The Ghost out of the corner of my eye...

This past weekend, I had the good fortune to see my daughter. She arrived at her dad’s house late Friday and she stayed until Sunday.

For our visit, we (her, her brother, her brother’s childhood friend, and her sister-in-law) all went down to the Coventry area for lunch and to peruse the shops.

There was a certain feel about returning to a place where I lived for so many years…bittersweet and unsettling in equal measure.

They say you can’t go home again – and it’s true. So much about this area has changed over time and it’s no longer the same. Yet, going there with my daughter felt good and the ambiance was more about memory than actual feel. We had fun and it made me miss my daughter even more than I already do.

There was a part of me that wanted to plop down in the courtyard and start writing a long letter to Erin, or grab a coffee and read the NY Times – or some wonderful book...there is a part of me that misses the area, the people, and the atmosphere…but again I think I am reliving memories vs. actually getting a true compass reading.

Peggy Noonan: The Eyes Have It - WSJ.com

Peggy Noonan: The Eyes Have It - WSJ.com

One of the recommended articles from my last post...that is if you can still read something longer than the ads off of a cereal box...

NPR: Tina Brown's 'The State of Our Privacy'

NPR: Tina Brown's Must-Reads: The State Of Our Privacy

Listened to this on my way in to work today.

I must say that it is refreshing to hear someone say what I have been thinking all along.

Why is everyone so hell-bent to jump on every new 'gadget' that comes out? What is this 'Facebook' craze? Why?

Like Tina Brown, I want to hide. I don't want people necessarily finding me, my family etc. I truly don't care nor do I want to know what Joe Blow Citizen is doing...if I did, I'd turn on that idiot box otherwise known as T.V.

Yes I blog, but to me that is not the same as putting 'Oh I am so happy and raising an ant farm and playing sorority sister' 'out there' on Facebook. It sounds, looks and feels fake as well as insipid - incredibly stupid comes to mind. Boring...sophomoric...and on and on.

I blog under a nom de plume (look it up idiot) - and - while I have shared my ups and downs and my emotions I was doing so being completely anonymous and actually trying to help myself (did I get feed back you bet - while I am at it - does anyone blog anymore? Does anyone read anything longer than 140 character anymore? Do I sound disgusted? Imagine that). While Facebook might be 'therapeutic' for those out there using it, nothing quite so 'deep and introspective' springs to mind...sorry, but I just don't see the Dorothy Parker set signing up for this crap.

I am glad I have family I can connect to, yet - could we possibly pick up the phone and call each other? Is that simply too much to ask? Is 'face-to-face' being replaced by Facebook? Isn't that scary and sad to anyone out there?

Is it possible to politely say - I really don't want to see pictures of myself from when I was say 8 years old posted somewhere for the entire world to see - I hated how I looked growing up (not that much has changed about that)- but while others may find this whimsical I find it confining and an invasion.

Oh sure it's always nice to 'see where they are now' from our 'old friends' that apparently we were so very attached to that we spoke to them all the time BEFORE Facebook (yeah right) - but there are studies about how men and women are hooking up with their ex 'long lost loves' from HS and college and dumping their spouses because of these social networking sites - this is good? How?

We complain and literally scream about our privacy being taken away and then put everything anyone wants to know about us out there. Can you say 'conflict of interests'? Ya think????

I just don't get it - like Bill Maher I want to know why you feel the need to share your private parts on a webcam...and like Tina Brown I want to know why you your life is all that interesting to the rest of the planet and what the cost is in the long run...

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

'There's no place like home...'

Back from the ‘swamps’ of Tampa, Florida after a glorious and grueling 15 days for a sales meeting.

If I never get there again I certainly can’t say I’d be saddened.

And it’s not because I think Cleveland is so amazing. It’s because the heat and the atmosphere, the bugs, and SOME of the people conspired to make it miserable. I simply need a more temperate climate, no bugs in my food or in my house, or biting me…and on and on…

I missed my husband, who was kind enough to write out cards for me while I was gone – but cards don’t take the place of being in bed with him, of seeing his face, of having his arms around me.

There were things from home that of course I did not miss...but I digress....

Whether I was missed is irrelevant – I am sure at some point we all get sick of one another (don’t we?) – So I guess ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ or some such cliché bullshit...

Obviously it was not ALL bad. I got to meet some wonderful people. I felt very useful and needed in my job duties. I had fun creating and working with others to pull off a very difficult task with last minute changes that we had to handle. Basically we were putting on a show, complete with audio-visual needs, movies, awards, scripts and very high-level presentation work. I could do it for a living, including the travel, but I suppose I’d need to have my baby with me because I don’t know if I could spend so much time away from him (or my loved ones…)

It was nice to be able to mingle with others that I’ve been working with for a couple of years but had yet to really meet. I showed off my golf putting skills one night at a party and impressed a couple of colleagues. I learned how to dance those dreaded line dances (electric slide etc.), from weddings because one of the girls taught me (we had a blast and were quite a hit that evening).

What I will miss:

The cute black kitten with the white paws and chin that followed me all week

Using walkie-talkies to talk to one another – YES I GOT TO PRETEND TO BE A KID AGAIN and use walkie-talkies, complete with our own ‘lingo’

The camaraderie of a great team that managed to pull it off yet again – the laughter we all had when we managed to sneak in time to relax together

The food and drink (WAY too rich and booze was WAY too abundant – but it was 5-star rated all the way)

Being able to do my laundry in my swim suit

Being able to be by the pool soaking up the rays (responsibly of course)

The amazing wildlife (NOT BUGS) that were down there – wood storks, herons, alligators

The nice days (between 70˚ and 80˚)

The amazing spa treatment I was able to have while down there

What I won’t miss:

The 10, 11 and 12 hour days of non-stop work

The 90+ degree heat that was oppressive and unbearable

The bugs

Being able to do my laundry in my swim suit (ugh – ‘cause I am sure it was not a pretty sight – LOL)

Being away from Erin and my home for a couple of weeks

The inability to get decent reception in order to talk to Erin

The really rich food and drink – which made me gain weight

The rudeness of a certain co-worker whom I was trapped in a room with non-stop for 10 of the 15 days and she should consider herself lucky to be alive….by the end I was ready to strangle her – she is rude, obnoxious, loud and incredibly overbearing – oh and did I mention rude?

The rudeness of people and in general (somehow this seems heightened when traveling - example - the woman seated next to me on the flight home - kept taking up her seat and mine. At the end of the flight she informed me and the french girl seated next to me that we had to leave our seats so that she could get on the wheelchair they would be bringing down the aisle to get her - nevermind the fact that we were in the 17th row on the plan and people would have to deboard before this bitch would be getting on any wheelchair....)

There is the possibility that I may have to go down again at the end of June – which means that that heat will be even worse – but if I am told to go I will go...

And, just like childbirth, I am sure I will forget all about the pain and next year sign up to do it all over again – hopefully though next year it won’t be for 15 days and if it is I am thinking I am simply going to have to kidnap my husband and force him to relax and golf while I work.

To My Dearest Love

Tomorrow is your birthday...and,unfortunately, I am not there with you to celebrate.

I love you with all my heart and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I miss you more than you can even imagine and I can not wait to get home to you and hug you, kiss you, and wish you a proper happy birthday in person.

XOXOXOXOXO

With all my love
C~

From Cheeseburger Lover to Overnight Vegetarian | BlogHer

From Cheeseburger Lover to Overnight Vegetarian | BlogHer

Yeah...I really need to get back to being a veg-head again....

(*sighs*)

Life and Times

So at the end of the month of April, I traveled with my husband and my brother to my home town of Pittsburgh. Despite desperately wanting to 'get the hell out of there' growing up, I adore the 'Burgh'. It is way more cultured and interesting than Cleveland and of course there's the whole 'family' thing going on as well...which I love sharing with my husband.

We went in the night before the wedding and hung out at my youngest cousin Tim's house - he has an amazing house and I just loved the feel of the place. We had wonderful food, plenty of wine and beer and lots of fun. Reminiscing and giving each other shit was a blast.

The next day we attended the actual wedding ceremony - my husband took pictures of the beautiful church (St. Mary's of the Mount), located directly across the street from the Mt. Washington observatory in the South hills over looking the city. My husband also was helping to take pictures of the ceremony for my cousin, which was very kind of him.

The wedding was lovely and afterwards, we got to go hang out with my cousins at the 'pre-reception' at my Irish grandmother's house - more food and drink and fun....then off to the reception, held at a very nice place called Salvatore's. Open bar, dinner served buffet-style and cupcakes for dessert (along with home-baked pastries). I even had the pleasure of dancing with my husband....we were all however, put to shame by a couple of my older (like 70 year old) cousins who were cutting the rug like no one else in the room could. They received a round of applause for their efforts and I once again vowed that I needed to take dance lessons.

I am also going to try to start going to visit my cousins more often because we all love one another and miss one another...and why not? After all, it's only 2 scant hours from Cleveburg….

The following week was an absolute blur as I prepared to ready myself for the onslaught that is our national sales meeting. For the second year since I have been with the company I was chosen to be part of the support staff for two different divisions within our organization – one of which my personal group.

Every year, this is held at a very nice resort. Our group has stayed at Saddlebrook in Florida for I believe over 7 years now. People get the impression that you are down here having fun but I have been working something close to 12 hours days for two weeks now. I got to go to the pool today for two hours and it was like heaven.

The night before we left (for his birthday gift, I was flying Erin down with me to enjoy the resort for a couple of days), my husband and I went for a bike ride. It was so good to be riding again, I really need to get back into it. I did some last minute packing, some husband snuggling and tried to get to bed early – failed miserably, due in large part to the mother-f-ing, corn-hole-playing, rednecked, hyena cackling laughing bitch and her family that live behind us who were partying away until 1AM. So here I am with 4 hours sleep trying to travel during a day that has me ‘on the clock’ at 6AM and will not end until probably about 10PM. This is going to be a grueling 15 days ahead of me….

Checking in for our flight was another hassle, I booked our flight on Continental but apparently we were actually flying on United. So getting to our gate proved to be a pain. Got on a puddle jumper bound for Chicago where the only saving grace was being with my husband.

The flight to Florida was OK….we were taken right away to the resort. Erin and I greeted my other co-workers and went to our room (you get an apartment for the week to stay in – and in my case I will be here for two weeks).

I spent some time with my baby then went back to work. I think I worked until 9PM – I can’t remember now because these days all begin to blur together…

The next morning I was up around 5:30 and in the office around 6:45AM. Erin and I got some breakfast and then he was off to golf and later was set to spend the day with his step-sister – which was nice for him. I too was able to see my step-sister-in-law for a couple of minutes. I worked until 10:30PM – I am basically in charge of the awards presentation for the division’s annual big event where people are given honors for their great performance over the past fiscal year. In reality the work is fun and exciting – yet it’s also very tiring at times. But I work with a great group of professionals and we try to make it as fun as possible.

The next day, Erin was set to leave – so I spent a little bit of time with him before his flight. Erin has written cards out for me for each day that I am here so that I have something to remind me of how much he loves me. It’s great to come back from my hectic day and read these cards….

With Erin gone and the big awards night over for this group, I have a bit of a lull in the work – but I am still gearing up for MY group of close to 500 people to descend upon us on Monday, May 10th. So as the other support staff begin to trickle in – the crescendo begins to build for the next wave. The best part of wrapping up was a treat that the resort arranged for us of assorted cheeses, strawberries, crackers and flatbreads, grilled lobster and champagne….YUM!

Last night, we all gathered at my co-worker’s room for a pizza/beer/booze ‘let’s watch the Cavs destroy the Celtics’ party. We had so much fun! My face still hurts from how hard I was laughing with all the stories and just general camaraderie….booze plays a big part after hours and helps us to relax and unwind. Not all of us get that drunk – but it’s nice to sit around and have a beer or a glass of wine and talk.

Today was the first day that I was able to actually relax and enjoy the wonderful pool here. I have a bit of a sunburn but it was great nonetheless. I spoke with my colleague and asked her if she was even able to enjoy the pool and she told me not really – maybe at night for a couple of hours but never during the day.
Tomorrow, Sunday is Mother’s day and, as I write this I am musing about the fact that I get to sleep in (LIKE WOW – GO ME!) for the first time in two weeks. I will probably have to spend some time in our ‘office’ but more than likely I will be able to relax the rest of the day.

Then on Monday, all hell will break loose….

More later kids…for now I am going to hope to hear from my Beloved before I have to go to sleep without him by my side – as I listen to the bullfrogs singing in the background all I can think of is how much I miss my home and my bed and my Erin….

G’Night.