Sexy Tractors, Manor Mosquitoes, and a Piano...

(LOL don't you just hate titles like this?)

So....

This weekend my love and I decided to go to Punderson State Park - have much needed get-away and do some camping.

Unfortunately, it rained for several days (yep we needed to build an Ark) before we went - I really did not want to go due to the weather. But go we did and it was wonderful...well pretty much.

The night we arrived, we ate at the lovely 'Manor' outside. The food was excellent the 'live' entertainment - well let's just say we wish him dead (sorry did *I* just type that?). Anyhow he did a version of the song 'She thinks my tractor's sexy' (a KennyChesny song) and I was about to go through the roof. However, poetic justice was served (a dish best eaten cold) when the plug on his equipment was pulled (by some little girl) while he was doing Bono (U2's) song 'One'. The guy was rather upset and said something to the affect of bringing his generator 'the next time' to which Erin asked: 'Why is it going to generate better music' - I nearly peed my pants laughing - but I don't think this guy heard....that's OK...Note to self: never go for the 'live entertainment' on Friday nights in the summers..)

We set up camp - had a camp fire and retired for the evening. It was great.

The next morning we got up - cooked over the campfire, spent the day riding our bikes and because it had ained (and indeed rained while we were there), I was nearly eaten alive by mosquitoes. I have sustained approximately 40 bites. Ah the joys of camping. One wonderful thing did come out of Saturday though, we got to talk to one of the sales managers up at the 'manor' about hosting a reception there and it proved to be our best idea yet. This will be the perfect place for us to have our celebration after our wedding ceremony - I can't wait. I am so excited.

Saturday night (after me being a bit grumpy) - we made love in our tent and then took a walk out under a full moon - we were up until close to 4AM.

Sunday we woke up and broke camp and headed home.

Sunday afternoon we put stuff away, did laundry and finally in the evening cuddled together and watched the movie 'The Piano'



The movie has always been one of my favs and the soundtrack is haunting - Holly Hunter did an amazing job in her role.

At any rate - blissful as usual that I have someone to share all this wonders with - I will leave all to your lives whilst I go itch my skin off in private.

XOXO

Colette

Zen Lunatic

Zen Lunatic

Yes kids, it's the not-so-weekly installment of 'Blog of the Week' here on DOCG

Go there now...experience the lunacy first hand.

Peanuts by Charles Bukowski

Peanuts by Charles Bukowski

Stolen from Susan over at Easy Bake Coven
(well cause who else would have such cool stuff on her blog?)

Ya know....

One of these day I am going to buy one of his books (Mr. Bukowski that is)...just an amazing writer.

Film Legend Ingmar Bergman Dies at 89

Film Legend Ingmar Bergman Dies at 89

Cat is 'Grim Reaper'

Cat is 'Grim Reaper'

Geez...

I can't get/find a single article that will admit Yoga helps patients from the NEJ - but this cat gets an article?????

Um...OK - that's medical science at its best I suppose...

'Spoiler'

'Spoiler'

Via 'evil' C2

(I nearly brought my drink through my nose)

More like bummer camp

More like bummer camp

*sighs*

The high cost of being a litigious society I suppose...

This story saddened me even though I was never privelidged enough to go to a summer camp.

Catholics Concerned Latin Mass Not Progressive

Catholics Concerned Latin Mass Not Progressive

*ahem*

Well if you ask me the church is simply not progressive period.

I grew up hearing mass in Latin (and Italian). It's a beautiful ritual in those languages.

However, now other 'groups' (i.e. Jews, Protestants) are upset over what they see as a return to the 'old ways' where the Catholic church felt that they were the 'one true faith' and all others needed to be converted.

While I do not personally see anything wrong with the mass being said in a dead language, I can certainly understand the fear these groups have about the possibility of the return of the 'dark ages' vis-a-vis the Holy Roman See.

Catholics world-wide need to become more a part of the global community not less. I have felt for years that the Catholic church needs to embrace differences and become more tolerant of other religions and lifestyles but of course that probably (in certain people's views) does not make me a very good Catholic. Which is fine by me - I don't need anyone else judging me - as much as they'd like to...

My love and I have been discussing our various religious beliefs/convictions (which is what makes this relaitonship so very healthy) - and he knows how I feel about the church in general and we are able to discuss civilly even when we don't see eye-to-eye. This is very freeing for both of us and more and more I become convinced of how compatible we are with one another. (You know you'd think I'd be able to write something on here without mentioning how crazy in love I am with Erin...oh well... (^_^)

Study shows racial disparities in prison

Study shows racial disparities in prison

Show of hands....

Anyone out there surprised by this? (And not I am not being a racist by making that comment - I am disgusted by the findings)

You all need to read 'Dead Man Walking' - it may change how you feel about the so-called judicial system in this country.

Virtual Cat Fight

Virtual Cat Fight

No....

Pervs...it's not THAT kind of cat fight...

Cute though...my cats would be oblivious...

Just because...

(another re-post from last year - yeah my ego needed a good spanking...)

(and just as an aside what the fuck is the matter with the 'Edit HTML' and 'Compose' function???? Anyone else having a problem?)

*******

Just because....

ON BECOMING.....

...an Ancient Goddess, an Earth Mother, a Tantric High Priestess, a Faerie Queene, a Pirate Queen, a Celtic Witch, an Italian Bella Donna, an American Woman...

I am the one who will challenge you to think on your own two feet, the one who will make you question all you know to be 'right' and 'wrong', the one who will mesmerize you, tantalize you, possess you and strip you of your sense of fear, letting you fall, only to catch you again and lift you up.

I will share with you if I so choose, befriend you, be loyal to you and protect you; fight like a tigress to defend you and keep you from harm.

I will not: wait for you to catch up, suffer fools gladly, brooke with liars, cheats, or pretenders, people who are rude, inconsiderate, or unkind....

I am intelligent, creative, sexy, funny, disarming, sarcastic, witty, bitchy, geeky, confusing, loving, romantic, spontaneous, flirty, vivacious, voluptuous, serene, compassionate, and charming...

I expect: honesty, loyalty, intelligence, kindness, compassion, integrity, and guts.

I've had lovers, more than one at a time for time immemorial, but now will choose to have only 'one' by my side and if you are my consort, you will know the depth of my passion, my fire, my desires. I will take you to your edge, I will make you want more, I will satisfy your every need, whim and desire. You will be mine as surely as I am yours...you may not even know what hit you - but you will know my love and you will know it has no bounds

Recalling

That 'new car smell' of love (post from last year)

********

Love is blindness....

I don’t want to see....

*sighs*

I suppose there’s a reason why this stuff is referred to as ‘the tender trap’ for I feel a bit trapped indeed.

I have so many emotions whirling around inside of me these days. Sometimes I don’t even know which end is up.

In all that has happened to me since the demise of my marriage I think that part of me forgot what it was like to just date someone. Let me tell you it’s NOT like riding a bike (not with this guy anyway).

I am falling there is no doubt about it, falling faster than my own personal velocity is used to or feels capable of. I need something to stablise me (I don’t want it to be him, though – although he IS very stable) - something so that I can keep my wits about me – because I feel like they are turning to jelly right before my very eyes.

Typically we are often told to not put our eggs in one basket when it comes to things like this. I could become a ‘modern’ woman – a player. I don’t want to – it’s that pure and that simple. I like this guy. I like him A LOT. In fact it’s actually scary how much I DO like him because I just don’t go for guys in this manner. There is so much to him and it keeps revealing itself – a lifting of the veils. I feel this is as close as I am ever going to get to seeing someone’s soul. The closeness really takes me by surprise. I never thought I would want to be this close to anyone ever again. So I am feeling a bit off-kilter from the force of this and the quickness of it as well. I keep telling myself to ‘slow down!’ (screaming it at myself actually), but I don’t seem to be listening.

I am happy, really and truly happy. I have not felt this happy in years. I mean from the end of my marriage on – and that’s 4 friggin’ years! Oh and don’t get me wrong, I’ve been happy – but not like this.

He does things to me (*laughs* not THOSE things you pervs) – he makes me think about things – deeply, he makes me giggle (that’s right I said *giggle*), he makes me want to be calmer (for all of you out there that know me, truly know me, this is HUGE), he respects me, he honours me, he is truly a wonderful person inside and out – he is rare and all those things I never thought I’d find. I feel I’ve met my match. And, not to be cliché or quote stupid movies: he makes me want to be a better person and he had me a ‘hello’.


I said I was not going to post much about this on here but I had to post this. Because this is the old Colette talking as well – yet it’s the new Colette. I want this to be here in this forum for it’s part of me, of who I am, of who I am becoming, and I know I want to share this with the world and scream it from the rooftops cause that how excited I am to be involved in this.

There aren’t going to be names, or ‘gory’ details but just the ‘update’ which a lot of you deserve and I want to thank all of you for all of your support when I was going through my darkest times – for that I will always love all of you – you have no idea how much you all mean to me.

So thank you AGAIN from the bottom of my heart – which is now brimming over with joy.

As ever,
XOXOXOXO
Colette

Tracings...

...from my past.

This is a repost from 2 years ago - I don't think I did a re-post this month and this one is especially haunting.

###############

Tracings of memories

Trying to figure out meaning/reasons why it is so important

*********

It is a street. Like any other, only HE lives here now. Amidst the constant barrage of noise, crime, poverty, prostitutes, dilapidated buildings and used-up people..

He does not wonder how he got here. It's all tied up with his desires; a seemingly endless stream of them that he can't or won't control.

First came the girl, then the couples and then finally, the men. But, it was the girl that was the undoing of 'HIM'. It all swirls in his head and becomes a blur - he's hurt people because of this, people he held dear at one time. His marriage fell victim and all of his best intentions could not keep it from falling apart.

He can almost catch a glimpse of the monster - out of the corner of his mind's eye - it taunts him.

*****************

Do we drink to remember, or, drink to forget,
or do we drink to drown our sorrows,
knowing...the tears we do cry...
traces of memories, will never really
wash our souls clean.

He pines for her, but she
has left his orbit now...
I long for someone whose heart
belongs to another - far away.

He gives me a soundtrack
to his longing, hoping, maybe
I'll grow into HER somehow...
or perhaps the secrets
hidden in our hearts are just
too much to bear, so
we only share them with
the dangerous ones...

I will transpose the songs
for you, out of my longing,
and hope, maybe this
will bring you to me.

Because I am willing to
give up - to not insist,
will I never have you?
If I never give up,
If I won't take no
for an answer, will I
finally break your resolve?
or bend you to my will?
What would be left then
of you? of me? of us?

I will take the songs
of longing from him,
about her, his memories
are secrets only he holds...
and I will give them to you -
purging myself of his sins,
that are a brand of fire
around my heart, and the
memories I create,
will linger in you
so that when
I finally do leave,
the memories will be the
tracings of MY tears

Weather report...

Cloud cities form above me...

Dense, menacing, heavy – mirroring my mood. There are breaks in the patterns here and there – glimpses of blue skies, blinding white where the sun is being reflected…

I drive under the glowering sky immersed in my thoughts…and I think: I should just keep driving (Goddess that would feel so good)...

Why is it we get to a point in relationships where we can’t talk to one another anymore (the way perhaps we used to at one point)?

Why is it we become afraid of people we’ve known for years?

What happens to all those dynamics? What changes?

Beats the hell out of me; I grow weary though...very easily.

I get told all the time – we teach people how to treat us – for the most part I agree with that assessment – but there are just some people out there who treat everyone like their personal bitch. I know, I work with one of them. I have never told her this is the way to treat me – mainly because after all this time, I am still shocked every time I see a grown woman throw what literally amounts to a tantrum…do I tell her to throw tantrums? Um, No. Do I ask her to act like a spoiled, intolerant, judgmental bitch? Um, no I don’t. Can I fix this? No, not really – she is who she is and at the tender age of like 43, I don’t think she’s going to change anytime soon...

Geez...

Meanwhile I also don’t know how to deal with other aspects in other relationships. I seem to want to retreat. I get fearful, antsy, unsure, doubtful. There are just some things I am never going to be comfortable with/about. Things I feel that will eventually impact the relationship and change how we relate to each other. I lament the loss of the way things were during the ‘discovery phase’ – sometimes I think what happens is that you get to know each other so well that eventually the familiarity of it all truly does breed contempt, or boredom….or just plain forgetting how it was at the beginning and not knowing – or remembering I guess how to connect (reconnect) again with each other...

I’ve been waking in the mornings lately to dreary skies...love this weather. Love being stormy – within and without...I just wish there was some way to reconcile some of these issues...

Burns Prompt Another Toy-Oven Recall

Burns Prompt Another Toy-Oven Recall

Um...

Friggin' duh!

You give a kid a 'real' oven and guess what...chances are it will get hot and they will get burned (Ya think?!?!?!?)

...(kind of like the old adage - you play with fire...)

WTF?

Flame Warriors

Flame Warriors

...via Erin

Whole Foods CEO sorry for anonymous Web posts

Whole Foods CEO sorry for anonymous Web posts


Um...yeah buddy OK....we forgive you...

So...is this like 'flame wars' only different?

Romance...

(Now listening to: Goldfrapp: 'Ooh La La') *wicked grin*


It’s been a while since I’ve described a ‘date’ between my love and I – I talk about Erin all the time. But what with our lives being hectic what-have-you I don’t always discuss the fact that we actually still ‘date’ each other – even though I have a ring on my finger…even though most of my time is spent with him…we still ‘romance’ each other.

Yesterday, I suggested a romantic picnic dinner. (Tuesday nights he does not have his children).

So my love in his usual amazing fashion put together a romantic picnic. He set up the yard with a canopy to sit under. He put together a menu. He got a bottle of Beaujolais

Of course because the weather gods keep track of our e-mails and saw we wanted to do something outside it poured yesterday – I swear we are going to have to invent a secret code word for picnic cause every time I suggest one it seems to rain or we have inclement weather – this is worrisome mainly because we are planning a picnic as our reception.

At any rate, here’s the menu (Note: other than the frittata the recipes below are just ones I grabbed off the information super-highway):

Bread with sun-dried tomato spread
(Just get some bread and slice it up – or get sliced bread and get some sun-dried tomato spread – found in your gourmet isle).

Chicken-stuffed mushroom caps
(an example of one such recipe is HERE - this was not the one my love used)

Picnic Zucchini Frittata
Serves 2

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
½ lb zucchini, sliced into 1/8-inch rounds
4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
¼ teaspoon dried oregano and salt
Dash of pepper
1½ tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
¼ cup green onions, sliced
½ small can (2 1/4 ounce can) of sliced ripe olives, drained

In a small frying pan with an oven-proof handle, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium-high heat. When oil is hot, add garlic and zucchini; cook, stirring occasionally, until zucchini is tender. Remove from heat. In a bowl, lightly beat eggs and milk. Stir in oregano, salt, pepper, cheese, onions, olives, and zucchini mixture. Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to pan; place over medium heat. When oil is hot, pour in egg mixture and cook without stirring. As egg mixture begins to set, lift edges with a spatula and tilt pan to allow uncooked egg to flow underneath. Continue cooking until eggs are softly set, and the top still looks moist. Remove from heat. Place under broiler about 6-inches from heat, just until tops of eggs are set (about 2 to 3 minutes). Cut into wedges to serve.

For dessert (this is an example below of a recipe – Erin made ours from last night with store-bought ‘shortcake’ and mixed berries – which is quicker than baking it yourself):

Easy Strawberry Shortcake

2 1/3 c. Bisquick baking mix
1/2 c. milk
3 tbsp. sugar
3 tbsp. butter, or butter, melted
1 qt. strawberries, sliced and sweetened
Real Whipped Cream

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Mix first 4 ingredients until dough forms. Knead 8-10 times on surface dusted with Bisquick. Roll 1/2 inch thick. Cut with 3-inch cutter dipped in Bisquick. Bake on cookie sheet until golden brown, 10-12 minutes. Split shortcakes, fill and top with strawberries and whipped topping. 6 servings

And,

1 Bottle Beaujolais wine (in our case it was vintage 2005)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was kind of stressful for me (for him as well). Yet I walked into his house and was greeted by the smells of him having cooked part of the picnic. He had to run his son to his ex’s house – then he came home and cooked us our picnic dinner.

We ate in the family room at the coffee table sitting crossed-legged on the floor. We talked and enjoyed the meal.

Afterwards we laughed, wrestled a little, and talked about what we wanted to do that night – since it was raining the idea of going outside to play was not so viable (although I love to go out in the rain). Instead we decided to go bowling. We both kind of sucked but it was fun nonetheless.

We ended up the night by snuggling in each others arms and talking.

I am still amazed at just how much I love this man and how much he also seems to love me as well. I am hoping this trend will continue on for the rest of our days – but I take comfort in knowing that over a year later (much I am sure to the chagrin of certain creep I know out there) – we are still making love to each other in all kinds of wonderful ways.

Weirdness...

...abounds....

Just saying....

Sometimes life surprises you...things come out of left field and causes a shift in perceptions/paradigms shift...

I guess I just never thought some of the old wounds would heal...but lo and behold.

Every now and then I think about what led me to start writing on this blog...the drama, the anger, the fears, the betrayals. I think about whether or not I am still feeding/fanning those flames....

Sometimes, I do, old hurts can take a long time to go away....and don't get me wrong some of what transpired as much as I try - I will never forget and quite possible not completely forgive either....

Like just out of general principles, if I ran into that little tart on the street I probably would slap her - because I think helping to ruin/destroy not one but two families and continuing the pattern that she herself so abhorred makes it rather easy to be angry with/despise her - not that I feel I should waste my energy on such things - but some people are simply put on this earth to cause misery for others...until either they are stopped and/or learn their lessons. Perhaps she has learned - I don't know - my guess is no....but perhaps she has healed herself and perhaps the others whose lives she made hellish have forgiven...who knows...

But to find a space where I can feel at ease, even benevolent towards my ex...like whoa...where the hell did THIS come from?

Again who knows....but yeah it's quite a surprise.

Man's Smelly Feet Trigger Police Raid

Man's Smelly Feet Trigger Police Raid


Um...

EWWWWWWWW!

Art owner alleges Warhol conspiracy

Art owner alleges Warhol conspiracy

Wow!

Andy Warhol was hiding UFOs - who'd of thunk....

(*snickers*)

Sorry...

Seriously though....bizarre - Andy would have probably loved this though...

Mixed media

What can I say, I’ve been busy (blissfully in love) – yes I think about putting stuff on here but it become secondary to living my life…that’s a GOOD thing…

I am not finished with this yet – but this has been an all-consuming read for me. The subject is one I am fascinated with (religion in general and how it informs and transforms society and our lives).

Although this book has been absolutely fascinating and difficult to put down - it's also a very disturbing and gruesome (in the true-crime sense) read - I highly recommend this book and the author did his homework (this is actually the second book of Mr. Krakauer's I've read).



Movie-wise - there's been actually a lot of movies (too many if you ask me - I've been feeling sort of sluggish lately...). Nonetheless the couple I list here I also highly recommend - especially 'Crash' to me this is a 'must-see' film. 'Face Off' is one I have always enjoyed - violence aside - it's a pretty interesting film (and I adore Nicholas Cage). Lastly, 'La Femme Nakita' is sexy, smart and again rather interesting (conceptually).







Finally, in the music dept. I've been listening to some of the 'older' parts of my collection - enjoying it with Erin actually. The Sophie Hawkins is one I added this weekend but has always been a fav of mine.

Hot consumers, advertising mess

Hot consumers, advertising mess

'Hot Ghetto Mess'

A new 'reality' series from BET. Already stirring up a lot of controversy...

My take on this is - it is what it is - and without TRYING to come across as a racist - if this is how these people live and how they WANT to live then so be it.

I am sick and tired of society being the 'whipping boy' (and yes I used that phrase on purpose) for things like this - this is America...and it's unfair to keep on blaming slavery, white oppression, whatever for ALL the ills plaguing the African-American community - I have to kind of side with the esteemed Mr. Bill Cosby in my views about this...

I have felt this way about Rap music too - why glorify a lifestyle choice that is killing young men (women, kids) in that community? I just don't get it...never have, never will...

Call me controversial, non-compassionate whatever - I don't remember hearing my immigrant Italian grandmother bitching about her lot in life because of white, male Americans - she was grateful - perhaps that made her naive I don't know - but it gets old...

Just some of my 2 cents - not that it's worth anything on the street these days...

Beijing steamed buns include cardboard

Beijing steamed buns include cardboard

YUMMY!

*gags*

'These are a few of my favourite things...'

(No, not whiskers on kittens, and raindrops on roses – but those ARE cool things)

I love waking up in the mornings and being wrapped up in your arms….

I love walking out into the cool morning air and beginning a new day

I love sitting outside under the stars with candles glowing (possibly camp fires) and just talking

I love discovering new music, books, art….

I love being with friends and making new ones…

I love being trusted with Erin’s kids…I love being able to play with them

I love even the bad times – the ups and downs – they make me feel alive

********

Recently there have been some trials and tribulations…as well as blessings….

My son decided to run up a $700 phone bill – there was a BIG misunderstanding….but I managed to get things cleared up (somewhat) – he learned (hopefully) a less on – a very expensive one…yeah I was ready to kill him.

There have been other discussions about his ‘future’ – he wanted to take a 5-week course that would give him a certificate saying he can be a sound engineer – this is all well and fine and good but it also costs upward of $3K to do this…his dad and I want him to get a degree instead so now my son and I are trying to research a way for him to do what he wants to do – but also what would be the most beneficial for him – I don’t want to burst his dream bubble…I want him to be happy – I also want him to be able to eat, live, thrive on his own…

My cat needs a vet trip – good ole’ Spud – he seems to be suffering or really sensitive to the flea repellant I am using and I need to get him checked out…

Recently I found out that I am going to be involved in a study using Yoga with cancer patients – I am thrilled and I will be named as an investigator – this is HUGE – HUGE. At any rate yesterday I had to meet with the doctor heading the study who is an old friend of mine from my early days of teaching – and I had to ask the jerk from Au Bon Pain if we could have a private, quiet place to meet – he obliged me then made some comment about me having a boyfriend – and I quote: ‘Yeah you and this boyfriend thing’ (THING???um…OK) – ‘that always throws a monkey-wrench in my day’ (I begin wondering to myself how many women he hits on who are married/taken) – I thank him for helping and I let myself into the back dining room for the mtg.

It was good seeing my old friend and I am thrilled to be doing this study – it’s history and I am going to be a part of that…

Work is both frustrating and rewarding but more and more I am wishing I could teach Yoga full time – oh well – perhaps someday that dream will be realized for now I will try to remain realistic….

I get to have little ‘gifts’ sent my way like Mr. C sending me cute e-mails and how we call each other Mr. C and Ms C – just adorable and sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without my friends. Thanks all of you – you know who you are….

Life marches on…and I am trying to avoid the pitfalls and remain positive – not always easy, especially for me…but that’s OK. I am not Little Miss Mary Sunshine either.

Just an update….I will keep you all posted as new developments occur (LOL – yeah like you guys care). Meanwhile I hope all is well in your part of the universe.

Can Rock Save the World?

Can Rock Save the World?

To me, the answer to this question is: Of course!

And perhaps, this is where my hope resides - in the idea that people coming together for a common cause CAN (and DO) make a difference...

You all ought to try it sometime...

Grizzly Bear: Haunted Songs from a 'Yellow House'

Grizzly Bear: Haunted Songs from a 'Yellow House'

{This is for me - for future listening reference (cause I am always and forever looking for new music - speaking of which if any of you have any suggestions for me on what's new, hot, good etc. on the music scene - it's ALWAYS appreciated)}

NPR: Jack Kerouac's Famous Scroll, 'On the Road' Again

NPR: Jack Kerouac's Famous Scroll, 'On the Road' Again

...and...to steal a quote from the scroll:

"My mother once said the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness. This is true all over the world in the jungles of Mexico, in the back streets of Shang Hai, in New York cocktail bars, husbands are getting drunk while the women stay home with the babes of their ever darkening future. If these men stop the machine and come home and get on their knees and ask for forgiveness and the women bless them peace will suddenly descend on the earth with a great silence like the inherent silence of the apocalypse"

You know...they just don't make writers like this anymore...

'Can't Buy Me Love'

'Can't Buy Me Love'


Um....yeah...OK

The rain....

I'd love to go for a walk in the rain right now...

If for nothing more than to mask my tears..

Sailing to Byzantium

Sailing to Byzantium




One of the things that Erin and I like to do is go and check out different churches. It's interesting and educational and a way for us to discover new neighborhoods and the beauty of some of the old churches here in greater Cleveland.

Well this past Sunday we decided to go to St. Andrew's which is a Byzantine church near him - for some reason we have nick-named this place Saint Mojo's - apparently I said something about it (perhaps my love can fill in the blanks here) and the name has stuck.

I have never been to a Byzantine church before - I knew a little about the rites performed in their churches and that they celebrated Christmas and Easter on different days - I knew they were considered Catholic as well and of course, I've studied history.

However, nothing prepared me for this small church that seemed to be like a rec room filled with 'icons' - and the fact that the priest was behind a wooden 'gate' and curtain (like an idiot I actually whispered to Erin 'Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain - cause it was so well...'Oz'-like). Nor was I prepared for the continuous use of some seriously potent frankincense pouring forth from a censor as the priest made his way around the 'chapel' several times and we were all expected to face him as he made his way around the room...it was dizzying.

I was also surprised by the rituals wording - basically stating that those who were not of the true faith could be viewed as 'enemies' - I got the feeling this was a very persecuted lot and they did not take kindly to 'strangers' in their midst even if said strangers were fellow 'Catholics' - also we were given 'instructions' as to how to receive communion (something I've been doing since I was 8 yrs old) - because of course the priest made note that 'several' people who did not belong to the church were 'present'...talk about feeling singled out....

The priest was kindly though and I felt like it was definitely a 'Gnostic' experience. I'd love to go check out some of the more 'populated' congregations of a different 'Orthodox' church - yeah there were less than 30 people in attendance which is why we probably stuck out like sore thumbs...but hey our hearts were in the right place - even though we stumbled through the rites...

Passion put to use....

The past week has had some situations crop up – sometimes you have things come up in your life that require you to sit up and pay attention.

I have been dealing with neck pain (rather excruciating) and other life-changing events (not necessarily involving me personally) here of late...

Throughout all of these ‘problems’ I have been trying to maintain my equanimity/balance (but then I am always and forever stating that, aren’t I?). It’s hard sometimes. The neck is going to be looked at tomorrow. The other ‘issues’ are out of my control – and that’s what makes it hard, when something going on in your life is out of your control – but in all the metaphysical reading I have done over the years, I find that ultimately, control is an illusion we use to comfort ourselves – to con ourselves into thinking we can manipulate our environs – in the end, the only thing you ultimately control is your reactions to what transpires in your life.

Why am I rambling? Because through all of this – the ups and downs, the uncertainty lately, what has been a constant/steadfast feeling has been my passion. Passion for living my life, passion (especially over the past year) for my love and all the wonders he brings to my life. Every day I that I get to spend with him, I seem to fall more and more in love – it’s a wonder to me – always I am surprised by this (pinching myself again) – you think could I possibly love this person more? The answer in my case is always a resounding yes….

And it ‘s not that there aren’t annoyances, or things that get under my skin – I think all of us have little quirks that get to the ones that love us at time – it’s hard to love someone day in and day out and not have certain aspects of their personality get to you. With Erin and I though it’s because we are so very compatible – we discuss everything. We are in synch, we care about each other. We are friends and we are lovers. I think what is most important is that we treasure each other and we are passionate about each other. We are not pedestrian, we want to remain different, we want to stay engaged with each other – we are truly interested in each other and what we have is rare.

I realise more and more I have never felt this way about anyone else in my life. I’ve never truly adored anyone else – sure I’ve loved – but I’d be willing to do ANYTHING for Erin and I can’t say that about anyone other than my children.

Will things change between us? Of course they will – we are humans – I will not put up with stagnation. I pray things will continue to blossom between the two of us and that our love grows exponentially with each passing year.

'Ooh La La" the billboard

*GIGGLES*

He does not have a very big ego - but thank you my love for hunting down 'YOUR' billboard'



Oh and P.S.: My diamond DOES say that....(but I'd have said yes to him if he had given me a ring from a Cracker Jack box...)

Ooh La, La.....

Yes.

There’s a reason I am so in love with Erin. Many of them as a matter of fact….

But all of it was driven home during and even after our engagement party. He and I spent a lot of time planning and decorating/cleaning for the party.

Amongst other items Erin brought home the day of the party was a special bottle of wine and on the label in the description of the wine was all about great passion – this is a hallmark of our relationship – it always has been, and, I believe it always will be…

We had a lot of fun getting ready for our party and a minimal of stress – it proved to me that he and I can work together on things and not get in each other’s way – actually we compliment each other. The party itself was amazing and wonderful – a memory I shall treasure for a long time to come.

The day after the party, Erin went out to check the mail and brought in a package – handing it to me he said ’Happy Anniversary’. I opened the package and held within was a thin-volume paper-bound book. The title: “An Interview with Anais Nin” – I thought it was a lovely gesture (he knows she is one of my favourite authors) – that is until I opened the book. He had bought me a signed copy of the interview. There were only 175 copies of this interview published, and the number I held in my hands was #75 and it was signed by Anais Nin herself….

(Goddess)…..

I began to cry. These were tears not only of joy and happiness but a tinge of melancholy as well for only my recent ex would have understood how much something like this would have meant to me (and it’s going to sound weird but part of me wants ot call him up and tell him about this – not to ‘rub his face in it’ but to share – yeah I said it was weird). My emotions were running really high at that moment – but all I could think of over and over was how right Erin is for me – how much I must mean to him, how thoughtful and kind he is and how luck I am to have this man in my life who wants to marry me to boot. Similarly I was wondering to myself how in the work I am to repay such kindness, how can I let him know how much he in turn means to me – how can I show him how much I love him….

********

Yesterday, Erin and I went to take the CDEM inventory – it’s another preparatory step in our journey to get married. The inventory is comprised of 200 questions which help to ascertain how well you know the person you are about to marry and what issues should be targeted for discussion with your local parish priest.

In all honesty, as I went through the questions, I began to realise that other than discussing joint checking accounts vs. separate checking, that there was nothing that we had not discussed (at length actually).

In my heart I felt like we had very possibly (with little exception) answered most of the questions similarly. The other feeling that came over me was just how well I feel I *KNOW* Erin – and how truly close we are – again, it was driven home just how right this man is for me. Call it crazy but for some odd reason I was soothed by taking this ‘test’, in a way, it has helped to wash away some of the lingering doubts playing in the back of my mind about getting married (not so much to Erin – just in general) and, I am now more convinced than ever of just how compatibility we are with each other. Of course we still need to meet with Father Johns to discuss the assessment – but I am confidant that this too will be an illumination of how right this love is for us both.

Hello Dalai!

Hello Dalai!

^_^

...and a very happy birthday as well.

7 *NEW* Wonders

7 *NEW* Wonders

(Cause the old ones were getting boring *smirks*)

Hey...

Did any of you vote on this?

Curious as to what the results will be...

Revelations...

Like...

You know you are old when songs you heard in your mid to late 20s are on the 'oldies' station....


You realise you are living to work...instead of working to live (or loving your work) - just like living to eat instead of eating to live...

I wonder at times when do we wake up and decide yeah, I've had enough...

Is it the final 'straw' with our boss? Is it the one-too-many argument with our mate or (insert family member you'd like to hack to pieces with an ax here)....

When do we say to ourselves: 'I'm mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore'?

Or is it more subtle - like we finally realise what we are 'suppose' to do with our lives and what really DOES matter instead of all the bullshit we usually surround ourselves with....

When? Why? How?

Just wondering....(as usual)....

Neglect...

I have not been updating as I should...

I have much going through my mind, much to update about - including but not limited to the wonderful engagement party Erin and I had at his place this weekend.

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous and it was amazing the night of the party - the house looked great, the guests were such a joy and 'a good time was had by all'.

I am so looking forward to a lifetime of events such as this with my beloved.

Much, much more to come later...but mainly I want to thank all of our family and friends who turned out to help us celebrate our engagement and wish us well and a lifetime of happiness.

God/dess bless you all.

As ever,
Colette

Key to a good marriage?

Key to a good marriage?

Um...yeah OK.

I will grant them the 'share the housework' stuff (especially since my last husband was apparently allergic to cleaning products of any type, of mowing lawns, shoveling snow (yeah he once let two chicks shovel the entire drive - meanwhile we weighed less combined than him altogether), of clean cat litter)- of course the fact that Erin does ANY cleaning gets him sex just about anytime he wants it (sorry did *I* just type that)...but I digress....

I am disturbed though, by the following:

"The survey's findings buttress concerns expressed by numerous scholars and family-policy experts, among them Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of Rutgers University's National Marriage Project.

"The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," she wrote in a recent report. "Child-rearing values — sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity — seem stale and musty by comparison." "

'stale and musty'????

I would have given my LEFT arm (worth more cause I am left handed), to have a self-sacrificing, stable, dependable, mature spouse and trust me when I tell you I'd have been his every X-rated fantasy had he been able and willing (the key word being willing - I KNOW he was perfectly capable of being all those things and more had he truly wanted to)....