Round and round and round it goes, where it stops???
OK so there have been a couple of guys in this continuing saga of re-entering the dating field as it were. There's been plenty of advice - good advice too.
I am NOT in a hurry - not at all. I am taking my time - just trying to make friends - that's right I said friends. If things happen fine. If not that's fine too.
So there is this one gentleman in particular - he has earned the moniker of 'Mr. Sparkless'; he is a nice stable guy and there is hardly any chemistry between us - thus to me - he is 'sparkless'. He and I have been out 4 times. The second time he invited me to his house to meet his family - this was very uncomfortable for me - I could have said no, but he is the most non-threatening person I have ever met - so I went. It was nice, pleasant.
I have been very busy lately and, my cell phone is acting wonky. I have given this guy my work number, my cell number and he has an e-mail address on me (so it's not like he can not get in touch) - he is not getting my home number - no one is at this point. So we tried last Friday to get together - unfortunately the weather was horrific and we could not get together. Then the weekend was pretty busy for me and now this week has been really, really hectic. So I wrote to him on Wednesday night apologizing for just not being in touch as much. He wrote me back saying that he feels as though we are just old friends or just peers who get together occasionally and that he really likes me and he wants to know where we are going. (We are going to hell Mr. Sparkless, bring a fire-proof suit and plenty of water...sorry my sarcasm is so out of control).
Ya know......
Look - I just don't get it anymore - I must be whacked in the head. I am not mis-representing myself here. I tell these guys what's up, that I am in the process of ending my marriage, that I want to make some new FRIENDS (hello?????), that I NEED to go slowly! I don't force them to see me, I don't expect them to NOT see anyone else. Shit this same guy - Mr. Sparkless is on his personals account at Yahoo all the damned time (you can see if someone has been active) - so does he think I don't know he is out there looking??? I just don't get the pressure angle. I understand he likes me, that's great I am flattered, I really am. But I don't get the 'where are we going?' crap. I mean do we have to make a declaration, or sign something in blood here after 4 dates? IS THERE A 4 DATE RULE?????? .
The advice: Go slow, things don't need to happen right now. You have been through so much - just take it slow and heal yourself. One girlfriend told me the best advice she had ever gotten was from her attorney when she went through her divorce and that was - wait one year to date, if you date right now, the only thing you are going to attract is what you know. That was really interesting advice. I liked that. I have to say though, I am not attracting ANYONE even faintly resembling HIM. They are all pretty much polar opposites -probably because the people I am attracting are SANE.
My ex-husband (who offered the other day to pay for my filing fees) *laugh* (and no there is nothing going on between us - he just hates my husband)- at any rate he told me to just throw myself into the Yoga community and go back to classes and hang with all my Yoga buddies and see what happens there. But that's not a very Yogic thing to do and it's not realistic either. But I do need to get back into the swing of going to classes more than I have been - I have been honing a personal practice and not going to classes lately.
I think I am going to just use everyone's good advice here. I am going to stay true to myself. I am going to try to be alone for a bit. If I get asked out I am not going to necessarily say no - but I am not going to go into it with the attitude of 'finding anyone'. I have a hole in my psyche, I have a heavy heart and there is no need to fill myself up right now. I need to decompress. I need to re-learn Colette. Reconnect.
I don't need fodder for the blog. If I get approached to write a dating column, perhaps, but that's not going to happen.
I promise to keep the light on!
I am NOT in a hurry - not at all. I am taking my time - just trying to make friends - that's right I said friends. If things happen fine. If not that's fine too.
So there is this one gentleman in particular - he has earned the moniker of 'Mr. Sparkless'; he is a nice stable guy and there is hardly any chemistry between us - thus to me - he is 'sparkless'. He and I have been out 4 times. The second time he invited me to his house to meet his family - this was very uncomfortable for me - I could have said no, but he is the most non-threatening person I have ever met - so I went. It was nice, pleasant.
I have been very busy lately and, my cell phone is acting wonky. I have given this guy my work number, my cell number and he has an e-mail address on me (so it's not like he can not get in touch) - he is not getting my home number - no one is at this point. So we tried last Friday to get together - unfortunately the weather was horrific and we could not get together. Then the weekend was pretty busy for me and now this week has been really, really hectic. So I wrote to him on Wednesday night apologizing for just not being in touch as much. He wrote me back saying that he feels as though we are just old friends or just peers who get together occasionally and that he really likes me and he wants to know where we are going. (We are going to hell Mr. Sparkless, bring a fire-proof suit and plenty of water...sorry my sarcasm is so out of control).
Ya know......
Look - I just don't get it anymore - I must be whacked in the head. I am not mis-representing myself here. I tell these guys what's up, that I am in the process of ending my marriage, that I want to make some new FRIENDS (hello?????), that I NEED to go slowly! I don't force them to see me, I don't expect them to NOT see anyone else. Shit this same guy - Mr. Sparkless is on his personals account at Yahoo all the damned time (you can see if someone has been active) - so does he think I don't know he is out there looking??? I just don't get the pressure angle. I understand he likes me, that's great I am flattered, I really am. But I don't get the 'where are we going?' crap. I mean do we have to make a declaration, or sign something in blood here after 4 dates? IS THERE A 4 DATE RULE?????? .
The advice: Go slow, things don't need to happen right now. You have been through so much - just take it slow and heal yourself. One girlfriend told me the best advice she had ever gotten was from her attorney when she went through her divorce and that was - wait one year to date, if you date right now, the only thing you are going to attract is what you know. That was really interesting advice. I liked that. I have to say though, I am not attracting ANYONE even faintly resembling HIM. They are all pretty much polar opposites -probably because the people I am attracting are SANE.
My ex-husband (who offered the other day to pay for my filing fees) *laugh* (and no there is nothing going on between us - he just hates my husband)- at any rate he told me to just throw myself into the Yoga community and go back to classes and hang with all my Yoga buddies and see what happens there. But that's not a very Yogic thing to do and it's not realistic either. But I do need to get back into the swing of going to classes more than I have been - I have been honing a personal practice and not going to classes lately.
I think I am going to just use everyone's good advice here. I am going to stay true to myself. I am going to try to be alone for a bit. If I get asked out I am not going to necessarily say no - but I am not going to go into it with the attitude of 'finding anyone'. I have a hole in my psyche, I have a heavy heart and there is no need to fill myself up right now. I need to decompress. I need to re-learn Colette. Reconnect.
I don't need fodder for the blog. If I get approached to write a dating column, perhaps, but that's not going to happen.
I promise to keep the light on!
posted by Colette at 6:45 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home