Guilty pleasures
I will admit to a guilty pleasure – well a guilty pleasure in some ways – not revealing too, too much I am afraid.
In watching ‘Desperate Housewives’ last nite I began wondering again about those ‘things’ that drive us to infidelity….turns out one of the ‘housewives’ seemed to have a ‘hobby’ she was a call girl for the men in the neighborhood whose wives apparently were not giving them exactly what they needed.
So I begin to wonder – is this an epidemic? I think it is. I think both sexes are guilty of this – but it just seems men have always used the excuse that ‘My wife just does not understand me’, in order to justify what they do – such as an extra-marital affair. The woman in the show last nite who was providing this ‘service’ told the wife that confronted her that her husband felt that he could not go to her and ask that his needs be met….
Well, well, well - that certainly rings a bell with me – my husband told me the same thing and you know what – while it might be true - I don’t recall him trying very hard to ask me for things – but of course it could have been that he did try, and I was either too busy or too harried (from the fact that he never helped around the house and almost everything of any real responsibility fell on me) – so one gets tired. I would imagine a lot of wives view their husbands asking as whining and tend to just either ignore them, or not give in to their desires. The bottom line is that I think both sexes need to learn how to communicate better with each other (duh)…but it’s not very easy – especially when men and women speak different languages.
Lately I find some men have ‘approached’ me – wanting to talk to me about things. A lot of them come from reading my blog – one of them (that I know of) is married. I am always happy to talk to people. (I love getting e-mails (NO - not the ones where you ask me if I want to be your slave or your mistress – although if we become close enough that’s not an entire rule out situation either – and please for those of you out there who are thinking about doing this – if I have never, ever spoken with you, and you approach me about this, cold water is going to seem warm compared to what I will say to you – you have to at least *KNOW* me or have spoken to me first OK?) ) – as I said while I love this particular aspect of blogging – part of me feels guilty; because the guy(s) in question should really be talking to their wives/girlfriends etc. And I have to wonder – does my anonymity make it easier for them to talk to me about fantasies – hell about anything? Have I become a combination of a sex columnist and 'Dear Abby'? Are wives out there really that closed off to their husbands??
I know I was there for my husband – he made the choice to exclude me – I am open-minded and I am adventurous – he was looking for something he must have thought I’d never do – like going to couples or allowing him to explore being bi-sexual (although again HAD he talked to me…) - oh yeah and I am not big on having sex with 18 year old prostitutes either but c’est la vie eh – he did in the end what he wanted to do.
I know when I was trying both near the end and during our separation to get my husband to work with me – it failed miserably. I mean I knew the reason he was cavorting elsewhere had to be that he was not getting his needs met. So I asked him to tell me his fantasies – but he put up this huge wall and did not talk about it. So I have to wonder – is it the anonymity of the women that causes men to be able to open up. Is it the Madonna/Whore complex? What is it? The husband in last nite’s show shed some light on a piece of it. He was saying that it’s easier with the woman he does not know – because her opinion of him did not matter as much as his wife’s opinion. That a strange woman rejecting him or refusing him was not as painful as the wife doing that same thing.
While I can begin to empathize with this sentiment – part of me – the bitter angry part – feels it is yet another ‘excuse’ and therefore I have some advice for would-be or soon-to-be adulterers. (men and women). Open your fucking mouths! Try! OK – try talking to us for real – not conversations in your heads and not when we are angry with you – or trying to put the kids to bed, feed the family or all the other myriad things we do for you. Find a quiet time – make a quiet time and talk to us. If not then stop making excuses, call a spade a spade and have your affair and let the chips fall where they may. But if you never ask – you’ll never know. And if your relationship is not that ‘type’ of relationship and you want it to be there are ways to change – there is always hope, there is always a choice – and, if you truly love each other – you will find a way.
In watching ‘Desperate Housewives’ last nite I began wondering again about those ‘things’ that drive us to infidelity….turns out one of the ‘housewives’ seemed to have a ‘hobby’ she was a call girl for the men in the neighborhood whose wives apparently were not giving them exactly what they needed.
So I begin to wonder – is this an epidemic? I think it is. I think both sexes are guilty of this – but it just seems men have always used the excuse that ‘My wife just does not understand me’, in order to justify what they do – such as an extra-marital affair. The woman in the show last nite who was providing this ‘service’ told the wife that confronted her that her husband felt that he could not go to her and ask that his needs be met….
Well, well, well - that certainly rings a bell with me – my husband told me the same thing and you know what – while it might be true - I don’t recall him trying very hard to ask me for things – but of course it could have been that he did try, and I was either too busy or too harried (from the fact that he never helped around the house and almost everything of any real responsibility fell on me) – so one gets tired. I would imagine a lot of wives view their husbands asking as whining and tend to just either ignore them, or not give in to their desires. The bottom line is that I think both sexes need to learn how to communicate better with each other (duh)…but it’s not very easy – especially when men and women speak different languages.
Lately I find some men have ‘approached’ me – wanting to talk to me about things. A lot of them come from reading my blog – one of them (that I know of) is married. I am always happy to talk to people. (I love getting e-mails (NO - not the ones where you ask me if I want to be your slave or your mistress – although if we become close enough that’s not an entire rule out situation either – and please for those of you out there who are thinking about doing this – if I have never, ever spoken with you, and you approach me about this, cold water is going to seem warm compared to what I will say to you – you have to at least *KNOW* me or have spoken to me first OK?) ) – as I said while I love this particular aspect of blogging – part of me feels guilty; because the guy(s) in question should really be talking to their wives/girlfriends etc. And I have to wonder – does my anonymity make it easier for them to talk to me about fantasies – hell about anything? Have I become a combination of a sex columnist and 'Dear Abby'? Are wives out there really that closed off to their husbands??
I know I was there for my husband – he made the choice to exclude me – I am open-minded and I am adventurous – he was looking for something he must have thought I’d never do – like going to couples or allowing him to explore being bi-sexual (although again HAD he talked to me…) - oh yeah and I am not big on having sex with 18 year old prostitutes either but c’est la vie eh – he did in the end what he wanted to do.
I know when I was trying both near the end and during our separation to get my husband to work with me – it failed miserably. I mean I knew the reason he was cavorting elsewhere had to be that he was not getting his needs met. So I asked him to tell me his fantasies – but he put up this huge wall and did not talk about it. So I have to wonder – is it the anonymity of the women that causes men to be able to open up. Is it the Madonna/Whore complex? What is it? The husband in last nite’s show shed some light on a piece of it. He was saying that it’s easier with the woman he does not know – because her opinion of him did not matter as much as his wife’s opinion. That a strange woman rejecting him or refusing him was not as painful as the wife doing that same thing.
While I can begin to empathize with this sentiment – part of me – the bitter angry part – feels it is yet another ‘excuse’ and therefore I have some advice for would-be or soon-to-be adulterers. (men and women). Open your fucking mouths! Try! OK – try talking to us for real – not conversations in your heads and not when we are angry with you – or trying to put the kids to bed, feed the family or all the other myriad things we do for you. Find a quiet time – make a quiet time and talk to us. If not then stop making excuses, call a spade a spade and have your affair and let the chips fall where they may. But if you never ask – you’ll never know. And if your relationship is not that ‘type’ of relationship and you want it to be there are ways to change – there is always hope, there is always a choice – and, if you truly love each other – you will find a way.
posted by Colette at 4:21 PM
1 Comments:
A view from a different perspective --
There was a time in my life where I "was" Maisy Gibbons. In looking for a boyfriend I stumbled upon guys online who were married, but weren't getting something they needed at home, so they came to me. It's a strange feeling to know you ARE the other woman. Were the men I saw bisexual? Gay? I don't know. I did know that the only way I could be with them, was to block out the fact that they were married. If I thought of the wife at all it was as a faceless, nameless creature, not as a loving wife, and mother. Perhaps, I reasoned, like many women, they despised fellatio. In one instance, the wife had some sort of muscular disorder, and likely couldn't perform her "wifely duties".
In the end the liaisons were short lived, though not usually because of the guys. In all cases I was the one to break them off. Was it guilt? Perhaps... Or maybe I realized that I needed a relationship with someone who cared for me, not someone who just wanted to get his rocks off.
So while I don't condone the actions these men and others take, I can see the reasoning behind it. Tell the truth and run the risk of ruining their entire lives, or be stealthy and at least for a short time get those fantasies met. Men are very good at separating their sex lives from their love lives. Perhaps it's a defect in us.
I'm happy that period of my life is behind me. Being committed to one caring person is much better than semi anonymous sex with someone who's lying, to others and in many cases, themselves.
Post a Comment
<< Home