T.M.I.

Yesterday I went for my screening colonoscopy...

(voice over) And now a word from our sponsors....

"Yes indeedy YOU TOO may go through the run-around with the world renown Cleveland Clinic when it comes to YOUR body - step right up folks, get your snake oil here..."

So yeah...

I was given 'The Prep' for this procedure...I read the instructions, looked at the size of that jug and I knew there was no way in hell I was going to drink that shit down. *I KNEW* I would throw it up. So, I called those great people at the world renown Cleveland Clinic and talked first to a very nice nurse who was quite sympathetic but told me 'honey just do the best you can'. Mind you I was calling a full two days in advance. So then I decide to do my best and give it the ole' college try. I go through a full day of no solid food, only clear liquid (and when I don't eat I feel sick too), and then I go home and make The Prep, and chill it and commence the torture.

I manage to get down about 1/2 a glass and violently throw up. I try the other half and throw up again. I'm now done. I refuse to drink poly-ethylene like this. So now I am panicked...I call the GI doc on call at main campus. I wait and wait and wait and they don't answer. The 3rd time some young woman picks up and is a resident. She tells me to not put myself through this and to just wait until 8AM the next day to call my doc to see what else I can do.

Me being me, this is not sufficient enough. So I call the nurse on call at my doc's office. She finds out I have already spoken to a doctor and tells me there is nothing more she can recommend. She says this is the only prep I can take...just to try. TRY? Really?

So now I call my pharmacy. Thank God for pharmacists. This guy gave me plenty of other options...including pills. OK so now, armed with more info, I call the on call doc to have her call this into my pharmacy. She refuses, telling me that I HAVE to use the prep they recommended...the pills may cause kidney damage, and so does the old stand-by they've used for years, magnesium citrate.

By now I am really upset. So I call the pharmacist back and talk to him. It turns out the preparation they want me to drink down also comes in a powder form that I can simply add to Gatorade. He asks me if I can drink a lot of Gatorade quickly, I assure him I can. He also discusses with me the fact that the people at the Clinic are full of it and a lot of other patients have complained about their methods. He says other places prescribe exactly what we are discussing every day for their patients and it works and is safe. Imagine that....

So my loving husband runs out to get this for me. I also got a laxative because (and this according to my sis who has gone through this already) I 'should have' been given that too....

So I get the new concoction and mix it up really cold and start drinking...and drinking...and drinking. And you know what? By the next morning I was done, maybe less 8oz less than what they wanted. AND I was cleaned out....feeling sick, etc. but good to go.

Went to have my procedure and they all asked me 'did you drink the prep?' I thought long and hard about telling them to shove the prep up their own arses but I didn't, I told them I managed to get through a prep even though I threw up a bit. They all were concerned about me throwing up (how kind of you - why weren't you concerned WHEN I was throwing up???).

I was sedated and went through the procedure and came out clean as a whistle, not a single sign of anything. YAY! Go me! ^_^ And now, I can wait another 8 years before I have to go through this fiasco again....

So thanks going out to (of course) my wonderful husband who took care of me and put up with me through this, to God for giving me a clean bill of health colon-wise, and a very special thanks to my pharmacist to whom I am going to personally deliver a thank you note.

As for the world renowned place....I think it's time to shop for a new hospital...I am really tired of being treated like I don't know or don't have control over my own body - you don't know more than me just because you sat through lectures and have your name embroidered on your white coat.

The Blind Leading the Blind

Update....

I am still unable to see very well out of the left eye - in fact typing like this is requiring me to only look down at the keyboard (LOL which may mean I will still have typos) and thanks to my love and his ergonomically correct keyboard, it is a bit of a learning curve as well.

Yeah...I can't really look at the screen to read cause it bothers my eye(s). So basically, my useless visit to the doctor's office won me a 'we'll just have to wait and see' (and that I could possibly be in this limbo hell for 6-8 weeks AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!) about the blurred vision - woo hoo - modern medicine at it's finest. I did however manage to get him to write me a work excuse.

So I am out of work for at least until Monday - I had to call into work and because I did not have enough PTO (for those who are not familiar with this evil HR plot it's known as 'Paid Time Off') - I had to apply for FMLA for myself - as if I was on maternity leave (no Erin don't freak out it's merely one of the examples they used on the form - my HCG test was negative at time of surgery).

I am blessed that the girls in my office are so very helpful and one of them was kind enough to fill the form in over the phone with me - the problem is that I have to get into work tomorrow to give her my doctor's excuse or figure out some way to fax it into the department manager. Hopefully this fiasco will not cost me my job...I don't think it will but there is always that fear lingering in the back of my mind.

In other news. Erin has been a Godsend - he's been wonderful and I have never been more in love with him. He brought me flowers for no reason at all. He's been patient, he's been kind, he's put up with me being cranky and fretful over all of this. Thank you my love - if there is ever a way I can repay your kindnesses, let me know.

Goddess I am going out of my mind and seriously considering working on my tan....now THAT'S pathetic if I am considering exposing my fair skin to possible carcinogenic sun rays....

Perhaps I will be able to blog a bit here and there and again a huge thanks to my love for the hospitality of his home.

Blessings to you all.

Colette

'Ladies and Gentlemen,

children of all ages, 'The Freak Show' proudly presents, doing her best impression of Helen Keller, coming all the way from Cleveburg, OH,....'

MOI.

Yes indeed kids - here I am 5 days post surgery on my eye and posting to just let you all know I am not dead. My eye however is not healing as I thought it would.

I am thanks in large part, to the kindness of the man I love, recuperating at E's house - and thanks my love for allowing me to use your computer.

(I want to apologise in advance for any typos (LOL well more than my usual) because I really can't see very well - everything is a blur on one side).

I am in pain. I am nervous and I feel trapped because I really can't (read: shouldn't) drive anywhere - I am unable to do thing like work out, read, watch much of anything (and that includes this computer screen - like ouch my eye), I can't go to work (what would I do sit there half blind).

To describe what this feels like - it's like I have a cataract in my left eye - it's like trying to see through frosted glass with etching on it to boot. The pain feels like a very strong guy is taking both of his thumbs and pressing my eyeball in as far as he can to the back of my eye socket....

I have a lot to tell you guys about as well and I might just try - well at least a couple of the wonderful and joyful happenings - but mainly I wanted those of you who care to know what what going on - and that I had not fallen off the planet quite yet.

As ever,
Colette

Meh

I am fucking miserable.