Thursday, February 19, 2004

Anatomy of a crime

Just trying to work through all the things that have happened - affecting my mind - mainly my heart and emotions because of what he did to us...

My husband decides shortly into our marriage to go off of his meds for his depression - he does not think to discuss this with me, his wife. Lo and behold he begins to get depressed, begins to unravel. He tells me he is unhappy - he does not say much more than this ( I guess I was suppose to delve more or read his mind). I tell him to go talk to someone about his depression - he goes to about 2-3 appointments and stops. Things begin to get worse in our marriage - I find myself living with someone who won't help around the house, won't take financial responsibility, and lies to me on a frequent basis. He refuses to do anything about his health, his snoring, getting a better job or anything else that will help us - we begin not to sleep together. At the same time my Yoga career begins to take off which has me away from home more and leaves him alone, with time on his hands, bored and feeling like he is being neglected. He begins a 'secret' Yahoo e-mail account - gets on-line and starts chatting it up with other women and exploring sexual fantasy life outside of his marriage. He 'claims' I am wrong about the following but his journal states he met Erin/Aurora on line and I am assuming they have a later rendezvous in a coffee shop. He falls in love and begins an affair with an 18 year old girl, he tries to see her every chance he gets - she in turn 'understands him, is there for him boosts his fragile ego. Things start to get really bad between us - he becomes more and more nasty. I find print outs from his 'secret' e-mail account involving depraved sexual acts, S&M stuff - I accuse him of it being his - he lies - says it isn't and then allows me to think it's my 15-yr old son (how sick is that?) I start to get little hints about Erin's existence, and finally find out he has been seeing a young woman behind my back. I put my foot down and insist it is to stop - he tell me it has - he of course again, is lying.

He begins to insist on going to counseling. We set up appointments and go - the counselors, find out he is depressed and want him to go on meds, he refuses, they want him to explore ways to make the work more equal at home - for him to help out more - he has a fit - he acts like an ass. Not long after this I find out about their respective blogs and find out the depth of his feelings for this girl and of course that is when I kick him out and begin this blog...

He is a cad, he is useless and I deserve so much better than this!

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