at Penn State and elsewhere - where people are coming forward to talk about what happened to them - I want to first thank you for being brave enough to do this. I hope you find the support and love that you need while you go through this entire process.
Some of you may know - others might not - that I myself was a victim of being molested. I wrote a very lengthy post about it and I have received numerous comments on that post. In most recent times, people (anonymous people) have felt the need to come out and attack me or make disparaging comments towards what I've written. I have therefore decided I need to moderate comments now, because I am sick of being attacked.
That all being said, I am compelled to share a beautiful comment to my post - and it is because of this comment that I feel all was not in vain when I decided to write that revealing post long ago. Here you go (my heartfelt/soul-felt thanks to Akira Rei for sharing this and 'rescuing' me.:
**********
"First, I'm absurdly grateful to the Davis family for producing and
sharing this film. I cried so hard I mimicked Celesta for a while there,
and now I'm giddy and giggly and exhausted and just want this whole
burdensome process to be OVER.
And Colette, thanks for sharing
your story. I hope you've found a community and supporters and continue
to seek out happiness and positive experiences. I'll be starting CBT
soon, and I plan to move out of my house and confront my father soon, as
well.
I feel compelled to address our 2 *wonderful* Anonymous posts, even though I'm sure they'll never read it.
First,
it's plain weird that you went to all the trouble of watching the movie
and reading this blog post, and all you got out of it was that you
blame people who don't report these incidences. I think you may be
missing the 'sympathetic' cogs and nobs of your brain.
However, I
understand that if you've never been through a scenario like this, it's
really hard to understand where we're coming from. I even had a few
minutes of complete dissociation where I wondered why the fuck this
whole 'confrontation' thing was such a big deal. And molestation - it's
so strange that it affects us so severely!
But truly, reporting
someone is not as easy as you think it is. We create happy little lives
for ourselves, and sometimes something big, bad and scary comes along
that we aren't equipped to deal with. No one can offer advice, there is
pressure from others in our lives to pretend like it wasn't a big deal,
it's too crazy to comprehend...so we agree to not report the person if
they'll go to therapy (using Ellen Davis as an example). Nowadays it's a
little more out in the open than it was in the 60s or 70s (THANK YOU
FEMINISTS!!) so reporting these cases is more normal...when the child
tells.
But if the child can't tell? If the perpetrator
threatens, or the child lives with the molester, or the parents don’t
care? If it seems normal to the child? They know it's wrong, but not
really why it's wrong, they can justify it away....
And most
victims of child sexual abuse struggle with low self-esteem. It takes a
lot of fucking courage to report your molester to the authorities,
turning something intensely personal and private into a PUBLIC MATTER.
Many victims come away from the abuse thinking, "it wasn't such a big
deal," or "I'm overreacting," and have a hard enough time standing up
for themselves (victimization process continues, geniuses!), much less
trying to for other hypothetical victims. Additionally, it's hard to
imagine it happening to anyone else, because these things are always so
secretive.
And finally, FUCK YOU. If the man who molested me does
the same to anyone else - it is NOT my fault. It is HIS FAULT. And
don't you FUCKING DARE tell me otherwise, because I never stuck my
finger anywhere on her body it didn't belong. SUCK IT, INSENSITIVE
DOUCHE-BAG.
That pissed me off. I understand your point. But it's
putting too much emphasis on the victim, who already suffers from a lot
of emotions and personality issues from, hey, being a victim. (Imagine
that.)
"
