We drove down to Cleveland proper (near the West-Side Market) and literally stepped into another era. The drinks were superb and the atmosphere was great heightened by the fact that the owner himself waited on us personally.

Again thank you my dearest love for sharing these moments with me. I will remember this experience always.

*****************
(To the tune of ‘I think I’m turning Japanese – without the ‘emphasis’ on what that song is REALLY about)

“I think he’s turning Italian, I really think so…”

Yesterday, my husband mastered the art of making home-made ravioli and pasta. And when I say mastered, I really mean it. This is a time-consuming, labour-intensive task that some people never attempt, let alone perfect. We had a lot of fun in the kitchen together making ravioli. We had a nice dinner with kids which included my son and then afterwards, I got to hang out with my son and watch ‘Bowling for Columbine’.

This was the perfect end to a wonderful day – working side-by-side with my husband is always a joy.

I am grateful for all of the blessings that providence has bestowed upon me lately. Good times with people I love – there are no greater gifts in life than time well spent with loved ones.

Pretty Party sans Pretty Cake

The past month or so has been a blur of frenetic activity and just general cabin fever waiting for spring.

My birthday (the BIG one – whatever that means) is tomorrow. I will be old(er)...

^_^

There’s been a certain sense of depression surrounding this birthday. I have never really cared about ‘how old’ I was – after all it’s just a number – but as I age and time (and life) seem so fleeting, I guess I long for a bit of a ‘do over’ or the guarantee that I will be here for a while and able to enjoy everything without the natural progression of age hampering those efforts.

The weekend began on nice note with Erin and I being in touch most of the day Friday. He has off every other Friday and it’s nice because he gets to photograph churches and do work around the house and we get to talk a little more and sneak visits with each other. So all day he called me as he went from place to place and he even showed up at my job to surprise me with a visit. We were able to share hugs and kisses.

That night, we went to our parish fish fry and got the food ‘to go’ so we could have a little picnic outside. Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate and it was very cold. But we ate quickly and then went to a Borders book store to sit and talk and share some coffee together. We left the store and invited one of Erin’s friends from his men’s group to join us at home for more coffee and conversation. It was a very nice evening.

The next day, I taught my Saturday morning Yoga class and my husband was sweet enough to leave the surprise of a chocolate bar under my windshield wiper. Luckily, the icky weather did not destroy the chocolate.

My wonderful, amazing husband was taking me to a movie that afternoon. I knew something was afoot, I had no idea what would transpire when we got to the theatre. It turns out, he had invited 120 of our closest friends to meet us and celebrate my b-day. Fortunately only about 12 showed up. I say fortunately, because the theatre could not have fit all 120 of us – nor could the restaurant. I had known Erin was planning something, but I was totally blown away by the people who showed up and I had a wonderful time. I got to see the movie ‘Last Station’ with Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer (brilliant) and then we got to go to a nearby Turkish restaurant for excellent food and fun conversation. Unfortunately, there was no ‘pretty cake’ for us to sing happy birthday to but still, I believe a good time was had by all.

Thank you my Love for an incredible present. The best present of all – the present of love and fellowship with friends.

Reflections

The snow is softly falling outside. Somewhere in my house, I can hear Christmas music playing. I just finished wrapping presents for my beloved and I decided to sneak a moment (or ten) to write.

This past year has obviously been filled with joys and sorrows. But still in my heart there is a well spring of hope that everything will be OK for me, for those I love.

Last night my husband took me out on a date to see the Gauguin exhibit at the museum. I had a wonderful time - just being with Erin like that gives me so much happiness.

Recently, he's been working on a project to help me to give a special gift to my siblings....he wrote about it on his journal and I sobbed like a baby over what he wrote. I am so lucky to have Erin in my life. Somehow, he helps me bear my crosses a little easier. I love him (still) so very much. It's good to know we love each other enough to still want to date and do all the romantic things that keep a relationship alive.

I am reminiscing about how 3 years ago on December 23rd he asked me to marry him - so much has happened since then - and I remain so glad I said yes to his proposal.

To all of you I send out wishes for a blessed Yule-tide season, and I bright, healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.

Joyeaux Noel
Colette

My Love

It's been a while since I've written about how much I am (STILL) enamored with My Love - SirErin.

We still connect in ways that at times takes my breath away.

I am still just as smitten with him.

I am still amazed that he chose me to be his wife - HIS WIFE.

And perhaps, that is the most important thing of all...I am HIS wife and he is MY husband. To me, and this is sad, as never before, this relationship transcends all the mundane bullshit the world chooses to throw my way and makes me realise just how lucky I really am.

I love you Erin - with all my heart.

Always,
C~

Quote of the Day

(Mainly because this reminds me of my husband)

"You are remembered for the rules you break."

--Douglas MacArthur

On the path to 'becoming'

For Erin...

"You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves."

++St Francis de Sales++

(Per my love - herein follows the full quote):

" There are many besides you who want me to tell
them of methods, and systems, and secret ways of
becoming perfect, and I can only tell them that the
sole secret is a hearty love of God, and the only way
of attaining that love is by loving. You learn to
speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by
running, to work by working ; and just so you learn
to love God and man by loving. All those who
think to learn in any other way deceive themselves.
If you want to love God, go on loving Him more
and more ; never look back, press forward continu
ally. Begin as a mere apprentice, and the very
power of love will lead you on to become a master
in the art. Those who have made most progress
will continually press on, never believing themselves
to have reached their end ; for charity should go on
increasing till we draw our last breath. Those who
are farthest on may say with David, Lord, what
love have I unto Thy law ; all the day long is my
study in it ;

I pray the Rosary

....and I do.

This year at our parish festival, Erin decided to try to emulate this video by having a place where people could make t-shirts saying: 'I pray the Rosary'.

Logistically we hit a couple of 'walls' from some unlikely quarters but in the end we did triumph and so now for the past two nights, we've manned a table and had people make t-shirts...and you know what...

IT ROCKS!

There's a feeling of joy and peace working our little table - every time someone makes a t-shirt Erin takes their picture - I will post the pics when this 'project' is done.

I am so glad I get to be married to such a great guy and that we get to wonderful things together.

God/dess bless you all.

C~

It's one of those days...

...where day-dreaming is running rampant as I am bored out of my skull...and the clock ticks by ever so slowly - too slowly - as I am anxious to start my long weekend of golfing and camping and general good time stuff-n-things....

Meanwhile the day-dreaming includes pictures of the Emerald Isle to reminisce by....of a wonderful time spent in a glorious land with the love of my life:

Gratitude

Have I told you lately how much I love my husband?

No. Really. I ADORE him. He is my rock. I simply do not know what I would do without him.

We just passed our one-year wedding anniversary. He chronicles everything we did on his own journal you may find the post HERE .

To say I am madly in love, in all it's redundancy is (still) an incredible understatement for me. My husband in amazing, wonderful, kind, talented, patient, a good father, a good man - and through it all he manages to be there for me.

The other thing I wanted to share briefly is that I got a new car. A FUN CAR. A convertible. A-I-am-having-a-midlife-crisis kind of car (LOL) - I am not but I am telling you it's that kind of car.

It's a mint-condition 2006, Pontiac GT G6 - this car had only 11,000 miles on it - it was cared for like a baby...it's gorgeous, it's loaded and it is SO much fun to drive.





So yeah...all I need now is a hair scarf, dark sunglasses and red-orangey lipstick a-la 50's Hollywood starlet...

LOL

I have other stuff going on in my life that is miserable like crappy work shit and dealing with ingrates but it's OK with Erin by my side I will be just fine.

Life....

To the tune of ‘Losing My religion’ – c’mon kids – sing it with me!

‘I’m losing my appendix...keeping my table of contents...’

LOL

Have I told you lately how much I love Erin?

Yes last week I was down with some sort of stomach thing…doubled over, writhing in pain - after missing 3 days of work I had to get to the doctor – she did an exam and told me it was one of two things – a viral intestinal thing….OR – appendicitis – freaked me right out. She gave me an excuse for missing work and wanted me to take one more day off. Just to ‘keep an eye on things’. I have, still no appendicitis – but my wonderful husband made a joke out of it by saying that even though I was losing my appendix, I’d still have my table of contents.

I adore this guy. He has a way of cheering me up that is just so ‘right there’.

Meanwhile the stomach is still a mess – and I am not sure what the hell to do. Some of the girls at work informed me that your appendix can take sometimes weeks to finally get taken out. So now I am wondering if I should insist on an U/S or something just to see what the hell is going on. I have not been eating a lot – yet unfortunately not losing weight either…WTF? The least I could do is be thinner (LOL)

**********
And speaking of my one and only love – we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary of our wedding.

This has been quite a year. We’ve had many challenges and triumphs and we are still madly and passionately in love with each other. I am so excited still, about being with Erin and I am so happy to be his wife. I look forward to being with him every day and God willing we will be together for many, many more anniversaries to come.

Little by little...

I just wanted to say 'thank you' to my wonderful husband. For putting up with me through my ups and downs and for doing his best to help me feel that I am really a part of his life/family.

Slowly, little by little, we are creating a 'home' in this house together.

I love you Erin.

Happy Birthday to My Love

Happy Birthday Erin. I love you very much. You will always be 'Ooh La La' to me - and ever so wonderful.

XOXOXOXOXO

C~