Aging Manson 'Family' members long for freedom - CNN.com

Aging Manson 'Family' members long for freedom - CNN.com

Speaking of 'horrific' stories....

...and yet I read Vincent Bugliosi's book, 'Helter Skelter' cover to cover...as I did Truman Capote's 'In Cold Blood'....so on top of us just being violent idiots we are all fascinated with the 'gruesome' telling of our idiocy.

With headlines like this:

"6 Die in California Shooting"

"Man Beheads Sister 5 in Front of Cops"

It's no wonder I try to avoid 'The News' - I used to be so happy I gave up watching TV - Perhaps now it's time for me to give up the Internet as well....not to 'cocoon' myself off or insulate myself...but really what is the point of reading all these horrific accounts of mans obvious tendency towards violence...

Passages

...it's been a long time since I've been up writing at almost 2AM.

Can't sleep. Lots of reasons.

Erin hasn't been sleeping and I am kind of worried. Things ebb and flow...like our marriage...like all relationships...sometimes I don't know what the fuck I am doing (LOL just sometimes Colette?)

...anyhow the reason why I have been thinking a lot about death is because I was staring down the barrel of some pretty worrisome health issues that are apparently not an issue - I still need to look into why I am feeling like crap a lot but I have at least some stuff ruled out so far....

My cat Penny has gotten really ill and apparently is having kidney/bladder issues - I was thinking again 'here comes death' - like Peter Cottontail only different - but instead the vets merely soaked us for $600 fucking dollars and told us she needs to be on a 'special' diet - OK fine - but she still is not quite right and I am not sure how long we wait to see if this 'diet' works....goddamned vets don't seem to know shit or if they do, they ain't talking....

So here I am wigging out over things and they seem to pass, and I know I am a worry wart but still it's like I keep getting 'tested' - I want to be able to shrug it off but every time I get caught up in the 'drama' - it's nuts...

********

I've been attending a lecture series on the play about and the 'history' of Judas Iscariot - fascinating shit. Seriously. Raises some really scary and disturbing questions - and I become unsure (again)...

I enter the city to go to these lectures and there's a smell there - a rawness, the sense of decay/atrophy - which only heightens my 'death awareness' and reminds me of my own mortality and makes me wonder, ponder....

What am I doing? Not just here but what the hell am I doing? There are so many things I want to do - mainly go back to school - but how the hell do I do that now?

My son was dealt a blow with the demise of his band - I want to help him - but how?

I miss my daughter and want her to be happy...want to help her too.

My step-daughter (I guess I am a step-mom now) told me she wished she had her old life back and wished her parents were still married - I felt like someone kicked me in the gut (or the balls not sure) - and yet I know exactly how she feels and can totally empathize - I held her as she cried and tried not to cry myself.

I mean this life...WTF? It's like I am chasing something always out of reach...a better life, a better relationship, a better anything - but it's like chasing a ghost and part of me, in light of again certain circumstances etc., thinks 'Why bother?' Not in a bad way mind you - just a more realistic/resigned sort of way - like - it is what it is - what it will be - just stop now...

(*sighs*) Not what I meant to write - I mean my words sometimes don't even obey ME anymore - like those elusive dreams they hide from me and I sound so lame, so 'grasping'....but I can't seem to put it on paper - or when I have it and it's like fucking brilliant, I can't write it down at that moment...I know I need to try...sometimes...and sometimes I am just to bloody tired to bother trying...

I need something...but what? And why? And do we stop ever asking these questions? Will the answers only come as were breathing our last and suddenly everything that was ever hidden becomes crystal clear?

Life, Death, and the in-between

Lately, due to certain circumstances, and certain reading material, etc., I have been thinking a lot about death. Not in a morbid way - but just how it surrounds us, how it makes us act in the 'face of it', how it does not wait for us to be ready....

I had the privilege of getting to hear Emily Saliers (of 'The Indigo Girls'), and her father Dr. Don Saliers, a theologian from Emory - give a performance/talk at Trinity Cathedral here in Cleveland. It was a stellar evening...

One of the questions that they asked/ideas that they brought up in conjunction with their talk is something that has been reverberating in my head ever since. This was prefaced by talking about how we pick out music for our weddings and other life 'celebrations':

What music would you have played at your funeral? I believe it was something that students were asked and I want to pose it to you out there (that is if indeed anyone even is still reading this blog).

So I have 2 questions:

1. What music would you pick as a reflection of your life for your funeral?

and,

2. If you could, would you come back as a ghost and if so, who would you haunt? (So OK I guess technically that is 3 questions but go for it).

A Journey From The Ghetto To The Ivory Tower : NPR

A Journey From The Ghetto To The Ivory Tower : NPR

Just a note to self: Check out this book (LOL like YOU NEED more friggin' books...)

Do 'Childish Things' Include 'Lord Of The Rings'? : NPR

Do 'Childish Things' Include 'Lord Of The Rings'? : NPR

Interesting commentary - I'd love to hear some feed back on this from you 'adults' in the audience...

Komodo dragons kill Indonesian fisherman - CNN.com

Komodo dragons kill Indonesian fisherman - CNN.com

Nature: 1
Man: BIG FAT ZERO

Sylvia Plath's son commits suicide

Sylvia Plath's son commits suicide

*GASPS*

For heaven's sake...the poor guy...how sad.

Excerpt: Parents, your kids aren't that special - CNN.com

Excerpt: Parents, your kids aren't that special - CNN.com

Normally I don't always agree with conservatives - but then why label people anymore - it's not helpful and I think we are 'fed up' on both sides of the political fence.

This particular article struck a chord and a nerve with me. Mainly because I do get sick and tired of parents expecting the entire world to adore 'their little angels' when in fact the kids are devils incarnate. All kids get into mischief, all kids test the boundaries, it is up to parent to teach them manners and how to ultimately become adults. That is not to say that I want a bunch of 'Stepford Kids' running around - but there is something to be said about cultured, refined individuals and if children are not learning that from their parents, where are they expected to learn it from. I don't pretend my own kids are perfect either - my son's table manners are atrocious. So I am not by any means saying I did everything right - but I know my kids knew what would happen to them if they behaved in a truly repugnant manner in polite company.

A couple of quotes from Mr. Cafferty's article that really hit home:

"I don't know the status of parenting in America. But I know a little about the status of education in America. Parents' growing inability to impose manners and limits on their kids when the kids are in school is reflected in record dropout rates, as well as teen drug and alcohol abuse, teen sex, and unwed pregnancies. Maybe it's parenting that's on the decline, more than the schools."

And:

"Exhibit A: My wife and I have just been seated for dinner when the maitre d' walks over and seats a young family at the table next to us and the kids start carrying on like orangutans on a leash.

The parents are going, "Timmy, that's not nice, don't throw your food, stop stuffing your mashed potatoes up your nose." Are mom and dad having fun yet, picking food up off the floor, apologizing to people like us, and wiping food flung across the table off their faces?

Some parents still have this attitude that their kids are too special to be burdened by discipline. And the rest of us are supposed to put up with their little mutants. That attitude really pisses me off.

I hate to break it to them, but the kids aren't special, and I don't have to put up with their behavior. If you can't control your obnoxious little brats, leave them home.

They don't belong out in public annoying other people, period. I don't remember a generation of kids ever so indulged and enabled to behave so badly. What's going on?

I remember as a kid I was expected to behave myself out in public or suffer the wrath of one very angry father. And of all the things that used to piss him off, those expectations didn't seem unreasonable. Something's gone terribly wrong here. My guess is it has to do with the breakdown of authority, the collapse of strong family structure, and the abdication of parental responsibility, dictated in part by the necessity that both parents work."

So you parents out there (and you know who you are - you are the ones who get 'those' looks from us total strangers) - do the rest of us a favor - if you can not or will not make your children act as they are suppose to in polite society - keep them at home - and also refer to my last rant about school and the way your children behave their as well - in other words: Get a fucking clue.

"The Last Days of Judas Iscariot"

I am going to be reading this play in order to participate in a 'theological/philosophical' discourse on the character of Judas and the deeper implications of who he was, what he did and why. Fascinating stuff. I hear the play is amazing.

This is being done through Trinity Cathedral in downtown cleveburg and I would like to send out another heartfelt thank you to my sister-in-law and brother for introducing me to this wonderful group and turning me onto the variety of programs they offer down there.

Actress Natasha Richardson Mourned : NPR

Actress Natasha Richardson Mourned : NPR

I am just in shock and my heart is very heavy indeed....how tragic. And I am sure Sir Liam will grieve her as only an Irishman can greive ofr the lost love of his life. All my thoughts and prayers go out to this family.

US senator Charles Grassley suggests AIG executives commit suicide - Times Online

US senator Charles Grassley suggests AIG executives commit suicide - Times Online


....somewhere a small voice inside of me that sounds an awful lot like Walter Brennan is saying: 'Suicide's too good for 'em'

I am so disgusted with corporate American - I wish it would all just fucking collapse frankly - it would serve ALL of us right.

Past the Ides and straight on through to St. Pat's

Another birthday come and gone....this year's was pretty nice.

I decided to take a couple of days off and after the stress at work and not feeling well I am glad to have done so.

Erin wanted to do something for my birthday - I wanted to get away for a while so he surprised me by taking me down to Amish Country in Berlin, Ohio (and surrounding areas).



After having a pleasant dinner at the restaurant where we had our first 'dinner' together, we drove down to Berlin, OH. I had no idea where we were going. The drive down was nice - I read to him and we talked. It is amazing how beautiful the sky is at night with no light pollution. So even though it was Friday the 13th - a good time was had by all.

Erin took me to a little B&B run by a nice older couple. We had a comfortable bedroom although it was a little weird hearing the clip-clop of horse and buggy (at 11PM at night - is there some Amish bar I am unaware of???)....

Got up the next morning, had a nice breakfast and went on a tour of Amish country ,proper. I was, I guess, expecting a more rustic, simple life-style and when you looked out over the farms and the horse-drawn plows cutting through the big fields the sight was indeed pastoral - however, seeing the Amish using cell phones and running businesses and being rather shrewd about it was a bit off-putting (to me) - but then upon further reflection, the only people to blame are us tourists. We go down to places like this and turn them into a shopping meccas. Shame on us...in other words you can't blame the natives for exposing them to our disease process, thus in effect killing them....although some part of me wants the people to resist, resist, resist...perhaps on some level they do, perhaps they play the game better than we do ourselves, perhaps that is (as my old Yoga teacher used to say), the cosmic 'joke'.

We had a nice day and then met some friends of Erin's (his buddy from HS and his wife) for dinner at a great Amish restaurant. We then retired for the evening (after having switched to a larger room with a jacuzzi tub. Lovely night.

The next day being the 'Ides' we arose again to a home-cooked breakfast, nice conversation with our host and the added bonus of getting to pet the family Maine Coon/Tortie-mix cat.

We managed to get home without too much murder or mayhem...



(The Ides of March has always fascinated me as I have always felt it was only due to the retelling of the assassination of Julius Caesar via Shakespeare that we even pay attention to March 15th.)

Again, Erin and I are blessed with the 'gift of gab' and had interesting and philosophical discussions. We stopped to shop a bit, grabbed lunch at Menches' Brothers restaurant - which is supposedly the home of the invention of the hamburger.

We drove home and I read from David Sedaris' book of essays: 'Me Talk Pretty One Day' - absolutely hysterical just read the book dambit...perhaps then you too will want to donate your lung, your eyes and lop of your breasts and use them to feed abandoned puppies. (LOL).

My birthday was wonderful - not because I receive nice gifts (I did), or because I treated myself to some shopping and a massage (I did), but because people reached out to me to send me their love....THAT was the best part of the day for me. Thank you all very, very much.

Today being that day when that guy chased those reptiles from that really green Isle - I plan on meeting my sister-in-law for the parade in honour of him, having some lunch and then getting together with some friends tonight for boiled meat and potatoes (oh and some beer too).

I hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day - may your troubles be few and your joys be abundant. Remember kids, if you start seeing snakes, you've probably drunk too much....



Blessings upon you and yours.

Brain Scans Can Read Memories

Brain Scans Can Read Memories

Shades of 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'
...*shivers*....

How long before it can 'wash away' the memories we don't want - or worse the ones 'they' don't want us to have?

Should hunters switch to 'green' bullets? - CNN.com

Should hunters switch to 'green' bullets? - CNN.com

GREEN BULLETS?!?!?!?!?

W.T.F.?

Here's a clue - stop eating Bambi. There. Problem solved.

Mall wants Manilow music to drive out unruly teens

Mall wants Manilow music to drive out unruly teens

LOL

Even though he was my first concert, indeed Barry Manilow would have driven me from the mall as well....

Looks like Mr. 'I write the songs' doesn't write them very well...

^_^

The Happening(s)

No, no, no - not *that* awful movie...

Update(s).

So much to tell....so wanting to just go lie down...so tired lately...scared...but happy.

For starters, Erin and I actually went to a Marriage Encounter Weekend - talk about a throw-back to the 70s (which sucked on the whole as a decade), but I digress...

Anyhow it was nice - it was difficult and draining...it brought me closer to my husband. And while one might say or ask what the hell a couple only married for 8 months needs one of these marriage encounter weekends for - the answer might not be one you expect.

The entire time Erin and I were engaged, we'd read about all these cool things for married couples to attend via the 'Church' - we'd complain that there was nothing of the sort for engaged couples and I think a lot of times we both felt we needed more than just the one-day Pre-Cana II class we attended. So for Christmas, aside from getting me 'Fireproof' (the movie) and the 'Love Dare' book (from the movie too) - Erin registered us for a Marriage Encounter weekend to fall on Valentine's Day.

We have been using the book 'The Love Dare' and I have to say some of this stuff just simply does not apply to us. We already DO do a lot of these things for one another - we are after all still newlyweds. The movie was good - not academy award winning stuff, but good for couples to watch.

We showed up for the weekend and we were immediately brought in and began 'working' on the 'course' - we were, we both noticed, one of the only couples snuggling while we sat together - that was to be the standard for most of the weekend.

The weekend, seriously, in a word was, grueling. If it's going to work, you have to be willing peel away your defenses, let your guard down and get intimate with the person you are suppose to be most intimate with - your partner. We hit exactly one bump. All the rest was beautiful - really - I feel much closer to Erin now. He 'witnessed' to the other couples and they all applauded when he told them how much he loved me and how passionate he was about me. I had a had a hard time following up his beautiful sentiment - but I did and I spoke of how wonderful Erin is and what a good husband he is - and how lucky I am to have him as my spouse.

At the end of the weekend, I felt really drawn to one of the other couples, I identified with them and I hope to continue to stay in touch with them.

Erin and I also were able to renew our vows at the end of the weekend.

I could sit here and complain about the parts of the weekend I did not enjoy but I won't - that's not what's needed in this forum. I will say it gave us some tools for staying close and I think we will use those tools and I also think we would go again in the future.

Following the Marriage Encounter weekend, there was a celebration of 'Marriage Day' at our church where, at the end of mass, we got to renew our vows....again...we seem to be getting good at this. After mass, there was a pot luck dinner for couples and it was very nice seeing couples from our church and talking with fellow couples that we both call 'friend' - breaking bread and celebrating the sacrament and blessing (mixed though it may be at times) of holy matrimony.

I love my husband - and I believe I grow more in love with each passing day...and I never thought I'd say that about someone.

***********

There's more going on of course....of note - issues with the kids. They are both struggling in school and finally we have come to a point where we need help dealing with these issues. Pray for us that this works - the kids are amazing. They are good kids. We just need ti impress upon them the importance of their school work. Hopefully with this help the situation will right itself.

************

Fun.

Took the kids to see 'Coraline'



Just go - it was wonderful...really - I have Neil Gaiman books yet to read....and of course I WILL - I swear I will - just don't pass this movie up - especially if you have someone you love to share it with - and if you can see it in 3D.

************

Family - extended - but not really....

Got to spend today (after teaching a rousing PSR class with my husband (and yes I am being sarcastic - I've met Zombies more animated than our kids from class were today) - with my brother Kevin and his wife Roseanne and their kids Kate and Pat and we attended a service at Trinity Cathedral - an absolutely, breath-taking and gorgeous church - where I felt very at home, very welcome - I look forward to attending again very soon...(it is the first time I felt like I was close to Ireland since we got back from our honeymoon)....

If you live in Cleveland or work downtown - go check out the Cathedral - well worth the visit:











Spending time like this with my brother's family is great fun because in a way, I get to be able to raise kids at the same time my siblings are raising their kids (my sister as well has a younger daughter)- strange on some levels...my biological children are all older than my brother's and sister's children - so now with the blessing of Katie and Jason in my life we get to have 'play dates' and sleep overs...nice, very nice.

Round it off with a buffet at an Indian restaurant and I think we may have achieved Nirvana.

************

Health....just say a prayer - I have to have some more tests and I am just hoping that everything will be OK....not the note I want to end on here...but it is well...reality.

Peace to you all.

The reading shelf

Curious? I know I am.

This is what's on my shelf(and active)right now:

I have indeed been needing to read this since it came out...as usual...she draws me in...



A book I want to 'share' with my husband...very well written...



For Lent. Via the womens group from church - already, Erin and I have had pretty interesting conversations due to this book.

A Tidings of Magpies

A Tidings of Magpies

Congrats my dear on being a blog of note. Well deserved I might add.