Today....

Today… 

Today, I want to write the most eloquent thanks…and not hold my breath, and not have the all-to-familiar catch in my throat when I ‘Thank God’ – A God I am increasingly having problems coming to terms with…

Today, my son is one year clean and sober! One year, out of the clutches of a monster that would have taken him in the blink of an eye, without a second thought.

 Today I want to shout it from the rooftops and still protect him like a mother hen, from the scourge, from the ‘publicity’ of even admitting to this, from everything that could possibly harm him, or make him return to that slavery.

Today, I want to reach out to other parents, and give them hope and tell them that everything is going to be OK….without cheapening their experience or dismissing the fear they too live with EVERY.SINGLE.FUCKING.DAY.

Today, I want to help others to get help, to know there is hope, to know that there are people who will love them no matter what, not judge them, because they are fighting a demon and a disease that they have no control over, that there are many of us waking up and listening and searching for a better way.

Today – I want it to be enough…for just one day.

Rare Bird Books

A shout out to the folks at Rare Bird Books/Rare Bird Lit. Per their respective web homes:


" Los Angeles and New York-based independent publishing house formed by Rare Bird Lit founder and former Book Soup marketing and publicity director, Tyson Cornell.

Rare Bird Books has three imprints, A Barnacle Book, A Vireo Book, and Rare Bird Books, specializing in literary fiction, political nonfiction, crime, mystery, entertainment, narrative nonfiction, cooking, and humor."

Go check them out - buys some books - and tell them Colette sent you!

We're Moving

Change is inevitable....soon, I will be moving my blog home to:

www.colettesgrave.com

After all, I may be an institution, but I am not an organization. I will be working on a newer, fresher look for the blog as well. So...stay calm & stay  tuned mes amis!

A Book Review: The Bachelor Chapters - by Vicki Marie Stolsen

I have been writing as Colette (alas from Cleveburg, not Paris) for over a decade now.  In that time, I have talked, mused, ranted about love –in all its glory – or in many cases its no-so-glorious ways.

To that end, I was recently asked to review a book: “The Bachelorette Chapters” written by Vicki Marie Stolsen. The book is being published by FOREVERFORTY-FOUR. You can find a link to the book here: http://thebachelorchapters.tumblr.com/

While I am a self-proclaimed ‘free thinker’ when it comes to love/relationship – I was nonetheless a bit confused by Ms. Stolsen’s approach to this book and to romance in general.

The book opens with an out-and-out insult to white males.  Despite being a bit put off by this, I decided to read further.  I was taken on a roller-coaster ride of ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am’ from that point forward with very little in the way of introspection, or apology for seemingly out-of-control misogyny on the part of this woman. The book claims to be: “Staking out the terrain between Sex and the City and Eat, Pray, Love.  While I would grant that on certain levels, I can see ‘Sex and the City’ – this book in no way, shape or form resembles Eat, Pray, Love (that I could see at least, and I think Elizabeth Gilbert would keel over if she knew this was the publicity/marketing scheme for this novel).

I will say that Ms. Stolsen is a good writer. She has a knack for description, especially sexual scenes, which were not in any way demeaning to women, and are to be applauded for their unabashed eroticism.

Eventually, I could simply not keep up with all of Vicki Marie’s ‘conquests’.  While I agree that women should absolutely be as free in love as their male counterparts (unapologetically!), slamming people for having affairs, and then enticing some poor schmuck into cunninglingus (so he in essence, ends up cheating on his own wife and is then terrified that Ms. Stolsen is somehow going to blackmail him) – while shrugging it off with “I forgave myself soon enough” – was more than distasteful – it was dastardly.  I began to despise the character at that point.

I do applaud Ms. Stolsen’s inner journey and moments of introspection – but they were mere moments and never seemed to teach her anything. It is not that I am suggesting that she ‘settle down’ or not have her cake and eat it too, but acting as though women have never done this in the past is a bit naive on the part of the writer (Colette anyone? Anais Nin? Just two examples that come to mind). While again, there does seem to be interplay and some learning about certain partners, it falls short of the true exhilaration of finding and really learning about a new lover.  After all, if you are so busy, moving from tryst to tryst, how can you in all honesty have a lover?  Ms. Stolsen has taken a story that could have been incredibly liberating, only to have it seem like a sexual free-for-all, with no mention of personal responsibility, let alone, practicing safe sex, and that screams poor judgment to this reader.  My feelings on this matter were further corroborated by Ms. Stolsen’s very own closest friend (who in one scene accuses Vicki Marie of having NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), and in the very same week her own brother disowns her.  While I am not one to encourage friends diagnosing friends vis-à-vis the DSM-V – again Ms. Stolsen seems to take it all in stride and never stops to think, perhaps her friends and family have more insight into her actions than she herself is capable of having.

The other aspect of the book and character I struggled with is, how a person, who was a self-proclaimed lesbian for over 20 years, turns her back so easily on that part of her nature. I do not pretend to know the ways of lesbian inner circles, but I found this at the very least, a bit odd.  Was it because she felt that a lesbian assisted with the downfall of her ‘marriage’ to her last heterosexual husband? Again, so much seems left out of sight, out of mind - the subtitle of the book claims to be “a thinking woman’s romance” -sadly, much of the thinking (and what I consider romance), was left on the editing room floor.

If you want to read a book with some very well-written juicy bits, learn about salsa dancing, and have a whirlwind ‘fuck tour’ of major cities, then by all means, pick up this book.  Otherwise, I suggest you find yourself some episodes of ‘Sex and the City’ and DEFINITELY buy a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ - save your money for a decent martini, shaken, not stirred.