Wednesday, August 09, 2006

If it were any closer it would have bit me on the nose….

Over the years of my blogging here I’ve cried, raved, ranted – wailing at what seemed to be a cold, cruel world.

What a git I was. (LOL still am at times).

‘When love walks in the door...’

Why does it take falling in love to open our eyes? Or to make us question all that’s come before, and, it is all transitory? (Don’t answer I like riding in this bubble).

I KNOW things – I have studied 'systems' of being in this world – that does not mean I pay attention always or act on the knowledge. I can give advice to friends, read their Tarot, discern certain destructive behaviours and let them know – but when it comes to myself it’s like the forest through the trees...I am sure we all are like this at times – out of tune with our own instrument.

I began the study of mysticism at the tender age of 14, I had been disillusioned with Catholicism for a while – I wanted the mystical/magical component of the religion (which background suggests it IS steeped in), but apparently was either too young to be privy to such knowledge or the catechism of the very church itself no longer operated in such a manner. I started with Tarot as a method of divination, moved to Paganism/Wicca/Drudidism – at the age of 17, with tutelage, I moved onto the study of Eastern mysticism.

I KNOW that we (all living things) reverberate with energy. That certain ways of behaving cause us to vibrate with certain types of energy. If you are negative you are going to attract negative events – like wise positive attracts positive. They say ‘opposites attract’ and they do – buy you are more likely to have good come into your life if you are happy and bright. Darkness has a tendency to swallow you up, blotting out the sunshine and good nature that is your birthright.

On Tuesday nights, I teach my Yoga classes at the Center for Integrative Medicine – I am allowed to use an open space with soft light and Chinese screens to close off the space. There are pictures on the walls of angels, Chinese symbols (yin-yang), crystals, statues, candles, Tarot cards and a library of holistic books, books on relationship, books about healing, Yoga, T’ai Chi, self-help – you name it. One of those books was about dealing with relationships I was drawn to it and so I asked if I could borrow it – and was granted permission. As I began to read this book it began to dawn on me all the things I had been doing that were bringing the wrong relationships/energy into my life. I began to see that I had forgotten the laws governing energy and instead of focusing on the betterment of myself, I had focused on trying to either fix my partners or fix things within me that were not necessarily in need of fixing. I began to realise that by continually repeating the same patterns I was bound to get the same results – over and over again. The funny thing is that I KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY. I know it on so many different levels and I can see it – I just could not see the light for myself.

Now that I *DO* see this – I am trying TO consciously change my own energy patterns and to vibrate a little more positively with more confidence and joy. It’s a tall order – and it’s hard to change patterns that have become ingrained. After so may years of dealing with my ex and his sickness (and mental illness is contagious kids) – a lot of that ‘negativity’ rubbed off on me – I was always living in/with fear, self-doubt, everything was operating on a scarcity model – but now, now I feel light as air, a Faerie Queene reigning over a kingdom of light and love. Sure, there are still stumbling blocks I am coming across – but I see them on the path and instead of being sucked down into their insidious black holes I am avoiding them – or at least more aware than I was before – and that’s a wonderfully freeing feeling.

2 Comments:

Blogger Liam said...

There has been a huge difference in your blog entries, no doubt about it. Happiness becomes you, my dear!

3:12 PM  
Blogger Erin Garlock said...

Rubbings are interesting art - what rubs off onto you, likewise can rub off of you.

It just takes time. Now, if we could only find some bleach for the psyche, we could accelerate the process.

I have lots of time for you Dear.

9:36 AM  

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