Thank you Mr. Ry Cooder, & etc.

On Sunday, instead of being glued to a TV set watching football (but I am a bit bummed the Steelers lost), I was doing laundry, and I came across something on IFC while I was folding clothes.

Years ago I was lucky enough to be introduced to the music of Ry Cooder and thanks to Mr. Cooder, the world learned of the Gentlemen from the Buena Vista Social Club. I actually got the album before I ever saw the film. I bought the album on the strength of the ‘blurb’ I heard on PBS one day. I have since been able to see the documentary. I love it! It’s a very bittersweet story and it riles me up a bit to think of these great musicians living in abject poverty for years. Going from hand to mouth, or barely scraping by.

The music was still strong in these 60+ Senores and I dare say they could teach young musician of today something. Their passion for music is apparent and it gets me to thinking about music in general and what makes a good musician (especially since my son seems to want to travel down this path). Recently, as I listened to he and his bandmate playing in the basement I was musing about how it could be possibly for kids so young to really sing about love and loss when they truly have never had their heart broken. I mean don’t you have to live it to write/sing about it? But who am I to know the workings of their minds, the school-yard crushes that may have indeed laid them bare and vulnerable….

Speaking of my son….

So what is it with Teens??????

I have sung the praises of this kid from the beginning of this blog.
But somedays, sometimes…..*sigh* ‘To the Moon Alice!’ POW!
I mean really…..He gets so very self-righteous with me and he thinks he knows so much (and he DOES know a lot – an awful lot). But where do they cross that line where it’s OK to speak to their mom with such disrespect. I decided before I went to bed really angry last night to attempt one more time without truly imposing my will (because at the age of 16 going on 17 I don’t want to lose him totally) – but all he kept saying well I am not a kid anymore, mom and I need respect too!He is right on both counts of course. But I just don’t tolerate him well when he holds up his hand and says things like ‘I’m done here’ – it just sets my teeth on edge. I want to scream and sometimes I do….

And of course his own dad is not help whatsoever because he is so friggin’ passive-aggressive and he never seems to side with me – there always this underlying us against them thing going on and I seem to be in the ‘them’ category.

I was reading a Yoga article about family dynamics and trying to deal with families over the holidays (OK so I am way behind in my Yoga Journal reading…) – but one of the things that struck me was something attributed to Ram Dass.
To paraphrase: We don’t walk into a forest and expect the trees to be anything other than what they are (an Oak or a Maple) but when we are around family – or even other people we seem to have this judgment thing going on about how they SHOULD be….not how they are. And perhaps instead of agonizing and expecting things like this we should be telling ourselves “A Maple is a Maple, my Brother is my Brother”. Think, think, think….

While it did not make my anger at my son go away, it DID make me keep my mouth shut and not storm his fortress and attack him either. The other suggestions that they aren’t going to change so WE should change our attitudes etc was not an easy pill for me to swallow – mainly because all my life I feel like I have cone a lot of that – one grows weary of constantly backing down. Part of me just wants to lash out these days, tell people off, stand my ground…yet I feel like I am always losing ground.

But it’s just not in me to be a ‘shrinking violet’.

I suppose that falls on me….it also falls on me to somehow keep the peace. A daily battle that I hope to eventually win.