To go..

...to fly, to be free of life...

..to not have attachments, to be unencumbered - what would I do?

Is it my heart that keeps me so tethered? Or my mind? DO I feel the need to be bound/tied ot people?

Is it an inability to remain detached, not to an outcome but to people?

Do I need a companion to travel through life with - or is it a fear of being alone?

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" (with a twist)

(I decided to post this instead...it just seemed more fitting - more modern - more in keeping with our love...)

Again...this is for Erin - I love you babe.

For the rest of you - yeah it's corny - get over yourselves...

Annie's Song

Annie's Song

For Erin.....only because of the sentiment/lyrics...it's how I feel about our love

I want you to know my love that you do fill up my senses and that I want to lie beside you for the rest of my days....


(And, as a total aside, I can't post from YouTube any more - because I switched to the new 'blogger' can anyone help me with this?)

For the math impaired idiot

LOL

Yeah right.

For the record (yet again) - when you predict the end of a relationship you math impaired idiot, you count from the beginning of said relationship...which means we passed your prediction of demise a while back and, since you kept changing the time frame who could possibly take you seriously....not that anyone does.

Consider yourself reported, my dear - you've given me way enough ammo from your past BS - not to mention, making the mistake of writing my daughter and my ex - and I have all of the e-mail that you were dumb enough to send them, BTW - oh yeah and then of course there's the small fact that you keep coming to my blog.

Since you were foolish enough to stalk down my ex - he'd be happy to report you for harassment...

We are ALL tired of you - now go away and end this insanity....that is if you are capable of such maturity

Now for the last time STOP reading my blog - stay off of it - if you have nothing better to do with your life - perhaps you can find some new person to bother - stop checking on me and just go away.

NPR: A Song of Faith, Devotion and Lung Power

NPR: A Song of Faith, Devotion and Lung Power

(more music...)

In keeping with the need (today) for some music to 'wash my brain/ear out with' (don't ask - it's just going to remind me of the song I am trying to have surgically removed from my brain)...take a listen here kids...

(Oh and Erin, I was made for you...yeah corny I know - wanna make something of it??)

Today's Headache....

(....brought to you by the letter 'N' and the song 'Sugar, Sugar' by the Archies)

Bleh...

Woke up with a headache (due to most likely the spring seasonal allergy thingy….) – I hate waking up like this…

I LOVE waking up with Erin – what’s weird here is I have NEVER loved waking up with anyone in my entire life – most people it’s just like – you do your thing, I do mine – leave me alone….etc. But with Erin somehow it’s different.

Anyway came into work – had the place to myself – some quiet time and then BAM! The nurse I work with comes into the office like a fucking white tornado and has been ranting ever since – sop now I have a migraine thanks to the stress being piled on top of the allergy-induced headache…WTF. All because no one would pay attention to her at a mtg – yes I feel her pain – but throwing a tantrum to me isn’t going to help anything and only may indeed underscore why people don’t want to listen to her – I myself hate people throwing tantrums – it’s one of my pet peeves...

So last night I broke down in front of Erin – cause I am just tired….I just get to a point where I want everyone to leave me alone – it’s not weakness per se – it’s just craving solitude – wanting the asshole-permeated world to just implode...wanting those that seem to want to ‘hold on’ to me and those that are negative/ill-wishing idiots to leave me alone...

More importantly, last night, I got to talk with Erin – he himself had things to share with me – revelations that are important and incredibly personal and I am at once humbled and honoured that he’d choose to share with me...so much respect and love between the two of us – sometimes it boggles my mind...

At any rate I have an interview today at a raquet club to discuss teaching Yoga….hopefully it will go well. Afterwards I will get to see K – play soccer and after that, E – and I are planning to do something ‘fun’ – but no matter what that ends up being – the fun will consist of being with him...

Now, if only I could lose this headache...

Malajube: Indie-Rock for Francophiles

Malajube: Indie-Rock for Francophiles


...yeah...yeah...yeah....

Because I *AM* one and because I am saving this for future reference...after all it's spring...and a young woman's fancy turns to ...um...music of course!

*winks*

^_^

Hunters kill one of last Amur Leopards

Hunters kill one of last Amur Leopards


Fucking Assholes!

I love you, Erin

To my dear Mr. E:

I love you.

I love you with a love I did not think I possessed. I love you with my body, mind, and spirit. I love you with a passion put to use. I love you with laughter, with joy and yes even with tears.

I want to be with you every day. I want to wake up to you every morning, go to bed with you every night, and start the entire cycle over again.

Every single day, I thank God/dess for you. Every single day I am glad we met, glad I gave you my phone number, ecstatic you called me.

I have never felt so healthy, so loved, so happy. I have never had so much fun.

You are the best lover I have ever had. You are one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure to know. You are one of the most intelligent men I know. You are a wonderful father, friend, teacher, and husband.

I feel lucky, I feel blessed, I feel alive because of you.

Thank you, Erin, for all the gifts you’ve bestowed upon me – may I be able to return them in kind.

"10 on 10"

(From my love's 'journal')

******

10 on 10

Tomorrow it'll be 10 months since Colleen and I started seeing each other, or more correctly, since she gave me her phone number. We consider June 24th our official "anniversary" dating date.

It's been a great 10 months too. Obviously, as with any relationship, there have been rough spots, but this is by far the healthiest relationship I've been in and I've been never been happier for so long. Certain dreams (some over a decade old) have come true and some other dreams are anticipated to come true as well. We talk about things that I've never been able to talk about or felt comfortable enough to talk about with other people.

I have to give this a rating of 10 (I'd give it a 57 but I keep getting giggled at so I'll stick to the normal scale of 1-10). Of course, at this age and level of experience I couldn't have asked her to marry me if it wasn't a 10.

*SIGHS*

I have to wonder what is the matter with people...

I try not to dwell on that too terribly much – yeah we’d be here all day...

I guess I am just overwhelmed by the negativity from a couple of people out there (you know who you are) towards Erin & I – and our relationship.

First of all let me just say that none of y’all are worth my/our time – or the energy you suck out of the planet...or the space you seem to occupy.

First off, when you predict a relationship will end in 10 months time – you need to be careful and figure out your math – here’s the deal – for you math impaired out there – tomorrow is our 10 month anniversary – we began seeing each other (again for the benefit of the idiots who can’t count), June 24, 2006 – this relationship is far from over – it’s NOT going to be over – no matter how much negativity you want to send out to the universe, spewing it towards us, may it come back to bite you in the arse 10-fold. Shame on you....get a life, OK.

We’ve had no problems that are insurmountable – and the only REAL problems have been generated by outside meddlers. And it’s only been 2 people. One of them not all that important (not at all - yet he seems ot think he is - a legend in his own mind I suppose) – the other one is somewhat more important, and sort of a ‘real’ friend but obviously jealous, confused, and manipulative. Erin is far more forgiving than I am – to me when people start dragging me into their drama and their manipulations it’s time to cut them loose. And we have/shall, and will – it’s insane to put up with such crap.

To idiot #1, starting blogs that are meant to be vindictive and incendiary – well yeah um...go ahead – not that it matters, not that you are mature enough to realise it never will matter – but do what you think you have to do to make yourself feel better. To the ‘bitch’, doing an end-around me in order to make sure my fiancé stays in you life and you don’t lose a friendship you obviously didn’t care enough for in the first place – again whatever – but just some advice – there was more than one person you needed to aplogise to sweetie...

This is why I have always felt the need to not be around people – cause they are idiots - Jealous, petty, insecure, immature, idiots.

All of the problems Erin and I have had to face we have done just that – together – we’ve talked, communicated and loved one another through all the ups and downs. We will continue to do so – I believe this in my heart – with all my heart. I am not trying to convince myself of something and those of you who have read this blog for years know me well enough to know I don’t pull punches with anyone – not even myself. I’ve left things behind that I know aren’t worth my time – but this relationship is so very worth my time – those of you out there who mean us harm or are hoping our relationship fails – well what can I say – I said it in the start of this rant, you are most definitely not worth our time.

I am done now – I needed to get this out – cause I want you to all know how tired I am of this negative crap.

To those of you out there who have been happy for us, loving, wonderful – I want to say thanks – you give me hope, we love all of you – and we can’t wait to have you celebrate with us when we get married.

The Accidental Bitch

The Accidental Bitch

Blog of the week....

Excellent!

Stephen King: On Predicting Violence

Stephen King: On Predicting Violence

I don't much read him any more (due to me thinking he had sold out/written purely for quantity NOT quality) - however I do respect his older works - and admit he'd have insight into this subject.

The sun, moon, and stars...

I have nothing...

I have no father to give me away (nor to give permission for my hand in marriage for that matter)...

What do I bring to this marriage? I feel like a skewed version of Shakespeare’s ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ (‘Kiss me Kate’) only I don’t have the proper dowry to present to my future lord and master...

I want to give you, my love, the moon and the stars – were they mine to give…..but what I have to offer is *MY* love, my ability to be a good wife/helper/ partner; My willingness to contribute to the finances, to the work around the house, to helping with the children. Yes this is all so very unromantic – but so very necessary...

We have no ‘song’ that’s ours. Songs will come on the radio that will make me think of him – of our love – but there is no ‘our song’...this does not worry me per se...

Perhaps the reason is because both of us love ‘world music’, new age music, alternative music, goth/dark-wave music….perhaps that does not lend itself to the type of ‘old standards’ our parents fell in love to.

I want to give you the gift of birdsong, of crickets singing in the grass, of wolves howling to the moon…all the sounds of harmony...the music of the spheres...the planets’ majestic symphony...

I come to you - not adorned in rubies, emeralds, and sapphires but clothed in the raiment of my heart, mind and soul.

Vermont Senate Votes to Impeach Bush, Cheney

Vermont Senate Votes to Impeach Bush, Cheney

Amen....

Spiderman: The Musical?????

Spiderman: The Musical?????

Um...er...stammers....

OK I suppose this is a great day for geeks...

A Dickens Theme Park

A Dickens Theme Park




Um...er....

*sighs*

Yeah I got nothing here...

I mean somehow I think English majors would be up in arms about this - especially the English who can be really snooty about such things...

So what? They have rides where you have to beg for porridge or whine about unrequited love????

*smirks*

EDIT: From a certain 'Dork' I know: "It was the best of rides, it was the worst of rides..."

Putting my finger on 'IT'...

"To Your Scattered Bodies Go"

...yeah...

Part of this is when E is scattered/distracted so am I....

Part of it is my 'psyche' rears its ugly head in the form of being super sensitive to things that take place in the universe (like the needless killings at VA Tech). Part of it is the impact that the anniversaries of other mass killings (Oklahoma City is tomorrow, Columbine is Friday) still reverberate within the universe...

Part of it is planning for a wedding that I can't plan for...and I have never in my entire life been given so much advice from strangers about the process of annulment within the Catholic church....give me a break I AM a Catholic OK - I was raised on - I get it - you are preaching to the choir (pun intended)....

I recently heard from one of the girls at work, that not only have I set my date for sometime in July (we are actually shooting for June of 2008) but that my reception is going to be at the Renaissance Hotel here in Cleveburg - REALLY?????
Wow that's news to me....(*mutters something about people being idiots*)

I hate gossip. I hate negativity. I hate being made to feel like I am nagging, like I am pestering, like I am being a bitch. I hate being out of touch, disconnected, feeling off kilter and I am praying this all goes away soon....

I want a 'Calgon take me away' moment but I want it to be in the form of something more than merely soaking in a hot tub...

Scatterings...

You know it’s funny. I have some days where I am just so focused and others where it’s like meh…

Today is meh….definitely…

I don’t know why either. Last night Erin and I went to church (adoration) to pray – and usually that helps – but it really didn’t seem to...

What is the matter with me? I feel so out of sorts and so very disconnected and I don’t know why.

Part of me wants to just scream with all of this. I know part of why I am feeling this way – but I can’t do much about the situation. I want to feel like I did before but that seems so far away and distant. Something has shifted and I can’t even put my finger on exactly what that is...

I have so much going on – so much that I need to be doing yet can’t because of certain situations…so I am at a loss there too…

Right now things just seem really, really out of sorts.

Massacre at VA Tech

Massacre at VA Tech

You know what kills me about this shit (OMG did I just type the word 'kill' - sorry how distasteful)

Is how now all of a sudden all these profs are going to start playing armchair shrink to every single aspect of this kids life....

Seems to me if they were THAT concerned to begin with, he should have been somehow drummed out of school - but then there's all those pesky problems with people having some inalienable right to be total assholes...and therefore being able to sue institutions when they feel 'wronged'.

Raising Awareness of Organ Harvesting

Raising Awareness of Organ Harvesting

Very disturbing stuff....

The dawn of a new day...

Just when I am feeling a bit out of sorts – worrying, doubting – something happens to renew my faith, my hope, my love. (Erin will do something 'little' like put a banana in my purse to take to work, wrapped in a napkin with a love note...)

There have been some rough patches lately – perhaps the only reason I pay attention is because it’s rare for us to have problems, to struggle. For the most part, this has to be one of the best relationships I have ever had. By that I mean this is the happiest I have EVER been, this is the most content I’ve been, this is the most fun I’ve had in a relationship, and dare I say: this is the most in love I’ve ever been.

Mainly our struggles lie with outside influences – but I can’t blame others (even if they truly have meant to cause harm or have been antagonistic towards our relationship (BTW WTF is up with that????)) – I have to at least put the blame on my own shoulders for my reactions to others actions/words. Again, I can’t speak for Erin...

I am here today…I have the migraine from hell – because I am trying to function on 3-4 hours of sleep. I cried last night. I was lost last night, I was unsure of my path last night. However, by the grace of God, and as cat/Princess is my witness (sorry it’s an inside joke) – that has changed and like the fog that gets burned off by the rising sun, my fears have faded, troubles lifted, worries subsided.

Today, I feel renewed in the strength of my love. My faith in our love and our relationship is strong and unwavering. I know we are going to hit bumps in the road together – but I am confident that as long as we love each other the way we seem too – everything else will pale in comparison.

'The Wedding Song (There is Love)''

(It is fitting in some ways I could not find the lyrics to this song until today....I am posting it though - I don't really like posting lyrics all that much, but today I feel it's needed - very much so - I love you, Erin)


'The Wedding Song (There is Love)'


He is now to be among you
at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubadour
is acting on His part.
The union of your spirits, here,
has caused Him to remain
for whenever two or more of you
are gathered in His name
there is Love, there is Love.

Well, a man shall leave his mother
and a woman leave her home
and they shall travel on to where
the two shall be as one.
As it was in the beginning
is now and til the end
Woman draws her life from man
and gives it back again.
And there is Love, there is Love.

Well then what's to be the reason
for becoming man and wife?
Is it love that brings you here
or love that brings you life?
And if loving is the answer,
then who's the giving for?
Do you believe in something
that you've never seen before?
Oh there is Love, there is Love.

Oh the marriage of your spirits here
has caused Him to remain
for whenever two or more of you
are gathered in His name
there is Love, there is Love.

Gunman kills 30 on Virginia Tech campus

Gunman kills 30 on Virginia Tech campus

Good lord!

Please pray for those poor people...even the gunman.

Teapot and 'The Tempest'...

My weekend began with a teapot and included ‘The Tempest’...

*smirks*

E has season tickets to the Great Lakes Shakespeare Festival and this past Friday was the last play for this ‘season’ – it was Shakespeare’s ‘The Tempest’.

I went to meet Erin at his place of employment and then, before we headed down to the theatre, we went to eat at a little Mexican place in Mentor on the Lake. They are authentic and the food is pretty good.

We left the Mexican restaurant and had a little time – so we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and I bought a teapot for Erin’s house. We drink a lot of tea and to me it does not feel like ’home’ without having a teapot – yeah so I am weird...it’s also weird for me buying stuff for his house when I don’t live there and getting myself into the mind set that I WILL be living there.

The play was well done – this acting troupe has been wonderful.

I adore Shakespeare, but more than that, I adore going to see plays with Erin. It’s just so nice to be able to share these moments together.

Afterwards I wanted to stay downtown and show Erin some nightlife but instead we headed home (again feeling weird about speaking up to ‘direct things) – but we ended up going to an Arabica for a late night cup of tea, then we ended up at (of all places ugh!) Denny’s (gross) for some late night food, then we went shopping – we were out until 2AM and I had a blast – I can’t speak for him.

Went home to bed together. Woke up the next day (I slept in until I think around 10AM – I just could not wake up) – he spent the day working on stuff for work. I puttered about the house – his friend showed up to see him – causing friction between us (long story and told before in bits and pieces – let’s just say I am not fond of this woman or her motives). I ended up going out and getting a baby shower gift for a shower I was attending the next day. Came back to Erin’s and had a long talk about my feelings and some of the things plaguing me. We went to sleep….etc. He woke up and went to teach PSR – I lazed about a bit and met him for mass (we were late for mass) – mass was also a bit surreal – some priest from the Philippines on a mission to beg money for the church over there and in his blessing to us he sang an Irish 'blessing' song (like I said it was surreal)...

I went to the baby shower and Erin had a class to attend. We met up later on and spent the evening together – I was sewing he worked on stuff for work, I did some Yoga – he continued to work – finally we broke and had a salad for dinner – talked together. He went back to work and I read a little and then went to bed – he came up a bit later to join me...

Slowly we are adapting to being together – getting used to the nuances, the idiosyncrasies, the ebb and flow of being together. I know it’s going to take time – but we have the rest of our lives to try to learn each other and get used to each other. I look forward to the time when I will feel at home IN HIS HOME as I do with him as a person.

'I will love you with picnics...'

E and I were talking last night…

These past couple of days we’ve been back to our old selves in some ways...laughing, giggling, having fun...

We began discussing wedding plans and I was commenting on how a lot of people at work who, once they hear we are getting married are kind of angling for an invite.

We’ve been trying to keep things small and intimate – so we probably won’t have more than 75 people – closer I think to 50 people at the wedding/reception.

Kiddingly, Erin suggested having an ‘invite yourself to our wedding’ site and set up a PayPal account in order to charge people $30 so we could then feed them – I played along actually suggesting I could create a new blog just for this. We were both musing that we would then get the final say (‘the decision of the judges is final’) about who actually gets to attend (i.e. if we don’t like you, then you aren’t coming – LOL – but we still keep your money). Of course we were laughing and playing with this. However I thought I would open up the blog for suggestions and commentary (only nice comments please after all this IS a joyous occasion) about wedding plans and suggestions.

So far our plan is to do a church wedding (duh!) and then have a picnic-themed reception. The reason: We met for the first time at a picnic (yes if you must know it was a *gasp* gaming picnic) and then we met the second time (approx a year later) at the same picnic but this time we began dating – we are now going on 10 months of seeing each other (and as a total aside/off on a tangent - I do believe some asshole suggested our relationship would end around now...um, yeah right..) – so we want to have a picnic reception – possibly in a park or on a beach by the lake – which truly rocks! Menu ideas WILL NOT include hamburger or hot dogs – and I do believe June is too early for a clam bake – but that would be cool too. We were thinking more along the lines of a European type picnic – chesses, veggie/fruit trays, breads, wines, grilled chicken, tossed salad and perhaps potato salad, pastries and of course a wedding cake….so if any of you have any other ideas to add to menu suggestions please do so...

I have ideas for venues etc – and I will put them up as I research – I also would appreciate any ideas about what to wear (for me – cause I want to get married in a gown but then I want to be able to enjoy my reception and perhaps even play Frisbee…) – I know this seems unconventional for a reception (but have you me *ME*/US? LOL – we ARE the epitome of unconventional/think outside the box). So perhaps just buy one dress for the ceremony and then another for the reception that is summer and light and informal?

At any rate ideas/suggestions/(*giggles* contributions made in our name to a Swiss bank account), are greatly appreciated.

Love and hope to you all.

As ever,
Colette

'...long ago forgotten...'

(Posting this because it would indeed seem we are embroiled in a war whose cause we've long ago forgotten. Does anyone even ever mention Osama fucking bin Laden anymore???? Yeah, that's what I thought....)

Scarborough fair / canticle

Are you going to scarborough fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(on the side of a hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
(tracing a sparrow on snow-crested ground)
Without no seams nor needlework
(blankets and bedclothes a child of the mountains)
Then shell be a true love of mine
(sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

Tell her to find me an acre of land
(on the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsely, sage, rosemary, & thyme
(washes the grave with silvery tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strand
(a soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then shell be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it in a sickle of leather
(war bellows, blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsely, sage, rosemary & thyme
(generals order their soldiers to kill)
And to gather it all in a bunch of heather
(and to fight for a cause theyve long ago forgotten)
Then shell be a true love of mine

Are you going to scarborough fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Option #3

‘Light and airy atmosphere…’

I had to put those words in quotes above – because back in the day when my love and I were first dating it was one of the phrases he used to try to describe the feel for our ‘dating relationship’ at that time….

I DO still feel light and airy around him. However, as we’ve fallen more in love with each other and our relationship has deepened the ‘light and airy’ has been replaced with a sense of portent and destiny manifest (yeah I know it’s heady stuff – but I can’t shake the feeling that we are meant to be with one another).

That being said we’ve been (or moreso I’ve been) struggling with our living arrangements. It’s going to sound ‘weird’ but we both feel like we are married already. And yes, perhaps it’s form spending so much time together ‘playing house’. But this feels ‘right’ to me - it does not feel like I am breaking some sort of moral ‘law’ – or like I am compromising myself (I promised myself I’d never ‘shack up’ with anyone) – I had to clarify that both to myself and to Erin – in other words – no just living together without being married – since I know that Erin and I ARE going to be married I don’t feel like I am going against my own code here – it’s not a matter of trying to do this out of convenience sake – sure living between 2 houses is a hassle – but it’s also kind of nice at times – we spend enough time apart to miss one another. I know that when we do begin living together we will have our own lives – we won’t become joined at the hip. The main difference will be that I will get to wake up every morning to him and lie down beside him every night.

So off and on we’ve discussed what to do – we are currently at the mercy of waiting for the church to grant him an annulment and please don’t even get me started on the subject of annulments from the Catholic Church. Erin and I both feel similarly in this regard – but we are both very strong about wanting to be married in the church – so we need to do what we need to do…

So we end up discussing our options – I don’t want to just move in – we see each other all the time though – part of it feels like I am living there and that was not the idea/nor the thing I wanted to do…

So we have options:

Option #1 – I don’t see him as much – I stay at my place more

Option #2 – We move in together (sooner than planned – BEFORE getting married).

Option #3 – We continue to see each other as much as we do now – and we plan for me to move in down the road – when we know the annulment is done – or at least we have reason to believe it will be done soon.

We seem to be leaning towards Option #3 – Options #1 & #2 are not going to work. Not seeing Erin is to me like going without food and water – in our hearts we feel married to each other – not the tawdriness of being ‘shacked up’ but the actual spiritual connection of living together…of BEING married – a covenant between us and God if you will – which to me is more sacred and binding.

Option #2 – I don’t want to nor will I just move in there with him – it’s the wrong thing to do.

Option #3 is to work towards me moving in with Erin 'eventually' before the wedding – working out all the ‘logistics’ and at the same time continuing to see one another...

By our natures we are both busy people – we have people we see (besides each other) we don’t cling to each other – we don’t feel desperate to be with one another – we just WANT TO. We choose to. We don’t want to live without each other….we want to be together for the rest of our lives.

In my heart I don’t feel a need an organization (namely the Church) telling me I can or can not marry this man – or anyone else for that matter. I know how *I* feel and I know how *HE* feels and it’s pretty much the same for us both. I can’t wait to begin our lives together – but for now I know I have to be patient – and will do my best to try to plan my upcoming wedding to the best of my ability...

Heavy Rotation

Listening to:

New from the Decemberists - thanks to my son for buying this for me:




A favourite of mine...



Also one of my favourite artists/albums:

Repeat

(LOL - OK tried it again - got different results using the good ole' nom de plume - and what's cute is that I refer to him as my 'baby')

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	Meant for each other
Your meeting was by	Fate
He/She is your	Shoulder to cry on
You are his/her	Baby
Your love will	Be unconditional

For my love

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	In love
Your meeting was by	Chance
He/She is your	Soulmate
You are his/her	True love
Your love will	Be unconditional

What's weird is I got the SAME exact results he did - just by typing our names in reverse....I mean it's all true (in my heart) but just 'quiz-wise' that does not make any sense - what the hell am I doing wrong?

Cookies

Cookies

(sent to me via my ever-so-evil twin C2)

Day late...

...dollar short...


Stolen from a certain 'ray of sunshiney' person I know....

Pickled Beef

Pickled Beef


It's TINK!

She's mistress of the blog of the week here on DOCG

A bonding moment...

I have been really enjoying my new co-worker – she is young – younger than my daughter.

We are having a blast together and I am bummed out because I want the powers that be to hire her…..but of course they probably won’t – yeah so what else is new….

At any rate we began discussing our childhoods, mainly the TV shows we watched and the toys we played with. She mentioned mainly things that I refer to as ‘nostalgia toys’ – cause apparently certain generations of parents wanted their kids to play with the same toys they played with as kids: Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Bright, My Little Pony, Care Bears…

I (of course), gave her crap about this – we were both giggling like school girls.

Then we moved onto that doll of every little girl dreams: Barbie
She agreed with me that Barbie was/is evil and we both admitted we hated Barbie – it was a bonding moment.

This girl brings out the silly in me so I began musing about why we don’t see less-perfect ‘model-like’ Barbie dolls – some examples I cam up with:

‘Cleft Palate Barbie’
‘Hunch-Back Barbie’
‘Quadriplegic Barbie’
‘4-eyes Barbie’
‘Bad-Hair-Day Barbie’
‘Bag-Lady Barbie’
‘Hooker Barbie’ (but if you ask me she’s already kind of slutty looking)

I am sure you all can come up with your own – the hell with all these celebrity Barbie(s), let’s get down to the nitty gritty ‘real-life’ type of dolls every kid needs for that sort of wake up call/slap-in-the-face feel to their toys – boys have war toys – why not give girls equally as depressing models to play with?

*evil grin*

The hostile New Age takeover of yoga. - By Ron Rosenbaum - Slate Magazine

The hostile New Age takeover of yoga. - By Ron Rosenbaum - Slate Magazine

From the wonderful and very astute Mr. Hess.

Great article.

Thanks for sharing my friend.

Shalom.

Good Friday...

...to you.

(yeah I know...sarcastic)...

You know I was actually thinking of not posting anything because of the nature/solemnity of this day...but...

I am here in the office and even though I have work – I feel I should not have to be in here. I feel I should be at church praying and worshiping.

I AM at least fasting – juices, liquids…no food. I may pull out my rosary and find a quiet place to pray soon…

Mainly, I want to go home and be with Erin and the kids...I think he is going to do an egg hunt with them today – wish I could be there to help and play with them...we are all be going to church later though, and that will be wonderful.

Blessings to you all for this time – whether it be the end of your Passover, or the beginning of your holy days, or just the rebirth of the earth for spring - take some time for some quiet reflection and to ask for peace on earth, and in your own lives.

Love and hope to you all, as ever,

Colette

'Lost in love...'

You know I find it so funny...thinking on things.

About how when we are first in relationships; how happy we are, how blissful, how much we seem to ‘want’ the relationship. We do the little things, we preen ourselves, we seem to be on our best behaviour...

Then after months of being together – (according to Mr. C it’s around the 9-month mark – but I am sure for some couples it’s earlier) – ‘real life’ rears it’s ugly head. All of a sudden the ‘romantic’ bits start to fade. People begin to show their true colours – or, if you are dealing with a ‘family’ perhaps you are meeting the kids by now or spending more time with them...

These situations can prove to be a trial even for the most compatible couples. The sudden removal of those ‘rose coloured’ glasses is (pun intended), eye opening.

I don’t want to be ‘blinded by the light’ (yeah OK go read something else if you are sick of this) – I want to be the person I know I am capable of being. I want to step up to the plate when needed. I want to not let fear motivate/inform my life.

I feel so blessed by the love in my life. To me it has become my ‘life’ – I welcome this love, I embrace this love, I am happy in this love. I want this to be where I spend the rest of my days. I am willing to do even the hardest work to make this relationship last.

I’ve written before about people being willing to just throw things away when the going gets rough – to me this relationship isn’t something that disposable – even when I get scared, even when I have doubts – I love this man with all my heart, my soul, my mind – I pray for the strength and especially the patience needed to be the best wife and mother I can be – and for patience and wisdom for myself – to remain calm in the eye of the storm – to be still and know that ‘I AM’.

WTF (revisited)

(yeah over and over again...)

What is the matter with people?

I have friends/family (mainly friends though) I try to talk to about what’s going on in my life.

I get told to ‘back off’ or ‘slow down’ – I am not asking them for their advice – necessarily. But I get told perhaps I need to take my time with my relationship now…well the time for that is passed. I should have gone slower earlier – it’s not like I can ‘take things back’. Besides I don’t want to.

What I don’t get is why can’t people just be happy for each other? Is that so difficult?

I am irritated about more than this – I am irritated about not being able to get my thoughts out coherently to the people I care the most about. I am irritated about my take on things being seen as perhaps ‘controlling’ or like I am asking for too much – but I don’t feel either I am being this way or that I am asking for too much – either way though I suppose it does not matter because the perception is in the eye of the beholder. So I guess if I feel I am being misunderstood or misrepresented – well too bad I suppose...oh well – it’s life – what else is new.

So I feel like I’ve lost something somewhere along the line – but I don’t know what it is or where I’ve misplaced what I’ve lost – but yet I feel the loss (deeply and I can't explain why), and it’s making me sad, irritable, and our of sorts...

Celtic Woman

Celtic Woman



Liam bought tickets for us to go to this together as a b-day gift for me....

We went last night. It was wonderful!

Thanks darling - I love you!

Sadness...settling like a blanket....

Evanescence - My Immortal


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

'America's Dreamless Dream'

(Now listening to Beck: Loser)

Sprechen zie deutsch, baby?

(I can’t take the credit for the title of this post – it’s from the mind of my love)

Last night after playing some Frisbee (I have a bruise on my hand – don’t ask), sharing a glass of wine, a dinner of bread, grilled veggies, and grilled fish, and eating outside in 77 degree temps – Erin and I did some errands then a little later, we went for a walk down to the lake.

You know – no matter how bad things ‘seem’ to be – I am constantly reminded of how much I love this man – of how I KNOW in my heart I can spend the rest of my life doing this thing we call ‘living’ with him by my side – with us together…always.

We got to talking – LOL – I should actually just begin noting when we DON’T talk because that’s the rarity here.

‘And as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be – amen’ – we have been talking like this since we began seeing each other….

I mentioned to him that I had told the new slave (temp) in our office (the one who replaced Eeyore) that I had not watched TV in like 9 months – she was asking me if I watched ‘American Idol’ (*barf*). When I uttered my statement about TV – she looked at me like I had 3 heads...

*sighs*

Yeah and that’s the point. I am perfectly content.- if I never see another fucking TV show again – I won’t be upset.

Sure in the past I used to watch TV – but I was picky about it – it was not just mind-numbing crap. I mean sometimes it would be ‘brain candy’ but most times it was PBS or a movie.

Now my life is full. I don’t feel like I am missing something. I have my love to talk to – the children to play with, things to do, places to go, people to see, activities to participate in – a plethora of living – for life is for living – not vegging out in front of an idiot box.

So we have lost I think by being numbed night after night by the soft glow of our colour TVs – a measure of our dreams, of our ability to dream dreams, to act on those dreams, to see them come to fruition – because we are too busy being bombarded by what we should be thinking, look like, purchase and worship – the almighty ‘American Idol’ but it’s not just a TV show about some kid who wants to grow up to be a rock star – it’s a statement about what our society has become – we are a bunch of dreamless dreamers.

I want to say thanks to my fiancé for helping to give me back my dreams...I lost them somewhere in all the mindless dribble that was my last relationship and it’s nice to actually breathe the fresh air again and have new thoughts and be stimulated by the actual business of living my own life.

'My love is like a red, red rose...'

Oh how I love him.

I have been emotional lately, scared, uneasy….there is much going on – much that would deter an ordinary person – even an extraordinary person.

But not when in love the way I am…the way WE are.

When I cry – when I am distraught, he seeks to comfort me. There is never a time when I feel totally alone in this relationship – of course I always feel the presence of God – so while any love relationship is important, it’s not the ‘end all, be all’ for me. But yeah we’ve said those words: ‘I don’t want to live without you in my life’

Last night, Erin told me how he felt about being around me. While I’ve heard him utter these words time and time again, I was in near shock hearing how strongly he felt – how much he wants me to be around him.

The problem becomes ‘marriage’. We want to be married NOW. This isn’t us just dabbling at this – we both know we want this – we both know that together we are a wonderful working team, we both know just how much we love one another. It becomes so hard separating form each other. We are trying to be patient. We are trying to wait for the annulment to come through – but it’s just really difficult and there are still issues to be worked out. Like I need to get my house in order etc.

I guess my patience – which is a virtue I don’t seem to possess – what little of it I DO have is wearing thin.

Yoga goes to the dogs..

Yoga goes to the dogs

(Via Erin)


Um.....

I got nothing to say about this....except well - yeah it's America - we have our pets see shrinks too.

Speaking of poetry...

(were we???)

A re-post from April of last year of whom else but good ole Pablo

********

He is my all-time favourite poet. His writing speaks to me and touches me in ways that I never felt possible. He is honest, and fiery and incredibly profound.

Just a sample:

Love Sonnet XI

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

- - Pablo Neruda

Heaven

Full moon setting in a Jaipur blue sky...

Peeking through the black lace of tree branches that are just beginning to bud with spring’s first breath...

Listening to a Bach violin solo...

The sun brightening the sky in the East...

Heaven.

"I'm kinda OK with that"

Another full weekend at Erin's....

WOW....I don't know what to say sometimes - we seem to have become inseparable - it's good - it's exhilarating - it scares the fuck out of me...

Anyway....

At one point the neighbor girls were over - they are 1/2 sisters - I will call them bad seed #1 (the older one) and bad seed #2 (the younger one) - the younger one is much cuter and more tolerable.

Anyways I was making lunch of PB&J sandwiches...bad seed #2 (while busy pouring blue pixie stick powder over her PB&J sandwich - which is apparently a delicacy...she turned as asked me if Erin and I had gotten married.

Erin was within earshot - we both answered 'No, not yet..' I showed her my ring and said 'next year' and laughingly asked her 'Are you OK with that?' she replied 'I'm kinda OK with that'.

After a bit - she walked into the kitchen where Erin and I were kissing each other (a regular occurrence) - she ran out yelling 'EWWWWWWW they're kissing!' to which bad seed #1 replied 'SO what? It's true love.'

To which Erin's daughter K - said 'And they're getting married' implying kissing is therefore an OK activity.

Bad seed #2 repeated 'I'm a little OK with that'...

Bad seed #1 then said to Erin's daughter 'K - are you OK with that?' K replied in the affirmative - Bad seed#1 then asked if K's mom (Erin's ex) was OK with that...

(Good lord!) I did not hear the answer to that - I think perhaps K- shrugged it off...

^_^

Because sometimes silence is deafening....and someitmes I talk too friggin' much

The Sound Of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.
Because a vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains
within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone
‘neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
when my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
that split the night and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening.
People writing songs that voices never shared,
no one dared disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "you do not know, silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell and echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they made
and the sign flashed out its warning in the words that it was forming.
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
and tenement halls and whispered in the sound of silence."

-- Simon & Garfunkle 'The Sound of Silence'