Sometimes the truth hurts. NY Times: 'Vows' Weddings and Celebrations
This is a hard one. I can very easily see both sides of the coin here.
On one side you have two people who meet and go from being infatuated to falling madly in love with one another despite the fact that they each have spouses. They obviously did not set out for this to happen.
On the other side you have the wronged spouses, the children who feel betrayed and a mess that will go on long after 'vows' were exchanged.
Does that fact that these two tried to do an honorable thing despite their selfishness make up for it....no, not really, not in my humble opinion. While I find it incredibly brave of them (getting honest and all), I think that perhaps they should have exercised better judgment in many ways, not the least of which would include 'airing' this to the NY Times. I also question the newspaper's willingness to portray this 'love story' without taking into account the other parties (as well as innocent children) involved.
Sure, maybe Ms. Riddell wanted this 'out in the open' but was that to simply assuage her own guilt-ridden conscience? One has to wonder. Like Ms. Riddle, I'd like to think that love conquers all and that there is hope that with best intentions, the kids can get over this betrayal. But speaking from my own experience (where I was not nearly as brave but most definitely as selfish), I have to say that healing is slow at best and sometimes, damn near impossible for those on the hurting end of this equation. (And no, I am not suggesting that Ms. Riddle isn't hurting). But why glorify this by running a full page write up in the NY Times?
And to answer the reader who asked:
"Is it a sign of our times that personal responsibility to one's spouse and children takes a back seat to selfish, self-centered love?"
Um...in a word yes. Do you not see the divorce/affair statistics? Are you living in a cave? Selfishness seems to be the watchword of the day. Narcissism, and instant gratification all seem to run rampant. We still want to be admired, we want others to find us attractive and it often comes at the cost of our loyalty to our spouses and those vows we so solemnly took on our wedding days.
And perhaps what is making everyone squirm about this is the mirror that is being held up to our marriages and relationships. Can your intentions really pass muster? Are you absolutely/unfailingly faithful to your spouse/significant other? Would they agree if they were aware of every single instance of your interactions with people of the opposite sex, be it at the workplace, on Facebook ,or on some other social 'networking' site? In other words, would you do it in front of them...isn't that the test?
So while I wish these people the best and hope that EVERYONE involved (especially the children) heal. I still have to wonder why Ms. Riddle's and Mr. Partilla's bravery and honesty had to include the breakup of their respective marriages.
On one side you have two people who meet and go from being infatuated to falling madly in love with one another despite the fact that they each have spouses. They obviously did not set out for this to happen.
On the other side you have the wronged spouses, the children who feel betrayed and a mess that will go on long after 'vows' were exchanged.
Does that fact that these two tried to do an honorable thing despite their selfishness make up for it....no, not really, not in my humble opinion. While I find it incredibly brave of them (getting honest and all), I think that perhaps they should have exercised better judgment in many ways, not the least of which would include 'airing' this to the NY Times. I also question the newspaper's willingness to portray this 'love story' without taking into account the other parties (as well as innocent children) involved.
Sure, maybe Ms. Riddell wanted this 'out in the open' but was that to simply assuage her own guilt-ridden conscience? One has to wonder. Like Ms. Riddle, I'd like to think that love conquers all and that there is hope that with best intentions, the kids can get over this betrayal. But speaking from my own experience (where I was not nearly as brave but most definitely as selfish), I have to say that healing is slow at best and sometimes, damn near impossible for those on the hurting end of this equation. (And no, I am not suggesting that Ms. Riddle isn't hurting). But why glorify this by running a full page write up in the NY Times?
And to answer the reader who asked:
"Is it a sign of our times that personal responsibility to one's spouse and children takes a back seat to selfish, self-centered love?"
Um...in a word yes. Do you not see the divorce/affair statistics? Are you living in a cave? Selfishness seems to be the watchword of the day. Narcissism, and instant gratification all seem to run rampant. We still want to be admired, we want others to find us attractive and it often comes at the cost of our loyalty to our spouses and those vows we so solemnly took on our wedding days.
And perhaps what is making everyone squirm about this is the mirror that is being held up to our marriages and relationships. Can your intentions really pass muster? Are you absolutely/unfailingly faithful to your spouse/significant other? Would they agree if they were aware of every single instance of your interactions with people of the opposite sex, be it at the workplace, on Facebook ,or on some other social 'networking' site? In other words, would you do it in front of them...isn't that the test?
So while I wish these people the best and hope that EVERYONE involved (especially the children) heal. I still have to wonder why Ms. Riddle's and Mr. Partilla's bravery and honesty had to include the breakup of their respective marriages.
Labels: Divorce, marriage, Observations, Relationship, The Media
posted by Colette at 11:24 AM
2 comments
