What a long strange trip it's been
I keep telling ghost stories - I really don't know who I am telling them to or why I seem to need to pass them along. Maybe I am looking for some kind of key to unlock my own Pandora's box and then I will be free of my own demons. Maybe I am just keeping this acocunt for posterity and perhaps my kids/my grand-kids may someday look at this and say "Wow she was kind of cool after all..." Not that they much care now or even will care. Perhaps one day - someone, who may have saved my writings will give this to one of them and they will get a glimpse of their mom in a whole new light...
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I met my ex-husband, M - through some mutual friends - drug-fiends - down in Houston, Texas. At the time, I was living with my daughter's father Tommie (see past ghost story for that reference). Tommie as I have said, was sick - he was also in denial about his sickness. I barely saw Tommie half the time because we worked opposite schedules. I had no real friends - other than some of Tommie's transplanted family who were also in Houston TX with us. I wanted to make some of my own friends. Let me tell you folks it was slim pickins' down there.
Enter Val and Dirk - Val was a hyper-spastic mom. Dirk was one of the most laid-back people I had ever met. He would surprise me from time to time with his 'zingers' - just a brief glimpse that underneath that typical Texan drawl there was a hint of intelligence and humour. I liked Dirk way better than I ever liked Val. Their life centered around their kids (two little girls, one was like 6 or 7 yrs old and one was a baby), their use of drugs (hard drugs), and their friends who also seemed to use drugs - a lot.
We all lived in the same apartment complex. Val was like that nosy neighbor on "Bewitched" she was always in everyone's business. Yet her own life was not exactly what one would call 'picture perfect' - her fights with Dirk were almost legendary. You could hear them screaming at each other all the time. Mainly it was Val's high-pitched voice yelling at Dirk - but when Dirk would yell his voice would boom - and then you knew it was gonna get nasty.
When I would get lonely or when I would want my daughter to play with some English-speaking children - I would go down and visit Val. We would drink crappy coffee and talk (surface talk) - never anything intellectual or deep. Just about our kids, our men, our housework. At the time, my use of illicit drugs consisted mainly of smoking some pot...not much else - I really did not want to do anything else because I had already had my fill of that and further I did not want to do much around my daughter.
Once day in particular I was hanging out with both Dirk and Val when one of their friends came to visit. (Enter Tony's dad, M- ) His uniform of choice was blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap. He was down-to-earth and he was a YANKEE. To top it all off - he was intelligent. Very intelligent. I liked him immediately. We seemed to hit it off - we began to talk and exchange books. I even invited him over to dinner at my apartment to meet Tommie and hang out.
Now things with Tommie and I were going bad - actually they were going from bad to worse. I knew Tommie was sick but as I mentioned before I could not really get him to do anything about it without getting in a fight or worse, hit. I was scared and I knew something had to happen soon.
That's when, on one fateful day, Val decided to take matters into her own hands. You see Dirk got me a job in a bindery for one of the print shops in Houston. I used to get up at 5:30 AM and go into work with Dirk - meanwhile, Tommmie was left home to care for our daughter. Unfortunately Tommie's illness was a lot worse than most of us thought - and on this particular day he passed out; leaving my daughter in her crib alone, scared and crying. As her screams got louder and louder (probably around 11:00 am or so) - Val decided to go up and check out the noise. She could hear the baby screaming....she could not rouse Tommie - so instead she went to the apartment manager and got in and took my daughter to her apartment and then proceeded to get the 'authorities' involved. By the time I got home from work...there was a lot of commotion and basically Val told me I had two choices, I could leave Tommie, or I could have my daughter taken away from me...I chose to leave - I was forced into this, but it was a good thing in the end. (Not that Val should have won any 'Mother of the Year' awards...)
At any rate I ended up with Val and Dirk - I had nowhere else to go - Tommie's family did not have the room or the ability to put me up. Val's and Dirk's place as a soulution was shortly wearing thin....it was not place for me much less my daughter. The frineds would come and visit at all hours and it was just nuts. I found out that their friend (the one I liked) was having roommate problems....I think eventually it dawned on both of us that the solution was right in front of our noses. I moved in with M - (which believe it or not really pissed Val off - perhaps because she could no longer meddle in my life.) I moved in as his room-mate (at first). There was a hint of perhaps more - there was a definite attraction. M- lived his life quietly - in comparison to Val and Dirk. He had a lot of fiends - a lot of lesbian friends - which I thought odd. It was a bit strange having to fend off their advances at times .
Tommie's illness drove him back home to Cleveland. He was very sick with a rare kidney disease. He had to move home to live with his mother in Cleveland. Around this point things between M - and I began to change. He would bring me home flowers for no reason. He started to take an active interest in my daughter's life. He in essence began to become a 'husband and father'. Our first sexual encounter was rather awkward and unusual. He just wanted me to lie with him on his bed - unclothed, while he looked at me... for some odd reason I felt more naked this way, more exposed. I mean I had had my share of sex, but this was on a different level than that. We did connect. It was slow - it was not really passionate - but it was nice. Manny was gentle and unassuming - he cared deeply for both me and my daughter and he showed me more kindness than I had ever felt before from a man. We decided after a while to get married. After 4 years of marriage we had our son.
Unfortunately this story does not have a happy ending. Life and time began to erode us and our relationship as it does all things. I think we 'grew up' and grew into two different people and we no longer 'connected'. There seemed to be no common bond other than raising the kids which was fine from a functional standpoint but not from a relationship standpoint. Our marriage fell apart. I am still saddened by this - especially now as I relive a pending divorce with my current husband. Time has a way of making you realise things - things you took for granted, things that you perhaps should have fought harder for....I try to not live in the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' mode of being - but I can't help being wistful and melancholy.
M- has always been there for me - to this day he is there for me. He has been a good father to our children (for I do consider him to have raised my daughter as well as our son). We went through a rough time when I left and we divorced - but he will always be my friend. I hope he knows I will always be his.
************************************************************************************
I met my ex-husband, M - through some mutual friends - drug-fiends - down in Houston, Texas. At the time, I was living with my daughter's father Tommie (see past ghost story for that reference). Tommie as I have said, was sick - he was also in denial about his sickness. I barely saw Tommie half the time because we worked opposite schedules. I had no real friends - other than some of Tommie's transplanted family who were also in Houston TX with us. I wanted to make some of my own friends. Let me tell you folks it was slim pickins' down there.
Enter Val and Dirk - Val was a hyper-spastic mom. Dirk was one of the most laid-back people I had ever met. He would surprise me from time to time with his 'zingers' - just a brief glimpse that underneath that typical Texan drawl there was a hint of intelligence and humour. I liked Dirk way better than I ever liked Val. Their life centered around their kids (two little girls, one was like 6 or 7 yrs old and one was a baby), their use of drugs (hard drugs), and their friends who also seemed to use drugs - a lot.
We all lived in the same apartment complex. Val was like that nosy neighbor on "Bewitched" she was always in everyone's business. Yet her own life was not exactly what one would call 'picture perfect' - her fights with Dirk were almost legendary. You could hear them screaming at each other all the time. Mainly it was Val's high-pitched voice yelling at Dirk - but when Dirk would yell his voice would boom - and then you knew it was gonna get nasty.
When I would get lonely or when I would want my daughter to play with some English-speaking children - I would go down and visit Val. We would drink crappy coffee and talk (surface talk) - never anything intellectual or deep. Just about our kids, our men, our housework. At the time, my use of illicit drugs consisted mainly of smoking some pot...not much else - I really did not want to do anything else because I had already had my fill of that and further I did not want to do much around my daughter.
Once day in particular I was hanging out with both Dirk and Val when one of their friends came to visit. (Enter Tony's dad, M- ) His uniform of choice was blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a baseball cap. He was down-to-earth and he was a YANKEE. To top it all off - he was intelligent. Very intelligent. I liked him immediately. We seemed to hit it off - we began to talk and exchange books. I even invited him over to dinner at my apartment to meet Tommie and hang out.
Now things with Tommie and I were going bad - actually they were going from bad to worse. I knew Tommie was sick but as I mentioned before I could not really get him to do anything about it without getting in a fight or worse, hit. I was scared and I knew something had to happen soon.
That's when, on one fateful day, Val decided to take matters into her own hands. You see Dirk got me a job in a bindery for one of the print shops in Houston. I used to get up at 5:30 AM and go into work with Dirk - meanwhile, Tommmie was left home to care for our daughter. Unfortunately Tommie's illness was a lot worse than most of us thought - and on this particular day he passed out; leaving my daughter in her crib alone, scared and crying. As her screams got louder and louder (probably around 11:00 am or so) - Val decided to go up and check out the noise. She could hear the baby screaming....she could not rouse Tommie - so instead she went to the apartment manager and got in and took my daughter to her apartment and then proceeded to get the 'authorities' involved. By the time I got home from work...there was a lot of commotion and basically Val told me I had two choices, I could leave Tommie, or I could have my daughter taken away from me...I chose to leave - I was forced into this, but it was a good thing in the end. (Not that Val should have won any 'Mother of the Year' awards...)
At any rate I ended up with Val and Dirk - I had nowhere else to go - Tommie's family did not have the room or the ability to put me up. Val's and Dirk's place as a soulution was shortly wearing thin....it was not place for me much less my daughter. The frineds would come and visit at all hours and it was just nuts. I found out that their friend (the one I liked) was having roommate problems....I think eventually it dawned on both of us that the solution was right in front of our noses. I moved in with M - (which believe it or not really pissed Val off - perhaps because she could no longer meddle in my life.) I moved in as his room-mate (at first). There was a hint of perhaps more - there was a definite attraction. M- lived his life quietly - in comparison to Val and Dirk. He had a lot of fiends - a lot of lesbian friends - which I thought odd. It was a bit strange having to fend off their advances at times .
Tommie's illness drove him back home to Cleveland. He was very sick with a rare kidney disease. He had to move home to live with his mother in Cleveland. Around this point things between M - and I began to change. He would bring me home flowers for no reason. He started to take an active interest in my daughter's life. He in essence began to become a 'husband and father'. Our first sexual encounter was rather awkward and unusual. He just wanted me to lie with him on his bed - unclothed, while he looked at me... for some odd reason I felt more naked this way, more exposed. I mean I had had my share of sex, but this was on a different level than that. We did connect. It was slow - it was not really passionate - but it was nice. Manny was gentle and unassuming - he cared deeply for both me and my daughter and he showed me more kindness than I had ever felt before from a man. We decided after a while to get married. After 4 years of marriage we had our son.
Unfortunately this story does not have a happy ending. Life and time began to erode us and our relationship as it does all things. I think we 'grew up' and grew into two different people and we no longer 'connected'. There seemed to be no common bond other than raising the kids which was fine from a functional standpoint but not from a relationship standpoint. Our marriage fell apart. I am still saddened by this - especially now as I relive a pending divorce with my current husband. Time has a way of making you realise things - things you took for granted, things that you perhaps should have fought harder for....I try to not live in the 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' mode of being - but I can't help being wistful and melancholy.
M- has always been there for me - to this day he is there for me. He has been a good father to our children (for I do consider him to have raised my daughter as well as our son). We went through a rough time when I left and we divorced - but he will always be my friend. I hope he knows I will always be his.
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