'Desperation and the singles bars...'
And so it goes...everything with him is desperation and obsession. How can this be healthy? Doesn't he realise how sick this all is? *laughs* well no I guess not...that would make him aware, cognizant of his actions.
He was obsessed with me - before - and we ended up falling down into the well of his sickness and here we are again. His obsession with her had farther reaching circumstances this time. As you can see from his writing - he fell really hard for this girl.
"Why do I think what I think???
Another day, another journal. This makes one here, and two and a half on Blog*spot. Why do I think that anyone wants to see what I am thinking....why do I care?
Well, disirregardless, this is going to be a another home to my ramblings while online. If you care....let me know....if you don't care...let me know that too...
I have an interesting "love life" that I am experiencing. I have a gf that I live with...whom I have lived with for a while and whom I have been with for longer than that. Then, a couple of months I met Aurora online, at yahoo. Aurora's not her real name, obviously, but that's a name that she uses online. I've been unhappy with the gf for a while, but she manages to reel me back in every time I get dissatisfied.
I am really falling hard for Aurora now. We see each other a couple of times a week. We both work downtown here in Cleveland, me in my office and she as a messenger. I miss her whenever she's not around, and I am really depressed that I can't spend the night with her. Not, like that...we slept together once, and I have never felt so comfortable with another person while I slept before in my life.
I know that on one level the reason that I fell for her as quickly as I have is because she reminds me of Jenn...which is ironic, because she has an unrequited Jenn in her past as well. But when I hold her, and she is in my arms...the world just spins away into nothing.
This is why I think I started this journal. To give myself a way to think things out. I hope that I will be updating this daily. Sorry in advance if I don't.
Got any advice? Let me know.
Bye for now. "
That's from his journal at the time - he is such an idiot to think that I am just going to believe this girl was like all the other women on the internet (his favourite singles bar) and that nothing happened and that this meant nothing to him. What seemed to mean nothing to him was our marriage - and again I point out that I became the 'girlfriend' - our legal marriage was conveniently tucked away - out of sight out of mind. Since he keeps saying he is out of his mind but I just think again - and over and over I come to the same conclusion - he's just using this sickness of his to make his excuses. I am sorry - if you knew me you would really know I am truly a caring person inside - I think that being inflicted with this disease is worse than any kind of cancer or other horrific illness - I just can't wrap my mind around it and make sense out of it. I guess there is just no making sense out of nonsense.
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