Hope floating

Love,

For what are you to me but just that, love. It all gets so convoluted and undermined by the day to day, by what the Gods choose to throw our way. I want so badly to get past all of this too. But, like a dog to a bone I cling to my 'images' to my thoughts, to my jealousies and to everything that ended up capsizing our boat. Even now I think you are with her and...perhaps you are.

I begin to realise that it does not matter - none of this really matters. In the end it is good what we had when we did have that precious thing called love. I will not look a gift horse in the mouth. I will remember what we had - because those memories are precious to me and I will draw them to me when I need them to give me a little peace.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if we will be together anymore. I doubt it - really. But that does not matter either because what we had was what we had and at the time, it was magical. It was love. A love like that does not too often come into your life and so when you have it you should try to hold onto it....but unfortunately and often for reasons beyond our control, it slips away. We can blame your sickness, there are a lot of reasons we can say it happened. The point is it did happen and now all of it is gone. Leaving behind pain and all those memories.

"Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it" - Carly Simon

"I never thought I could act this way
And i've got to say that i just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone
And i just can't get it back" - Gordon Lightfoot

I can not retrieve what I felt for you - no matter how hard I try. Do I want to start from scratch - no not really. I guess sometimes I am just content with the memories and even the pain - because eventually the tears will subside and all I will have to hold onto is the love that we once shared. It was so beautiful once and it will remain beautiful despite all the damage.