More inside jokes....
From E -
posted by Colette at 7:14 AM
1 comments
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Because I am corny
Geez....
I am such a dork sometimes...
I always loved this song....
Danny's Song
People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one,
and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and me,
as free as a dove,
conceived in love,
Sun is gonna shine above.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Seems as though a month ago I beta chi,
never got high,
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now a smile, a face,
a girl that shares my name,
Now I'm through with the game,
this boy will never be the same.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,
strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
Now I see a family
where there once was none,
now we've just begun,
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup,
drink it up,
Love her and she'll bring you luck.
And if you find she helps your mind,
buddy, take her home,
Don't you live alone,
try to earn what lovers own.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
- - Kenny Loggins
I am such a dork sometimes...
I always loved this song....
Danny's Song
People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one,
and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son.
He will be like she and me,
as free as a dove,
conceived in love,
Sun is gonna shine above.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Seems as though a month ago I beta chi,
never got high,
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now a smile, a face,
a girl that shares my name,
Now I'm through with the game,
this boy will never be the same.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,
strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
Now I see a family
where there once was none,
now we've just begun,
Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup,
drink it up,
Love her and she'll bring you luck.
And if you find she helps your mind,
buddy, take her home,
Don't you live alone,
try to earn what lovers own.
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
- - Kenny Loggins
posted by Colette at 10:41 AM
1 comments
For a friend who's hurting...
"I dare not ask your very all;
I only ask a part.
Bring me -
when dancers leave the hall -
your aching heart.
Give others your lighted face,
The laughter of your years.
I come to crave a greater grace -
Bring to me your tears..."
I wish I could tell you all who wrote that - but it has always 'stuck' with me...true friendship/love requires being there through the thick AND the thin....the laughter AND the tears...
I was given a book by a girl who became my dearest friend when I was 14 - it was called 'The Treasure Chest' and it was a collection of poems, and prose and stories and that was where I found what I posted above. Obviously, it resonated with me - so I held onto it for just such an occasion - not that someone being sad is an 'occasion', but at least it's a time where people can be there when needed and that type of friendship/love is always worth celebrating.
I only ask a part.
Bring me -
when dancers leave the hall -
your aching heart.
Give others your lighted face,
The laughter of your years.
I come to crave a greater grace -
Bring to me your tears..."
I wish I could tell you all who wrote that - but it has always 'stuck' with me...true friendship/love requires being there through the thick AND the thin....the laughter AND the tears...
I was given a book by a girl who became my dearest friend when I was 14 - it was called 'The Treasure Chest' and it was a collection of poems, and prose and stories and that was where I found what I posted above. Obviously, it resonated with me - so I held onto it for just such an occasion - not that someone being sad is an 'occasion', but at least it's a time where people can be there when needed and that type of friendship/love is always worth celebrating.
posted by Colette at 7:26 AM
0 comments
DailyOM - Illness Lessons
DailyOM - Illness Lessons
This article is about 'Listening to Our Bodies' which is the #1 - Day 1 lesson I share with my class, every single time I teach.
I really stress that the only way to be at home in your body is to listen - sometimes it takes literally years to become 'friends' with our bodies...it's subtle but in the end it really pays off with big dividends.
This article is about 'Listening to Our Bodies' which is the #1 - Day 1 lesson I share with my class, every single time I teach.
I really stress that the only way to be at home in your body is to listen - sometimes it takes literally years to become 'friends' with our bodies...it's subtle but in the end it really pays off with big dividends.
posted by Colette at 6:57 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Because it's all about the irony...
When my son was dealing with taking some drugs a while back - it turned our entire family upside down....
Despite my fear, despite my actual terror at the prospect of him doing something so stupid that we might LOSE him forever - I somehow managed to keep my sense of humour about me at times...
One of the things I did was put together a 'mixed' CD for him all songs about drugs:
Playlist for 'Welcome to My Nightmare':
Welcome to My Nightmare - Alice Cooper
Go Ask Alice - Jefferson Airplane
Goin' to California - Led Zeppelin
Cocaine - Eric CLapton (should have been J.J. Cale)
Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
Oooh That Smell - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Casey Jones - The Greatful Dead
You Don't Know How it Feels (Let's roll another joint) - Tom Petty
Illegal Smile - John Prine
Dreadlock Holiday - 10CC
Everybody Must Get Stoned - Bob Dylan
High, High, High - Paul McCartney
Because I got High - Afroman
Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks
The Damage Done - Neil Young
Hurt - Johnny Cash
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
**************
Yep - I still have my sense of humour....
*winks*
^_^
Despite my fear, despite my actual terror at the prospect of him doing something so stupid that we might LOSE him forever - I somehow managed to keep my sense of humour about me at times...
One of the things I did was put together a 'mixed' CD for him all songs about drugs:
Playlist for 'Welcome to My Nightmare':
Welcome to My Nightmare - Alice Cooper
Go Ask Alice - Jefferson Airplane
Goin' to California - Led Zeppelin
Cocaine - Eric CLapton (should have been J.J. Cale)
Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
Oooh That Smell - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Casey Jones - The Greatful Dead
You Don't Know How it Feels (Let's roll another joint) - Tom Petty
Illegal Smile - John Prine
Dreadlock Holiday - 10CC
Everybody Must Get Stoned - Bob Dylan
High, High, High - Paul McCartney
Because I got High - Afroman
Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks
The Damage Done - Neil Young
Hurt - Johnny Cash
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin
**************
Yep - I still have my sense of humour....
*winks*
^_^
posted by Colette at 9:23 PM
0 comments
Meanwhile...from a Western perspective
(whoa...)
************************************************************************************
************************************************************************************
If your man is TAURUS
The way he loves
Loving life, he also loves love. Sensual, he hates "saboteurs" who make no effort to give a woman all the pleasure she expects. He plays her as he does a harp — ardently, efficiently, gratefully... Love occupies a big part of his life.
In his youth, he plays around a little, with insatiable greediness and curiosity. And then, one day, he decides to settle down, to start a home and a family. And on this score, he isn't joking. He makes his choice very carefully. After taking his time to weigh the pros and the cons, he finally makes his decision. If there are obstacles, he knocks them down. His wife and children are sacred in his eyes.
He really tries hard to deserve his happiness and wants to get paid back. He'll overcome his selfishness, help out, work hard, wanting to make life as pleasant as possible for his wife. In exchange, he'll ask her to give herself to him, to be faithful to him.
How to go about him:
Everything for duration and stability: this could be the Taurus man's motto. Deeply hostile to what is transitory and superficial, this stubborn, determined man builds up his happiness little by little, day after day. Realistic, lucid, suspicious also, he knows very well how to sort things out and only values what really counts for him. If you try to blind him, he'll simply turn his back on you! So for your union to last, you have to bet on authenticity and the quality of your relationship. Furthermore, with the practical side to his character, he'll always try to make himself useful. He wants to be able to protect you, and wants you to profit from his experiences. He wants to feel indispensable. If by chance you decide to play autonomy and independence, nothing will go right any longer between the two of you!
Also, remember that sensuality plays a major role for this voluptuous, carnal man. If there's not a deep physical relation between the two of you, severe problems will sooner or later arise in your couple. All the more so as he's extremely possessive. Be careful not to reinforce his desire to dominate his circle and strengthen his horror of sharing. If you want to discover what a Taurus man is like when he's angry, try tickling his jealousy!
He'll ask you to take good care of his children, to feed him decently, and to take his tastes into due account. With this said, he's easy to live with — a talkative guest, a real chatterbox in his euphoric moments, especially when he's dining in good company and when wine is overflowing. But when he's in a bad mood or when he's brooding, it'll be hard to cheer him up. At such moments it's better to wait; and when he starts to relax, make the first step.
If you have a "past", it's better not to talk to him about it, despite all his urgings!
posted by Colette at 5:24 PM
2 comments
A very good union indeed
(I find Chinese astrology to be quite interesting - this is the current 'love interest' for me - what's weird is we are both 'Metal' elementals - I am a 'Water' sign in Western terms - I am not sure what he is)
*********
Sharing her destiny with a Pig, the Rat woman can congratulate herself on one thing: She will never have to worry about her material life. This man is incredibly lucky with money and not in the least stingy - in the Far East, the pig is the symbol of affluence and easygoingness. Somewhat lacking shrewdness in financial matters, he will certainly appreciate her as a careful, thrifty housewife.
They have many things in common - both present hoarding instincts, love food and adore children. These shared interests alone are sufficient to make them surmount many obstacles on their way to married happiness. Quarrels will be extremely rare as the Pig man is a most indulgent and conciliatory person. Having much stronger domestic tendencies than her man, the Rat may find his habit of hanging around with his numerous cronies hard to understand and take steps to curb it. If she can come to realize that he is a very gay, sociable individual, then she will be willing to condone his merry-making which, in fact, is perfectly harmless.
It would be surprising if they should be bothered by some major problem in the sexual area. Enjoying emotional and financial security, the Rat will be able to surrender her whole self, while the Pig is known to be the very embodiment of sensuality and virility. Each mating will be for them an occasion to reach the highest peaks of carnal felicity.
A very good union.
*********
Sharing her destiny with a Pig, the Rat woman can congratulate herself on one thing: She will never have to worry about her material life. This man is incredibly lucky with money and not in the least stingy - in the Far East, the pig is the symbol of affluence and easygoingness. Somewhat lacking shrewdness in financial matters, he will certainly appreciate her as a careful, thrifty housewife.
They have many things in common - both present hoarding instincts, love food and adore children. These shared interests alone are sufficient to make them surmount many obstacles on their way to married happiness. Quarrels will be extremely rare as the Pig man is a most indulgent and conciliatory person. Having much stronger domestic tendencies than her man, the Rat may find his habit of hanging around with his numerous cronies hard to understand and take steps to curb it. If she can come to realize that he is a very gay, sociable individual, then she will be willing to condone his merry-making which, in fact, is perfectly harmless.
It would be surprising if they should be bothered by some major problem in the sexual area. Enjoying emotional and financial security, the Rat will be able to surrender her whole self, while the Pig is known to be the very embodiment of sensuality and virility. Each mating will be for them an occasion to reach the highest peaks of carnal felicity.
A very good union.
posted by Colette at 5:15 PM
0 comments
To Whom it May Concern...
I am NOT a whore.
Pot. Kettle. Black. Get it???
I did not do this to 'mess with you' don't flatter yourself. You have no say so in my life - that ended when you decided to do what you did.
Furthermore, the ONLY person here keeping you from anything you like to do is YOU. Period. Perhaps you should apply that over-active imagination to just what you are referring to it might just help you.
Stop blaming everyone else for your problems - take a good look in the mirror my dear.
For the last time, leave me alone. I'd like to get on with my life without these constant temper tantrums.
Pot. Kettle. Black. Get it???
I did not do this to 'mess with you' don't flatter yourself. You have no say so in my life - that ended when you decided to do what you did.
Furthermore, the ONLY person here keeping you from anything you like to do is YOU. Period. Perhaps you should apply that over-active imagination to just what you are referring to it might just help you.
Stop blaming everyone else for your problems - take a good look in the mirror my dear.
For the last time, leave me alone. I'd like to get on with my life without these constant temper tantrums.
posted by Colette at 7:37 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 28, 2006
Clothes and making the man
Yeah...
Today's been kind of fun...imagining him in certain styles - and yes gentlemen, women DO like a sharp dressed man (and no I am not trying to quote ZZ Top here).
He is exquisite and he looks good in everything - it's that simple.
Obviously though, he is a man of substance and integrity, intelligence and wisdom and his clothes have absolutely nothing to do with his character...but then you all knew that already...otherwise, why would *I* be dating him....
*smiles*
Today's been kind of fun...imagining him in certain styles - and yes gentlemen, women DO like a sharp dressed man (and no I am not trying to quote ZZ Top here).
He is exquisite and he looks good in everything - it's that simple.
Obviously though, he is a man of substance and integrity, intelligence and wisdom and his clothes have absolutely nothing to do with his character...but then you all knew that already...otherwise, why would *I* be dating him....
*smiles*
posted by Colette at 1:59 PM
0 comments
Sometimes...
Sometimes you feel melancholy - sometimes you hear a song and it captures a moment from your past, or it brings up old feelings within that you thought were gone - or it's pertinent to the emotion you are feeling right then and there...
Perhaps it's all of those things all at once, rolled up into something we call life
*sighs*
*********
Without You
No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
No, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give any more
I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give any more
No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
- - Harry Nilsson
Perhaps it's all of those things all at once, rolled up into something we call life
*sighs*
*********
Without You
No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
No, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give any more
I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give any more
No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
- - Harry Nilsson
posted by Colette at 8:32 AM
0 comments
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Dreams unwind...
It was another truly amazing weekend with my dearest Mr. E....
Friday we were going to do sushi - I have never had 'proper' sushi. I showed up at his place and he showed me some outfits out of the Ann Taylor 'Loft' Catalogue. He completely nailed the styles I'd love. I was amazed at his tastes. I love her clothing - this years past line wasn't all that great but her new fall line is amazing. So now I have to save up to go get some of the outfits...
We went for sushi at a place in Mentor and I really enjoyed it - it was filling and surprisingly good - for dessert we had Lychees - mmmm nummy.
Then, we took a short jaunt to the mall - he wanted to show me some prints he liked. His taste in art is really wonderful - he has a good eye.
We went into a couple of clothing places - I think he was 'testing' me - or testing my sense of fashion (not in a bad way) - I myself have a good eye for clothing - unfortunately, *my* taste is expensive and I can not always justify paying that kind of money.
I DO so love Ann Taylor's line of clothes though and I look good in them...
Then we rented a movie (well 2) at Blockbusters
Once Upon a Time in China and Run, Lola, Run (I had never seen the first one and loved the second one).
I like martial arts films - the choreography is amazing and Jet Li is amazing. I can do without some of the violent scenes but it was OK.
We retired and I spent a somewhat sleepless night - to be awoken by him, talking about the 'dream' he had about us...and well...all I can say is wow/amazing/*sighs*...(mainly cause you guys aren't getting anymore here in this venue).
Saturday, he had to go to his daughter's game - one of these days I hope to go as well - it would be nice to see her play.
Saturday afternoon I headed over there and we decided to stay in for dinner - I cooked fish and pan-fried potatoes for him. It was a nice dinner and we had a beautiful moment together at dinner - I just feel so close to him at times...it's uncanny....
We watched this movie that night:
This is a box of kleenex movie - well it was for us, at least. Both of us have had very similar circumstances in our lives - and I began crying and so did he...the fact that we were able to act like this around each other only proved even more to me how much he means to me and how much more I want to be with him...if it's possible to want to be with him more...
We were both I think a bit worn out from watching the movie - it was very draining emotionally.
(As far as a movie review goes - I would not necessarily put this at the top of my list to recommend. It IS like a dream in terms of it being disjointed - Dante's Inferno on Acid is what I will call it and being trapped in a Maxfield Parrish painting as well...)
So we went up to bed..to sleep. I for some reason again did not sleep really well - I don't know why this time - perhaps it was the emotion of the movie - I also am still not used to sleeping in strange places (LOL well his place isn't strange) but I've always struggled sleeping in different beds than my own...
Sunday morning we woke up got ready, went to church - again it was nice - it feels right. He had given me a beautiful gift of a rosary before he went on vacation - and we had it blessed by the priest who said mass.
After mass we went back and he cooked a light lunch and then we spent some time talking, snuggling, laughing and then he took me to meet some of his friends (he was suppose to meet my son and we were going to lunch but it ended up not working out - which is OK we will do this soon).
His friends and their children were amazing - what adorable kids, bright, funny, gorgeous and I had a blast - good people, really good people.
Again there's still moments where I am thinking too much - trying to 'categorise'/glean more from what he says than is perhaps necessary. I am in a constant state of amazement at the way we communicate. There's no struggle to 'talk' there's no 'gee I can't say that' - his openness and his willingness to listen are always such a wonderful surprise and so touching.
I can't say it's always going to be this way...yes I guess we are just 'dating' (*sighs* whatever the fuck that means anymore) - but sometimes I want to get ahead of myself for obvious (at least to me) reasons....but it will be with patience and perserverence that this will work - nothing more...nothing less.
Friday we were going to do sushi - I have never had 'proper' sushi. I showed up at his place and he showed me some outfits out of the Ann Taylor 'Loft' Catalogue. He completely nailed the styles I'd love. I was amazed at his tastes. I love her clothing - this years past line wasn't all that great but her new fall line is amazing. So now I have to save up to go get some of the outfits...
We went for sushi at a place in Mentor and I really enjoyed it - it was filling and surprisingly good - for dessert we had Lychees - mmmm nummy.
Then, we took a short jaunt to the mall - he wanted to show me some prints he liked. His taste in art is really wonderful - he has a good eye.
We went into a couple of clothing places - I think he was 'testing' me - or testing my sense of fashion (not in a bad way) - I myself have a good eye for clothing - unfortunately, *my* taste is expensive and I can not always justify paying that kind of money.
I DO so love Ann Taylor's line of clothes though and I look good in them...
Then we rented a movie (well 2) at Blockbusters
Once Upon a Time in China and Run, Lola, Run (I had never seen the first one and loved the second one).
I like martial arts films - the choreography is amazing and Jet Li is amazing. I can do without some of the violent scenes but it was OK.
We retired and I spent a somewhat sleepless night - to be awoken by him, talking about the 'dream' he had about us...and well...all I can say is wow/amazing/*sighs*...(mainly cause you guys aren't getting anymore here in this venue).
Saturday, he had to go to his daughter's game - one of these days I hope to go as well - it would be nice to see her play.
Saturday afternoon I headed over there and we decided to stay in for dinner - I cooked fish and pan-fried potatoes for him. It was a nice dinner and we had a beautiful moment together at dinner - I just feel so close to him at times...it's uncanny....
We watched this movie that night:
This is a box of kleenex movie - well it was for us, at least. Both of us have had very similar circumstances in our lives - and I began crying and so did he...the fact that we were able to act like this around each other only proved even more to me how much he means to me and how much more I want to be with him...if it's possible to want to be with him more...
We were both I think a bit worn out from watching the movie - it was very draining emotionally.
(As far as a movie review goes - I would not necessarily put this at the top of my list to recommend. It IS like a dream in terms of it being disjointed - Dante's Inferno on Acid is what I will call it and being trapped in a Maxfield Parrish painting as well...)
So we went up to bed..to sleep. I for some reason again did not sleep really well - I don't know why this time - perhaps it was the emotion of the movie - I also am still not used to sleeping in strange places (LOL well his place isn't strange) but I've always struggled sleeping in different beds than my own...
Sunday morning we woke up got ready, went to church - again it was nice - it feels right. He had given me a beautiful gift of a rosary before he went on vacation - and we had it blessed by the priest who said mass.
After mass we went back and he cooked a light lunch and then we spent some time talking, snuggling, laughing and then he took me to meet some of his friends (he was suppose to meet my son and we were going to lunch but it ended up not working out - which is OK we will do this soon).
His friends and their children were amazing - what adorable kids, bright, funny, gorgeous and I had a blast - good people, really good people.
Again there's still moments where I am thinking too much - trying to 'categorise'/glean more from what he says than is perhaps necessary. I am in a constant state of amazement at the way we communicate. There's no struggle to 'talk' there's no 'gee I can't say that' - his openness and his willingness to listen are always such a wonderful surprise and so touching.
I can't say it's always going to be this way...yes I guess we are just 'dating' (*sighs* whatever the fuck that means anymore) - but sometimes I want to get ahead of myself for obvious (at least to me) reasons....but it will be with patience and perserverence that this will work - nothing more...nothing less.
posted by Colette at 8:11 PM
1 comments
Say this tongue twister, or else...
Say this tongue twister, or else...
I meant to post this from C2 earlier...it's a hoot...
(I am not sure the guys in the audience are going to think so)
Those wacky Japanese...
>^_^<
I meant to post this from C2 earlier...it's a hoot...
(I am not sure the guys in the audience are going to think so)
Those wacky Japanese...
>^_^<
posted by Colette at 7:41 PM
0 comments
Friday, August 25, 2006
Comic sues Jews for Jesus
Comic sues Jews for Jesus
You go Jackie!
You go Jackie!
posted by Colette at 1:16 PM
0 comments
Sister of the Moon
RHIANNON
Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
She rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Oooooh
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind
Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind
- - "Rhiannon" (Fleetwood Mac)
***************
I have been a Pagan/Wiccan since I was about 14 years old (actually initiated at the age of 17). I decided that I was drawn into a practice that truly honoured women - that allowed for a Goddess as well as a God. I was never drawn into the darker aspects of this practice - I was always more at home with the light and the healing. Using herbs as remedies, honouring the earth mother, living in a way as to know that we are all interconnected through the web of life. Seeing each man and woman as representations of the God/Goddess here and honouring that light within them. With the light though, comes the darkness - for you can not have one without the other. Just like you can not have male without female. As I've grown older I have been able as well to 'reconnect' to the Church - especially through this new relationship and I have come to realise that the two systems CAN co-exist - that they CAN compliment each other - that I CAN live this way....
When I was about 19-years old going on 20, I had a lover who introduced me to the Celtic/Welsh mythology stories of the Mabinogeon....(I've written about this before) - there was a connection I felt with Rhiannon in "The Song of Rhiannon". What young woman would not connect with such a story? At times I felt I did more than 'merely connect' and yes I know that sounds weird.
There is a sacredness that resonates deep within me. It is not tied per se to any organised religion or doctrine - it is what it is. It IS me...me as I connect to and with all things in the universe, me as I try to uncover the mysteries of life/love/spirit, me becoming the best 'ME' I can possibly be. I flow with these feelings and look within for that which helps me cope, live, love, be joyful and yes even sorrowful. It is all - it is nothing....
I am THAT I am.
Je pense que je suis
Namaste
Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
She rings like a bell through the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover
All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Oooooh
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind
Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind
- - "Rhiannon" (Fleetwood Mac)
***************
I have been a Pagan/Wiccan since I was about 14 years old (actually initiated at the age of 17). I decided that I was drawn into a practice that truly honoured women - that allowed for a Goddess as well as a God. I was never drawn into the darker aspects of this practice - I was always more at home with the light and the healing. Using herbs as remedies, honouring the earth mother, living in a way as to know that we are all interconnected through the web of life. Seeing each man and woman as representations of the God/Goddess here and honouring that light within them. With the light though, comes the darkness - for you can not have one without the other. Just like you can not have male without female. As I've grown older I have been able as well to 'reconnect' to the Church - especially through this new relationship and I have come to realise that the two systems CAN co-exist - that they CAN compliment each other - that I CAN live this way....
When I was about 19-years old going on 20, I had a lover who introduced me to the Celtic/Welsh mythology stories of the Mabinogeon....(I've written about this before) - there was a connection I felt with Rhiannon in "The Song of Rhiannon". What young woman would not connect with such a story? At times I felt I did more than 'merely connect' and yes I know that sounds weird.
There is a sacredness that resonates deep within me. It is not tied per se to any organised religion or doctrine - it is what it is. It IS me...me as I connect to and with all things in the universe, me as I try to uncover the mysteries of life/love/spirit, me becoming the best 'ME' I can possibly be. I flow with these feelings and look within for that which helps me cope, live, love, be joyful and yes even sorrowful. It is all - it is nothing....
I am THAT I am.
Je pense que je suis
Namaste
posted by Colette at 8:46 AM
0 comments
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Moon
You are the breath I take
The dreams I wander through
The soft moon...
as it shines down upon the waters of stillness in my soul
The dreams I wander through
The soft moon...
as it shines down upon the waters of stillness in my soul
posted by Colette at 7:29 PM
0 comments
While the cats away...
Did someone mention cats, mice and playing????
Oh wait...
*giggles*
(inside joke kids - not trying to be rude or anything)
Oh wait...
*giggles*
(inside joke kids - not trying to be rude or anything)
posted by Colette at 11:44 AM
0 comments
Astronomers say Pluto is not a planet
Astronomers say Pluto is not a planet
Whoa....
1. Is that like stripping St. Christopher of his sainthood? (just curious)...
2. So which 'sun-sign' is ruled by Pluto (is there even one? Geez I should know this) - and what will THEY do now??????
*smirks*
Whoa....
1. Is that like stripping St. Christopher of his sainthood? (just curious)...
2. So which 'sun-sign' is ruled by Pluto (is there even one? Geez I should know this) - and what will THEY do now??????
*smirks*
posted by Colette at 10:35 AM
1 comments
Ebb and flow...
A homecoming that was heady…and more than I was expecting in so many aspects.
So we come to the part of the ‘program’ where things begin to go even deeper. I am falling…I have fallen…there’s no one to catch me as I land/fall….
But that’s OK.
I was presented with some really beautiful gifts by my love – and I do mean more than what he brought home to give me - LOL - or even the ‘gift’ he held onto in order to give to me now. (Will post more on this later for now though, how very sweet – this is all so sweet – not in a sugary/fake way – but in a ‘real’/true way).
I am, incredibly overwhelmed right now…I am not ‘certain’ of any given thing. Again, this is not a foreign place to me – I’ve spent some of my life in uncertainty (obviously, haven't we all?). There are boundaries to be explored and edges to be smoothed – not that I want to wear him away/tear down his defense nor have him wear my defenses down. We have boundaries for a reason. Good reasons. There’s a difference between boundaries and building walls.
I am not used to being handled with such respect, such deference, such love – it takes me by surprise every time. I am filled with wonder and an incredible sense of tenderness – I am in awe of how he deals with difficult situations/emotions – he is delicate and loving and kind. He is all that I could ever ask for…but yet do not know how to completely relax and let go…
Unlearning patterns/old behaviours can be so very frustrating at times…hopefully he will be patient with me…more importantly I need to be patient with myself.
So we come to the part of the ‘program’ where things begin to go even deeper. I am falling…I have fallen…there’s no one to catch me as I land/fall….
But that’s OK.
I was presented with some really beautiful gifts by my love – and I do mean more than what he brought home to give me - LOL - or even the ‘gift’ he held onto in order to give to me now. (Will post more on this later for now though, how very sweet – this is all so sweet – not in a sugary/fake way – but in a ‘real’/true way).
I am, incredibly overwhelmed right now…I am not ‘certain’ of any given thing. Again, this is not a foreign place to me – I’ve spent some of my life in uncertainty (obviously, haven't we all?). There are boundaries to be explored and edges to be smoothed – not that I want to wear him away/tear down his defense nor have him wear my defenses down. We have boundaries for a reason. Good reasons. There’s a difference between boundaries and building walls.
I am not used to being handled with such respect, such deference, such love – it takes me by surprise every time. I am filled with wonder and an incredible sense of tenderness – I am in awe of how he deals with difficult situations/emotions – he is delicate and loving and kind. He is all that I could ever ask for…but yet do not know how to completely relax and let go…
Unlearning patterns/old behaviours can be so very frustrating at times…hopefully he will be patient with me…more importantly I need to be patient with myself.
posted by Colette at 10:24 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Drama as queen
Last night was my last Yoga class with a very small group at the Center - which is a haul for me to get to.
Often, before classes I will have a talk - usually it's about the Yamas and Niyamas which are guidelines Yogis/Yoginis (and others) try to follow in order to lead better lives.
last night before class I was reading a magazine that Integrative Medicine helps support here locally.
There was an article written by Alan Cohen about not letting drama rule your life. About drama being a choice, an interpretation and for some an addiction.
So in stead of talking about the usual (which I actually had not really done with this class anyway) - I read this quote:
"When you know who you are and what you are here to do, you recognize that no power can stop you. You do not have to fight anyone or anything. Just stand in truth a place where drama has no claim over love and it dissipates into a greater ocean of well being."
How beautiful...we should all live like this.
Often, before classes I will have a talk - usually it's about the Yamas and Niyamas which are guidelines Yogis/Yoginis (and others) try to follow in order to lead better lives.
last night before class I was reading a magazine that Integrative Medicine helps support here locally.
There was an article written by Alan Cohen about not letting drama rule your life. About drama being a choice, an interpretation and for some an addiction.
So in stead of talking about the usual (which I actually had not really done with this class anyway) - I read this quote:
"When you know who you are and what you are here to do, you recognize that no power can stop you. You do not have to fight anyone or anything. Just stand in truth a place where drama has no claim over love and it dissipates into a greater ocean of well being."
How beautiful...we should all live like this.
posted by Colette at 6:32 AM
2 comments
Fade Away
come be by me
for a little while
just don't forget me...
after I fade
into the twilight
and become that time
when all does stand still
within the space of a breath
a single beat of a heart
(because someone asked...and yes, I wrote this...)
for a little while
just don't forget me...
after I fade
into the twilight
and become that time
when all does stand still
within the space of a breath
a single beat of a heart
(because someone asked...and yes, I wrote this...)
posted by Colette at 6:29 AM
3 comments
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Allergic...to love
That's right NOT ADDICTED...
sorry *mumbles* inside joke
I am home today, miserable. I spent another sleepless friggin' night. My sinuses are killing me.
I am also extremely computer irritated. Was on line last night chatting with 3 seriously attractive and wonderful men (ah yes menage a quatre) and Yahoo IM kept crashing - I would type stuff they would not see it....
*laughs*
Typical communication problems amongst the sexes eh? (just kidding)Seriously though it is good to be talking to others and trying to help myself to understand all the complexities of what I am going through right now.
And it's not that I don't/can't/won't listen to my own heart song - not that at all - it's that sometimes talking to men about relationships with men gives us insight as women we are not usually privy to.
For instance. You meet someone and you start dating and you fall passionately, madly, deeply in love with them (really fucking fast) - you don't mean to do this - you've tried putting the breaks on but you just can't seem to help yourself (yes to Ken Y and to Mr. C - I get the Buddhist angle, thanks ever so much). Your heart is running the show. Sure your mind is on board - your body IS MOST assuredly on board (*blushes*) - but your heart is the Queen of all she surveys and she's not taking prisoners...well actually she IS taking prisoners - exactly 1 prisoner: YOU.
You feel helpless, not trapped, you are a pretty willing prisoner - you like the submissive thing (*wink*).
But wait, suddenly, your head decides it wants to take a starring role in 'Mutiny on the Bounty' and fuck up the entire thing. You think too much. You analyze too much. You read into things too much. You can't relax and trust the heart - she's led you astray before. Why trust her now?
Then there's the other angle - that of the general in the enemy camp. (OK bear with me guys - I am not calling men 'the enemy', but you know where this is coming from - don't look at me like that you view us the same way and you know it)- what's HIS angle? Sure he says he loves you and yeah you are pretty sure he does - but just how much? There are other subtle things at play too - you just can't always figure out where his head is at (not THAT one!) - you want to be sure his heart is in the right place - but is his head interfering the way YOURS is???
So there you have it...two people fall in love. Undoubtedly they DO NOT do this in the same way, nor at the same pace, nor with the same intensity. Now instead of wondering who's going to be the first to break down and say the words, once the words are uttered you sit there wondering just how much they mean....and yes we've compared notes with each other (see the 'we communicate with one another' posts).
"My life is brilliant, my love is pure"
My life IS brilliant, my love IS pure....
So is his. No really it is.
I don't fall in love with just any old git - well I did the last time but that doesn't count and I didn't think he was a git at the outset. This incredible man is most definitely NOT a git. In fact he is so far removed from 'git-ness' it's astounding. I want to take my 'head' out back and flog it for even daring to question this. This man is one of the best things to have ever come into my life - I am pretty sure as long as we keep talking things through everything will be OK.
I just have to get these scenarios down here and out of my mind where they have a tendency to linger AND fester. Goddess knows I don't need any festering wounds opening up.
*achoo*
(Listening to James Blunt: 'You're Beautiful')
sorry *mumbles* inside joke
I am home today, miserable. I spent another sleepless friggin' night. My sinuses are killing me.
I am also extremely computer irritated. Was on line last night chatting with 3 seriously attractive and wonderful men (ah yes menage a quatre) and Yahoo IM kept crashing - I would type stuff they would not see it....
*laughs*
Typical communication problems amongst the sexes eh? (just kidding)Seriously though it is good to be talking to others and trying to help myself to understand all the complexities of what I am going through right now.
And it's not that I don't/can't/won't listen to my own heart song - not that at all - it's that sometimes talking to men about relationships with men gives us insight as women we are not usually privy to.
For instance. You meet someone and you start dating and you fall passionately, madly, deeply in love with them (really fucking fast) - you don't mean to do this - you've tried putting the breaks on but you just can't seem to help yourself (yes to Ken Y and to Mr. C - I get the Buddhist angle, thanks ever so much). Your heart is running the show. Sure your mind is on board - your body IS MOST assuredly on board (*blushes*) - but your heart is the Queen of all she surveys and she's not taking prisoners...well actually she IS taking prisoners - exactly 1 prisoner: YOU.
You feel helpless, not trapped, you are a pretty willing prisoner - you like the submissive thing (*wink*).
But wait, suddenly, your head decides it wants to take a starring role in 'Mutiny on the Bounty' and fuck up the entire thing. You think too much. You analyze too much. You read into things too much. You can't relax and trust the heart - she's led you astray before. Why trust her now?
Then there's the other angle - that of the general in the enemy camp. (OK bear with me guys - I am not calling men 'the enemy', but you know where this is coming from - don't look at me like that you view us the same way and you know it)- what's HIS angle? Sure he says he loves you and yeah you are pretty sure he does - but just how much? There are other subtle things at play too - you just can't always figure out where his head is at (not THAT one!) - you want to be sure his heart is in the right place - but is his head interfering the way YOURS is???
So there you have it...two people fall in love. Undoubtedly they DO NOT do this in the same way, nor at the same pace, nor with the same intensity. Now instead of wondering who's going to be the first to break down and say the words, once the words are uttered you sit there wondering just how much they mean....and yes we've compared notes with each other (see the 'we communicate with one another' posts).
"My life is brilliant, my love is pure"
My life IS brilliant, my love IS pure....
So is his. No really it is.
I don't fall in love with just any old git - well I did the last time but that doesn't count and I didn't think he was a git at the outset. This incredible man is most definitely NOT a git. In fact he is so far removed from 'git-ness' it's astounding. I want to take my 'head' out back and flog it for even daring to question this. This man is one of the best things to have ever come into my life - I am pretty sure as long as we keep talking things through everything will be OK.
I just have to get these scenarios down here and out of my mind where they have a tendency to linger AND fester. Goddess knows I don't need any festering wounds opening up.
*achoo*
(Listening to James Blunt: 'You're Beautiful')
posted by Colette at 10:19 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 21, 2006
En Francaise
Cool!
A past post translated into French...
OK so it was not one of my more memorable posts.
Sill - how magnifique is that!
^_^
A past post translated into French...
OK so it was not one of my more memorable posts.
Sill - how magnifique is that!
^_^
posted by Colette at 12:12 PM
0 comments
The ghost of rants past...
Every now and then I look at my 'stats' on here - see who's been looking at this blog - the things that lead people here, key words, internet/Google searches, referrers etc.
Someone landed here by way of an old rant and I thought I'd put it up again...not becuase I am 'angry' - just because....
It was indeed a rant, directed at the little tart that helped destroy my marriage (when I say 'help' I am saying for those un-initiated that ALL of us had a hand in the demise of the relationship, her, my ex, and myself and probably a host of others)
I wrote this at the time due to the fact that I'd 'find out' info about her suffering and I'd make running commentary. I guess it made me feel better somehow - made me feel that karma was working.
This was a letter that would probably be well put to use if I ran across someone I wanted to say this to today and there IS someone out there I could apply this to today - but I don't want rant about that particular person cause I don't know them very well - frankly they don't deserve the space on my blog - although I know of several people - or have met several people in my life who could really use a dose of this...
Someone landed here by way of an old rant and I thought I'd put it up again...not becuase I am 'angry' - just because....
It was indeed a rant, directed at the little tart that helped destroy my marriage (when I say 'help' I am saying for those un-initiated that ALL of us had a hand in the demise of the relationship, her, my ex, and myself and probably a host of others)
I wrote this at the time due to the fact that I'd 'find out' info about her suffering and I'd make running commentary. I guess it made me feel better somehow - made me feel that karma was working.
This was a letter that would probably be well put to use if I ran across someone I wanted to say this to today and there IS someone out there I could apply this to today - but I don't want rant about that particular person cause I don't know them very well - frankly they don't deserve the space on my blog - although I know of several people - or have met several people in my life who could really use a dose of this...
posted by Colette at 10:21 AM
0 comments
This is for no one...in particular
I am feeling like crap. My ‘allergies’ if that’s what THIS is, are completely out of control. I spent another sleepless night – when I can’t breathe at night I don’t sleep….
My head aches, my eyes are watering and somehow I have to muster the energy to teach a class tonight after work.
I am feeling out of sorts, bordering on angry, moody, lethargic. It’s from lack of sleep, lack of other things – the danger involved in getting used to something I suppose...
Therein lies the rub – ‘getting used to things’ becoming self assured, self absorbed, complacent, old-hat...
Perhaps you begin to feel you are ‘owed’ something or that things should be ‘just so’.
It’s all an illusion and a dangerous one at that.
What am I doing here anyhow? I scarcely know anymore...
My head aches, my eyes are watering and somehow I have to muster the energy to teach a class tonight after work.
I am feeling out of sorts, bordering on angry, moody, lethargic. It’s from lack of sleep, lack of other things – the danger involved in getting used to something I suppose...
Therein lies the rub – ‘getting used to things’ becoming self assured, self absorbed, complacent, old-hat...
Perhaps you begin to feel you are ‘owed’ something or that things should be ‘just so’.
It’s all an illusion and a dangerous one at that.
What am I doing here anyhow? I scarcely know anymore...
posted by Colette at 8:49 AM
0 comments
Reel Fanatic
Reel Fanatic
To Mr. 'Reel' for keeping it 'real' and for stopping by to say hello...
Go take a gander at his blog kids; well worth your while, besides, it's blog of the week here on DOCG.
"Here's looking at you kid!"
^_^
To Mr. 'Reel' for keeping it 'real' and for stopping by to say hello...
Go take a gander at his blog kids; well worth your while, besides, it's blog of the week here on DOCG.
"Here's looking at you kid!"
^_^
posted by Colette at 8:46 AM
0 comments
Sunday, August 20, 2006
You can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime
...or so I thought.
Today was spent lazing around a little. Went to breakfast with my son's father. Worked out; came home, showered, then went to check on my boyfriend's cat. Poor little thing she was so attention starved. Hung with her, fed her, loved on her and then left.
When I got home Mr. C called and asked me what I did with the sun because we could not go out and frolic....we hemmed and hawed about what to do...then he told me to just come over and pick him up.
I did and we went to some stores...then we went to eat. When we got through with dinner, the sun was out and it was gorgeous and he asked if I wanted to go to the beach.
And so we drove out to the Headlands of Mentor Lake and walked along that same stretch of beach where we had not been since that fateful day in March where I blurted out my feelings for him and he told me of his little China girl - that he was going to bring here to marry.
So we walked along, 'frolicking' the surf pounded and we took off our shoes and walked close to the waters edge - getting our feet wet and me getting completely soaked...it was wonderful. The sun was beginning to get lower in the sky and we walked and talked and laughed and got even more wet ....the sand and the water felt good - I was almost wanting to dive into the lake...(and, considering how wet my pants got, I should have...luckily it did not turn into a wet t-shirt contest).
It was such a different scene from that cold day in March of 2005 when I had left my heart out there on the beach and felt like I'd finally grown strong enough to give it to someone only to have it handed to me...in the end it was a gift (I just didn't know it at the time)...and now the love in my heart is being given to the person I am SUPPOSE to be sharing it with...
Mr. C is a wonderful friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life. He is good counsel and incredibly honest and kind to me. I am not sure what I would have done without him in my life..besides repeating the same perfect 'crime' over and over again...I am so much better now.
Thanks Mr. C I will 'frolic' with you anytime
XOXOXO
^_^
Today was spent lazing around a little. Went to breakfast with my son's father. Worked out; came home, showered, then went to check on my boyfriend's cat. Poor little thing she was so attention starved. Hung with her, fed her, loved on her and then left.
When I got home Mr. C called and asked me what I did with the sun because we could not go out and frolic....we hemmed and hawed about what to do...then he told me to just come over and pick him up.
I did and we went to some stores...then we went to eat. When we got through with dinner, the sun was out and it was gorgeous and he asked if I wanted to go to the beach.
And so we drove out to the Headlands of Mentor Lake and walked along that same stretch of beach where we had not been since that fateful day in March where I blurted out my feelings for him and he told me of his little China girl - that he was going to bring here to marry.
So we walked along, 'frolicking' the surf pounded and we took off our shoes and walked close to the waters edge - getting our feet wet and me getting completely soaked...it was wonderful. The sun was beginning to get lower in the sky and we walked and talked and laughed and got even more wet ....the sand and the water felt good - I was almost wanting to dive into the lake...(and, considering how wet my pants got, I should have...luckily it did not turn into a wet t-shirt contest).
It was such a different scene from that cold day in March of 2005 when I had left my heart out there on the beach and felt like I'd finally grown strong enough to give it to someone only to have it handed to me...in the end it was a gift (I just didn't know it at the time)...and now the love in my heart is being given to the person I am SUPPOSE to be sharing it with...
Mr. C is a wonderful friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life. He is good counsel and incredibly honest and kind to me. I am not sure what I would have done without him in my life..besides repeating the same perfect 'crime' over and over again...I am so much better now.
Thanks Mr. C I will 'frolic' with you anytime
XOXOXO
^_^
posted by Colette at 8:48 PM
0 comments
Playlist II
"SUBMISSION"
(I Burn for You Mix)
Sting: "Mad About You"
The Decemberists: "We Both go Down Together"
Heart: "Dreamboat Annie - Fantasy"
Heart: "Crazy on You"
Dave Matthews: "Two Step"
Shakira: "Underneath Your Clothes"
Godspell soundtrack: "By My Side"
Heather Nova: "Like Lovers Do"
Faith Hill: "Breathe"
Sting 'Bring on the Night' soundtrack: "I Burn for You"
PJ Harvey: "Is This Desire?"
Sarah McLachlan: "Possession"
Sneaker Pimps: "6 Underground"
Portishead: "Nobody Loves Me/Sour Times"
Garbage: "#1 Crush"
Nina Simone: "Ne Me Quitte Pas"
Enigma: "Principles of Lust"
Black Tape for a Blue Girl: "Overwhelmed Beneath Me"
(I Burn for You Mix)
Sting: "Mad About You"
The Decemberists: "We Both go Down Together"
Heart: "Dreamboat Annie - Fantasy"
Heart: "Crazy on You"
Dave Matthews: "Two Step"
Shakira: "Underneath Your Clothes"
Godspell soundtrack: "By My Side"
Heather Nova: "Like Lovers Do"
Faith Hill: "Breathe"
Sting 'Bring on the Night' soundtrack: "I Burn for You"
PJ Harvey: "Is This Desire?"
Sarah McLachlan: "Possession"
Sneaker Pimps: "6 Underground"
Portishead: "Nobody Loves Me/Sour Times"
Garbage: "#1 Crush"
Nina Simone: "Ne Me Quitte Pas"
Enigma: "Principles of Lust"
Black Tape for a Blue Girl: "Overwhelmed Beneath Me"
posted by Colette at 11:00 AM
0 comments
One last one - I swear
...you know either I am bored out of my skull or I've become re-addicted to posting - this is the first weekend in a long time that I have spent this much time on my blog.
Anyways...I had to post this picture...well just because...
Anyways...I had to post this picture...well just because...
posted by Colette at 1:32 AM
0 comments
Cleanliness is next to...
...being an all around pain in the arse...
So I cleaned the 'upstairs' rooms. My 'office' and my 'yoga room'..I am still working on my bedroom. The bathroom is going to be done tomorrow and then the downstairs.
For a couple of months now, I thought I had lost my Heart album (Dreamboat Annie - it's my favourite from their catalogue)...well it turns out it was somehow under a stack of CDs that were on my computer desk - the problem is that my computer desk from time to time has a meltdown - it is has a roll out platform for the keyboard and every once in a while it comes off of it's 'grove' and crashes onto the floor - well today it did that and lo and behold my Heart CD was apparently right underneath and now it's broken in two.
*pouts*
So I have to get a new copy....
Oh...and I am posting the picture of this one to remind myself (and possibly enlist the help or Sir E -) to find an outfit like Anne's on the cover for either a fall Renaissance Fest or for Halloween (it is technically a 'Gypsy' costume):
OK now to go get laundry finished up and to bed - another late night - hopefully I will sleep tonight...
So I cleaned the 'upstairs' rooms. My 'office' and my 'yoga room'..I am still working on my bedroom. The bathroom is going to be done tomorrow and then the downstairs.
For a couple of months now, I thought I had lost my Heart album (Dreamboat Annie - it's my favourite from their catalogue)...well it turns out it was somehow under a stack of CDs that were on my computer desk - the problem is that my computer desk from time to time has a meltdown - it is has a roll out platform for the keyboard and every once in a while it comes off of it's 'grove' and crashes onto the floor - well today it did that and lo and behold my Heart CD was apparently right underneath and now it's broken in two.
*pouts*
So I have to get a new copy....
Oh...and I am posting the picture of this one to remind myself (and possibly enlist the help or Sir E -) to find an outfit like Anne's on the cover for either a fall Renaissance Fest or for Halloween (it is technically a 'Gypsy' costume):
OK now to go get laundry finished up and to bed - another late night - hopefully I will sleep tonight...
posted by Colette at 12:44 AM
0 comments
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Nice
(Now listening to: Calexico: 'Frontera')
My dearest took the time to call me from Arizona. Sounds like he and the kids are having fun and that he's relaxing. Good.
Of course it was also good to hear from him and sweet of him to call...
My dearest took the time to call me from Arizona. Sounds like he and the kids are having fun and that he's relaxing. Good.
Of course it was also good to hear from him and sweet of him to call...
posted by Colette at 11:30 PM
0 comments
AWAKE
Men of the earth, brothers in eternity,
Awake! Shake your souls.
The hour so long waited for,
The promised hour, has come.
Over the dark firmament of suffering humanity
is rising the morning star
heralding the day when you will understand
that manÂs most sacred duty is to be man.
That is, to manifest Life, Intelligence, Truth and Love.
There is no higher aim, no vaster problem.
And you who realize this will break the fetters
with which ignorance and fear have bound unconscious humanity.
Will stand up free and know yourselves to be
the eternal manifestation of the unmanifest witness
of the absolute sons of that great all
whom you call God.
- - Author Unknown
******************
I have a poster of this with a very androgynous 'Angel-Like' being in the center and the beautiful words above under the picture - the 'Angel' is holding light in their hands, illuminating his/her face - the poster is beautiful and unfortunately is a bit ragged from all the times I've moved and taken it down. I would love to find another one just like the one I have...not sure where to begin to look though...
At any rate, this is a really beautiful sentiment
Awake! Shake your souls.
The hour so long waited for,
The promised hour, has come.
Over the dark firmament of suffering humanity
is rising the morning star
heralding the day when you will understand
that manÂs most sacred duty is to be man.
That is, to manifest Life, Intelligence, Truth and Love.
There is no higher aim, no vaster problem.
And you who realize this will break the fetters
with which ignorance and fear have bound unconscious humanity.
Will stand up free and know yourselves to be
the eternal manifestation of the unmanifest witness
of the absolute sons of that great all
whom you call God.
- - Author Unknown
******************
I have a poster of this with a very androgynous 'Angel-Like' being in the center and the beautiful words above under the picture - the 'Angel' is holding light in their hands, illuminating his/her face - the poster is beautiful and unfortunately is a bit ragged from all the times I've moved and taken it down. I would love to find another one just like the one I have...not sure where to begin to look though...
At any rate, this is a really beautiful sentiment
posted by Colette at 9:22 PM
1 comments
OK, OK, one last thing....
(Now listening to Beth Orton: 'Anything')
Yeah...can you tell I am not getting my cleaning done?
*smirks*
Not that this means anything to anyone in particular but...
I FOUND MY PATCHOULI OIL!!!!
(the one I adored cause of it's sweetness and lightness)
And there is much rejoicing here on DOCG
Yay!
(thanks the Goddess)
^_^
Yeah...can you tell I am not getting my cleaning done?
*smirks*
Not that this means anything to anyone in particular but...
I FOUND MY PATCHOULI OIL!!!!
(the one I adored cause of it's sweetness and lightness)
And there is much rejoicing here on DOCG
Yay!
(thanks the Goddess)
^_^
posted by Colette at 6:51 PM
0 comments
A milestone
(Now listening to tATu: "Sacrifice")
I just did something that the old me would have never done....
I just threw out 4 years of accumulated 'pain' in the form of all the 'crap' I had down-loaded and printed off of the Internet: all the 'evidence' of my ex's infidelity....
It's very freeing/liberating action, and sure, even a tiny bit sad.
If I had a way to build a fire, I'd dispose of it that way, then I'd scatter the ashes to the winds over the lake....
I DID come across a love letter/poem from him (that had gotten separated from the other writing he 'composed' for me back in the day - stuff that was really painful to read when I realised he wrote to countless other women that same way).
I am going to put it here - not because I want to necessarily remember HIM or his even writing it to me but because it was beautiful and there are some things of beauty that should remain after the darkness/horror has faded into the recesses of the past...
**************
"The Sound of Wings"
I hear a fluttering, the sound of the
Black flapping wings of the Raven,
Sent forth on a mission by the Dream King.
I see a power, floating, falling from the
Heavens and into your eyes
There is majesty to what I see
I can feel the vibration , the Earth's energy
Humming, pulsing within your thigh.
The touch pulls me into you like a nightfall.
The sound of wings roars in my ears,
A multitude of butterflies encircle the bed,
Drawn searingly to the flames of our passion.
The power cauterizes the wounds you open
Upon my back, flesh sealing and being reopened
While the blood flows into the oceans.
The vibration pulls me into you, deeper each
Time. There is reason, this too is written.
We are so much more than apart can ever become.
"C -
I wrote this for you before we talked. I don't want to argue, I just want to love you in the way I feel you should be loved. Yes there are a lot of ""I"s in this, but there is only one "You" and only one "Us". To lose either of those things would pull my psyche further than my resilience would allow. Despite what you want to hear from me, this is the truth. What I feel for you is Love, the true thing of magic and power, not the shadow of that which is shown reflected upon the normal world. I am speaking of truths and those things which are real, emotions which can be too strong for mortals. Yes, I am burning from what I feel for you, but I would not have it any other way. This is the manner in which I am suppose to love you, this is the love we are suppose to share. Anything else would be a shadow, and not worth the time or effort of either one of us. I am burning with the truth, but I am frustrated. I feel this way because I have already put my first steps into the future and being pulled back into the past hurts me so... I love you, C -. I want you as my Faerie Queen, the lady of the twilight."
*********
I am always in awe of being written to with such passion and poetic skill. Part of me is amazed that I warranted any of this passion to begin with - as well as humbled in some ways. While indeed this was for the most part an incredibly unhealthy/sick relationship, there were still parts of it that rang with 'love'/passion. I am not trying to hold onto the past at all - I can tell you that reading this would have sent me into a tail-spin last year - but now it's 'safe' for me to 'remember' and file this away with my box of love letters, (like that of my daughter's father who has since passed away), with all the other 'dead letter' memories to pull out from time to time and reminisce about - that which was, that which has passed, and that which was never meant to be....
I just did something that the old me would have never done....
I just threw out 4 years of accumulated 'pain' in the form of all the 'crap' I had down-loaded and printed off of the Internet: all the 'evidence' of my ex's infidelity....
It's very freeing/liberating action, and sure, even a tiny bit sad.
If I had a way to build a fire, I'd dispose of it that way, then I'd scatter the ashes to the winds over the lake....
I DID come across a love letter/poem from him (that had gotten separated from the other writing he 'composed' for me back in the day - stuff that was really painful to read when I realised he wrote to countless other women that same way).
I am going to put it here - not because I want to necessarily remember HIM or his even writing it to me but because it was beautiful and there are some things of beauty that should remain after the darkness/horror has faded into the recesses of the past...
**************
"The Sound of Wings"
I hear a fluttering, the sound of the
Black flapping wings of the Raven,
Sent forth on a mission by the Dream King.
I see a power, floating, falling from the
Heavens and into your eyes
There is majesty to what I see
I can feel the vibration , the Earth's energy
Humming, pulsing within your thigh.
The touch pulls me into you like a nightfall.
The sound of wings roars in my ears,
A multitude of butterflies encircle the bed,
Drawn searingly to the flames of our passion.
The power cauterizes the wounds you open
Upon my back, flesh sealing and being reopened
While the blood flows into the oceans.
The vibration pulls me into you, deeper each
Time. There is reason, this too is written.
We are so much more than apart can ever become.
"C -
I wrote this for you before we talked. I don't want to argue, I just want to love you in the way I feel you should be loved. Yes there are a lot of ""I"s in this, but there is only one "You" and only one "Us". To lose either of those things would pull my psyche further than my resilience would allow. Despite what you want to hear from me, this is the truth. What I feel for you is Love, the true thing of magic and power, not the shadow of that which is shown reflected upon the normal world. I am speaking of truths and those things which are real, emotions which can be too strong for mortals. Yes, I am burning from what I feel for you, but I would not have it any other way. This is the manner in which I am suppose to love you, this is the love we are suppose to share. Anything else would be a shadow, and not worth the time or effort of either one of us. I am burning with the truth, but I am frustrated. I feel this way because I have already put my first steps into the future and being pulled back into the past hurts me so... I love you, C -. I want you as my Faerie Queen, the lady of the twilight."
*********
I am always in awe of being written to with such passion and poetic skill. Part of me is amazed that I warranted any of this passion to begin with - as well as humbled in some ways. While indeed this was for the most part an incredibly unhealthy/sick relationship, there were still parts of it that rang with 'love'/passion. I am not trying to hold onto the past at all - I can tell you that reading this would have sent me into a tail-spin last year - but now it's 'safe' for me to 'remember' and file this away with my box of love letters, (like that of my daughter's father who has since passed away), with all the other 'dead letter' memories to pull out from time to time and reminisce about - that which was, that which has passed, and that which was never meant to be....
posted by Colette at 5:52 PM
0 comments
For my Father
(Again I am re-running this because next week is his birthday...
you are STILL missed very much Dad!)
For my Father
(post originally from June, 2005)
My memories of him are far more clear than of mom.
Perhaps because I was with him through the worst days of my life at that time.
He was born with the Christian-given name Regis William and later changed it to William Regis. He was the younger of 3 brothers (he had three sisters as well). He was one of the ‘Southside’ boys from Pittsburgh. He was born into a large raucous Irish-Catholic family - my favourite memories of that side of the family seem to center around drinking and a lot of laughter. He was handsome and had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I did not inherit those eyes. What’s even more unsettling (and I did not realise this until my sister-in-law pointed it out) – is that I married a man that looked a lot like my dad (and in hind-sight probably behaved a lot like him too).
My dad was a loving father. I don’t remember a single night when he did not give us a hug and kiss good-night and I don’t remember anytime that that did not include ‘I love you’ – even when I became an adult – every single phone conversation, every single visit ended with ‘I love you’. And love us he did – fiercely – as only an Irish man can love.
As we were growing up he was my 'rock' I think I can remember him holding me as a baby - walking me at night, trying to get me to sleep. I was his first born. I was his most rebellious. I was probably a lot more like him than mom. I also remember that when were little and became too much for my mom, all she had to do was say: 'Wait until your father gets home...'. I don't know about my siblings but I remember being scared to death of that threat. And, I remember very clearly knowing that he was incredibly upset when his chin would shake and somehow that worried me/hurt me/scared me more than any physical threat or yelling (he hardly ever laid hands on us...)
I have him to thank in a lot of ways for the 'bad' traits...
My irreverence, my stubbornness, my sometime passive-aggressive ways, my willingness to actually participate in an affair - and subsequently my understanding of the 'why' of those types of sins, my ability to be able to drink a Merchant Marine (that's right boys I said Merchant Marine) under the table, my love of music (ALL KINDS), my appreciation of literature, my love of the Celts...and all things Irish.
In him I saw unfold the depths of sorrow when my mother died, and the depths of his desperation and guilt as he descended into alcohol to 'numb' his pain. In other words, his frailty and humaness shown through and because of it I learned about forgiveness and compassion.
Eventually we made our 'peace' with each other and I respect how he was able to be a good and loving father despite what surely was disappointment in some of my decisions - he's the one who ultimately taught me you can't live your children's lives for them - nor can you live vicariously through them.
Because of him my 'baby' brother is one of the best husbands and dads I know. Because of him my other younger brother is an honorable man.
So here's a toast to you Da - because there's no point in praising an Irishman without a wee sip - I love you, I honour your memory. I am glad you were my dad.
you are STILL missed very much Dad!)
For my Father
(post originally from June, 2005)
My memories of him are far more clear than of mom.
Perhaps because I was with him through the worst days of my life at that time.
He was born with the Christian-given name Regis William and later changed it to William Regis. He was the younger of 3 brothers (he had three sisters as well). He was one of the ‘Southside’ boys from Pittsburgh. He was born into a large raucous Irish-Catholic family - my favourite memories of that side of the family seem to center around drinking and a lot of laughter. He was handsome and had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I did not inherit those eyes. What’s even more unsettling (and I did not realise this until my sister-in-law pointed it out) – is that I married a man that looked a lot like my dad (and in hind-sight probably behaved a lot like him too).
My dad was a loving father. I don’t remember a single night when he did not give us a hug and kiss good-night and I don’t remember anytime that that did not include ‘I love you’ – even when I became an adult – every single phone conversation, every single visit ended with ‘I love you’. And love us he did – fiercely – as only an Irish man can love.
As we were growing up he was my 'rock' I think I can remember him holding me as a baby - walking me at night, trying to get me to sleep. I was his first born. I was his most rebellious. I was probably a lot more like him than mom. I also remember that when were little and became too much for my mom, all she had to do was say: 'Wait until your father gets home...'. I don't know about my siblings but I remember being scared to death of that threat. And, I remember very clearly knowing that he was incredibly upset when his chin would shake and somehow that worried me/hurt me/scared me more than any physical threat or yelling (he hardly ever laid hands on us...)
I have him to thank in a lot of ways for the 'bad' traits...
My irreverence, my stubbornness, my sometime passive-aggressive ways, my willingness to actually participate in an affair - and subsequently my understanding of the 'why' of those types of sins, my ability to be able to drink a Merchant Marine (that's right boys I said Merchant Marine) under the table, my love of music (ALL KINDS), my appreciation of literature, my love of the Celts...and all things Irish.
In him I saw unfold the depths of sorrow when my mother died, and the depths of his desperation and guilt as he descended into alcohol to 'numb' his pain. In other words, his frailty and humaness shown through and because of it I learned about forgiveness and compassion.
Eventually we made our 'peace' with each other and I respect how he was able to be a good and loving father despite what surely was disappointment in some of my decisions - he's the one who ultimately taught me you can't live your children's lives for them - nor can you live vicariously through them.
Because of him my 'baby' brother is one of the best husbands and dads I know. Because of him my other younger brother is an honorable man.
So here's a toast to you Da - because there's no point in praising an Irishman without a wee sip - I love you, I honour your memory. I am glad you were my dad.
posted by Colette at 5:22 PM
0 comments
A New Feature
(I am going to try somthing new here on the blog - I am going to pick a post from a year ago and re-post it just to kind of reflect 'where I am now' vs 'where I was then' )
(LOL no it's not me being lazy)
*************
The Wonder Years
(post from August 23, 2005)
Stars are born and die, in the heavens and we all go about our business like nothing is happening. It astounds me sometimes, our lack of wonder at the universe and all that surrounds us. Like it’s some cold calculated experiment and we need to somehow pick it apart, calculate it, quantify it and have it make sense to*US* as if *WE* personally had anything to do with it...mysteries are nothing more than things we need solved it seems, and we MUST solve them...or else – heaven knows what might happen...
And my life seems so small and insignificant in comparison and so inconsequential. I feel guilty for ranting and complaining and pouty and childish.
I still feel joy, wonder, however – as I grow older it diminishes and oft times it seems replaced by irritability, impatience and downright anger...
I think to myself that perhaps ‘falling in love’ would cure these ills – again I am not sure about that. I fear there is something wrong with me – I am way too picky, I am just not up to par – that is until I talk with others and they tell me their ‘stories’ – one person said he stopped looking after 5 years of trying – 5 YEARS!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I mean wow….that’s a long time. And men seem to have just as hard a time as women – with not being able to find the ‘right’ person or having to sift through so much crap that after a while it all blurs and blends and become an exercise in futility. Most days – at least these days, I feel like I am losing the magic and will never recognize what I need to recognize in order to fall in love again. I’ve become too cynical, bitter, hardened. I have always been a bit cynical – even as a child but I also always been able to recognize the beauty in the world and in individuals. And perhaps I’ve ‘had my shot’ and you only get so many chances in your lifetime to have the great love of your life and everything else is just marking time until your time is up…how sad would that be?
I used to fall in love so easily – I still do. I see people and I am immediately drawn into them. It might be their looks or their smile or some glint of recognition in their eyes. Like last night – I was with my ex and we went to go purchase gear for my son’s band – I rarely get invited to go do this stuff so I went. I am glad. There was a young man waiting on us behind the counter. He was beautiful to look upon and there was just something about him…we ran him ragged and he retained his composure and his sense of humour. At the end of the evening he handed us his card and turns out his name is Ian Anderson (as in from ‘Jethro Tull’) – you just never know….
And so my life is never short on interesting and sometimes bizarre happenings; people that I care for and those that care for me; learning new things; meeting new people; finding the joy that exists – even within the sadness of loss. The potential exists for me to discover that magic if only again for a brief passage of time but then we are all only here for a brief moment in time…and I don’t ever want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
(LOL no it's not me being lazy)
*************
The Wonder Years
(post from August 23, 2005)
Stars are born and die, in the heavens and we all go about our business like nothing is happening. It astounds me sometimes, our lack of wonder at the universe and all that surrounds us. Like it’s some cold calculated experiment and we need to somehow pick it apart, calculate it, quantify it and have it make sense to*US* as if *WE* personally had anything to do with it...mysteries are nothing more than things we need solved it seems, and we MUST solve them...or else – heaven knows what might happen...
And my life seems so small and insignificant in comparison and so inconsequential. I feel guilty for ranting and complaining and pouty and childish.
I still feel joy, wonder, however – as I grow older it diminishes and oft times it seems replaced by irritability, impatience and downright anger...
I think to myself that perhaps ‘falling in love’ would cure these ills – again I am not sure about that. I fear there is something wrong with me – I am way too picky, I am just not up to par – that is until I talk with others and they tell me their ‘stories’ – one person said he stopped looking after 5 years of trying – 5 YEARS!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I mean wow….that’s a long time. And men seem to have just as hard a time as women – with not being able to find the ‘right’ person or having to sift through so much crap that after a while it all blurs and blends and become an exercise in futility. Most days – at least these days, I feel like I am losing the magic and will never recognize what I need to recognize in order to fall in love again. I’ve become too cynical, bitter, hardened. I have always been a bit cynical – even as a child but I also always been able to recognize the beauty in the world and in individuals. And perhaps I’ve ‘had my shot’ and you only get so many chances in your lifetime to have the great love of your life and everything else is just marking time until your time is up…how sad would that be?
I used to fall in love so easily – I still do. I see people and I am immediately drawn into them. It might be their looks or their smile or some glint of recognition in their eyes. Like last night – I was with my ex and we went to go purchase gear for my son’s band – I rarely get invited to go do this stuff so I went. I am glad. There was a young man waiting on us behind the counter. He was beautiful to look upon and there was just something about him…we ran him ragged and he retained his composure and his sense of humour. At the end of the evening he handed us his card and turns out his name is Ian Anderson (as in from ‘Jethro Tull’) – you just never know….
And so my life is never short on interesting and sometimes bizarre happenings; people that I care for and those that care for me; learning new things; meeting new people; finding the joy that exists – even within the sadness of loss. The potential exists for me to discover that magic if only again for a brief passage of time but then we are all only here for a brief moment in time…and I don’t ever want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
posted by Colette at 5:10 PM
0 comments
The Playlist
"SUBMISSION"
Ani DiFranco: "When Doves Cry"
Shakespeare's Sister: "Stay"
Sting: "Desert Rose"
Stevie Nicks from the soundtrack of 'Practical Magic' : "Crystal"
From soundtrack of 'Jesus Christ Superstar' : "I don't know how to love him"
Art of Possesion: "Falling"
Lisa Germano: "You make me want to wear dresses"
Lisa Hall from the soundtrack of 'Practical Magic' : "Is this real?"
Siouxsie and the Banshees: "Face to Face"
From the soundtrack of 'Shall We Dance': "Sway"
Patti Smith: "Because the Night"
Sheila Chandra: "Dinogue"
Loreena McKennitt: "The Dark Night of the Soul"
Alison Krauss/Sting from the soundtrack of "Cold Mountain": "You Shall be My 'Ain True Love"
(There are more on this but I did not have the names of the artists/albums)
Ani DiFranco: "When Doves Cry"
Shakespeare's Sister: "Stay"
Sting: "Desert Rose"
Stevie Nicks from the soundtrack of 'Practical Magic' : "Crystal"
From soundtrack of 'Jesus Christ Superstar' : "I don't know how to love him"
Art of Possesion: "Falling"
Lisa Germano: "You make me want to wear dresses"
Lisa Hall from the soundtrack of 'Practical Magic' : "Is this real?"
Siouxsie and the Banshees: "Face to Face"
From the soundtrack of 'Shall We Dance': "Sway"
Patti Smith: "Because the Night"
Sheila Chandra: "Dinogue"
Loreena McKennitt: "The Dark Night of the Soul"
Alison Krauss/Sting from the soundtrack of "Cold Mountain": "You Shall be My 'Ain True Love"
(There are more on this but I did not have the names of the artists/albums)
posted by Colette at 3:05 PM
0 comments
bleh
So I am trying to get up the energy to clean.
I spent a restless/sleepless night - my sinuses have been killing me for 2 weeks now I've no idea what is going on - it's downright weird to be having 'allergy' issues at this time of the year for me.
So I feel blase, spent, tired. Mr. C got his schedule confused and is working today so we shan't be able to go 'frolic' (bummer!) - however we will tomorrow (yay!)
I am *maybe* going to go see To Kill a Mockingbird tonight with Liam and Sid but not if my head feels like this.
I also have to go shopping for something 'sexy' - well just because - don't even look at me like that you pervert. A woman likes to dress up from time to time and she never needs a reason - as CoCo Chanel could tell you.
*winks*
I spent a restless/sleepless night - my sinuses have been killing me for 2 weeks now I've no idea what is going on - it's downright weird to be having 'allergy' issues at this time of the year for me.
So I feel blase, spent, tired. Mr. C got his schedule confused and is working today so we shan't be able to go 'frolic' (bummer!) - however we will tomorrow (yay!)
I am *maybe* going to go see To Kill a Mockingbird tonight with Liam and Sid but not if my head feels like this.
I also have to go shopping for something 'sexy' - well just because - don't even look at me like that you pervert. A woman likes to dress up from time to time and she never needs a reason - as CoCo Chanel could tell you.
*winks*
posted by Colette at 1:21 PM
0 comments
David Byrne Journal
David Byrne Journal
Holy Talking Heads, Batman! David Byrne has an on-line Journal!
*laughs*
Stole this from the blog-roll of amazing Mac Tonnies over at
Post Human Blues
Thanks Mac!
^_^
Holy Talking Heads, Batman! David Byrne has an on-line Journal!
*laughs*
Stole this from the blog-roll of amazing Mac Tonnies over at
Post Human Blues
Thanks Mac!
^_^
posted by Colette at 12:34 PM
1 comments
Sleepless in Cleveland
...while he's in Arizona...
Yeah...
It's going to be a sleepless night.
*sigh*
Yeah...
It's going to be a sleepless night.
*sigh*
posted by Colette at 1:05 AM
0 comments
Why Mr. C is dangerous
LOL
Had a wonderful time with Mr. C tonight (but then we always do have a nice time together). He is a really good friend. I can count on him to be honest and make me really think about things - like what's going on with me right now...
However, we went to 1/2 Price Books and well....
Here's the latest additions to the various libraries:
(Note: These pics would not post properly last night)
This is to share with E, I think he will like it:
My son was particularly pleased with this soundtrack:
Had a wonderful time with Mr. C tonight (but then we always do have a nice time together). He is a really good friend. I can count on him to be honest and make me really think about things - like what's going on with me right now...
However, we went to 1/2 Price Books and well....
Here's the latest additions to the various libraries:
(Note: These pics would not post properly last night)
This is to share with E, I think he will like it:
My son was particularly pleased with this soundtrack:
posted by Colette at 12:39 AM
0 comments
yeah I forgot about this album, I always liked them - it took E to remind me
posted by Colette at 12:27 AM
0 comments
TOOTS!
(I can't believe I found this - it's a really good collection).
posted by Colette at 12:26 AM
0 comments
I found this too (on purpose - it's for E - when he 'gets the time' to read yet another book)
^_^
posted by Colette at 12:24 AM
0 comments
This is not the *actual* copy I got - mine has 'A letter from a Gentleman to his friend in Edinburgh' and Hume's 'Abstract of a Treatise on Human Nature' for $1.98...geez.
posted by Colette at 12:23 AM
0 comments
Friday, August 18, 2006
NPR : Catholic Women Claim Ordination as Priests
NPR : Catholic Women Claim Ordination as Priests
GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
If there is one thing I can point to that abso-fucking-lutely infuriates me about the Catholic Church - it is this - their stance on women's rights (whether it be the right to be a Priestess or the right to make decisions regarding their bodies)...
Oh I am so angry - but then I always have been about this....
If they only could appreciate that women would make good 'priests' that women are JUST AS HOLY AS MEN.
*sigh*
GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
If there is one thing I can point to that abso-fucking-lutely infuriates me about the Catholic Church - it is this - their stance on women's rights (whether it be the right to be a Priestess or the right to make decisions regarding their bodies)...
Oh I am so angry - but then I always have been about this....
If they only could appreciate that women would make good 'priests' that women are JUST AS HOLY AS MEN.
*sigh*
posted by Colette at 11:57 AM
2 comments
Have Coffee Will Write: MAGNA CARTA, BOBBY SANDS AND GUANTANAMO
Have Coffee Will Write: MAGNA CARTA, BOBBY SANDS AND GUANTANAMO
From the very politically astute Mr. Hess.
This struggle (in Ireland) has been near (not necessarily dear) to my heart since I was a young girl and used to hear vague whispers about 'the troubles' - part of me secretly rooted for the IRA - not because I am violent but because you have to fight oppression. It's the only way to overcome.
These stories are gut-wrenching and incredulous as well. That a civilised nation in the 20th century could treat people so inhumanely...I could never wrap my brain around that. Of course it's not just the saga of Ireland, it's ALL oppressed peoples in other countries where ideology clashes with neighborly love and often times it's the poorest of the poor suffering. How long before a Bobbie Sands, or a Che Guevara rises up to lead the people to freedom/a better existence. That may or may not necessarily mean by violent means - but how much can humans be degraded and treated like chattel before they finally DO snap?
The answer, I suppose varies from culture to culture - but I do know that mistreatment/abuse of the PEOPLE by a regime will eventually wear away the fabric of their self-esteem until the only answer is to strike back or fall deeply into despair - at what point do a people decide enough? Can we really call them 'terrorists' if all they are trying to do is protect the only way of life they've known?
From the very politically astute Mr. Hess.
This struggle (in Ireland) has been near (not necessarily dear) to my heart since I was a young girl and used to hear vague whispers about 'the troubles' - part of me secretly rooted for the IRA - not because I am violent but because you have to fight oppression. It's the only way to overcome.
These stories are gut-wrenching and incredulous as well. That a civilised nation in the 20th century could treat people so inhumanely...I could never wrap my brain around that. Of course it's not just the saga of Ireland, it's ALL oppressed peoples in other countries where ideology clashes with neighborly love and often times it's the poorest of the poor suffering. How long before a Bobbie Sands, or a Che Guevara rises up to lead the people to freedom/a better existence. That may or may not necessarily mean by violent means - but how much can humans be degraded and treated like chattel before they finally DO snap?
The answer, I suppose varies from culture to culture - but I do know that mistreatment/abuse of the PEOPLE by a regime will eventually wear away the fabric of their self-esteem until the only answer is to strike back or fall deeply into despair - at what point do a people decide enough? Can we really call them 'terrorists' if all they are trying to do is protect the only way of life they've known?
posted by Colette at 11:37 AM
0 comments
The voice of reason...
My life has totally changed. Not because of the new romance per se – although that is pretty wonderful; I’ve just been doing a lot more lately for me. I’ve been social. I’ve been seeing friends and going out and it feels wonderful.
I don’t usually go out on weeknights. Mainly cause my alarm goes off before 6AM every morning – so I had become this person who would come home, maybe work out, maybe eat dinner and then either write, read or veg out in front of TV. Now, I am hardly at home.
There are people that helped me through the rough times right after my marriage fell apart. One of them is my good friend Stuart – a Scottish lad whom I lovingly refer to as Dr. Evil (he has the brogue and all LOL). He is adorable. I have a HUGE crush on him. He is funny and kind and incredibly smart. He was my touchstone when I began to venture down the path of ‘dating hell’. He helped me immensely. He listened to me cry about my marriage and all the ‘fall-out’ he made me feel special and wanted and ‘attractive’ - he’s a wonderful friend.
So Wednesday we got together to have some ‘pints’ at a place in the Cedar/Fairmount neighborhood I had not been to. He showed up and we hugged, really glad to see each other. I launched into my latest romantic ‘adventure’ and he listened and nodded and interjected. I told him that I was completely taken by surprise, that I could not believe my luck; that I kept ‘pinching’ myself to make sure what was happening was ‘real’ and not some dream. Stu listened attentively – he gave me wonderful advice. He talked to me about self-esteem and ‘worthiness’ – he said ‘Why wouldn’t he be with you, C? You are wonderful!’ further, ‘If you question why a guy is with you HE is going to question why he’s with you too – in a way you are insulting him…’ I mean I never thought of it in those terms before.
I’ve never been a real ‘egomaniac’ I have not struggled with body image (I have a nice body) – but worthiness yes, perhaps a tad – just from suffering a lot of abuse – you begin to think that’s all you are ‘entitled to’ after a while. I felt a lot better after talking with Stuart. We talked about dating just one person and not playing the field – he is like me in that respect – he’s not a dog, he’s not a ‘typical’ man. I don’t think that is to say if given the opportunity he wouldn’t *think* about having more than one woman, but Stu is a true gentleman and also his life is simply too busy to be dating all kinds of people. He did tell me to not be afraid to ‘go out’ for coffee with other guys – he said just don’t ‘date’ – ‘you have to keep your options open’. I am not sure I agree with this. I mean I suppose he is an example of how you can just be with a guy as a friend – but in my particular/personal experience, most of the guys that ask me out for ‘coffee’ are not looking to just be ‘friends’ – perhaps this is another lesson for me to learn – how to get them to see me as a friend and not a romantic interest.
We had a wicked time, (well he being Dr. Evil and me being the Wiccan Priestess), and we laughed ourselves to tears. When my boyfriend gets back I am going to drag him over to Stu’s for dinner one evening and have them meet – I believe they will like each other. I am really looking forward to introducing him to friends and family – he is such a wonderful man, it’s hard not to like him.
**************
Tonight, hopefully, hanging with Mr. C. Tomorrow maybe ‘frolicking’ in the sun with Mr. C and cleaning the house, also checking on my boyfriend’s cat. Saturday night possibly going to see ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ with Liam and Sid. Sunday – relax.
Monday, and Tuesday teach. Wednesday, my darling returns….can’t wait.
Yes. Life has gotten good suddenly. Sure, there are still moments of ‘hell’ but without those moments, how would I know I that was having any ‘real’ fun.
*laughs*
I don’t usually go out on weeknights. Mainly cause my alarm goes off before 6AM every morning – so I had become this person who would come home, maybe work out, maybe eat dinner and then either write, read or veg out in front of TV. Now, I am hardly at home.
There are people that helped me through the rough times right after my marriage fell apart. One of them is my good friend Stuart – a Scottish lad whom I lovingly refer to as Dr. Evil (he has the brogue and all LOL). He is adorable. I have a HUGE crush on him. He is funny and kind and incredibly smart. He was my touchstone when I began to venture down the path of ‘dating hell’. He helped me immensely. He listened to me cry about my marriage and all the ‘fall-out’ he made me feel special and wanted and ‘attractive’ - he’s a wonderful friend.
So Wednesday we got together to have some ‘pints’ at a place in the Cedar/Fairmount neighborhood I had not been to. He showed up and we hugged, really glad to see each other. I launched into my latest romantic ‘adventure’ and he listened and nodded and interjected. I told him that I was completely taken by surprise, that I could not believe my luck; that I kept ‘pinching’ myself to make sure what was happening was ‘real’ and not some dream. Stu listened attentively – he gave me wonderful advice. He talked to me about self-esteem and ‘worthiness’ – he said ‘Why wouldn’t he be with you, C? You are wonderful!’ further, ‘If you question why a guy is with you HE is going to question why he’s with you too – in a way you are insulting him…’ I mean I never thought of it in those terms before.
I’ve never been a real ‘egomaniac’ I have not struggled with body image (I have a nice body) – but worthiness yes, perhaps a tad – just from suffering a lot of abuse – you begin to think that’s all you are ‘entitled to’ after a while. I felt a lot better after talking with Stuart. We talked about dating just one person and not playing the field – he is like me in that respect – he’s not a dog, he’s not a ‘typical’ man. I don’t think that is to say if given the opportunity he wouldn’t *think* about having more than one woman, but Stu is a true gentleman and also his life is simply too busy to be dating all kinds of people. He did tell me to not be afraid to ‘go out’ for coffee with other guys – he said just don’t ‘date’ – ‘you have to keep your options open’. I am not sure I agree with this. I mean I suppose he is an example of how you can just be with a guy as a friend – but in my particular/personal experience, most of the guys that ask me out for ‘coffee’ are not looking to just be ‘friends’ – perhaps this is another lesson for me to learn – how to get them to see me as a friend and not a romantic interest.
We had a wicked time, (well he being Dr. Evil and me being the Wiccan Priestess), and we laughed ourselves to tears. When my boyfriend gets back I am going to drag him over to Stu’s for dinner one evening and have them meet – I believe they will like each other. I am really looking forward to introducing him to friends and family – he is such a wonderful man, it’s hard not to like him.
**************
Tonight, hopefully, hanging with Mr. C. Tomorrow maybe ‘frolicking’ in the sun with Mr. C and cleaning the house, also checking on my boyfriend’s cat. Saturday night possibly going to see ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ with Liam and Sid. Sunday – relax.
Monday, and Tuesday teach. Wednesday, my darling returns….can’t wait.
Yes. Life has gotten good suddenly. Sure, there are still moments of ‘hell’ but without those moments, how would I know I that was having any ‘real’ fun.
*laughs*
posted by Colette at 8:31 AM
0 comments
Thursday, August 17, 2006
'Round midnight
It's nearly midnight...
Technically, since I am not with HIM tonight - I should be in bed.
I had a wonderful evening with wonderful friends and the movie was a blast as was the audience and the most amazing part was the fact that people brought their kids to see the movie. The 'short' before The Holy Grail began was a Three Stooges episode - the laughter of the kids is what 'did it' for me - I love that..how wonderful to hear kids laugh with abandon and their parents join in...
Then I got to talk to my love before he went off to visit the Sandman in order to get up at an ungodly hour this coming morn to get on a flight for vacation...
I am going to miss him like nobody's business (well...LOL it's MY (OUR) business I suppose)...
My heart is so full right now...lots to tell...but I will simply whisper it to myself in those secret places between midnight and dawn as I fall asleep dreaming of him and his return to my arms.
Technically, since I am not with HIM tonight - I should be in bed.
I had a wonderful evening with wonderful friends and the movie was a blast as was the audience and the most amazing part was the fact that people brought their kids to see the movie. The 'short' before The Holy Grail began was a Three Stooges episode - the laughter of the kids is what 'did it' for me - I love that..how wonderful to hear kids laugh with abandon and their parents join in...
Then I got to talk to my love before he went off to visit the Sandman in order to get up at an ungodly hour this coming morn to get on a flight for vacation...
I am going to miss him like nobody's business (well...LOL it's MY (OUR) business I suppose)...
My heart is so full right now...lots to tell...but I will simply whisper it to myself in those secret places between midnight and dawn as I fall asleep dreaming of him and his return to my arms.
posted by Colette at 11:02 PM
0 comments
Porcupine sex and three myths of compatibility
Mark Thompson, Ph. D. - Porcupine sex and three myths of compatibility
Excellent advice Dr. Thompson...
Excellent advice Dr. Thompson...
posted by Colette at 10:48 PM
0 comments
Because I care...
My dearest is under a great deal of stress....
Soon (tomorrow) he will be flying off to the West to enjoy a vacation with his children - I hope it will relax him a bit and allow him to enjoy his time with the kids and to explore the wonders of Arizona.
If I could, I would do anything in my power to help him with his stress - but often times, the burdens we carry that are associated with work, being a single parent, being a home-owner etc. are loads we carry alone.
And all of this can conspire to cause said stress to spill over into a relationship - a relationship that so far, by my estimation and by God's grace is about as close to perfect as I've had in my life so far. Luckily we 'talk' (see many previous posts on this phenomenon) I feel like the most fortunate girl on the planet most days because of this wonderful man. I certainly don't want/need to ADD to any of this stress.
All of my love and all of the good energy I can offer up and all of the hopes/intentions that this stressful time passes are going out to him. (As always)
Soon (tomorrow) he will be flying off to the West to enjoy a vacation with his children - I hope it will relax him a bit and allow him to enjoy his time with the kids and to explore the wonders of Arizona.
If I could, I would do anything in my power to help him with his stress - but often times, the burdens we carry that are associated with work, being a single parent, being a home-owner etc. are loads we carry alone.
And all of this can conspire to cause said stress to spill over into a relationship - a relationship that so far, by my estimation and by God's grace is about as close to perfect as I've had in my life so far. Luckily we 'talk' (see many previous posts on this phenomenon) I feel like the most fortunate girl on the planet most days because of this wonderful man. I certainly don't want/need to ADD to any of this stress.
All of my love and all of the good energy I can offer up and all of the hopes/intentions that this stressful time passes are going out to him. (As always)
posted by Colette at 12:59 PM
0 comments
Tonight on the Big Screen
...can't wait to see this with Liam - hey you locals out there - if you are up for this it's at 7:00 PM down at the Palace Theatre on Playhouse Square.
We will be at the Starbucks across the street from about 5:30-ish or so (no grief about the Starbucks Mr. Hess - I know, I know - *laughs* - at least I am not shopping at Wal-Mart).
Then, we will be sitting up in the balcony to watch. C'mon & join us if you are so inclined.
My personal favourite quote:
"It's only a flesh wound"...
Well that and the scene with the girls talking to Sir Galahad about the 'spankings'
*giggles*
posted by Colette at 12:46 PM
0 comments
Never argue with a Woman
( From the wonderful Mr. C - )
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
posted by Colette at 10:34 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
NPR : Indian Food: Eating in Technicolor
NPR : Indian Food: Eating in Technicolor
...just for my own culinary 'record'....I adore Indian food.
...just for my own culinary 'record'....I adore Indian food.
posted by Colette at 2:19 PM
0 comments
NPR : Ry Cooder
NPR : Music's Renegade Historian in Rural America
He's one of my musical heroes - especially for what he did to help revive the careers of the Cuban musicians/singers in Buena Vista Social Club(which if you have not seen that documentary you really should find it and watch - it's wonderful).
I look forward to hearing this as well....
He's one of my musical heroes - especially for what he did to help revive the careers of the Cuban musicians/singers in Buena Vista Social Club(which if you have not seen that documentary you really should find it and watch - it's wonderful).
I look forward to hearing this as well....
posted by Colette at 2:16 PM
0 comments
The Coolness Thickens
the coolness thickens
This is something unusual for me here on my blog. I don't usually link to people who write on LJ (Live Journal) - I could say it's because I am a die-hard 'blogger' fan but that would be a lie. I never liked LJ - mainly because my only exposure to it had been through the little home-wrecker that you guys have to thank for me beginning this blog in the first place (well her and the a-hole I was married to).
As time passes our hearts have a tendency to grow softer, to 'rethink' what may be harsh judgment in order to move forward.
There are new reasons for me to like LJ now - and this incredible writer/woman of intelligence/incredibly sexy human is one of those reasons.
She is fascinating, she is brazenly honest/blunt, she does not 'pull her punches', she is 'dangerous', and she lives a life that most of us would not have the guts to live, nor the ability to get that 'honest' with ourselves in order TO live this way.
I admire her on a lot of levels.
Now in order to read some of her more 'juicy' posts you might have to create an LJ journal yourself - but I feel she is well worth the 'price' you'd pay.
Welcome to DOCG La MystryLoca
This is something unusual for me here on my blog. I don't usually link to people who write on LJ (Live Journal) - I could say it's because I am a die-hard 'blogger' fan but that would be a lie. I never liked LJ - mainly because my only exposure to it had been through the little home-wrecker that you guys have to thank for me beginning this blog in the first place (well her and the a-hole I was married to).
As time passes our hearts have a tendency to grow softer, to 'rethink' what may be harsh judgment in order to move forward.
There are new reasons for me to like LJ now - and this incredible writer/woman of intelligence/incredibly sexy human is one of those reasons.
She is fascinating, she is brazenly honest/blunt, she does not 'pull her punches', she is 'dangerous', and she lives a life that most of us would not have the guts to live, nor the ability to get that 'honest' with ourselves in order TO live this way.
I admire her on a lot of levels.
Now in order to read some of her more 'juicy' posts you might have to create an LJ journal yourself - but I feel she is well worth the 'price' you'd pay.
Welcome to DOCG La MystryLoca
posted by Colette at 12:21 PM
0 comments
Just because....
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
Until the day break, and the shadows flee away.
Song of Solomon, 2. 16
Until the day break, and the shadows flee away.
Song of Solomon, 2. 16
posted by Colette at 10:41 AM
0 comments
A stroll down memory lane
Thanks to my sister for sharing these. Now you ALL get to see how cute I was as a child.
(From left to right me, my brother Bill, and my sister, Jeannine)
(From left again me, Bill, my little brother Kev - looking kind of lost, and my sister)
(My mom in the background - in the foreground me next to my dad who is holding Bill and my sister on the other side of the chair)
(From left to right me, my brother Bill, and my sister, Jeannine)
(From left again me, Bill, my little brother Kev - looking kind of lost, and my sister)
(My mom in the background - in the foreground me next to my dad who is holding Bill and my sister on the other side of the chair)
posted by Colette at 7:57 AM
3 comments
St. Colette
CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA: St. Colette
*blink* *blink*
WOW! My blog has a patron saint.
I never even KNEW there was a St. Colette. So...all these years I've been praying to the wrong saint...who knows maybe now *ALL* my prayers will be answered (just kidding guys).
^_^
*blink* *blink*
WOW! My blog has a patron saint.
I never even KNEW there was a St. Colette. So...all these years I've been praying to the wrong saint...who knows maybe now *ALL* my prayers will be answered (just kidding guys).
^_^
posted by Colette at 7:04 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 14, 2006
Drink the Kool-Aid....
"...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven".
As a favour to one of his friends, my love and I went to a different 'church' on Sunday. His friend (who is an absolute doll and I know we would become fast friends if given the opportunity) is concerned about her 14 y/o daughter attending a church other than the Catholic church.
I can identify with this on a lot of levels. First off I myself was rebellious and left the church and argued with my mom at about the same age. Luckily I turned to the Presbyterian church and my mom relaxed her grip a bit. Sure I was also studying 'things' of a 'pagan nature' but my mom did not know this since it was mainly 'self-study'. Secondly my own daughter is now in involved in what I consider to be a 'cult' and I worry for her (yes worry as if it were being led by David Koresh) - so from my own personal experience I can understand the fear, the worry but also the sense of needing to 'explore' and rebel against what you are suppose to just blindly follow because your parents 'say so'
We showed up at the church (I use this term lightly only because it was housed in an unlikely place and I have seen these types of churches. I think of them as 'church mills' sort of like puppy mills only different - they pop up in weird locations and they usually have unusual names and they don't seem to be on the 'up and up'.
We promised to be open minded so we went in. It reminded me of some of the services I had attended with various friends when I lived down in Houston, however those church services were usually held in a poor Baptist church and they may have been short on money but they were long on 'spirit' and there were Gospel choirs that shook the walls with the songs of praise and their reverence. Someone (such as myself) who was born and raised Catholic can be sometimes a bit frightened witnessing those possessed by 'the Holy Spirit' it can be loud and raucous and really intense.
At first I thought things were not so bad in this place seemed a bit 'rag tag' but that's OK, people are allowed to worship it does not have to be a cathedral for God to be present. Congregants took turns 'witnessing' (this is what it is called), there did not seem to be a set schedule to the worship service or it seemed to me a bit disjointed. Also there seemed to be more than one 'Pastor'
It came time for the offering, I put $2 in an envelope simply because I was a guest in this 'house of God' and also because from what they were saying, they did do some good works in the form of feeding the hungry down at the 'City Mission' and I want the poor helped and the hungry fed.
Then another 'Pastor' stood at the pulpit and began talking about giving money to the church; he kept saying that when you give money that God then takes care of you (I do agree with this sentiment to some extent), but he was going on and on about prosperity how God does not want people to be poor and that if you are complaining about not having money or being sick that people won't 'come to God' because of you (????) at any rate he seemed to get more and more insistent that giving of sums like $27,000 (I don't know why he kept bringing up that number - he said something to the effect of just getting a check for that much, or paid that much, or some such crap) and hundreds of thousands of dollars to help build a church (THEIR church) should be a sacred charge for each congregant. All through the service my boyfriend and I (we sat across the aisle from each other - I was seated next to his worried friend - he was seated next to her daughter) - kept exchanging glances, sometimes worrisome, sometimes smirks (well maybe not smirks - it's not like we were feeling superior), perhaps they were more just WTF??? glances...
Finally I think he had had enough. He looked at me and mouthed "I am leaving" and stood up to walk out. I excused myself telling his friend that I'd be back, went outside...he hugged me and we both breathed a collective sigh of relief and then both of us related to each other feeling the same about the 'message' we were hearing. We were joined by the little 14 yr old girl who came out to ask us to turn in the slips of paper with our names/addresses, so that we could be perhaps contacted (brainwashed? Sorry had to go there) by the church elders...
My dear man talked to this young girl, was very gentle and loving and kind to her and he ripped up the piece of paper - she seemed to have tears in her eyes; she kept apologizing for us not 'liking' the church - I told her at one point to not apologise for the church or it's actions. She hugged me and told me it was good meeting me. What a lovely young woman she is going to be...
My boyfriend asked me for a moment alone with her and I walked to his truck. I waited while he spoke to her and hugged her, then we drove to his house, talking about our impressions. We both felt the same. I finally said something about the cultish quality and that they may be offering their parishioners what they think is the message of God but in the end it 'still ends up being Jim Jones Kool-Aid' - and I don't mean to 'go there' I am not trying to be judge and jury here but the place reeked of bilking people out of their money and of people who just seemed to be 'shady' and dishonest - I can't help the vibes I get. That is not to say there were not good people/congregants/ministers amongst them - but I just did not sense it and some of it downright made my skin crawl.
I hope that this mother and her daughter are able to come to a sound decision about this church and that no harm is done to them as this young girl 'xplores' her options when it comes to worship. I hope they remain strong and close and loving. From what I can tell, this young girl IS surrounded by people how love her dearly including my boyfriend and that only make me love him all the more...
As a favour to one of his friends, my love and I went to a different 'church' on Sunday. His friend (who is an absolute doll and I know we would become fast friends if given the opportunity) is concerned about her 14 y/o daughter attending a church other than the Catholic church.
I can identify with this on a lot of levels. First off I myself was rebellious and left the church and argued with my mom at about the same age. Luckily I turned to the Presbyterian church and my mom relaxed her grip a bit. Sure I was also studying 'things' of a 'pagan nature' but my mom did not know this since it was mainly 'self-study'. Secondly my own daughter is now in involved in what I consider to be a 'cult' and I worry for her (yes worry as if it were being led by David Koresh) - so from my own personal experience I can understand the fear, the worry but also the sense of needing to 'explore' and rebel against what you are suppose to just blindly follow because your parents 'say so'
We showed up at the church (I use this term lightly only because it was housed in an unlikely place and I have seen these types of churches. I think of them as 'church mills' sort of like puppy mills only different - they pop up in weird locations and they usually have unusual names and they don't seem to be on the 'up and up'.
We promised to be open minded so we went in. It reminded me of some of the services I had attended with various friends when I lived down in Houston, however those church services were usually held in a poor Baptist church and they may have been short on money but they were long on 'spirit' and there were Gospel choirs that shook the walls with the songs of praise and their reverence. Someone (such as myself) who was born and raised Catholic can be sometimes a bit frightened witnessing those possessed by 'the Holy Spirit' it can be loud and raucous and really intense.
At first I thought things were not so bad in this place seemed a bit 'rag tag' but that's OK, people are allowed to worship it does not have to be a cathedral for God to be present. Congregants took turns 'witnessing' (this is what it is called), there did not seem to be a set schedule to the worship service or it seemed to me a bit disjointed. Also there seemed to be more than one 'Pastor'
It came time for the offering, I put $2 in an envelope simply because I was a guest in this 'house of God' and also because from what they were saying, they did do some good works in the form of feeding the hungry down at the 'City Mission' and I want the poor helped and the hungry fed.
Then another 'Pastor' stood at the pulpit and began talking about giving money to the church; he kept saying that when you give money that God then takes care of you (I do agree with this sentiment to some extent), but he was going on and on about prosperity how God does not want people to be poor and that if you are complaining about not having money or being sick that people won't 'come to God' because of you (????) at any rate he seemed to get more and more insistent that giving of sums like $27,000 (I don't know why he kept bringing up that number - he said something to the effect of just getting a check for that much, or paid that much, or some such crap) and hundreds of thousands of dollars to help build a church (THEIR church) should be a sacred charge for each congregant. All through the service my boyfriend and I (we sat across the aisle from each other - I was seated next to his worried friend - he was seated next to her daughter) - kept exchanging glances, sometimes worrisome, sometimes smirks (well maybe not smirks - it's not like we were feeling superior), perhaps they were more just WTF??? glances...
Finally I think he had had enough. He looked at me and mouthed "I am leaving" and stood up to walk out. I excused myself telling his friend that I'd be back, went outside...he hugged me and we both breathed a collective sigh of relief and then both of us related to each other feeling the same about the 'message' we were hearing. We were joined by the little 14 yr old girl who came out to ask us to turn in the slips of paper with our names/addresses, so that we could be perhaps contacted (brainwashed? Sorry had to go there) by the church elders...
My dear man talked to this young girl, was very gentle and loving and kind to her and he ripped up the piece of paper - she seemed to have tears in her eyes; she kept apologizing for us not 'liking' the church - I told her at one point to not apologise for the church or it's actions. She hugged me and told me it was good meeting me. What a lovely young woman she is going to be...
My boyfriend asked me for a moment alone with her and I walked to his truck. I waited while he spoke to her and hugged her, then we drove to his house, talking about our impressions. We both felt the same. I finally said something about the cultish quality and that they may be offering their parishioners what they think is the message of God but in the end it 'still ends up being Jim Jones Kool-Aid' - and I don't mean to 'go there' I am not trying to be judge and jury here but the place reeked of bilking people out of their money and of people who just seemed to be 'shady' and dishonest - I can't help the vibes I get. That is not to say there were not good people/congregants/ministers amongst them - but I just did not sense it and some of it downright made my skin crawl.
I hope that this mother and her daughter are able to come to a sound decision about this church and that no harm is done to them as this young girl 'xplores' her options when it comes to worship. I hope they remain strong and close and loving. From what I can tell, this young girl IS surrounded by people how love her dearly including my boyfriend and that only make me love him all the more...
posted by Colette at 9:41 AM
0 comments
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The faire, the fest, the feast, and the film
(Listening to Nocturne from Secret Garden)
I am burning Dragon's Blood incense as I write this because it reminds me of him and of our energy/power when we are together....but it is definitely the incense to burn to conjure up the 'spirit'/essence of him....
There is something that happens when our eyes meet - there is a certain look that passes between us and I am transported and I believe he is too...and it's not just 'merely' infatuation/burgeoning love/lust. There is a connection here that's almost mystical.
The weekends recently spent together have etched themselves upon my mind - they don't blur together, they are crystal and clear, exhilarating and enchanted (yes I keep coming to that word - but like the song I am listening to , it echoes what's playing in my heart, giving me feelings of a love ancient and sacred, not experienced by mere mortals - corny perhaps - but it's there nonetheless)....
This was our third weekend together.
In a way I am not sure how I managed to get lucky enough to spend most of it with him - and I fear I wear out my welcome by now - however he will be gone for the next 2 weeks (not altogether gone - but he will be on vacation next weekend) - so our time seeing each other will be very limited. Absence - that which makes the heart supposedly grow fonder - shall be my mantle for the next couple of weeks...
The first weekend we were together was spent at the Renaissance Faire - that was lovely - we just basked in each other's presence. Last weekend we went to 'The Fest' which was a Catholic fest for families and we got to attend a mass under the stars that 20,000 others participated in as well - (don't even get me started on the power (or the raising of power) - for a ritual like that - a high mass - celebrated by the former bishop of the Cleveland diocese, Anthony Pilla - it was really wonderful and beautiful.
Friday night we were together (late) and we spent time listening to music and to each other. We seem to be so easy with one another - able to be ourselves; to relax.
Saturday we had an early morning, I got to watch him coach a girl's soccer team (he's a good coach - he truly connects with these kids and they really respond to him and the attention). Saturday afternoon we met up with Liam and Sid down at the 'Feast' in 'Little Italy'. It is the 'Feast' of the Assumption of Mary. It is an age-honoured tradition here in the Cleveland area and he had never been there.
When I go down to Little Italy, it brings up memories of growing up in a predominantly Italian household. All the sights, sounds, smells of that great food, and music combine to make it a fun experience for all who attend. Mainly we are all going for the food. Before we met Liam and Sid, we snuck into the church of The Holy Rosary - I wanted to show him the church (which was built in 1809). We sat quietly together, both of us offered up a prayer and then just enjoyed the quiet. We left because mass was about to start (I have to admit it would have been nice to stay). He then got to meet two of my best friends and we all wandered and of course ate the food.
Afterwards we went down to 'Playhouse square' to see one of my favourite old movies on the big screen (see previous post about what's playing down there this month).
'Casa Blanca'
I am burning Dragon's Blood incense as I write this because it reminds me of him and of our energy/power when we are together....but it is definitely the incense to burn to conjure up the 'spirit'/essence of him....
There is something that happens when our eyes meet - there is a certain look that passes between us and I am transported and I believe he is too...and it's not just 'merely' infatuation/burgeoning love/lust. There is a connection here that's almost mystical.
The weekends recently spent together have etched themselves upon my mind - they don't blur together, they are crystal and clear, exhilarating and enchanted (yes I keep coming to that word - but like the song I am listening to , it echoes what's playing in my heart, giving me feelings of a love ancient and sacred, not experienced by mere mortals - corny perhaps - but it's there nonetheless)....
This was our third weekend together.
In a way I am not sure how I managed to get lucky enough to spend most of it with him - and I fear I wear out my welcome by now - however he will be gone for the next 2 weeks (not altogether gone - but he will be on vacation next weekend) - so our time seeing each other will be very limited. Absence - that which makes the heart supposedly grow fonder - shall be my mantle for the next couple of weeks...
The first weekend we were together was spent at the Renaissance Faire - that was lovely - we just basked in each other's presence. Last weekend we went to 'The Fest' which was a Catholic fest for families and we got to attend a mass under the stars that 20,000 others participated in as well - (don't even get me started on the power (or the raising of power) - for a ritual like that - a high mass - celebrated by the former bishop of the Cleveland diocese, Anthony Pilla - it was really wonderful and beautiful.
Friday night we were together (late) and we spent time listening to music and to each other. We seem to be so easy with one another - able to be ourselves; to relax.
Saturday we had an early morning, I got to watch him coach a girl's soccer team (he's a good coach - he truly connects with these kids and they really respond to him and the attention). Saturday afternoon we met up with Liam and Sid down at the 'Feast' in 'Little Italy'. It is the 'Feast' of the Assumption of Mary. It is an age-honoured tradition here in the Cleveland area and he had never been there.
When I go down to Little Italy, it brings up memories of growing up in a predominantly Italian household. All the sights, sounds, smells of that great food, and music combine to make it a fun experience for all who attend. Mainly we are all going for the food. Before we met Liam and Sid, we snuck into the church of The Holy Rosary - I wanted to show him the church (which was built in 1809). We sat quietly together, both of us offered up a prayer and then just enjoyed the quiet. We left because mass was about to start (I have to admit it would have been nice to stay). He then got to meet two of my best friends and we all wandered and of course ate the food.
Afterwards we went down to 'Playhouse square' to see one of my favourite old movies on the big screen (see previous post about what's playing down there this month).
'Casa Blanca'
Talk about romantic....what a great movie to see on the big screen on a 'date'. The best part was that there was an old organ being played before the movie started and they showed old Looney Toons cartoons. The house was packed too, which was wonderful. Nice to see so many people from so many age groups in attendance.
After the movie we walked Liam and Sid back to their car and they gave me a loaf of zucchini bread and a bumper sticker (thanks loves!).
He and I went back to the parking garage where we left his truck and realised we weren't going anywhere with all the traffic from the Indians game letting out. So we did what any other couple would do...we played frisbee in the parking garage.
Goddess....
Then we went home and the rest of the night...
Um...er....*blush*
Let's just use the word 'breathless'...we'll leave it at that.
posted by Colette at 6:37 PM
1 comments
Emotional blackmail
(OK I am writing about this FIRST even though it is the LAST thing that just happened to me. I am doing this because I am not going to let this be the event that crowns the entire glorious weekend I just had)
Fucking bastard. You mother-fucking-bastard. If you were in front of me right now I'd kick you in your balls - unfortunately YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!
How fucking dare you call me up and leave me a voice mail telling me to get our cat Keiko (who by the way YOU agreed to take when we broke up), and take her from you otherwise you are going to put her out on the street (where she will die because she hasn't a clue how to be an outdoor cat and you KNOW this). All because you can't have me in your life anymore?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Keiko deserves your revenge, why exactly?!?!?!?!? Yet you are going to keep our OTHER cat??????? But Keiko deserves to die????
You fucking low life. May you rot in hell.
*sob*
I am telling you now, if you do do this to Keiko, so help me Goddess, I *will* report you. Rest assured. Rest assured as well that I won't stop at just reporting you for animal abuse either.
Call your friends/family if you can't cope - call you mother - but don't you dare emotionally blackmail me with an animal that I still love (just because I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE).
For the last time asshole, stop fucking with me NOW!
Fucking bastard. You mother-fucking-bastard. If you were in front of me right now I'd kick you in your balls - unfortunately YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!
How fucking dare you call me up and leave me a voice mail telling me to get our cat Keiko (who by the way YOU agreed to take when we broke up), and take her from you otherwise you are going to put her out on the street (where she will die because she hasn't a clue how to be an outdoor cat and you KNOW this). All because you can't have me in your life anymore?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Keiko deserves your revenge, why exactly?!?!?!?!? Yet you are going to keep our OTHER cat??????? But Keiko deserves to die????
You fucking low life. May you rot in hell.
*sob*
I am telling you now, if you do do this to Keiko, so help me Goddess, I *will* report you. Rest assured. Rest assured as well that I won't stop at just reporting you for animal abuse either.
Call your friends/family if you can't cope - call you mother - but don't you dare emotionally blackmail me with an animal that I still love (just because I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE).
For the last time asshole, stop fucking with me NOW!
posted by Colette at 6:25 PM
2 comments
Friday, August 11, 2006
Picture perfect
It is Friday. I have the day off. Needed a break job on my car.
Last night, after being at the party for 'Cool Cleveland' at the MNH, I spent the night with my dear man....it was to say the very least (and this is the most you guys are going to get detail-wise) amazing.
I felt kind of awkward though because I sort of invited myeself over and I don't know what's become of me - it's not like me - I just wanted him/wanted to be with him. I miss him when we aren't together - it's kind of strange to miss someone so soon like this...and to miss him so much as well - it's a longing - again so much I can't put my finger on (well duh Colette perhaps it might be love? YA THINK????)
Spent a sort of sleepless night there...but still to be beside him sleeping. Goddess it's so wonderful - it all just feels so right.
So I came home this morning dropped my car off - I approached the lake and it's the color of sapphires - it is so beautiful out today. I so wanted to kidnap him and drag him off to the beach or a park with me but alas that will have to be another time...
I am going to try to take a nap...(*rolls eyes*) during the day???
*sighs*
Last night, after being at the party for 'Cool Cleveland' at the MNH, I spent the night with my dear man....it was to say the very least (and this is the most you guys are going to get detail-wise) amazing.
I felt kind of awkward though because I sort of invited myeself over and I don't know what's become of me - it's not like me - I just wanted him/wanted to be with him. I miss him when we aren't together - it's kind of strange to miss someone so soon like this...and to miss him so much as well - it's a longing - again so much I can't put my finger on (well duh Colette perhaps it might be love? YA THINK????)
Spent a sort of sleepless night there...but still to be beside him sleeping. Goddess it's so wonderful - it all just feels so right.
So I came home this morning dropped my car off - I approached the lake and it's the color of sapphires - it is so beautiful out today. I so wanted to kidnap him and drag him off to the beach or a park with me but alas that will have to be another time...
I am going to try to take a nap...(*rolls eyes*) during the day???
*sighs*
posted by Colette at 9:33 AM
2 comments
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Fixing a hole...
‘Every day in in every way, I am getting better and better”
*laughs* No guys I have to gone completely little miss Mary sunshine on your asses…I never will completely go there – so you can relax now
*giggles*
Perhaps the scenario can more rightly be compared to that scene from the moive ‘Life of Brian’ where Eric Idle is singing “Always look on the sunny side of life” – ironic but positive nonetheless…
My life just feels so amazing these days…
I have such marvelous friends. Tonight I get to go hang with them at an event done at the Museum of Natural Histoy – it’s a ‘Cool Cleveland’ Event and it will feature, music, food, drinks, and planetarium show….plus you get to hang out in the museum – fun for grown ups amongst the dinosaurs and Balto.
Playhouse Square here in Cleveland is running a series of old films (absolutely have to check some of them out on the BIG SCREEN) – thanks to Liam for this:
8/10 - 7:30 PM & 8/13 - 2 PM: Sabrina (Comedy)
8/11 - 7:30 PM: Easy Rider (Drama/Action)
8/12 - 2 and 8:30 PM: Casablanca (Drama)
8/17 - 7:00 PM: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Comedy)
8/18 - 7:30 PM: Rocky (Action)
8/19 & 20 - 2 PM: The Muppet Movie (Family/Musical)
8/19 & 20 - 2 PM: To Kill a Mockingbird (Drama)
8/24 - 7:30 PM & 8/26 - 2 PM: West Side Story (Musical)
8/25 - 7:30 PM: The Shining (Horror)
8/26 - 8:30 PM: The French Connection (Action)
8/27 - 2 PM: Doctor Zhivago (Drama)
*************
Last night I hung out with my beloved Mr. E – it was as usual amazing and fun and for heaven’s sake the man MADE BUTTER! I mean I don’t mean to get all woozy/’school-girlie’/cute (yes damn it I said CUTE) about this stuff but seriously I have never in my entire life met anyone with as many facets/interests/accomplishments as this gentleman. He just seems so very incredible to me – in so many ways – and sure some of this is the initial blush/infatuation, and perhaps some of it is also that I was with someone who was very much the polar opposite of him… so this all just seems so much more intense.
He also began to school me (put me through some ‘exercises’/drills) in the form of Martial art he studies (which is from the Philippines) – this was a wonderful experience and with each new learning experience, I feel closer to him and yearning to find out more. I have found a treasure and I am feeling a little greedy, but mainly ecstatic and really lucky.
Loving life is a good thing – it really is – falling in love again is making me feel new and vital.
I also feel humble, grateful and honoured to be experiencing this at all...
Somebody up there likes me…not having a ‘Sally Fields’ moment (“You like me! You REALLY like me!”), but yeah – maybe my guardian angel is helping me out here.
Thank you Goddess.
*laughs* No guys I have to gone completely little miss Mary sunshine on your asses…I never will completely go there – so you can relax now
*giggles*
Perhaps the scenario can more rightly be compared to that scene from the moive ‘Life of Brian’ where Eric Idle is singing “Always look on the sunny side of life” – ironic but positive nonetheless…
My life just feels so amazing these days…
I have such marvelous friends. Tonight I get to go hang with them at an event done at the Museum of Natural Histoy – it’s a ‘Cool Cleveland’ Event and it will feature, music, food, drinks, and planetarium show….plus you get to hang out in the museum – fun for grown ups amongst the dinosaurs and Balto.
Playhouse Square here in Cleveland is running a series of old films (absolutely have to check some of them out on the BIG SCREEN) – thanks to Liam for this:
8/10 - 7:30 PM & 8/13 - 2 PM: Sabrina (Comedy)
8/11 - 7:30 PM: Easy Rider (Drama/Action)
8/12 - 2 and 8:30 PM: Casablanca (Drama)
8/17 - 7:00 PM: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Comedy)
8/18 - 7:30 PM: Rocky (Action)
8/19 & 20 - 2 PM: The Muppet Movie (Family/Musical)
8/19 & 20 - 2 PM: To Kill a Mockingbird (Drama)
8/24 - 7:30 PM & 8/26 - 2 PM: West Side Story (Musical)
8/25 - 7:30 PM: The Shining (Horror)
8/26 - 8:30 PM: The French Connection (Action)
8/27 - 2 PM: Doctor Zhivago (Drama)
*************
Last night I hung out with my beloved Mr. E – it was as usual amazing and fun and for heaven’s sake the man MADE BUTTER! I mean I don’t mean to get all woozy/’school-girlie’/cute (yes damn it I said CUTE) about this stuff but seriously I have never in my entire life met anyone with as many facets/interests/accomplishments as this gentleman. He just seems so very incredible to me – in so many ways – and sure some of this is the initial blush/infatuation, and perhaps some of it is also that I was with someone who was very much the polar opposite of him… so this all just seems so much more intense.
He also began to school me (put me through some ‘exercises’/drills) in the form of Martial art he studies (which is from the Philippines) – this was a wonderful experience and with each new learning experience, I feel closer to him and yearning to find out more. I have found a treasure and I am feeling a little greedy, but mainly ecstatic and really lucky.
Loving life is a good thing – it really is – falling in love again is making me feel new and vital.
I also feel humble, grateful and honoured to be experiencing this at all...
Somebody up there likes me…not having a ‘Sally Fields’ moment (“You like me! You REALLY like me!”), but yeah – maybe my guardian angel is helping me out here.
Thank you Goddess.
posted by Colette at 1:18 PM
2 comments
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
See it's like I just said...
Fortune cookie fortune:
"The coming month will bring you much happiness"
(On Wednesdays, it's Chinese food day in the office...I never order - but I went into the kitchen to get some water and took the left-over fortune cookie that was on the table, it's what's for lunch today for me - so that means this 'fortune' was meant for just me *winks*)
^_^
"The coming month will bring you much happiness"
(On Wednesdays, it's Chinese food day in the office...I never order - but I went into the kitchen to get some water and took the left-over fortune cookie that was on the table, it's what's for lunch today for me - so that means this 'fortune' was meant for just me *winks*)
^_^
posted by Colette at 1:29 PM
1 comments
If it were any closer it would have bit me on the nose….
Over the years of my blogging here I’ve cried, raved, ranted – wailing at what seemed to be a cold, cruel world.
What a git I was. (LOL still am at times).
‘When love walks in the door...’
Why does it take falling in love to open our eyes? Or to make us question all that’s come before, and, it is all transitory? (Don’t answer I like riding in this bubble).
I KNOW things – I have studied 'systems' of being in this world – that does not mean I pay attention always or act on the knowledge. I can give advice to friends, read their Tarot, discern certain destructive behaviours and let them know – but when it comes to myself it’s like the forest through the trees...I am sure we all are like this at times – out of tune with our own instrument.
I began the study of mysticism at the tender age of 14, I had been disillusioned with Catholicism for a while – I wanted the mystical/magical component of the religion (which background suggests it IS steeped in), but apparently was either too young to be privy to such knowledge or the catechism of the very church itself no longer operated in such a manner. I started with Tarot as a method of divination, moved to Paganism/Wicca/Drudidism – at the age of 17, with tutelage, I moved onto the study of Eastern mysticism.
I KNOW that we (all living things) reverberate with energy. That certain ways of behaving cause us to vibrate with certain types of energy. If you are negative you are going to attract negative events – like wise positive attracts positive. They say ‘opposites attract’ and they do – buy you are more likely to have good come into your life if you are happy and bright. Darkness has a tendency to swallow you up, blotting out the sunshine and good nature that is your birthright.
On Tuesday nights, I teach my Yoga classes at the Center for Integrative Medicine – I am allowed to use an open space with soft light and Chinese screens to close off the space. There are pictures on the walls of angels, Chinese symbols (yin-yang), crystals, statues, candles, Tarot cards and a library of holistic books, books on relationship, books about healing, Yoga, T’ai Chi, self-help – you name it. One of those books was about dealing with relationships I was drawn to it and so I asked if I could borrow it – and was granted permission. As I began to read this book it began to dawn on me all the things I had been doing that were bringing the wrong relationships/energy into my life. I began to see that I had forgotten the laws governing energy and instead of focusing on the betterment of myself, I had focused on trying to either fix my partners or fix things within me that were not necessarily in need of fixing. I began to realise that by continually repeating the same patterns I was bound to get the same results – over and over again. The funny thing is that I KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY. I know it on so many different levels and I can see it – I just could not see the light for myself.
Now that I *DO* see this – I am trying TO consciously change my own energy patterns and to vibrate a little more positively with more confidence and joy. It’s a tall order – and it’s hard to change patterns that have become ingrained. After so may years of dealing with my ex and his sickness (and mental illness is contagious kids) – a lot of that ‘negativity’ rubbed off on me – I was always living in/with fear, self-doubt, everything was operating on a scarcity model – but now, now I feel light as air, a Faerie Queene reigning over a kingdom of light and love. Sure, there are still stumbling blocks I am coming across – but I see them on the path and instead of being sucked down into their insidious black holes I am avoiding them – or at least more aware than I was before – and that’s a wonderfully freeing feeling.
What a git I was. (LOL still am at times).
‘When love walks in the door...’
Why does it take falling in love to open our eyes? Or to make us question all that’s come before, and, it is all transitory? (Don’t answer I like riding in this bubble).
I KNOW things – I have studied 'systems' of being in this world – that does not mean I pay attention always or act on the knowledge. I can give advice to friends, read their Tarot, discern certain destructive behaviours and let them know – but when it comes to myself it’s like the forest through the trees...I am sure we all are like this at times – out of tune with our own instrument.
I began the study of mysticism at the tender age of 14, I had been disillusioned with Catholicism for a while – I wanted the mystical/magical component of the religion (which background suggests it IS steeped in), but apparently was either too young to be privy to such knowledge or the catechism of the very church itself no longer operated in such a manner. I started with Tarot as a method of divination, moved to Paganism/Wicca/Drudidism – at the age of 17, with tutelage, I moved onto the study of Eastern mysticism.
I KNOW that we (all living things) reverberate with energy. That certain ways of behaving cause us to vibrate with certain types of energy. If you are negative you are going to attract negative events – like wise positive attracts positive. They say ‘opposites attract’ and they do – buy you are more likely to have good come into your life if you are happy and bright. Darkness has a tendency to swallow you up, blotting out the sunshine and good nature that is your birthright.
On Tuesday nights, I teach my Yoga classes at the Center for Integrative Medicine – I am allowed to use an open space with soft light and Chinese screens to close off the space. There are pictures on the walls of angels, Chinese symbols (yin-yang), crystals, statues, candles, Tarot cards and a library of holistic books, books on relationship, books about healing, Yoga, T’ai Chi, self-help – you name it. One of those books was about dealing with relationships I was drawn to it and so I asked if I could borrow it – and was granted permission. As I began to read this book it began to dawn on me all the things I had been doing that were bringing the wrong relationships/energy into my life. I began to see that I had forgotten the laws governing energy and instead of focusing on the betterment of myself, I had focused on trying to either fix my partners or fix things within me that were not necessarily in need of fixing. I began to realise that by continually repeating the same patterns I was bound to get the same results – over and over again. The funny thing is that I KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY. I know it on so many different levels and I can see it – I just could not see the light for myself.
Now that I *DO* see this – I am trying TO consciously change my own energy patterns and to vibrate a little more positively with more confidence and joy. It’s a tall order – and it’s hard to change patterns that have become ingrained. After so may years of dealing with my ex and his sickness (and mental illness is contagious kids) – a lot of that ‘negativity’ rubbed off on me – I was always living in/with fear, self-doubt, everything was operating on a scarcity model – but now, now I feel light as air, a Faerie Queene reigning over a kingdom of light and love. Sure, there are still stumbling blocks I am coming across – but I see them on the path and instead of being sucked down into their insidious black holes I am avoiding them – or at least more aware than I was before – and that’s a wonderfully freeing feeling.
posted by Colette at 12:47 PM
2 comments
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Streaming consciousness
Still life – thoughts/pictures in my brain…’things that go to make up a life’.
My son, playing guitar, showing me new songs he’s created….talking with me about his future, about books, about music, about his hair (worried he’s losing his hair), he is so young, so determined, so stubborn, so intense...love wells up inside of me and pride at what I've helped create.
My daughter, being with her, watching her with her own children, worry, constant worry about her health, about the kids, about their future. Talk but only of ‘surface’ things, safe subjects, hoping she does not lose herself to her duties, yearning to catch glimpses of the ‘old’ her, head strong and funny and irreverent. Love is there sometimes hiding amongst the ruble of what was the past between us...
E – being with him now, the newness, the shared times, the sacred fire between us, the talking/conversation, the laughter, the joy, the acting like kids, the wrestling, the passion, the heat, the desire, the watching movies, eating together, going to events, planning things in the future, the fear that it may all end as quickly as it’s begun, the old ‘tapes’ playing in my head that cause doubt, fear, worry and hoping against hope not to keep listening to those tapes – wanting to create something new now, trying to reconcile the differences in ages, in having kids that are young and starting ‘all over again’ – do I really want to get involved in ALL that this is going to be? Will his kids like me? Will I like them? Should I back off, not fall in love (LOL how do you stop yourself from falling in love?), should I run and hide?
The ex – the sadness/sorrow, pain, anger, pity, wanting him to be well, to thrive, to leave me the fuck alone for once and for all.
My work with Yoga, the excitement of being able to use Yoga as a healing practice and touch so many lives, the feelings of being able to help others, the time with my students, the frustrations with them/with myself, wanting to learn more, wanting to do this full time, brief conversations with E- about a combined studio (martial arts/Yoga) excitement about all of that, wanting to take a Yoga retreat/vacation, wanting to practice more myself – get thee to a class woman! Wanting to teach children in the inner city (and their parents) how to cope, the constant engaging and love of self, and life-long commitment to this as a vocation…
My work in general at the ‘day job’ being able to practice ‘right livelihood’ by helping others to help others – yes it’s a bit convoluted. The frustrations of dealing with a big institution and feeling like a insignificant cog in the working of that machinery...dealing with idiots all the time, wanting to sometime run out screaming – or take a permanent vacation from work.
My friends, the old ones, the new ones, the ones I’ve yet to meet, the feeling that I don’t get to see ANY of them as much as I want to, the feeling that maybe I am not the best friend I could/should be, that I want to give more, that I want to help more, that I want to learn more and that I want to keep making new friends all over the universe…the grace that they have all ushered into my life, my thankfulness for their presence in my life.
All the things I have to do, constantly humming, the books I want to read, the music I want to hear, the places I want to see, the not enough hours in the day for all of it, the feeling that I am loved, cherished, and have wonderful friends and family, that I am blessed that I am rediscovering myself and feeling renewed because of the love in my life – as if I had never been loved like this before (and I haven’t), the moments of peaceful contemplation, the moments of prayer, of sheer joy, of sorrow and loss...
...all that goes to make up my life.
Just amazing...
My son, playing guitar, showing me new songs he’s created….talking with me about his future, about books, about music, about his hair (worried he’s losing his hair), he is so young, so determined, so stubborn, so intense...love wells up inside of me and pride at what I've helped create.
My daughter, being with her, watching her with her own children, worry, constant worry about her health, about the kids, about their future. Talk but only of ‘surface’ things, safe subjects, hoping she does not lose herself to her duties, yearning to catch glimpses of the ‘old’ her, head strong and funny and irreverent. Love is there sometimes hiding amongst the ruble of what was the past between us...
E – being with him now, the newness, the shared times, the sacred fire between us, the talking/conversation, the laughter, the joy, the acting like kids, the wrestling, the passion, the heat, the desire, the watching movies, eating together, going to events, planning things in the future, the fear that it may all end as quickly as it’s begun, the old ‘tapes’ playing in my head that cause doubt, fear, worry and hoping against hope not to keep listening to those tapes – wanting to create something new now, trying to reconcile the differences in ages, in having kids that are young and starting ‘all over again’ – do I really want to get involved in ALL that this is going to be? Will his kids like me? Will I like them? Should I back off, not fall in love (LOL how do you stop yourself from falling in love?), should I run and hide?
The ex – the sadness/sorrow, pain, anger, pity, wanting him to be well, to thrive, to leave me the fuck alone for once and for all.
My work with Yoga, the excitement of being able to use Yoga as a healing practice and touch so many lives, the feelings of being able to help others, the time with my students, the frustrations with them/with myself, wanting to learn more, wanting to do this full time, brief conversations with E- about a combined studio (martial arts/Yoga) excitement about all of that, wanting to take a Yoga retreat/vacation, wanting to practice more myself – get thee to a class woman! Wanting to teach children in the inner city (and their parents) how to cope, the constant engaging and love of self, and life-long commitment to this as a vocation…
My work in general at the ‘day job’ being able to practice ‘right livelihood’ by helping others to help others – yes it’s a bit convoluted. The frustrations of dealing with a big institution and feeling like a insignificant cog in the working of that machinery...dealing with idiots all the time, wanting to sometime run out screaming – or take a permanent vacation from work.
My friends, the old ones, the new ones, the ones I’ve yet to meet, the feeling that I don’t get to see ANY of them as much as I want to, the feeling that maybe I am not the best friend I could/should be, that I want to give more, that I want to help more, that I want to learn more and that I want to keep making new friends all over the universe…the grace that they have all ushered into my life, my thankfulness for their presence in my life.
All the things I have to do, constantly humming, the books I want to read, the music I want to hear, the places I want to see, the not enough hours in the day for all of it, the feeling that I am loved, cherished, and have wonderful friends and family, that I am blessed that I am rediscovering myself and feeling renewed because of the love in my life – as if I had never been loved like this before (and I haven’t), the moments of peaceful contemplation, the moments of prayer, of sheer joy, of sorrow and loss...
...all that goes to make up my life.
Just amazing...
posted by Colette at 1:51 PM
0 comments
Wife locked out of McCartney home
CNN.com - Wife locked out of McCartney home
He could stand to lose 1/4 of his fortune?????
How does that work?
I don't think she deserves 1/4 of his fortune - they have not been married that long - their child is a different story - but that money should be set aside and the wife should not be entitled to that money.
IMO
He could stand to lose 1/4 of his fortune?????
How does that work?
I don't think she deserves 1/4 of his fortune - they have not been married that long - their child is a different story - but that money should be set aside and the wife should not be entitled to that money.
IMO
posted by Colette at 11:13 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 07, 2006
Crystal Clear
(So many songs and ideas are floating through my head creating sweet music - I have to post some of these to illustrate the 'feeling' I am having)
"Crystal"
Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you...you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
- - Stevie Nicks: "Crystal" - Sountrack from Practical Magic
"Crystal"
Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you...you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea
- - Stevie Nicks: "Crystal" - Sountrack from Practical Magic
posted by Colette at 1:17 PM
0 comments
Surprising sweetness....
I am trying in my mind to sort through things, label them, and carefully file them away.
Tribe tells me (and another couple of friends have said this too) that I sabotage things – I think too much. They are right. I need to relax.
Is it really so hard to just enjoy happiness for me? Is that where the problems start for me? I am apparently unable to stop and smell the roses of something that’s beautiful without questioning, wondering, 2nd guessing? Geez….
Since I’ve been seeing this man my life has gone through a metamorphosis – I am not saying he was the entire reason – it is high time I changed my life a bit – my outlook. He’s a catalyst – not the entire impetus for the change. He makes me think and feel differently. As always, I am amazed at the power of love – yes I will use the ‘love’ word in conjunction with him.
The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity between us. Not that it’s that we are in some sort of frantic scramble or our schedules are some sort of horrendous nightmare to be worked out (although our schedules ARE pretty different). We get together and we relax with one another. We do things and thoroughly enjoy ourselves. I won’t say there have not been any tense moments there have, there have been little ‘tiffs’ but nothing to suggest that there are going to be issues or problems in the future that we won’t be able to handle.
I want to write so much more here – you guys have no idea. I want to honor us, though – protect us from the prying or from me saying something that might jinx my good fortune (and I am NOT superstitious). You may however let your imaginations wander and yes it is as good as you think it is (LOL whatever THAT means to/for you).
As a practitioner of Wicca as well as a student of Eastern mysticism, I believe very strongly in things such as fate/kismet/karma. I truly believe I am due for some happiness (way overdue). I have done work in the mystical arena – not to necessarily bring me a lover – but asking the universe/Goddess/God whatever to ease some of my sorrow, and as a friend had expressed to me a year or so back, the TYPE of lover/partner I wanted in my life. He is all that and more. It’s like someone read my mind and sent me an Angel.
I have so much in my heart – I feel so full so happy – unbelievably so….
The conversations – I can not seem to stop thinking about HOW we talk, THAT we talk – you guys must think I am nuts, but this guy REALLY talks to me – he asks me things about what I say to him – in other words HE LISTENS TO ME and then RESPONDS. We reverberate and resonate within each other to each other. There is a magical quality about this relationship, I am amazed, delighted, enchanted – like the song, bewitched, bothered and bewildered but apply all the positive magical energy instead and you have US.
Tribe tells me (and another couple of friends have said this too) that I sabotage things – I think too much. They are right. I need to relax.
Is it really so hard to just enjoy happiness for me? Is that where the problems start for me? I am apparently unable to stop and smell the roses of something that’s beautiful without questioning, wondering, 2nd guessing? Geez….
Since I’ve been seeing this man my life has gone through a metamorphosis – I am not saying he was the entire reason – it is high time I changed my life a bit – my outlook. He’s a catalyst – not the entire impetus for the change. He makes me think and feel differently. As always, I am amazed at the power of love – yes I will use the ‘love’ word in conjunction with him.
The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity between us. Not that it’s that we are in some sort of frantic scramble or our schedules are some sort of horrendous nightmare to be worked out (although our schedules ARE pretty different). We get together and we relax with one another. We do things and thoroughly enjoy ourselves. I won’t say there have not been any tense moments there have, there have been little ‘tiffs’ but nothing to suggest that there are going to be issues or problems in the future that we won’t be able to handle.
I want to write so much more here – you guys have no idea. I want to honor us, though – protect us from the prying or from me saying something that might jinx my good fortune (and I am NOT superstitious). You may however let your imaginations wander and yes it is as good as you think it is (LOL whatever THAT means to/for you).
As a practitioner of Wicca as well as a student of Eastern mysticism, I believe very strongly in things such as fate/kismet/karma. I truly believe I am due for some happiness (way overdue). I have done work in the mystical arena – not to necessarily bring me a lover – but asking the universe/Goddess/God whatever to ease some of my sorrow, and as a friend had expressed to me a year or so back, the TYPE of lover/partner I wanted in my life. He is all that and more. It’s like someone read my mind and sent me an Angel.
I have so much in my heart – I feel so full so happy – unbelievably so….
The conversations – I can not seem to stop thinking about HOW we talk, THAT we talk – you guys must think I am nuts, but this guy REALLY talks to me – he asks me things about what I say to him – in other words HE LISTENS TO ME and then RESPONDS. We reverberate and resonate within each other to each other. There is a magical quality about this relationship, I am amazed, delighted, enchanted – like the song, bewitched, bothered and bewildered but apply all the positive magical energy instead and you have US.
posted by Colette at 1:13 PM
1 comments
About Me
- Name: Colette
- Location: East of Cleveland by Lake Erie, Ohio, United States
I am a rebel. I am intelligent, creative, sexy, compassionate, funny, sarcastic, loving, romantic, spontaneous, moody at times, confused, confusing, a bit geeky, helpful and helpless at times, a good cook, a good listener, a good friend. I do not suffer fools gladly. I love good literature, good music, good cinema, good wine and good company with whom I can share all of those wonders. I am not your grandmamas Colette. ^_^
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50 THINGS ABOUT ME
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COLETTE'S WRITING
Autumn Memories
Leaving My Home
Tracings of Memories
My Carnivale Season: Part I
My Carnivale Season: Part II
Prequel
Windmills of my Mind
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"All the Colours"
My writing surprises even me at times..
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