Sunday, September 19, 2004

Meanwhile - back at the blog

So the primary focus of this blog - at least in the past - has been to rant about what happened to me. A lot of it, I am most certain came off as negative, angry , vengefgul etc. Not a whole lot of good karma. I feel also that a lot of it - (and I have metnioned this at times) - is a fascinating case-study of the fall-out from an extra-marital affair, from keeping secrets from our spouses, from finding out those secrets and then, as the'perceived' injured party, lashing out.

As I make my way through the maze of my emotions I think less and less do I focus on the reasons I began this blog - however, part of me stilll searches, still looks for things that might lead to the undoing or destruction of HER, or at least give me some satisfaction - for revenge is indeeed a dish best served cold.

HER ex-boyfriend has also been trying to sort through this and he keeps a live journal where he 'talks' about sorting things out - unlike me he has kinder thoughts towards the little bitch and I dare say, he even still loves her (poor thing). At times on his live journal he sounds as though he is beating HIMSELF up for what SHE did. It's a load of crap and I wish I could shake some sense into him - I am sure like me in my marriage, he did things that were not good for the relaitonship - but to blame himself for what SHE did???? I just feel bad for the poor kid (because kids they both are).

So, from time to time, I read his journal and I found recently a chilling blurb about an event that transpired between the two of them and it really had me upset:

"Alright, so I did have an agenda. I was referring, at the time, to agendas that included us getting back together, since it probably seems that is what I wanted (since I emailed you out of the blue and stuff). I really have no way of convincing you this is not true, probably because I sometimes find myself struggling, convincing myself of the same thing. Maybe this is the same with you, though I doubt you will admit it. I also have felt, in the past, especially during our highly uncomfortable meetings at coffee shops with Mike or his wife nearby that I was being held in suspicion of a crime - and they were like the court-appointed supervisor making sure I didn't molest anyone. This disturbed me greatly and led me to attempt to make you know that I hold no grudges or desire anything other than a friendship. This is true.

It is interesting that you remember all the bad things. You always did remember all the bad things. This isn't a criticizm - its just that it always existed in your personality. I always pushed the bad things out of memory and only remember the great things that happened. Perhaps this is what made it very painful for me - a different kind of pain than what you experienced. I am glad you haven't cut - ever since I am gone it has ended apparently. That was definately a sign and, for your sake, I am glad you followed it."

So let me explain this if I may... This little slut went to meet with her ex-boyfriend (I don't know, perhaps to string him along; or maybe to take her good ole' time in breaking up with him - you know - prolong the torture of losing the wonderfulness that is HER) and she brought along the guy she was currently fucking AND HIS WIFE!?!?!?!?!?!?! Um OK. How very Jerry Springer of her/them.

To ad insult to his own injury he sounds like he is in someways (at least to me it sounds like this) - that he blames HIMSELF for her cutting or at least 'thinks' that since they broke up she has stopped. While that might possibly be true and while of course I am not privy to what transpired in their relationship (at least not ALL of their relationship) - I do know for a fact that this young man IS NOT the reason this little girl started cutting herself. Nor is their breaking up the reason she has stopped. And quite frankly if she is bringing her current paramour's wife along to coffee shops to meet her ex-boyfriend, I am pretty sure that eventually something will trigger her cutting episodes again. Because, until she gets help for the underlying causes, she is always going to be making decisions that put her at risk. And although I have no love for this girl - of course I don't want her cutting herself - what pain she must be in to do such a thing to herself.

I guess my curiosity about all of this just continues and so does the level of bile rising in my throat when I see the 'stunts' this little-Miss-evil pulls - and - I want to reach out to her former lover and tell him, yell at him "Forget her, she is bad news, she is destructive to you and everyone around her, don't walk, RUN AWAY!!!" But of course that's never going to happen.

We now return you to our regularly shceduled programming *smirk*

1 Comments:

Blogger Ohjeeze said...

Your're right, she is stringing him along. Sounds like she is a closet sadist.

12:17 PM  

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