A Spy in the House of Love....

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

- - Anaïs Nin
US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)

“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.”

- - Anais Nin
US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)

“We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

- -Anais Nin
US (French-born) author & diarist (1903 - 1977)

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My Anais Nin collection has been destroyed. I have it on my ‘wish list’, and I need to replace a lot of her books. I am heart broken over this. I am torn too cause the last thing I *really* need is more books.

I did not name my blog after anything by Anais Nin mainly because my ‘real’ name is a diminutive of Colette (and I ALSO identify with Colette very much – besides, ‘Dancing on Colette’s Grave is such an apropos and cool name). However, my soul, the longings and desires I feel, the way I ‘view’ life (and especially love and affairs), is much closer to the way Anais Nin viewed life and love. She was secretly a bigamist. She was also one of the more honest and brave women of her time. Her writing speaks to me in a language only my heart seems to hear. She resonates within me and when I read her writing she does to me what my favourite poet Pablo Neruda (whom she actually knew personally) does – she spellbinds me, she takes my breath away, she transports me, LOL she gets me hot. I have other authors that I admire and read regularly – but something about Anais is different. In a way at times, I find myself identifying with her on such a level as to almost be channeling her. Her writing is majestic and magical. There is the sense of humanity at its highest level as well as being plagued by the struggle and self doubt of being a human and not knowing what the right ‘path’ should be...her honesty is at times brutal and disarming.

I don’t know why I feel the way I do – empathy, knowledge, or perhaps just being ‘at one’ with my true nature. Normally we would look down our noses on such a woman – after all technically she cheated (and then some). She took lovers – she had 3 (possibly more) at one time – not including the women. She would be branded loose, a slut. To me, she was none of that – she was true to herself. She recognized that she COULD love more that one man/woman/person at a time and didn’t think she should be persecuted for those feelings or for acting upon them – unfortunately I believe she tortured herself despite her ability to understand this facet of human nature.