Burning bridges
I have wanted to say this for a long time….actually I have wanted to scream about this for a long time.
I want to ask those people that call my husband ‘friend’ why they have never had the balls to confront him for what he has done…that’s right I want to know. You see I believe if you don’t tell your friends the truth – or confront their destructive behaviour – that you in ways condone the behaviour. Is that the case kids? Cause if it is you can all go straight to hell – do not pass go, do not collect $200. It’s like knowing a friend of yours is about to get in a car and drive while really drunk – shouldn’t you stop them??? Aren’t you obligated to stop them???? And, are you going to try to tell me that infidelity, irresponsibility, dangerous sexual practices, lying, etc. IS an OK way to behave???? Excuse me???? Perhaps you are uncomfortable – perhaps he does not give you any openings, which is what I keep hearing – but you know what – bullshit! Wasn’t I your friend too???? What kind of ‘real’ friend sits by and says nothing while their friend destroys lives?
Worse are the people who are trying to remain friends to us both – this probably numbers only one – it’s a woman and she is neurotic as hell. I am tired of her pandering. Martha Stewart, mamby-pambyness about this whole sordid thing. Get a fucking spine OK! Stop talking about him behind his back, siding with me – after you have seen him at lunch - and start telling him this shit to his face!!!! I am sure likewise if he complains to you - you side with him. Otherwise leave me alone! I can’t stand behaviour like this. It’s two-faced. I’d rather not even be friends.
In fact once I actually begged her to help me when I thought he was just going to show up at one of my Yoga classes and she blew me off – I desperately have needed someone else to talk to him for me – why??? BECAUSE THE ASSHOLE ISN’T LISTENING TO ME! That’s why.
Look, I am not saying that I expect you guys to do anything about this – I am just expecting people to stop wearing blinders and participate in the friendship. Say something! You want to watch his life slide into the dumpster, fine – if that’s your idea of compassion and caring – more power to you. Perhaps it’s a generational thing and my friends are just more concerned about me – it’s not like I don’t get an earful about the things I have done or am doing – and believe me if some of my friends do ever run into him – I pity him….again it’s not a violent measure – but ignoring things IS condoning things. To me being a friend is just as much about the shit you DON’T want to do as it is the fun stuff. If you can’t handle things like this when your friend so desperately needs it – then I pity you the times when you need this and your friends in turn do nothing to help you. Letting someone off the hook isn’t all ways the best thing for them.
I want to ask those people that call my husband ‘friend’ why they have never had the balls to confront him for what he has done…that’s right I want to know. You see I believe if you don’t tell your friends the truth – or confront their destructive behaviour – that you in ways condone the behaviour. Is that the case kids? Cause if it is you can all go straight to hell – do not pass go, do not collect $200. It’s like knowing a friend of yours is about to get in a car and drive while really drunk – shouldn’t you stop them??? Aren’t you obligated to stop them???? And, are you going to try to tell me that infidelity, irresponsibility, dangerous sexual practices, lying, etc. IS an OK way to behave???? Excuse me???? Perhaps you are uncomfortable – perhaps he does not give you any openings, which is what I keep hearing – but you know what – bullshit! Wasn’t I your friend too???? What kind of ‘real’ friend sits by and says nothing while their friend destroys lives?
Worse are the people who are trying to remain friends to us both – this probably numbers only one – it’s a woman and she is neurotic as hell. I am tired of her pandering. Martha Stewart, mamby-pambyness about this whole sordid thing. Get a fucking spine OK! Stop talking about him behind his back, siding with me – after you have seen him at lunch - and start telling him this shit to his face!!!! I am sure likewise if he complains to you - you side with him. Otherwise leave me alone! I can’t stand behaviour like this. It’s two-faced. I’d rather not even be friends.
In fact once I actually begged her to help me when I thought he was just going to show up at one of my Yoga classes and she blew me off – I desperately have needed someone else to talk to him for me – why??? BECAUSE THE ASSHOLE ISN’T LISTENING TO ME! That’s why.
Look, I am not saying that I expect you guys to do anything about this – I am just expecting people to stop wearing blinders and participate in the friendship. Say something! You want to watch his life slide into the dumpster, fine – if that’s your idea of compassion and caring – more power to you. Perhaps it’s a generational thing and my friends are just more concerned about me – it’s not like I don’t get an earful about the things I have done or am doing – and believe me if some of my friends do ever run into him – I pity him….again it’s not a violent measure – but ignoring things IS condoning things. To me being a friend is just as much about the shit you DON’T want to do as it is the fun stuff. If you can’t handle things like this when your friend so desperately needs it – then I pity you the times when you need this and your friends in turn do nothing to help you. Letting someone off the hook isn’t all ways the best thing for them.
3 Comments:
I promise as your friend, IF I ever do run into him anywhere, I'll personally kick him in the nuts so hard he'll sing soprano. It is rather amazing how no one has confronted him on your behalf.
My dearest Liam,
I was not in any way shape or form refering to you. Really I was mainly blowing off steam - because I have asked these people to their faces - or in conversation to talk to him and no no one does. Yes I understand he himself refuses to bring it up - but I mean c'mon -ALL of our friends are aware of what has happened. In some ways this reminds me of how people used to be described in NYC - if they saw a crime being commited they simply 'didn't get involved' or 'looked the other way' - I know that getting involved in the middle of a marriage break up is not always a good thing, to do it can be nasty...and I guess you find out really fast who your friends are - but I am not asking them to get involved - I am asking them to 'talk' to him - as his friend. For instance he still calls me all the time - and I still am having problems with that - he knows my work number, my home number, me cell number and I refuse to change my numbers - so why can't one of his friends say something? I means I would ask my family to do this, but if my brothers talk to him all hell is going to break loose and I don't want anyone (which would be him) getting hurt. Seriously.....
I know it's a hard thing to do - but I know what *I* would do in the same position (in fact I HAVE done it with a couple of my friends that I knew were cheating) and it would not matter which one of the parties I was friends with - right is right - wrong is wrong - and ignorance certainly isn't bliss. What are they worried they are going to be on the wrong side if we were to ever get back together? How silly is that....
Thanks for being there for me - as always. And any of you reading this who have been there for me thank you as well. I truly DO appreciate all of it - even those that won't talk. I DO understand - I guess I am just asking for a little bit of help and support here...before I lose my mind.
C -
I assume the friends you are referring to are guys. I think its a guy thing. They just mind their own business. Honestly, if one of my friends husbands was cheating on her and I knew it, I'm not sure what I would do. You can't change other people, only yourself. That's what I keep saying to myself lately to get strength.
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