Ebb and flow...
A homecoming that was heady…and more than I was expecting in so many aspects.
So we come to the part of the ‘program’ where things begin to go even deeper. I am falling…I have fallen…there’s no one to catch me as I land/fall….
But that’s OK.
I was presented with some really beautiful gifts by my love – and I do mean more than what he brought home to give me - LOL - or even the ‘gift’ he held onto in order to give to me now. (Will post more on this later for now though, how very sweet – this is all so sweet – not in a sugary/fake way – but in a ‘real’/true way).
I am, incredibly overwhelmed right now…I am not ‘certain’ of any given thing. Again, this is not a foreign place to me – I’ve spent some of my life in uncertainty (obviously, haven't we all?). There are boundaries to be explored and edges to be smoothed – not that I want to wear him away/tear down his defense nor have him wear my defenses down. We have boundaries for a reason. Good reasons. There’s a difference between boundaries and building walls.
I am not used to being handled with such respect, such deference, such love – it takes me by surprise every time. I am filled with wonder and an incredible sense of tenderness – I am in awe of how he deals with difficult situations/emotions – he is delicate and loving and kind. He is all that I could ever ask for…but yet do not know how to completely relax and let go…
Unlearning patterns/old behaviours can be so very frustrating at times…hopefully he will be patient with me…more importantly I need to be patient with myself.
So we come to the part of the ‘program’ where things begin to go even deeper. I am falling…I have fallen…there’s no one to catch me as I land/fall….
But that’s OK.
I was presented with some really beautiful gifts by my love – and I do mean more than what he brought home to give me - LOL - or even the ‘gift’ he held onto in order to give to me now. (Will post more on this later for now though, how very sweet – this is all so sweet – not in a sugary/fake way – but in a ‘real’/true way).
I am, incredibly overwhelmed right now…I am not ‘certain’ of any given thing. Again, this is not a foreign place to me – I’ve spent some of my life in uncertainty (obviously, haven't we all?). There are boundaries to be explored and edges to be smoothed – not that I want to wear him away/tear down his defense nor have him wear my defenses down. We have boundaries for a reason. Good reasons. There’s a difference between boundaries and building walls.
I am not used to being handled with such respect, such deference, such love – it takes me by surprise every time. I am filled with wonder and an incredible sense of tenderness – I am in awe of how he deals with difficult situations/emotions – he is delicate and loving and kind. He is all that I could ever ask for…but yet do not know how to completely relax and let go…
Unlearning patterns/old behaviours can be so very frustrating at times…hopefully he will be patient with me…more importantly I need to be patient with myself.
posted by Colette at 10:24 AM
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