She's back...

5 Years! FIVE fucking years since I last wrote, well anything.

From what I HAD been writing at that time, it seems I was struggling. Perhaps because I was going through a rough patch. There's a lot that was going on and it would seem the path of love and life was (still is) a bumpy ride.

Sometimes, I think that writers need something that is akin to being in crisis or causing turmoil in their lives in order to write. There's no catharsis, per se, in the day-to-day minutiae of life. 

In those five years, I finished my undergrad, I went to grad school to become an MSW/Social Worker/Therapist and then, I BECAME a therapist. For a while, I guess I could have been considered a mover and shaker/minor player of sorts in the harm reduction field. The way I had to learn to deal with people in terms of my work has changed. Who'd have thunk that therapy would be something done over the phone or over a video - cerrtainly not moi. Oh yeah, and my husband and I bought a new home together.

COVID tore the world apart and turned every normal thing upside down. Everything I used to take for granted is gone or has changed. 

What hasn't changed (or it's changed, but it's remained constant), is that I am still married. To the SAME guy no less (!!!!). Our love has changed, it's matured and we have had to adjust. I don't want to compare it to a great pair of old shoes that's been lovingly broken in (how incredibly unromantic). Yet, it is comforting and that can mean so much when most of my romantic life had been nothing but turmoil. I guess in some ways, I learned to let go of that need to be on a constant roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval.

Further the last guy who was part of all that upheaval, and upon whom the impetus for this blog was based (in large part at least - gee thanks dude for giving me the gift of even more trauma) -  I was brave enough for one of my big round birthdays, to completely, and finally cut off (like as friends which we remained on FB - don't EVEN get me started on Facebook) - I gave myself the present of cutting ties. It felt freeing. I still want to ask his friends - at least the ones I've remained friends with - why they still are friends with him and did they know he used to abuse me, in front of my kids no less. I suppose though, we cannot tell people with whom they should be friends.

Anoter important, more practical reason for coming back to blog is that for a bit, my url needed updating and my new url was never set up. Plus (and this is big), I have been wanting to parse writing from here to perhaps work on a novella. That's the main reason for my triumphant (LOL) return. So much has really changed and perhaps now that I am writing here again, it will force me to reflect on those changes and how deep down, I've managed to remain true to myself.

And so mes amis, stay tuned. Walk with me, and lets' see what kind of fun we can have together, again. 

xx,

C~