Beautiful Boys (another repost)

Remembering can be a slippery slope at times....

*****************

There are dangerous places for me to go. One of them is Half-Price books. If you do not have one of these fine establishments in your town, I am sure you have discount bookstores. I have books (so many books) and since I had to move out of my previous home, many of them are still boxed up. I tried unpacking the books I thought I would need – my Yoga books, my ‘collections’ etc. Alarms should go off when I walk into a book or record store. Klaxons sounding out “SHE HAS TOO MANY BOOKS ALREADY!!!” 
At any rate, I was in this particular bookstore and I was perusing the isle with the books on religion and philosophy. I noticed there was a person sitting on the floor in easy pose (Yoga – simple cross-legged pose) – holding two books in his hands. One of them happened to be a book on Meditation, which I already owned and which I felt was a great book on the subject (it was actually required reading for the Yoga teachers program I was in). I don’t usually talk to people in bookstores but lately I find myself just talking to people (a lot of times afterwards I think perhaps they view me as being crazy or rude – but what the hell). I said, “That one on meditation is great, it’s very helpful”. He looked up at me and suddenly I was looking into the face of an angel. He was a young man, probably in his mid-20s and his face was seriously beautiful. This is a real problem for me and I don’t know why. My ex looked like a beautiful angel too and so now I want to run screaming when I see men who look this way; almost effeminate, usually blonde hair, and piercing eyes.

He mentioned to me that he had read the book a long time ago. I think to myself perhaps he is not as young as he seems – then he informs me he read it when he was 14-years old. I was really impressed by this. (You’d have to know the book) – I kind of stammered (me being a stupid girl and all) “You read THAT book when you were 14?” (pause) “You must have been some 14-year old young man” – smiles are exchanged. He then asked me when I had read the book. I explained that I had to read it for a course of study as a Yoga teacher. This young man lit up like a Christmas tree. “Really” he said, he began to ask me about studying Yoga and I gave him what I thought was accurate information about various places in the area where he could go take classes. He also mentioned T’ai Chi so I gave him information about that too. There aren’t many places in our area to ‘study’ T’ai Chi that I am aware of…he was familiar with the place I mentioned. He had by now stood up because he was writing down the name of the place where I studied Yoga and I also gave him the website address. After doing this, he extended his hand to me and introduced himself “I am Matthew” he said – I took his hand (really bad idea here kids) – his grip was so strong, so certain, so intense (you know I used to think that stuff about handshakes was a load of crap – no it isn’t; gee can you tell what kind of a LOVER someone is going to be by their handshake? Hmmmmm *insert evil thoughts here*). I gave him my first name and we talked for a couple of brief seconds and then parted. I stayed in the bookstore for a while looking for things (it was depressing because I am so broke right now and there were several things that caught my eye).

This young man has not left my mind. I have silly ideas that somehow he will figure out a way to contact me (actually if you go to the website of the place where I studied Yoga you CAN get in touch with me)…but that’s just a simple fantasy and is more than likely not going to happen. Pipe dreams. I guess I just feel a bit strange. Strange because I felt an immediate connection – but I am sure it was only because in my soul, I hunger for a kindred spirit. I am even more certain that this young man (Adonis “Matthew”), is this way with every person he meets, which is really wonderful. I hope his life is full of the lovingkindness he seems to exude.

But it’s nice to think…to day-dream a little n’est ce pas?

Love Words With Staying Power?

Love Words With Staying Power? : NPR

Because....

Sometimes, I want to remember.
Sometimes I want to forget.
Sometimes I just don't care.

Because...
If I could ever capture this kind of poetic beauty,
this kind of love,
and hold it forever....
I'd die happy.

Because....
Even in the highest of highs
and the lowest of lows...
In the end - all that remains...
Is Love
********

Poem #20
by: Pablo Neruda

Tonight I Can Write
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
********
Somewhere I have Never Traveled, Gladly Beyond
by E.E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near


,your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously)her first rose


or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;


nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing


(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

...to have and to hold...from this day forward..

Silda Spitzer Elle June 2008 - ELLE

...that is UNTIL....

Some articles from this month's Elle magazine caught my eye last night as I waited in the hair salon (see the link above and the one in the word 'article'). I am not usually one to be looking at 'glamour' zines mainly cause I don't even aspire to be that way....but these were both well written and thought provoking articles about love, marriage, fidelity and what happens 'after' everything well...happens.

So what DOES happen to us? Some things like THIS ARTICLE hits WAY too close to home.

What is is the kills the most 'mythic' faerie tale romance?

Lack of communication? One too many nights being ignored, neglected, feeling like you are the only one that doesn't matter as your significant other deals with everything else in their life that does? Being told one to many times 'not tonight dear'? The silent treatments, the unresolved fights, the not having enough time for yourself, your job, your family but then still being expected to be sexy and hot and a Victoria's Secret model?

Yeah...

Do I sound bitter? Perhaps. But this blog has been nothing if not a way for me to think (out loud and I apologise - that is, I guess if it bothers you...) - a way to be introspective.

As I get ready to be married again - I obviously have a lot on my mind, jitters, concerns, excitement the whole nien yards. I wonder about the pitfalls ahead and think about which one I will miss, not be paying attention too or simply willingly abandon myself to...and which will he?

This blog has been a teacher for me, a sounding board, a bell of resonance. I am thinking seriously of just killing it because I am not sure I have much else to say and other than a very few close friends (maybe some family) who really pays attention? And this isn't a 'poor little me' jag - it's just the truth. Some days, I don't even know what my own truth is - and frankly, philosophically isn't that what life is? The quest for our truth.

So I hope you all fare well while I go off to meditate, contemplate and try to get my 'shit' together. I feel like disappearing for a while and then resurfacing when all the secret landmines, obvious warnng signs and all other manner of subterfuge have vanished...

As to the question of 'what does happen to the happily ever after' - perhaps I am neither qualified or ready to tackle that question or brave those answers.

Love to you all, as ever...

Colette

The History of Valentine's Day

The History of Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to you all....make it special for both you and that special someone (if you happen to have a special someone in your life) - remember to be good to yourself and to one another

XOXO

Colette

Romance...

(Now listening to: Goldfrapp: 'Ooh La La') *wicked grin*


It’s been a while since I’ve described a ‘date’ between my love and I – I talk about Erin all the time. But what with our lives being hectic what-have-you I don’t always discuss the fact that we actually still ‘date’ each other – even though I have a ring on my finger…even though most of my time is spent with him…we still ‘romance’ each other.

Yesterday, I suggested a romantic picnic dinner. (Tuesday nights he does not have his children).

So my love in his usual amazing fashion put together a romantic picnic. He set up the yard with a canopy to sit under. He put together a menu. He got a bottle of Beaujolais

Of course because the weather gods keep track of our e-mails and saw we wanted to do something outside it poured yesterday – I swear we are going to have to invent a secret code word for picnic cause every time I suggest one it seems to rain or we have inclement weather – this is worrisome mainly because we are planning a picnic as our reception.

At any rate, here’s the menu (Note: other than the frittata the recipes below are just ones I grabbed off the information super-highway):

Bread with sun-dried tomato spread
(Just get some bread and slice it up – or get sliced bread and get some sun-dried tomato spread – found in your gourmet isle).

Chicken-stuffed mushroom caps
(an example of one such recipe is HERE - this was not the one my love used)

Picnic Zucchini Frittata
Serves 2

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
½ lb zucchini, sliced into 1/8-inch rounds
4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
¼ teaspoon dried oregano and salt
Dash of pepper
1½ tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
¼ cup green onions, sliced
½ small can (2 1/4 ounce can) of sliced ripe olives, drained

In a small frying pan with an oven-proof handle, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium-high heat. When oil is hot, add garlic and zucchini; cook, stirring occasionally, until zucchini is tender. Remove from heat. In a bowl, lightly beat eggs and milk. Stir in oregano, salt, pepper, cheese, onions, olives, and zucchini mixture. Add the remaining tablespoon of olive oil to pan; place over medium heat. When oil is hot, pour in egg mixture and cook without stirring. As egg mixture begins to set, lift edges with a spatula and tilt pan to allow uncooked egg to flow underneath. Continue cooking until eggs are softly set, and the top still looks moist. Remove from heat. Place under broiler about 6-inches from heat, just until tops of eggs are set (about 2 to 3 minutes). Cut into wedges to serve.

For dessert (this is an example below of a recipe – Erin made ours from last night with store-bought ‘shortcake’ and mixed berries – which is quicker than baking it yourself):

Easy Strawberry Shortcake

2 1/3 c. Bisquick baking mix
1/2 c. milk
3 tbsp. sugar
3 tbsp. butter, or butter, melted
1 qt. strawberries, sliced and sweetened
Real Whipped Cream

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Mix first 4 ingredients until dough forms. Knead 8-10 times on surface dusted with Bisquick. Roll 1/2 inch thick. Cut with 3-inch cutter dipped in Bisquick. Bake on cookie sheet until golden brown, 10-12 minutes. Split shortcakes, fill and top with strawberries and whipped topping. 6 servings

And,

1 Bottle Beaujolais wine (in our case it was vintage 2005)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday was kind of stressful for me (for him as well). Yet I walked into his house and was greeted by the smells of him having cooked part of the picnic. He had to run his son to his ex’s house – then he came home and cooked us our picnic dinner.

We ate in the family room at the coffee table sitting crossed-legged on the floor. We talked and enjoyed the meal.

Afterwards we laughed, wrestled a little, and talked about what we wanted to do that night – since it was raining the idea of going outside to play was not so viable (although I love to go out in the rain). Instead we decided to go bowling. We both kind of sucked but it was fun nonetheless.

We ended up the night by snuggling in each others arms and talking.

I am still amazed at just how much I love this man and how much he also seems to love me as well. I am hoping this trend will continue on for the rest of our days – but I take comfort in knowing that over a year later (much I am sure to the chagrin of certain creep I know out there) – we are still making love to each other in all kinds of wonderful ways.