'Bad Moon Rising...'

Yeah.

I don’t know what’s going on lately. Just in general. I am on edge. Erin is on edge. Things have been stressful and difficult.

We are passionate. Passionate about each other, passionate about life, even passionate when we fight. How else could he and I possibly be with each other?

I think you get thrown challenges as a means of seeing if you are awake. Yeah I am awake - wide-fucking awake – you can stop with the ‘challenges’ now, sir.

We just passed our one year anniversary of dating. I believe as the ‘walls’ begin to come down and masks are removed we become less careful with each other – no longer acting like we are china cups, becoming plastic tumblers instead. There is still much to learn, yet.

I’ve had friends tell me not to expect to continue on in the same vein. That eventually the ‘newness’ fades, the romance wears off...dies at times. Really? Well I guess my question is: why is that? Why does it have to be that way? Furthermore, why should I settle for that? If I am going to have to become ordinary; If this relationship is going to just sink into the background, blending in with every other part of the landscape of my life, then I am not interested. Don’t get me wrong, life is going to have its ups and downs – I get that – but I want to live to the fullest and if there is no passion to me – there is no point.

Like I said, I don’t know what is going on lately….the universe seems out of whack…people I know are suffering, struggling, having hard times, fighting, arguing, being crabby, distracted, out of sorts….

...or maybe, it’s just me...

Lightness of Being: 'Futility'

Lightness of Being: 'Futility'

(Just so you guys can see why I chose this blog to be 'blog of the week' here on DOCG)

Lightness of Being....

Lightness of Being

WOW!

Blog of the week. 'Nuff said.

Dark Shadows...

Dark Shadows

OH.MY.GOD.

The new hire (they would not let me keep Neli *pouts* - so I am training a new person...), is a bit older than me - we were all sitting and discussing TV and she brought up this show....

Geez - I am so old.....

alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect

alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect

Whoa! (Via C2)

1-Year Ago, Yesterday....

I met the man of my dreams. I did not even begin to mention him on this ‘blog’ until the following month.

This weekend we did our best to try to celebrate the past year, finding each other, what we have become to each other.

Friday night was his daughter’s birthday-slumber-party. His ex wife was in attendance. To say I felt uncomfortable, like a 3rd wheel would be an understatement – once again the feeling of not belonging reared its ugly head. She sort of took over in some cases. She and I DO get along – but it’s still very weird dealing with her. Because Erin seems to get antsy he was edgy /snappish at times so it was not fun on my end all the way around until she left for the evening. Then Erin and I had fun with the girls doing a PJ fashion show, and making beaded jewelry until midnight.

The next day we got up and I made chocolate-chip pancakes with whipped cream while Erin made sausage for the girls. They all played until their parents came to pick them up. After that Erin took his kids over to the ex’s and came back bearing a beautiful lily and we went out together to spend time exploring and to enjoy a sort of early celebration of our anniversary.

We went formt he west side of town over to the east side of town – into the Cleveland Heights area where we went to a late showing of the anime movie ‘Paprika’ (intense, dream-like, disturbing and a bit hard to describe (but I will later))…..

We went ‘home’ and made love. We woke up the next morning and exchanged gifts with each other. These were gifts of more symbolic meaning for us – not things like jewelry or watches. I was a bit out of sorts and of course when I am Erin struggles – the problem is that *I* struggle with all of this. With the portent, with knowing if it’s going to work out, with all the responsibility of being a step-mom-like person, with giving up my home, my freedoms (in some ways), with the idea of being a wife again. Yet if I hold in all my fears, my doubts that’s going to end up causing us just as many problems…..

We tried going to mass but did not make it in time – we were *ahem* otherwise occupied after taking a shower together (*blushes*)…..

We had a very nice lunch out in the back yard and had a glass of wine. Afterwards, we went shopping for his daughters b-day gifts. We got home in time for the children to come back, we all had dinner together, we did some work around the house and then Erin and I retired to bed and each other’s arms.

In the end I am becoming a permanent member of this household, of this family – it’s a big adjustment – it is also the underlying joy that helps me get through my day and reminds me of the reasons we fell in love in the first place. We belong together, and to each other…completely.

Today, I believe around 10Am – will be the anniversary of him deciding to call me – we talked for hours – I am so glad he made that phone call.

I love you, Erin. Happy Anniversary my beloved.

Summer SolsticeThousands Gather at Stonehenge for Summer Solstice

Thousands Gather at Stonehenge for Summer Solstice

What an incredible way to celebrate. Perhaps one day I will get to do this....

I am hoping that my own observation of this day will be memorable. I sort of miss having these kind of celebrations in my life...


I wish you all a blessed summer.

5 Love Languages

This was one of the great things that came out of us going to Pre-Cana II - although Erin and I have discussed this before. I was very pleasantly surprised to find out how close/compatible we were in this aspect of our relationship.

I encourage all couples to really check this out - it's amazing stuff.

'The struggle for the legal tender...'

“Caught between the longing for love,
And the struggle for the legal tender”
-- (Lyric from ‘The Pretender’ by Jackson Browne)

The meaning of the above-mentioned lyric is probably different for every person involved in a serious relationship….

How do you define ‘serious’ when do you cross that boundary between we are ‘dating’ and we are ‘in love’ – when is it time to say this is ‘forever’

I have become frustrated (understatement here), waiting for Erin’s annulment to come through. I/We can’t really make any wedding plans until that is completed.

Yesterday, Erin got a letter from ‘The Tribunal’ (it sounds like we are on a TV show) basically saying that the annulment was ‘approved’ and that he (and the other party involved – his ex), had 15 days from the date of the letter to ask to see a copy of the documents. After this time has passed the ‘judgment’ had to go on to still another committee/panel to be reviewed for final approval – the time this could take for the case to be heard is another 6 months. Basically, we are granting you the annulment – but you still have to wait (bastards!).

Geez...

Does their final 'OK your 1st marriage wasn't ‘valid’' matter? No, not really – but it matters in terms of us being able to get married in our church. Does getting married in a church matter? Um…on one level it’s extremely important to me/to us….on another I am getting to the point where I could care less.


Erin and I are madly, (hopelessly) in love. Sure like any other couple, we have our problems, our struggles….but we are incredibly compatible with each other and other than the aforementioned ‘issues’ which are being worked out – we are incredibly happy together (STILL!). I just want to be able to plan my wedding – not because it’s going to be the gala of the year, or even all that big of an event. But I WANT to set a date, I WANT be able to go dress shopping, I WANT to be able to plan our reception/party – I mean it’s not that we haven’t talked, come to decision etc. It’s that we can’t get a ‘venue’ – I don’t know if I need a dress for the spring, summer, fall….heck winter. I don’t want to put money down on things if I don’t know what’s going on….

I comfort myself by saying we know our guest list, we know what KIND of reception we want to have, but I can’t very well have a summer on the beach sort of picnic in the winter….I mean I guess we can indoors….

I am not trying to complain – it’s just frustrating….very, very frustrating.

*GIRLY GIGGLES*

So on the way up from getting coffee, I was in the elevator with Neli and there was this guy that we actually agreed was 'hot' - Neli and i usually disagree when it comes to a guy's attractiveness...

Anyhow this guy was getting off the elevator at the 8th floor (which is where gynecology is housed) and Neli said (after he left) - Neli sort of got confused with the phrasing of 'So...is it me or is that a speculum in your paocket?'

Laughingly, I told her no the 'proper' way to say that was: 'So are you happy to see me or is that a speculum in your pocket?'

We were both laughing so hard on our way back we had tears in our eyes....

It's good to be back at work....

News Flash

I am SO fucking sick and tired of Paris Hilton....

Can she just be burned at the stake at this point so we can all be done with her? Shit it's worse than Monica Lewinsky....

Sorry I just had to say something...

Anais Nin

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

There's a reason she is one of my favourite authors/heroes

Cucumber-flavored soda sold in Japan

Um...

I'd say this is wrong on so many levels...but I fail to see the difference between this and Vichysoise....

'It Came From the 1971 Sears Catalogue'

Erin and I came across this last night:

(Quoting my love: 'A perfect world for sale through Sears')

OH! The Horror!

Seriously though (especially to Liam) - this is hours of laugh-riot fun.

^_^

CBS chief: Rather comments were `sexist'

CBS chief: Rather comments were `sexist'

Yeah right...

Look I am not a huge fan of Dan Rather but I happen to agree. The first (and last) time I managed to watch Katie Couric, I was absolutely horrified at the 'Today-Show-Sunshine-Up-Your-Ass-Celebrity-Interview-A-La_Katie-esque' quality of the newscast....

I will never watch the CBS evening news - heck I barely watch ANY TV these days and I am certainly not counting on any network TV for fair and/or honest journalism these days...

The Blind Leading the Blind

Update....

I am still unable to see very well out of the left eye - in fact typing like this is requiring me to only look down at the keyboard (LOL which may mean I will still have typos) and thanks to my love and his ergonomically correct keyboard, it is a bit of a learning curve as well.

Yeah...I can't really look at the screen to read cause it bothers my eye(s). So basically, my useless visit to the doctor's office won me a 'we'll just have to wait and see' (and that I could possibly be in this limbo hell for 6-8 weeks AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!) about the blurred vision - woo hoo - modern medicine at it's finest. I did however manage to get him to write me a work excuse.

So I am out of work for at least until Monday - I had to call into work and because I did not have enough PTO (for those who are not familiar with this evil HR plot it's known as 'Paid Time Off') - I had to apply for FMLA for myself - as if I was on maternity leave (no Erin don't freak out it's merely one of the examples they used on the form - my HCG test was negative at time of surgery).

I am blessed that the girls in my office are so very helpful and one of them was kind enough to fill the form in over the phone with me - the problem is that I have to get into work tomorrow to give her my doctor's excuse or figure out some way to fax it into the department manager. Hopefully this fiasco will not cost me my job...I don't think it will but there is always that fear lingering in the back of my mind.

In other news. Erin has been a Godsend - he's been wonderful and I have never been more in love with him. He brought me flowers for no reason at all. He's been patient, he's been kind, he's put up with me being cranky and fretful over all of this. Thank you my love - if there is ever a way I can repay your kindnesses, let me know.

Goddess I am going out of my mind and seriously considering working on my tan....now THAT'S pathetic if I am considering exposing my fair skin to possible carcinogenic sun rays....

Perhaps I will be able to blog a bit here and there and again a huge thanks to my love for the hospitality of his home.

Blessings to you all.

Colette

Fashion...

...on the cover of Vogue magazine...

The cover of Vogue (don't panic kids I'd never subscribe to such garbage) this month featured Keira Knightley in a stunning dress by Balenciaga.

Erin and I both fell in love with the dress...however, at the paltry sum
of $6,900.00 you can bet we won't be purchasing one anytime soon....

The fun part has actually been trying to reverse engineer the dress.

Here's a LINK to the cover pic (for some reason I can't upload the picture right now).

'Ladies and Gentlemen,

children of all ages, 'The Freak Show' proudly presents, doing her best impression of Helen Keller, coming all the way from Cleveburg, OH,....'

MOI.

Yes indeed kids - here I am 5 days post surgery on my eye and posting to just let you all know I am not dead. My eye however is not healing as I thought it would.

I am thanks in large part, to the kindness of the man I love, recuperating at E's house - and thanks my love for allowing me to use your computer.

(I want to apologise in advance for any typos (LOL well more than my usual) because I really can't see very well - everything is a blur on one side).

I am in pain. I am nervous and I feel trapped because I really can't (read: shouldn't) drive anywhere - I am unable to do thing like work out, read, watch much of anything (and that includes this computer screen - like ouch my eye), I can't go to work (what would I do sit there half blind).

To describe what this feels like - it's like I have a cataract in my left eye - it's like trying to see through frosted glass with etching on it to boot. The pain feels like a very strong guy is taking both of his thumbs and pressing my eyeball in as far as he can to the back of my eye socket....

I have a lot to tell you guys about as well and I might just try - well at least a couple of the wonderful and joyful happenings - but mainly I wanted those of you who care to know what what going on - and that I had not fallen off the planet quite yet.

As ever,
Colette

Testing...this is only a test...

...more to come.....

SGT. Pepper celebrates 40 years

Musical Album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Marks 40th Anniversary

This album is one of my all-time favs.

Kidney Donor Game Show (?????)

(Via MSNBC....um...er....I am in shock over this one)

"A Dutch broadcaster will air a game show this week in which a terminally ill woman selects a recipient for her kidneys from three contestants, despite government calls for the program to be scrapped.
Newspaper De Telegraaf said BNN would broadcast The Big Donor Show on Friday during which the 37-year-old woman will choose from three people with kidney problems.

She will make her choice based on the contestants' history, profile and conversations with their families and friends. Viewers will be able to send text messages advising her during the 80-minute show.

"The chance for a kidney for the contestants is 33 percent. This is much higher than that for people on a waiting list. You would expect it to be better but it is worse," the daily cited BNN Chairman Laurens Drillich as saying.

Ruling coalition parties Christian Democrat and the conservative Christian Union have called the show "wretched" and unethical. But BNN says it wants to highlight the difficulties faced by kidney sufferers in getting donor organs.

That's good, otherwise people might think it's just a sleazy ploy to boost audience ratings."

Little Italy (Cleveland): Art Walk

Little Italy (Cleveland): Art Walk

This is going to be a wonderful weekend.

Erin and I will be going to see his son play baseball tonight, followed by a 'Special Romantic Dinner'.

Tomorrow we will be going to the Art Walk. Then afterwards, taking a drive out into the 'country' to see the stars....

Sunday - mass at the Cathedral downtown.

Yeah...life's good.

New York Family Finds Home on Scotland's Fair Isle

New York Family Finds Home on Scotland's Fair Isle

I was telling Erin about this story last night....

Nice - very nice.

June: Summer's Song

This is a re-post from last year, June.

My, my, what a difference a year makes.

Last year at this time my relationship with my son was sort of in shambles. My 'love life' was non-existent. Getting my teeth drilled sans Novocaine was preferable to dating.

Things were not going well and I took a break from everything. From writing (on this blog), from dating (stick a fork in me - I was done), even in some ways, from my responsibilities as a parent. I was burnt out. Drained.

I was not looking to find 'love' per se. I was tired, spent, at cross-purposes with my very 'self' and, as you can see from this post below, a bit disillusioned with 'romance' in general.

So I took a blog vacation and decided to begin rediscovering myself, and, in the process, on June 24, 2006, I met the man of my dreams (and hopes).

I am never going back to that dark place/space again - no matter how this love turns out - I know I am strong, vital, and capable as a human being. I don't need another person to define who I am - having a person who compliments me, makes me the best Colette I can be - that's amazing - but not necessary. It's a gift, from God. I am blessed and I will continue to be thankful for all that I have in my life. I've learned a lot about myself over this past year and I can finally say I am happy that I've managed to come out complete and whole on the other side of the abyss.

Love and hope to you all.

C~

**************************





Cloud Zero

...and it all comes crashing down...

But not without a little 'push'...

Why would I allow someone to take me anywhere that high?
When I know that the only way back is down...

Like the day I poured my heart onto the sand only to lose it in the roar of the wind - although it felt good to let the words slip off of my tongue...

Does attraction only work like a magnet pull - is that WHY we call it attraction - because it has to be mutual in order to function properly? Must be, otherwise, as someone said to me 'everyone would have been married to Paul McCartney in the 60s cause he was so cute'...

Not me, I'd have picked George...

And why do they call it 'Cloud 9'?

I am tired of my own heartsong...time to change the tune.

Toddlers Drown While Babysitter Naps

Toddlers Drown While Babysitter Naps

Horrific. Tragic.

What sets my teeth on edge here is the quote:

'A woman who answered the phone at the Walker home said the family did not want to talk about the accident. The Associated Press could not locate a telephone number for Kovski's family.'

Well friggin duh! I mean is this news??? Seriously. Yes it's tragic. Yes it's horrible. Does the entire friggin world need to watch this family suffer? I don't think so...

Like the Don Henley song lyric from Dirty Laundry:

'We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
Its interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry'

Don't we have anything better to do with our time, people?

Border agent ignored warning for TB traveler

Border agent ignored warning for TB traveler

Can we scapegoat.

Ultimately I see the blame as falling on two entities.

#1. The person with TB - I mean ultimately this is on him

#2. The doctors who released him from their care without quarantine.

Tribute band lookalikes go cutting edge

Tribute band lookalikes go cutting edge


You know....

it occurs to me that people really need lives.

WTF?