It's been a while
...and I have so much going on in my life. That's right I have a life. It is a life separate of all of this bullshit. It's the bullshit that crowds out the rest of my life, making my skies cloudy and 'don't it make my primarily green but hazel eyes blue...' *laugh*
I finally have an appointment to go talk to a 'professional'. I will post after that session. I had an appointment with my family doctor (finally) to discuss all the past events and she performed a PAP and has other blood work lined up to make sure I don't have a disease. I had this appointment lined up earlier but I ended up having to cancel. It was not good re-living what happened - it was a real unreal experience. But I girded my loins and I gritted my teeth and I did it - with only a slight hint at tears welling up in my eyes. My doctor of course made this very easy and I love her for the way she treated me - she is indeed one of the better physicians walking the planet. And she gave me good advice and she gave me a lot to think about and she helped me to answer some of my own questions - she helped me begin to heal....this whole process is a healing.
I also just had a wierd experience with the little 'brat'...apparently on her web-site, personal journal whatever the hell it is - which I will admit I do check from time to time - she left a msg that I am assuming (and perhaps this is wrong of me to do so) was directed at me. She told me to let this all go - that she has moved on with her life and therefore I should move on too. She also said that I should look for my happiness in myself not in others (how about that - wonder which pop star she got that little ditty from?). I can't tell you how refreshing it is to be counseled by someone as young as this girl as to how I should just drop everything and let it go. Perhaps I should take her along for my venipuncture tomorrow morning. Of course she IS right and she worded it so beautifully - so poetically. May she rot in Hades.
Yes I should get over this - not at the subtle suggestion from someone young enough to still be put over my knee and given the thrashing that her parents obviously neglected to administer. I should get over this for me. I am - for what it's worth - moving on. And for the record, I never did find my happiness in the asshole I was married to (I would dare say he is where most of my sorrow resides) - I found my happiness in myself thanks very much. I found it by raising my kids, by having a career, by going out and learning Yoga and by then getting certified to teach that to others - which by the way I will remind everyone - including the snot-faced bitch - is the excuse my husband used for why he felt so neglected and why my dear little trollop he was able to spend so much of his precious time with you - instead of attending to his own responsibilities.
Yes I AM getting over this - it does not mean I am going to be happy, or nice, or kind, or polite. I don't want to be bitter - but I do believe I have every fucking right to be angry - at him, at her and yes even at myself.
Oh yes baby I am getting over this. I am having some fun, I am laughing, I am seeing friends, I am 'smelling the roses and lilacs' as you put it my dear - thanks so much for telling me to do so...
Perhaps you should get over yourself because hon this was not all about you in fact it was hardly about you at all - you were - as you still are a victim of this - and from what I understand, from a rather reliable source on you, your idea of 'moving on' is to wreck another innocent's marriage - how proud you must be of yourself. Good job lady. How I envy your ability to 'get over things and move on'. I should be so lucky.
Take care kids - I love all of you. I will post again soon.
More adventures in dating to come - same batty time, same batty station.
Love,
Colette
I finally have an appointment to go talk to a 'professional'. I will post after that session. I had an appointment with my family doctor (finally) to discuss all the past events and she performed a PAP and has other blood work lined up to make sure I don't have a disease. I had this appointment lined up earlier but I ended up having to cancel. It was not good re-living what happened - it was a real unreal experience. But I girded my loins and I gritted my teeth and I did it - with only a slight hint at tears welling up in my eyes. My doctor of course made this very easy and I love her for the way she treated me - she is indeed one of the better physicians walking the planet. And she gave me good advice and she gave me a lot to think about and she helped me to answer some of my own questions - she helped me begin to heal....this whole process is a healing.
I also just had a wierd experience with the little 'brat'...apparently on her web-site, personal journal whatever the hell it is - which I will admit I do check from time to time - she left a msg that I am assuming (and perhaps this is wrong of me to do so) was directed at me. She told me to let this all go - that she has moved on with her life and therefore I should move on too. She also said that I should look for my happiness in myself not in others (how about that - wonder which pop star she got that little ditty from?). I can't tell you how refreshing it is to be counseled by someone as young as this girl as to how I should just drop everything and let it go. Perhaps I should take her along for my venipuncture tomorrow morning. Of course she IS right and she worded it so beautifully - so poetically. May she rot in Hades.
Yes I should get over this - not at the subtle suggestion from someone young enough to still be put over my knee and given the thrashing that her parents obviously neglected to administer. I should get over this for me. I am - for what it's worth - moving on. And for the record, I never did find my happiness in the asshole I was married to (I would dare say he is where most of my sorrow resides) - I found my happiness in myself thanks very much. I found it by raising my kids, by having a career, by going out and learning Yoga and by then getting certified to teach that to others - which by the way I will remind everyone - including the snot-faced bitch - is the excuse my husband used for why he felt so neglected and why my dear little trollop he was able to spend so much of his precious time with you - instead of attending to his own responsibilities.
Yes I AM getting over this - it does not mean I am going to be happy, or nice, or kind, or polite. I don't want to be bitter - but I do believe I have every fucking right to be angry - at him, at her and yes even at myself.
Oh yes baby I am getting over this. I am having some fun, I am laughing, I am seeing friends, I am 'smelling the roses and lilacs' as you put it my dear - thanks so much for telling me to do so...
Perhaps you should get over yourself because hon this was not all about you in fact it was hardly about you at all - you were - as you still are a victim of this - and from what I understand, from a rather reliable source on you, your idea of 'moving on' is to wreck another innocent's marriage - how proud you must be of yourself. Good job lady. How I envy your ability to 'get over things and move on'. I should be so lucky.
Take care kids - I love all of you. I will post again soon.
More adventures in dating to come - same batty time, same batty station.
Love,
Colette
posted by Colette at 12:34 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home