A wise woman - binders aside

Please visit her site.  I think Betsy is one of the smartest people I know.  She is on top of that a great writer, and, I'd like to think, a friend.

The Fractured Anecdote

Addiction - A Crusade to help others

I have a son.  I love my son.  Some of you know what he is going through.  Perhaps some of you know what *I* go through as well.

I miss my son.  I want my son back.  I don't know if that will ever happen.  I don't know if he will ever fully come back.  What I DO know - despite what the criminal "justice" system says (and hopefully some of you recognize why I put justice in quotes) - is that punishing someone for being an addict DOES NOT WORK.  It will NEVER work.  I am going to post a link to an article that is well written and thoughtful.  And while I am not trying to simply dismiss out of hand those for whom being incarcerated helps in these situations - I am telling you from the perspective of a mom, and a fellow human being that this is not working, it's not helping and I dare say, it makes things worse.

"The Case of Cameron Douglas" Time Magazine

Another article talks about how prisons are simply abandoning treatment for inmates who suffer from this DISEASE ("The Case for Treating Drug Addicts in Prison"  - The Daily Beast).  This is not the case in my son's situation - however - I feel people are unique and what works for one, does not necessarily work for another.  I also realise the 'system' is over-burdened and that we worry more about buying the latest stealth bomber than helping people in need in this country. Yet, we end up spending MORE money when we do not treat addiction and it is a known fact that you can get drugs in prison.   

Try as I may, it is very difficult for me to separate how I FEEL from the cold, hard, scientific facts of addiction.  However, I believe that science would bear me out that prison is not where anyone who is suffering from the mental illness of addiction, should be.  But hey, we just don't have the money to help with things like this. Oh and hey, that insurance policy you are paying for?  Well we're sorry - we don't cover in-patient treatment - but if you have $35,000.00 we can help.  And after all, these people are the dregs of society, throw-away people.  Yet some of the world's greatest writers, musicians and artists of all time were also addicts. Go figure. 

I would not wish this suffering on my worst enemy.  Every day my heart is heavy, every day I cry a little, every day I look for some spark of hope and try to keep one going in him, but every day, that gets harder and harder.

I really want my son back.

Leaving My Home (A Re-Post)

(I am not trying to dredge up old memories or wallow. This is part of my culling process and, also, I am approaching the 9th birthday of the blog and I wanted a little perspective, especially in light of what a friend is going through right now).

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Leaving my home


I have stepped outside to bring boxes holding my belongings to my car. I wish I could stuff my heart into one of the boxes and just leave it for a while...I am heavy, sad, tired and frightened.

I can smell cookies baking - they smell like anise and it takes me back to my childhood for a moment and memories of my mother...Her husband (my father) cheated on her - how did she deal with all of this I wonder? I remember her devastation and her sadness - I remember her crying herself to sleep at night, missing my dad. I ache to have her hold me and stoke my hair the way she used to and tell me it will all be ok.

I put my boxes in my car and go into the house to pack up the rest of my life.

Cold War Letters

You can go check out some of the intro to this book here

And you can buy a copy of the book here for about the cost of a decent bag of potato chips. Or hey...you can even get off of your arse and go find it at your local library....imagine that, reading...what a concept.  Twitter and Facebook be damned ^_^

crossroads and currents...by tom ryan

crossroads and currents...by tom ryan

Since I 'borrowed' words (words for art) from his blog, I thought I would instruct you to check it out.

Blog of the month.

Crusade for Peace

I have been torn as indicated in my last post - with the idea of living in the world and turning into a contemplative, a recluse.  I love my life - oh sure there is all kinds of shit to deal with...my kids, his kids, my family, my job, idiots, politics, health, finances, and, and, and.......

But, I have always thought it would be nice to put it all aside (not the people I love) - and just go live the life of a hermit.

One of my favorite writers and, dare I use the words, a modern-day-prophet, is Thomas Merton.  He was an amazing man, an incredible writer and a role model.  Not just as a Catholic, but as a humanist.

After watching a really crappy documentary on him - and - after reading his stuff off and on for years, I have become a little obsessed with what he has written.

Today for example, I read this (Taken from his book Cold War Letters):

"In actual fact it would seem that during the Cold War, if not during World War II, this country has become frankly a warfare state built on affluence, a power structure in which the interests of big business, the obsessions of the military, and the phobias of political extremists both dominate and dictate our national policy.  It also seems that the people of the country are by and large reduced to passivity, confusion, resentment, frustration, thoughtlessness, and ignorance so that they blindly follow any line that is unraveled for them by the mass media."

And occupy wall-street aside kids, I have to ask you in all seriousness, what the fuck has changed?  Absolutely nothing.  We still run around like chickens with our heads cut off, waiting for our moral compasses to orient and all we can manage to do for the most part is whine and complain about our lot in life and point fingers at politicians we've elected just so we can sink back into our recliners, pop another beer, open another bag of potato chips and be content to watch 'Dancing with the Stars'. 

As a fellow writer, Tom Ryan has astutely pointed out on his blog post about Father Merton's book:

"The intellectual torch that Gandhi lit, that Merton kept burning in his writing, dims in a field somewhere, still smoldering, warm. King held it for a while and marched with it. It’s a dangerous instrument to see much less touch. Dangerous still to write about non-violence, the absurdity of war, when war’s become such lucrative business, a veritable profession one can choose or not choose in this land of the free. War’s a necessity. It’s pragmatic. What would we do without it? We publicly trade it. We invest. We’re paid nice dividends. We outsource it with practical ease and peace of mind to contracted peacekeepers, subcontracted to uniformed government oath-taking leaders.

The Cold War and the contemporary War on Terror share absurdities in their very titles. The Cold War wasn’t cold and isn’t over. The War on Terror is a war fought against a method, a technique pioneered by the likes of Manachem Begin (in his Irgun days as architect of the King David Hotel bombing, 1946) and Guy Fawkes (that 1605 “Powder Plot” is an awkward subject in Catholic History).


With struggle, we've become weary, lost the spiritual anchor of God (I have often), while arguing over God's favor as if God favors. We have alternatives and choices in where we focus our faith; be it to a deity or a tree, a sport, or a lover, or nothing. Perhaps we question the very existence of faith. I wonder about my own sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a Quaker without membership."

I don't think we necessarily need the spiritual anchor of God (although in my life I personally do), or to become Quakers,  in order to understand/comprehend that something is very the matter here.  Our world-weary souls need not be so willing to roll over and play dead when there is so much at stake.  I think it's time for a Crusade for Peace.  Dare we be so brave?

Resurrection

...she's back....

I am going to be in the process of culling my writing from this blog.  In the meantime, I decided to allow anyone to see it...which may end up being a mistake.  We shall see....

I have not really had much to say. Life, sorrow, family stuff, keeps getting in the way.  There is a part of me that yearns for escape - and always has.  I do not know how one lives fully in the world and is able to become reflective enough in order to pour what is needed into 'good' writing'.  Not just mediocre, not just lip service, but 'actual-honest-to-f-ing-god' writing...and to me, that is the only kind worth doing.