SNAFU/Or: The Danger of white picket fences
I am not sure I should even be writing – I have such a headache this morning.
Not sure if it’s from sinuses, lack of sleep, change of time...etc.
The sunrise this morning was gorgeous and I called my love to share with him.
The weekend (the beginning at least) was glorious. Erin decided suddenly he wanted to go to Columbus. So we headed down Friday night and he took me to a bed & breakfast (Harrison House) – it was wonderful.
We ‘checked in’ and then went and wandered High Street. We ended up at Victorian’s Midnight Café listening to some music – it was a place where locals hang out and do sort of impromptu performances. Fun. We headed back to the B&B and had a very romantic time in our room complete with white rose petals.
The next day we were up early which in and of itself is not a bad thing but we had not gone to bed before 2AM, so I was exhausted. Breakfast was excellent and our hostess was very nice. We checked out to go explore Short North in Columbus (again – this is becoming one of our haunts). Erin took me to the ‘Market’ down there – like our West Side Market here in Cleveland but better.
We wandered around to other places as well – mainly just walking hand-in-hand, being in love, following our fancies...
We headed home late afternoon – after a near-ditch experience trying to find some non-existent place to shop…
Hit an outlet mall on the way home and then headed home – I think both of us were exhausted.
Sunday we went back to normal. He got up to go teach, I woke up and sat down and wrote:
Sunday morning – sitting…
Getting ready to do asana (except I drank some Turkish coffee, which I now will regret doing all day) (maybe I should skip Surya Namaskar).
…and it hits me.
Looking out the picture window at all the driveways, all the Sunday papers waiting for their owners to collect them.
The ‘normalcy; of this place, the ‘suburbia’, the ‘Donna-Reedness’, the inane/insane sanity, the “Hey honey, let’s invite Clint & Chloe over for cocktails & casserole & maybe afterwards we’ll swap out wives for a bit…”
Ugh!
I really don’t think I can fit into this ‘white-picket fence’ mode/scenario/lifestyle…I never have...
********
From there things just got worse.
I am not sure what to think at times. What to do with my doubts. What to do with my feelings. How to sort them into some sense of sense. How to relax. How to not get upset with the things that happen that set me off. How to put certain people in their places. How to get Erin to truly understand where I am coming from without being a bitch or angry….
I feel like an idiot half the time. I feel like I don’t belong. I feel displaced. I feel like an outsider, looking in...wishing at times I could just push the ‘re-start button’...
Not sure if it’s from sinuses, lack of sleep, change of time...etc.
The sunrise this morning was gorgeous and I called my love to share with him.
The weekend (the beginning at least) was glorious. Erin decided suddenly he wanted to go to Columbus. So we headed down Friday night and he took me to a bed & breakfast (Harrison House) – it was wonderful.
We ‘checked in’ and then went and wandered High Street. We ended up at Victorian’s Midnight Café listening to some music – it was a place where locals hang out and do sort of impromptu performances. Fun. We headed back to the B&B and had a very romantic time in our room complete with white rose petals.
The next day we were up early which in and of itself is not a bad thing but we had not gone to bed before 2AM, so I was exhausted. Breakfast was excellent and our hostess was very nice. We checked out to go explore Short North in Columbus (again – this is becoming one of our haunts). Erin took me to the ‘Market’ down there – like our West Side Market here in Cleveland but better.
We wandered around to other places as well – mainly just walking hand-in-hand, being in love, following our fancies...
We headed home late afternoon – after a near-ditch experience trying to find some non-existent place to shop…
Hit an outlet mall on the way home and then headed home – I think both of us were exhausted.
Sunday we went back to normal. He got up to go teach, I woke up and sat down and wrote:
Sunday morning – sitting…
Getting ready to do asana (except I drank some Turkish coffee, which I now will regret doing all day) (maybe I should skip Surya Namaskar).
…and it hits me.
Looking out the picture window at all the driveways, all the Sunday papers waiting for their owners to collect them.
The ‘normalcy; of this place, the ‘suburbia’, the ‘Donna-Reedness’, the inane/insane sanity, the “Hey honey, let’s invite Clint & Chloe over for cocktails & casserole & maybe afterwards we’ll swap out wives for a bit…”
Ugh!
I really don’t think I can fit into this ‘white-picket fence’ mode/scenario/lifestyle…I never have...
********
From there things just got worse.
I am not sure what to think at times. What to do with my doubts. What to do with my feelings. How to sort them into some sense of sense. How to relax. How to not get upset with the things that happen that set me off. How to put certain people in their places. How to get Erin to truly understand where I am coming from without being a bitch or angry….
I feel like an idiot half the time. I feel like I don’t belong. I feel displaced. I feel like an outsider, looking in...wishing at times I could just push the ‘re-start button’...
posted by Colette at 7:20 AM
3 Comments:
You do not come off as "a bitch or angry" when you have something that you ant to talk about or want to get off your chest.
Stuff happens, we talk about stuff and of course feelings can get hurt, but so far we have always been able to talk though things and be fair about how we handle things.
I don't like arguing about things with you because it means we're disagreeing about something, but as you said, I like arguing with you.
i DO NOT like arguing with you...
NOT AT ALL.
Yes we did OK - I said what I said cause I was surprised at how well we did - not to give you the impression I want to do this with you.
I have never felt as far away as I do right now, from you...
I agree - we did well. I do not like arguing either.
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