Hope springs eternal, OR, The Job Faerie Commeth

...and now for more cliche sayings....

'They' say: "You are only as old as you feel"

I think this should be upgraded to version 3.0: "You are only as old as you think."

I say this because in dealing with the Job Faerie I am being tested and wondering what direction I should take.

I am very excited about a possible position with a truly progressive start up company here in Cleveburg that is doing really well. But it's a risk...

Then there is actually a position I can have if I want it with a solid institution and the pay is pretty good....but it's 'corporate' same old/same old...

What to do?

I don't have an offer from the other company but I really want to be there. The job would be more of an adventure. That is not to say it's not work, but I'd get to be creative, collaborative, a true part of a team.

As I get older, I know it's going to be harder to find a great job out there (especially in the economy in this town) - and I know it is not about money. And maybe that is how I need to look at this. IT'S NOT ABOUT MONEY....it's about something that will challenge me and keep me young(er) or on my toes....but then I DO need to think about other things too. Like bills, like benefits, like being stable...

(*sighs*)

OK God/dess/Universe....speak to me.

'There's no place like home...'

Back from the ‘swamps’ of Tampa, Florida after a glorious and grueling 15 days for a sales meeting.

If I never get there again I certainly can’t say I’d be saddened.

And it’s not because I think Cleveland is so amazing. It’s because the heat and the atmosphere, the bugs, and SOME of the people conspired to make it miserable. I simply need a more temperate climate, no bugs in my food or in my house, or biting me…and on and on…

I missed my husband, who was kind enough to write out cards for me while I was gone – but cards don’t take the place of being in bed with him, of seeing his face, of having his arms around me.

There were things from home that of course I did not miss...but I digress....

Whether I was missed is irrelevant – I am sure at some point we all get sick of one another (don’t we?) – So I guess ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ or some such cliché bullshit...

Obviously it was not ALL bad. I got to meet some wonderful people. I felt very useful and needed in my job duties. I had fun creating and working with others to pull off a very difficult task with last minute changes that we had to handle. Basically we were putting on a show, complete with audio-visual needs, movies, awards, scripts and very high-level presentation work. I could do it for a living, including the travel, but I suppose I’d need to have my baby with me because I don’t know if I could spend so much time away from him (or my loved ones…)

It was nice to be able to mingle with others that I’ve been working with for a couple of years but had yet to really meet. I showed off my golf putting skills one night at a party and impressed a couple of colleagues. I learned how to dance those dreaded line dances (electric slide etc.), from weddings because one of the girls taught me (we had a blast and were quite a hit that evening).

What I will miss:

The cute black kitten with the white paws and chin that followed me all week

Using walkie-talkies to talk to one another – YES I GOT TO PRETEND TO BE A KID AGAIN and use walkie-talkies, complete with our own ‘lingo’

The camaraderie of a great team that managed to pull it off yet again – the laughter we all had when we managed to sneak in time to relax together

The food and drink (WAY too rich and booze was WAY too abundant – but it was 5-star rated all the way)

Being able to do my laundry in my swim suit

Being able to be by the pool soaking up the rays (responsibly of course)

The amazing wildlife (NOT BUGS) that were down there – wood storks, herons, alligators

The nice days (between 70˚ and 80˚)

The amazing spa treatment I was able to have while down there

What I won’t miss:

The 10, 11 and 12 hour days of non-stop work

The 90+ degree heat that was oppressive and unbearable

The bugs

Being able to do my laundry in my swim suit (ugh – ‘cause I am sure it was not a pretty sight – LOL)

Being away from Erin and my home for a couple of weeks

The inability to get decent reception in order to talk to Erin

The really rich food and drink – which made me gain weight

The rudeness of a certain co-worker whom I was trapped in a room with non-stop for 10 of the 15 days and she should consider herself lucky to be alive….by the end I was ready to strangle her – she is rude, obnoxious, loud and incredibly overbearing – oh and did I mention rude?

The rudeness of people and in general (somehow this seems heightened when traveling - example - the woman seated next to me on the flight home - kept taking up her seat and mine. At the end of the flight she informed me and the french girl seated next to me that we had to leave our seats so that she could get on the wheelchair they would be bringing down the aisle to get her - nevermind the fact that we were in the 17th row on the plan and people would have to deboard before this bitch would be getting on any wheelchair....)

There is the possibility that I may have to go down again at the end of June – which means that that heat will be even worse – but if I am told to go I will go...

And, just like childbirth, I am sure I will forget all about the pain and next year sign up to do it all over again – hopefully though next year it won’t be for 15 days and if it is I am thinking I am simply going to have to kidnap my husband and force him to relax and golf while I work.

Life and Times

So at the end of the month of April, I traveled with my husband and my brother to my home town of Pittsburgh. Despite desperately wanting to 'get the hell out of there' growing up, I adore the 'Burgh'. It is way more cultured and interesting than Cleveland and of course there's the whole 'family' thing going on as well...which I love sharing with my husband.

We went in the night before the wedding and hung out at my youngest cousin Tim's house - he has an amazing house and I just loved the feel of the place. We had wonderful food, plenty of wine and beer and lots of fun. Reminiscing and giving each other shit was a blast.

The next day we attended the actual wedding ceremony - my husband took pictures of the beautiful church (St. Mary's of the Mount), located directly across the street from the Mt. Washington observatory in the South hills over looking the city. My husband also was helping to take pictures of the ceremony for my cousin, which was very kind of him.

The wedding was lovely and afterwards, we got to go hang out with my cousins at the 'pre-reception' at my Irish grandmother's house - more food and drink and fun....then off to the reception, held at a very nice place called Salvatore's. Open bar, dinner served buffet-style and cupcakes for dessert (along with home-baked pastries). I even had the pleasure of dancing with my husband....we were all however, put to shame by a couple of my older (like 70 year old) cousins who were cutting the rug like no one else in the room could. They received a round of applause for their efforts and I once again vowed that I needed to take dance lessons.

I am also going to try to start going to visit my cousins more often because we all love one another and miss one another...and why not? After all, it's only 2 scant hours from Cleveburg….

The following week was an absolute blur as I prepared to ready myself for the onslaught that is our national sales meeting. For the second year since I have been with the company I was chosen to be part of the support staff for two different divisions within our organization – one of which my personal group.

Every year, this is held at a very nice resort. Our group has stayed at Saddlebrook in Florida for I believe over 7 years now. People get the impression that you are down here having fun but I have been working something close to 12 hours days for two weeks now. I got to go to the pool today for two hours and it was like heaven.

The night before we left (for his birthday gift, I was flying Erin down with me to enjoy the resort for a couple of days), my husband and I went for a bike ride. It was so good to be riding again, I really need to get back into it. I did some last minute packing, some husband snuggling and tried to get to bed early – failed miserably, due in large part to the mother-f-ing, corn-hole-playing, rednecked, hyena cackling laughing bitch and her family that live behind us who were partying away until 1AM. So here I am with 4 hours sleep trying to travel during a day that has me ‘on the clock’ at 6AM and will not end until probably about 10PM. This is going to be a grueling 15 days ahead of me….

Checking in for our flight was another hassle, I booked our flight on Continental but apparently we were actually flying on United. So getting to our gate proved to be a pain. Got on a puddle jumper bound for Chicago where the only saving grace was being with my husband.

The flight to Florida was OK….we were taken right away to the resort. Erin and I greeted my other co-workers and went to our room (you get an apartment for the week to stay in – and in my case I will be here for two weeks).

I spent some time with my baby then went back to work. I think I worked until 9PM – I can’t remember now because these days all begin to blur together…

The next morning I was up around 5:30 and in the office around 6:45AM. Erin and I got some breakfast and then he was off to golf and later was set to spend the day with his step-sister – which was nice for him. I too was able to see my step-sister-in-law for a couple of minutes. I worked until 10:30PM – I am basically in charge of the awards presentation for the division’s annual big event where people are given honors for their great performance over the past fiscal year. In reality the work is fun and exciting – yet it’s also very tiring at times. But I work with a great group of professionals and we try to make it as fun as possible.

The next day, Erin was set to leave – so I spent a little bit of time with him before his flight. Erin has written cards out for me for each day that I am here so that I have something to remind me of how much he loves me. It’s great to come back from my hectic day and read these cards….

With Erin gone and the big awards night over for this group, I have a bit of a lull in the work – but I am still gearing up for MY group of close to 500 people to descend upon us on Monday, May 10th. So as the other support staff begin to trickle in – the crescendo begins to build for the next wave. The best part of wrapping up was a treat that the resort arranged for us of assorted cheeses, strawberries, crackers and flatbreads, grilled lobster and champagne….YUM!

Last night, we all gathered at my co-worker’s room for a pizza/beer/booze ‘let’s watch the Cavs destroy the Celtics’ party. We had so much fun! My face still hurts from how hard I was laughing with all the stories and just general camaraderie….booze plays a big part after hours and helps us to relax and unwind. Not all of us get that drunk – but it’s nice to sit around and have a beer or a glass of wine and talk.

Today was the first day that I was able to actually relax and enjoy the wonderful pool here. I have a bit of a sunburn but it was great nonetheless. I spoke with my colleague and asked her if she was even able to enjoy the pool and she told me not really – maybe at night for a couple of hours but never during the day.
Tomorrow, Sunday is Mother’s day and, as I write this I am musing about the fact that I get to sleep in (LIKE WOW – GO ME!) for the first time in two weeks. I will probably have to spend some time in our ‘office’ but more than likely I will be able to relax the rest of the day.

Then on Monday, all hell will break loose….

More later kids…for now I am going to hope to hear from my Beloved before I have to go to sleep without him by my side – as I listen to the bullfrogs singing in the background all I can think of is how much I miss my home and my bed and my Erin….

G’Night.

Houston/the rest of the trip to hell....or

'Toto we're not in Kansas anymore....'

Yeah - I went to Houston and, as I knew it would, it sucked....

I hold no great love for Houston - except that both of my kids were born there - but luckily we got them out of there in a 'nick of time'...I just don't like the place/city.

Oh and it's not that Houston itself is too terribly bad...it's just the weather - the humidity - the walking outside at 7AM and feeling the full-frontal attack of the humidity - so much so that unless you 'get thee to air-conditioning' you will end up feeling drenched or like a wilting flower...

There's simply too much humanity in Houston...

...that is unless you are lucky enough to be staying at a resort. We stayed at 'The Woodlands' - as the name implies a place that is 'wooded'/lush - and of course being a resort, it caters to the very wealthy...it was a nice place. But a let-down after the place in Tampa....we had hotel rooms vs. apartments. The staff was way snottier than the staff at Saddlebrook where they'd do just about anything you wanted them to do - with smiles on their faces to boot....

The work here was just as intense. What made it a nightmare was our lack of connectivity when it came to networking and computer stuff. I was ready to pitch my computer out the window (oh yeah almost forgot to mention the plus of being able to look out a window in our 'office'). We were all crammed into the same office space - so you had to deal with a room filled with about 12 people all working together. It wasn't that bad but you had less quiet time - there was more chaos. Tempers flared more here than in Tampa. Yet still this has been a great group of people to work with. Consummate professionals....well for the most part....

The other difference was in the people we were there to support. While in Tampa we supported one of the biggest and most profitable groups in our company, here we were supporting the 'scientists', the 'geeks', the brainiacs. BIG difference in atmosphere. Way more serious, less 'fly by the seat of your pants' kind of thing.

The other difference down here was the fact that we were given a 'per diem' to spend anyway we wanted. So the first 'real' night (after 2 days of prep) when we held the main awards dinner here - we all mingled in the bar after wards. Great fun. I got to meet a lot of our international staff. People from all over the world. My smatterings of Francaise actually came in handy and won me some new friends. Nice people, great conversations.

The food was once again, too much and way too rich - yet excellent. The meals are more lonely - no one ever seemed to go to lunch together...we were all spread too thin this time and way too busy.

The real thorn(s) in my side this trip was dealing with 2 of my colleagues for two different reasons. The woman I have had to deal with this entire time has reached the high-end of the Richter scale as far as being obnoxious, loud, crass and opinionated. She managed to single-handedly insult everyone in the office one day by stating that while men with gray hair were good-looking - women with gray hair were (and I quote) 'skanks' SKANKS????? Um OK. Several women, including the lady who runs the show for these events have silver/gray hair - I almost died when she said this shit....

The other colleague problem is because one of the guys decided he was 'taken with me' and was flirting with me non-stop. It got kind of scary but I finally managed to make him understand he needed to stop. While I was indeed flattered in that 'I still got it' kind of way - it really made me uncomfy and miss Erin even more...

Other than those two issues I was finally incredibly homesick after being gone for so long. If I ever do this again, Erin is going to have to at least come to visit in between - it's simply too unbearable to be without him for that long of a period of time....

We ended our time in Houston with a much-deserved trip to the spa that was part of the resort. This resort is truly lovely - it's an oasis in an otherwise blah kind of town. I had a manicure - I wanted a massage but did not really have the time for one. Still I had a chance to relax and explore the surroundings. The only regret I really had was in not getting to the pool enough. Another thing to change if I do this again - even if it means swimming at night...

The trip home was brutal - 12 hours, and, because we flew into Hobby instead of Bush airport, I had to have a lay-over in Chicago - normally I would not mind stopping in Chicago but I didn't have enough time to really relax. A little girl threw up in the seat behind me during our landing in Chicago and it was just awful...

When at last I landed in Cleveland, there to greet me at the baggage claim was my wonderful husband. A sight for sore eyes...God/dess I love this man.

I could regale you all with all the wonderful things he did while I was away - and the difficult time I had readjusting to being home - but suffice it to say I am just really glad to be back home in the arms of my love, in our home, with my family.

Cause really....'there's no place like home'.

^_^

The 9th Circle of Hell Continued

For the past 2 weeks, 14 full days, I've been gone working 2 different sales meetings in two different states - two different resorts actually as part of the 'team' my company sends there every year....here's the re-cap

Day#1
Friday. The past week before leaving has been grueling - 9-10-12 hour days leading up to my departure for our sales meeting.

Having to get up at 4AM to travel should be outlawed. I now I am going to be exhausted by the time I arrive in Tampa. Being picked up by a limo driver was the only nice part of waking up...saying good-bye to Erin is always hard.

Once at the airport we check in and look for a place serving breakfast. The girl I am traveling with is a seasoned pro at these sales meetings. We walk into a Mexican-type place and she orders her meal with coffee containing a shot of Bailey's. WOW. It's 6:15AM. So I get a shot of Kahlua in mine. WOW. Only on St. Pat's have I ever drunk in the morning.

One of our other co-workers shows up and orders a double shot - I am amazed - they laughingly welcome me to the finer points of sales meetings....

This time (apparently) our company is not picking up the tab for booze so everyone is planning on buying 'refreshments' once we hit Tampa - it's going to be an interesting meeting.

We land at Tampa airport, meet some of our other co-workers and get driven to the resort. It's an exclusive tennis, and gold get-away. People like Derek Jeter and Jennifer Capriati have homes here. We go to the lobby and check in - I find out I am rooming with my co-worker - but at least we are sharing a 2 bedroom apartment and not an actual bedroom.

It's a lovely resort. By 2PM I am in my new temporary 'office' for what promises to be some really intense 12 hours days of work. Sometimes longer. So much for the resort.

We are here to lend support to the production of the National Sales Meeting. We are the power point, presentation and media experts. The first day we work until early evening and are invited to go over to one of the support guy's places for pizza and beer and to watch the Cavs play. There were 10 of us in all - he ordered 10 pizzas (Good Lord). We had a blast - there was beer and booze everywhere. This is the first time the company isn't picking up the tab for alcoholism...so everyone brought their own..

The game was great - great group of people just hanging out together. Went back to my room afterwards, called my love went to sleep - fitfully.

Day#2
5AM wake up call. Our days are consisting of working on presentations for big awards dinners, logistics, setting things up (AV/production/sound wise) - it's great in ways because I am learning so much and having fun with this. We are also making sure we are ready for the onslaught of the 500-600 people who will be arriving in the next 2 days for this meeting.

Our breaks consist of eating at the poo-side cafe, inhaling our food and going back to work. We are in constant contact with walkie talkies (wOOt - nice to be a kid again). During the day inside this place, my phone is getting crappy reception so I keep missing calls from Erin. We manage to send e-mails back and forth - love letters floating over the super highway of the Internet.

We close shop around 7PM and invite some of the girls over to our room for wine and cheese. 2 bottles of wine later we are all laughing so hard we are crying. This is a fun group of ladies.

We end our evening and I call Erin.

Day#3
5AM wake-up call - Today is our last day before all hell breaks loose and everyone arrives. Managers, VPs, Execs, sales people..

We work at a frenetic pace all day, don't eat lunch. By now I am feeling drained because on top of all of this I am having to do my 'normal job' as well - so the days are just a blur.

On this evening we all go to 'Dempsey's, where I am told the Chilean Sea Bass is marvelous - the company is picking up the bill for our meals so I order a nice dinner complete with one of the best salad bars I have ever seen. A note on food consumption here - every day has been filled with incredibly rich food and no time for exercise - on top of this one of our local reps has shown up every morning with pastries from his family's Cuban bakery - evil, evil man...so when I get home, I need to starve myself.

My room-mate consumes a lot of alcohol at this dinner tonight, an entire bottle of wine by herself - she is great at her job but at times is loud, obnoxious, opinionated and exceptionally rude. She is however, on top of every last detail and I am thankful we are working together.

We finish the meal and retire for the evening. Sometime around 2AM I get up sick - I am up most of the night.

Day #4 - We wake up at 4:30AM or some such shit - I am exhausted and sick. All the VIPs arrive today though. So I can't even begin to think about resting. When I get in I find out 2 of our other co-workers were sick too - I think 'food poisoning' but because of the 'swine flu' thing the head of our safety dept makes us all go to the local clinic.

We are told we are all suffering a stomach bug...but to let the clinic know if others get sick.

We go back to work - I am beat and grumpy - my co-worker dismisses me to go back to the room at 4PM until 6PM to take a nap - I do - dinner is very light - in fact I can't remember if I eat anything at all....I go back to work until 9PM - fall into bed exhausted.

Day#5 - 5AM wake-up call. I am missing Erin, my home, my cats, my bed and pillows. At the 'office' we all ask after each other - I care a great deal for our team. Nice people.

We are being bombarded with work, request for things, there is a product fair tonight and everyone is crazy. I try to remain calm but the 'fire on your desk does not constitute and emergency on my part' keeps playing in my head...last minute changes to every fucking thing....for our opening 'kick off'.

My own team is now down here and they also need my support. All the while, I talk to Erin when I am able to - he is my rock, my comfort.

I do manage to take a walk around the grounds and get some pictures of the 'wild life': alligators, nesting egrets and gecko lizards.

Dinner this night is very interesting - a Vietnamese make your own soup. You pick your choice of meat, fish, poultry and veggies. All of it is plunged into boiling water and cooked, then you pick which broth and noodles you want along with garnishes. I picked scallops and shrimp and had some scampi from the 'Italian pasta station'. There was also a carving station. We were simply surrounded by food.

After the opening event, I go back to my office and scarf down my food and work until 9PM - go back to my room, talk to my husband, fell into an uneasy sleep, got up sick again and decide no more seafood for me - here I am in Tampa and I have to avoid seafood....*pouts*.

Day#6 - One of our big days, the awards dinner is tonight - it is what one of my managers refers to as our company's prom. Everyone will dress 'to the 9s' and have a wonderful meal, tonight the company will pay for wine with dinner. The day is a blur of last minute work and final details. My co-worker and I sneak out at 5-ish to get ready.

I dress in what is for me a very expensive LBD bought especially for this - although I needed to really update my LBD wardrobe. None of my co-workers have ever seen me like this - they are highly complimentary - in a way I feel like Cinderella. At dinner I realize I've chosen fish as the entree so I ask the waitress if I can switch to chicken. She is gracious and tells me she will see what she can do...Amazingly, she manages to not only remember but pulls it off perfectly - I am extremely impressed because we have over 500 people for dinner....

The food is excellent, the wine is flowing, the service is superb. I drink too much wine, keep Erin up too late and rant about men..shame on me - I am not upset with Erin...and sometimes I don't know why he puts up with me.

Day#7 - wake up woozy get to my work space by 6:30AM. Tonight will be my business units award dinner - we are pretty much good to go by 10AM - I am surprised, waiting for last minute changes to come and they do...I want the folks involved to do a last minute run through but they refuse (idiots) because as it turns out - they blow their lines...completely botching the script.

If I am involved in this next year THERE WILL BE a dress rehearsal.

I get a chance to take a break now. My hours for last week totaled 65. For this week they will be 83. WOW.

I go to the boutique and spa and spend some money on me...

During the time spent down here one of the guys in the office turns me onto radio station WXRT Chicago - I am listening to it now - it rocks - really. It is , as my c-worker puts it so beautiful 'the bomb.' Dinner this night is low key and fun - way more laid back...despite the goof-up in the script. I get to to hang out with professional AV guys and I get to help run the 'show' back stage...it's fun. The evening is lovely and I cut out to go have a couple of drinks with my co-workers.

Day #8 - Breakdown. Today is the day most of the folks clear out of here. I help the other ladies to pack everything up to send back to our respective offices. Done with our make shift office by noon, I am able to leave and go enjoy the resort. My co-worker and I go to the pool where I lay in the sun and listen to people speaking French slowly enough for me to 'get it'. I then go back to my room to nap - such a luxury after all this work. We have dinner with everyone who is left at the steak house again and this time I get *gasp* actual steak. We all enjoy the dinner and toast each other for all the hard work. Afterwards, I hang out with the IT girls by the hot tub talking for a hour or so - go back to the room call Erin too late, try to sleep, can't - it's too late to call Erin again (God I miss him so much). I've had barely any sleep and know I have another 5AM wake up call in order to fly to Houston to do this for another week for yet another sales meeting. Hopefully, I will manage to get some much-needed rest soon. My batteries are running low....

So farewell Tampa - nice seeing you again - the memories here revolve around my ex - not all that wonderful - but I have to admit this resort is lovely. Part of me kind of wants to participate in this craziness next year. I've enjoyed this group of people and the knowledge that I helped to contribute to a successful meeting.

On to Houston....

Sales Meetings...the 9th circle of hell

I am currently down in Tampa at a resort for our yearly sales meeting.

The place is lovely - although working 12-13 hour days one does not really get to enjoy that.

The food has been too much and too rich and I have gained weight and again because of working too many hours, not working out as I should - when I get home, this is all going to change.

HOME. I miss my home. I miss my Love. I miss my cats. I miss my 'kids'. I am going to miss my neice's 1st Holy Communion.....(*sighs*).

Normally, I love to travel. Even on business it can be nice - but this has simply been too grueling for me. I have seen the fruits of my labours and that has been rewarding....but I am draggin' ass, dead tired and all I want to do is go lay by the gorgeous pool or crawl between the 500 thread-count sheets and go to sleep for hours....

I will write more about the 'fun' and interesting bits later...this was more of just an update.

Love to you all

C~

Updates...updates...updates...

Been really busy.

I keep meaning to write...but then...

I've been *really* busy.

Lots going on....life, work, love, kids.

Work is good, fun, productive, challenging - I am really enjoying this - it is at times difficult but then that's OK. Better than being numb/brain dead.

My health is taking a nose dive it seems - not sure what the f~ is up with that - I will pray that it's not something dire...and if it is...well I guess what choice do we ever have but to live through it, with it, make peace somehow...or not, I suppose...not to wax philosophical or anything quite so profound...

Love...love is sweet, intense, becoming a staple of my daily existence, yet it is transcendent of all of 'it' as well...this love goes on, ebbing and flowing like the cycles of the moon - as it is wont to do...

For my Christmas present, Erin got us a copy of the movie 'Fireproof' - we watched it together - we have the book to that the movie is based on. While this movie will never win any acting or film awards...it's message is wonderful/hopeful and I recommend it to every couple considering marriage as well as those already in the thick of things. Erin and I have hit some really rough patches and we've managed to weather them - but only because we both realize just how important this commitment is and how much we really love one another - but sometimes - that isn't enough. Sometimes...you need more...call it 'outside reinforcement' - call it Providence - call it fate...I usually call it God/dess because as you all know I believe there is a female counterpart to God...and without Yin how can there be Yang? Erin and I are also going on a marriage encounter weekend and I am really looking forward to becoming even closer to him on this our Valentine's Day celebration...

Kid - are well kids...but again they pose their own special set of challenges. My recent rant about the school system hits close to home and I can not tell you how disgusted I am with the way things are being handled. How parents (at least ones that are truly concerned) manage to do this without drowning or slitting their wrists is beyond me. I personally think that education is the pathway to enlightenment and the best deterrent to ignorance...but the RIGHT kind of education - and that does not seem to even exist - or if it does - it's rather costly...unless you end up somehow managing to be 'self-taught' and at the same time you become a student of 'life' itself...street smart combined with book learned - if that makes any sense....

I just hope that there is light at the end of some of these tunnels - or at least not a train coming at us full speed ahead....

Meanwhile - I can feel the spring coming faster this year than it has ever seemed to before...or is that just the sound of me getting older and my own life getting yet shorter?

Peace to you all mes amis.

...and the Oscar goes to....

...um...well....I don't think it deserves the Oscar.

We did have a lovely weekend - the kids decided they each wanted to sleep over at a friend's house so we got to have a 'surprise' date night. We went to dinner and saw a movie: 'Slumdog Millionare' now - don't get me wrong, this movie was brilliant. Very well done. Hard to watch at times...but I just don't know...the Oscar?

Anyhow I have the *other* movies I want to see that are Oscar contenders...so I really need to give them a fair shake I suppose before passing judgment on this one.

At any rate...normalcy rears it's ugly head. Back to the grind - of course we are having the fun of a wonderful blizzard too - but all that does for me is make me want to take a snow day.

For those who grew up with it - remember snow days, how much fun they were...now all we seem to do is bitch about the snow. I LOVE this time of year. I LOVE snow - I really need to learn how to ski or snowboard or simply become a professional iglooist. LOL

Build a snow man - talk your boss into it at work - tell him/her it's a 'team building exercise'. I dare you...

^-^

Write me back and let me know how that goes...

WTF...revisted...

OK. I don't know what else to say or think....what the hell is up with women in the workplace?

I finally agree with C2 about this after these last two encounters with women at work - I mean it was like this at the clinic as well but with a secretarial pool you kind of expect the hens in a hen yard mentality - but now????

What is with women being so territorial and bitchy? And I don't mean in that 'aggressive I can get shit done' sort of way - I mean like cat fight, totally useless, non-sharing, hoarding information, pissy kind of way. At least when guys get in a pissing match you know where you stand...with women it often seems so passive-aggressive and it is such bullshit.

Regardless, I am happy at the new job - it's a great position, I am totally overwhelmed (I was at the last place too but this is in a good way - it's stressful but not mind-numbing crap). I am VERY close to home. I have access to a free workout facility and other perks.

I have met some great people so far, that is if you don't count the woman that is suppose to be helping me in the new role and she is resentful because I got this job and she didn't - so she is being totally controlling to the point of telling me when I can go to lunch. I am trying to remain polite and cheerful - and not lose my cool - but this is getting old fast and I need to become effectively aggressive....hopefully I can get this situation under control before it becomes too much of an issue. Luckily, the powers that be are aware and being very helpful....

So all in all I am cautiously optimistic.

I miss the hell out of my love, and being able to ride into work with him and seem him during lunch - I really, really miss that...a lot. (I love you Erin).

Apparently...

...my dreams are for sale to the highest bidder...

You see I had a job offer on the table - and it was a job I wanted to take. Unfortunately, they offered me $8,000.00 less than I am currently making - a huge paycut. And while the offer included some great perks, I simply can't afford to take that big of a cut. There are just too many things I need right now - like another car....

What irks me is in talking with 'friends' their commentary was basically: "Well you are married now, let your husband take care of you..." - I feel like screaming. What a sexist thing to say...sure it would be nice to be able to do just that - but I'd also feel like I was using him.

Oh well...

I'd like to blog about the fun I had the other night and perhaps I will - when I am not feeling so down.

'The rumours of my death are greatly exagerrated'

(not to quote Mark twain or anything...at least not verbatim)....

I've agonised over writing about this...yet I feel I should...need to...

I want to kill this forum....put it to rest. But it is me...or at least a part of me...it's a work in progress for over 3 years now...

I was suspended from my job - in part for this forum. Even though I did not mention anyone by name - or my employer.

I've been reinstated and I wish that they had just let me go.

Not because I feel like I need to defend the right of free speech. Just because I am disgusted beyond belief.

Disgusted with an institution that feels the need to treat their employees like they are children instead of adults.

Disgusted by the constant need for politics in a place that should be free of them.

Disgusted by the amount of gossip - for instance some of my fellow co-workers thought I was dead in a ditch somewhere. (Ergo the title of this post).

Disgusted because everyone (at least most of the people I've spoken with) feels similarly - if I had a nickel for every single gripe and disgruntled employee I would not have to work....I mean people are fleeing the place and we have no power to change anything it would seem.

The sheer immensity of the machine drowns out initiative, loyalty, and creativity, squashing you like you are some useless bug - expendable, replaceable, an unperson.

So...for a little while I've been voiceless....but tonight I have decided that's over. I could tell you the reason why but I will stop now. Suffice it to say one too many horrors happened this week - people too concerned about the attendance policy to worry about a co-worker that was finally found dead in their home....

I don't give a fuck anymore....

They say great people discuss ideas, small people discuss others...I'd like to discuss the idea of being able to have the right to true free speech and stop worrying about things like political correctness, big brother, and all the other bullshit we seem to use as reasons to keep our mouths shut...

Enough is enough.

The Blind Leading the Blind

Update....

I am still unable to see very well out of the left eye - in fact typing like this is requiring me to only look down at the keyboard (LOL which may mean I will still have typos) and thanks to my love and his ergonomically correct keyboard, it is a bit of a learning curve as well.

Yeah...I can't really look at the screen to read cause it bothers my eye(s). So basically, my useless visit to the doctor's office won me a 'we'll just have to wait and see' (and that I could possibly be in this limbo hell for 6-8 weeks AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!) about the blurred vision - woo hoo - modern medicine at it's finest. I did however manage to get him to write me a work excuse.

So I am out of work for at least until Monday - I had to call into work and because I did not have enough PTO (for those who are not familiar with this evil HR plot it's known as 'Paid Time Off') - I had to apply for FMLA for myself - as if I was on maternity leave (no Erin don't freak out it's merely one of the examples they used on the form - my HCG test was negative at time of surgery).

I am blessed that the girls in my office are so very helpful and one of them was kind enough to fill the form in over the phone with me - the problem is that I have to get into work tomorrow to give her my doctor's excuse or figure out some way to fax it into the department manager. Hopefully this fiasco will not cost me my job...I don't think it will but there is always that fear lingering in the back of my mind.

In other news. Erin has been a Godsend - he's been wonderful and I have never been more in love with him. He brought me flowers for no reason at all. He's been patient, he's been kind, he's put up with me being cranky and fretful over all of this. Thank you my love - if there is ever a way I can repay your kindnesses, let me know.

Goddess I am going out of my mind and seriously considering working on my tan....now THAT'S pathetic if I am considering exposing my fair skin to possible carcinogenic sun rays....

Perhaps I will be able to blog a bit here and there and again a huge thanks to my love for the hospitality of his home.

Blessings to you all.

Colette

An 'awwww' moment

Today at work there were people from park services here to ‘tag’ 3 baby falcons. You could hear the babies screaming all the way down the hall so we all went to check out the scene.

The baby male falcon was beautiful white with flecks of grey in his downy feathers. His ‘mommy’ waited anxiously outside on the ledge for the return of her baby boy...every now and then she would echo his cries. I asked one of the rangers if she would accept him after they handled him like that – he assured me she could not ‘smell’ and that she would accept her babies back.

What a beautiful sight – a little sad because the birds were crying for their mom – and sometimes I wonder at the necessity of doing such things to animals – but in the end I have to believe its important for the survival of the species.